• Member Since 15th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Obsidian Chitin


Don't mind me, just your run-of-the-mill luvbug.

T

It was the best and worst day of Fluttershy's life.

It was the worst day of her life, because she fell out of the sky. She hit the ground, broke her back and lost a wing. She would never be able to fly, nor walk without assistance again.

It was the best day of her life because she met Ditzy Doo, an optimistic (if a bit strange) filly that brightened everything up with her presence.

This is their story.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 19 )

I've often thought that F's accident must have happened to others as well & that there should be a recue or recovery team to look for the fallen. This is why you don't move accident victims, you can sever the spinal cord.
1) What happens to Dash & the other ponies? Also, negligence lawsuit against the Flight Camp?
2) Who becomes The Element of Kindness? Maybe Derpy? If no one, I think without that, T could still reimprison Nightmare Moon, but maybe not reform her.

5462494
Well, I guess we'll see what happens to Dash and the other ponies in future chapters. That is, if more chapters are released.

As for who becomes the element of kindness, this accident probably hasn't changed much. All that seems to have happened is that Fluttershy didn't get her cutie mark. She still might get it later, if she helps out animals in a way that isn't related to the sonic rainboom. Also, just because she might not get the same cutie mark, it doesn't mean that she won't be the element of kindness. The fact that the elements became shaped like their cutie marks when they bonded to them, and the fact that the changing of the elements changed their cutie marks in magical mystery cure would suggest that the cutie marks and the elements are linked, but it doesn't mean she won't be kind enough to represent the element if she doesn't have her animal caring cutie mark.

But this isn't my story, so I don't know what will happen.

My review of this first chapter.

I have to say, I am impressed with the pacing and the detail put into this chapter. It could have been better, but I've seen a lot of authors who would write the chapter kinda like:

"The racers rushed past fluttershy, and the sudden force of wind pushed her off the cloud she was standing on. She screamed as she fell, blacking out as she hit the ground."

But your story had good enough pacing and enough detail to suck me into it, which I think is an important part of any story. The only time I felt the story got a bit rushed was at the end. I feel like Fluttershy should have reacted a bit slower to the loss of her wings. The way I see it there should have been more build up to revealing it, and that she should have had a slow time comprehending the fact, maybe even trying to deny it.

All in all, it was well paced, well described, and had dialouge that could have been better, but was enjoyable to read. It also could have been longer.

7/10

This was very well written and I really enjoyed reading it! I never really liked the fact that when Fluttershy fell, Rainbow Dash didn't try and save her. She probably hadn't realized that she had fallen, but in the show they never mention if Rainbow went to find Fluttershy.
I like this type of story when one gets wondering, what would have happened if something, even a very small thing, hadn't been there?
This was a very well-written and well-paced story, and I can't wait to read more! :twilightsmile:

:fluttershysad:: Please continue so that I may see what becomes of the life that may have been.

All it requires is that you ignore all the fricking MAGIC in their world....

5465850 ... and the fricking SHARKS with fricking LASER BEAMS on their heads!

Ferhog

In Return of Harmony, T tries to use the Elements against Discord w Spike using The Element of Loyalty. They fail, but Spike isn't harmed. Also, Princess C was able to use them alone against Nightmare Moon. This shows that, to some extent, the Elements can be used by many. The Element Holders were picked not because they were the only examples of that trail (Kindness, Generosity, etc.) but because they were the BEST examples available.

I agree, Fluttershy is likely to have the same abilities & the same cutie mark. But, she can't fly & is confined to a wheelchair. Is she going to be able to make it through the woods? Even if that's possible, would she WANT to go? Would the others LET a handicapped Pegasus go w them on such a dangerous trip?

Rainbow Dash is likely to be punished for what happened, even though she was trying to help F. Even if F is willing to forgive, (IMO, a MIGHTY big if) is Dash going to be willing to work w her?

I've got this bookmarked to find out what happens next, but to my mind this is at least one of the important issues the writer has to face. What about the Elements of Harmony? Can/will F still do it? & can Luna be freed if she can't?

Poor Fluttershy, I can see some sort of divorce building up through the story...

Not necessarily. Men tend to react to problems by trying to solve them & don't react well when they can't. This WILL put tremendous strain on their relationship, but doesn't necessarily mean they will break up. It matters a lot on how the Pegasi view a Pegasus who can't fly & will they be able to accept a daughter who can't? Also, will F give up on herself & just collapse or find her talent for animal care?

This is interesting so far. Hope there will be more. :yay:

I kinda was hoping for Fluttershy to fall through the butterflies, because it made no sense they were able to catch her in the first place. :twilightblush:

It occurs to me that Razor is now outside the room, where Rainbow Dash might be at some point too, if she comes to check on FS.:fluttershyouch:

I've been thinking about this. It is true you shouldn't move folks (especially those with back injuries). However, in trauma cases there is also what is called "the Golden Hour". This is the fact that those who receive care in that time have a MUCH better chance to live.

Under the department of "God's a bitch". It is quite plausible that moving F both saved her life & crippled her.

The big question is "Does F consider her life to be worth living at such a cost"?

"Don't worry! Be happy!"

Doo do doodoo do do do! I just had to.

While it's a little on the short side, this story is off to a solid start.

Having Fluttershy land on the ground instead of the butterflies as she does in the show is, in my opinion, quite a brilliant idea to start a story with. Personally, I love these types of alternate universe stories quite a bit, so I'm really looking forward to see how this change of minor details will drastically alter future events.

This first chapter is nicely written and has captured my curiosity, so I'll have to follow this tale all the way through now!

I'm really loving the way you describe things. Those certain words you use make your writing just that extra bit more colourful.

As well as that, the developing friendship is really cute.

Interested to see where this goes, enjoying reading it :twilightsmile:

Mannnn, I hope this gets picked up soon. This has been good so far.

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