The speed of the three racers sent Fluttershy spinning.
The next thing she knew, wind was rushing past her.
She was falling.
The pegasus started to scream, but she was not heard; Her voice was too quiet, and was drowned out from the air rushing by her. Her legs were flailing, her wings not responding. She had to fly, or glide, or something. The ground she could see out of the corner of her eye was coming closer and closer. She closed her eyes and whimpered. She didn't want to die.
- - -
Ditzy Doo, or “Derpy” as other foals nicknamed her, was resting on a tree branch. She looked at the sky with crossed eyes, humming quietly to herself. She often went to this part of the forest when she wanted to get away from the teasing of the other kids, fond of the silence the place offered. A soft breeze brushed her short blonde mane.
Her eyes shot open when she heard a loud *CRACK*. The noise echoed through her ears, causing them to twitch. Her muzzle scrunched up as she frowned and tilted her head. It sort of sounded like a tree branch broke. Perhaps a pony was resting in a tree branch like she was, and fell?
Ditzy's wings fluttered as she hovered to the ground. If that was the case, they might be hurt. She turned towards where she thought she heard the noise, and she raced off.
- - -
Fluttershy's body hurt. It hurt badly, a more intense pain that she had ever felt before. To be more precise, half of it did. She couldn't feel her hind legs at all.
Her eyes slowly opened, but her sight was blurry from tears. She hadn't even realized that she was crying until then.
“H... Somepony... P... Please help...” She cried out quietly, her voice strained.
Her eyes opened slightly more as she heard a voice, a young female one. Her head tilted slightly towards the voice as her ears strained to listen.
“Are... Are you okay?”
Fluttershy saw the filly. She was younger than herself by about a year or two. Soft gray coat, pretty blonde mane, beautiful cross eyes...
“H... help me...” Fluttershy said, sobbing.
“Uh, um, I'll, get some help!” The filly said, looking worried. “Er, stay put. Sorry.”
The filly took to the air as Fluttershy closed her eyes and passed out.
- - -
Bright Eyes sat on the gray-and-white-checkered picnic tarp, eating her daffodil sandwich. She had a gray coat, white mane with 6 small black stripes running through it, and brilliant golden yellow eyes that she was named for. Her cutie mark was a cloud split in half, with a small sun between the halves. She was a weather mare, though today was a day off.
Bright looked up when she saw her daughter flying towards her, an alarmed look on her face.
“Mom! Come quick!” Ditzy said alarmed.
The mare got to her hooves quickly, her wings spread. “What is it?”
“A filly's hurt real bad!” Ditzy explained. “We have to help her!”
Bright Eyes nodded. “Okay, Ditzy. Show me where she is.” She said calmly.
Ditzy nodded, and her wings buzzed as she flew a few feet into the air and began leading the way. Bright Eyes was running right behind her.
- - -
Fluttershy came to. The pain was still there, causing her to wince. She saw that something was above her, so she focused her eyes.
Flying overhead was a migration of butterflies, of all sorts of different colors and patterns she hadn't seen before. The way the light filtered though their wings was absolutely breathtaking. A smile creased Fluttershy's face, the pain forgotten for the moment.
She began to fade away again as she heard two sets of hoofsteps.
- - -
A filly lying on the ground. Blood seeping into the ground from a gash on her back, and from a badly mangled wing.
Bright Eyes had to keep herself from panicking at the sight. “...D-Ditzy, muffin...”
“Yes, mom?” Ditzy asked, her voice wavering.
“Help me get her onto my back so that I can get her to the hospital.” The mare said. Ditzy nodded and helped her mother with the injured filly, both trying to be gentle as they could.
“Go back to the picnic blanket, and wait there for me. Mommy will return soon.” Bright Eyes said as she got ready to take off.
Ditzy wanted to come with her, but knew that she would only slow her mother down.
Bright Eyes immediately took to the skies, flying as fast as she could to get the filly help.
Ditzy was only vaguely aware of a Sonic Rainboom shockwave hitting the area.
- - -
It was the third time that Fluttershy returned from unconsciousness. Thankfully, this time the pain didn't overwhelm her. There was some dull aching, but nothing severe. A small tube dripped clear liquid into her right foreleg.
She still couldn't feel her hindlegs, nor the back half of her body in general. Her left wing was inside a cast. What was worse was her right wing. Or, more precisely, a lack of one.
“W... What? No!” Fluttershy exclaimed in horror. “No no no! This can't be happening!”
She suddenly felt a hoof on her own. She looked to the left, and saw the derpy pony she vaguely remembered seeing before.
“Everything will be okay.” The filly said, an optimistic smile on her face.
“B... But I will never be able to fly or even walk again!” Fluttershy said, tears welling up and running down her cheeks.
“Shh...” The filly said as she hugged Fluttershy. “I'm here...”
“But I don't even know your name...” Fluttershy said.
“My name is Ditzy Doo, what's your name?” Ditzy whispered.
“M... My name is Fluttershy.” The shy pegasus replied.
“That's a pretty name.” Ditzy said.
Fluttershy found herself smiling a little, catching Ditzy's contagious optimism.
Bright Eyes looked softly on as her daughter comforted the distraught filly.
I've often thought that F's accident must have happened to others as well & that there should be a recue or recovery team to look for the fallen. This is why you don't move accident victims, you can sever the spinal cord.
1) What happens to Dash & the other ponies? Also, negligence lawsuit against the Flight Camp?
2) Who becomes The Element of Kindness? Maybe Derpy? If no one, I think without that, T could still reimprison Nightmare Moon, but maybe not reform her.
5462494
Well, I guess we'll see what happens to Dash and the other ponies in future chapters. That is, if more chapters are released.
As for who becomes the element of kindness, this accident probably hasn't changed much. All that seems to have happened is that Fluttershy didn't get her cutie mark. She still might get it later, if she helps out animals in a way that isn't related to the sonic rainboom. Also, just because she might not get the same cutie mark, it doesn't mean that she won't be the element of kindness. The fact that the elements became shaped like their cutie marks when they bonded to them, and the fact that the changing of the elements changed their cutie marks in magical mystery cure would suggest that the cutie marks and the elements are linked, but it doesn't mean she won't be kind enough to represent the element if she doesn't have her animal caring cutie mark.
But this isn't my story, so I don't know what will happen.
My review of this first chapter.
I have to say, I am impressed with the pacing and the detail put into this chapter. It could have been better, but I've seen a lot of authors who would write the chapter kinda like:
"The racers rushed past fluttershy, and the sudden force of wind pushed her off the cloud she was standing on. She screamed as she fell, blacking out as she hit the ground."
But your story had good enough pacing and enough detail to suck me into it, which I think is an important part of any story. The only time I felt the story got a bit rushed was at the end. I feel like Fluttershy should have reacted a bit slower to the loss of her wings. The way I see it there should have been more build up to revealing it, and that she should have had a slow time comprehending the fact, maybe even trying to deny it.
All in all, it was well paced, well described, and had dialouge that could have been better, but was enjoyable to read. It also could have been longer.
7/10
This was very well written and I really enjoyed reading it! I never really liked the fact that when Fluttershy fell, Rainbow Dash didn't try and save her. She probably hadn't realized that she had fallen, but in the show they never mention if Rainbow went to find Fluttershy.
I like this type of story when one gets wondering, what would have happened if something, even a very small thing, hadn't been there?
This was a very well-written and well-paced story, and I can't wait to read more!
: Please continue so that I may see what becomes of the life that may have been.
All it requires is that you ignore all the fricking MAGIC in their world....
5465850 ... and the fricking SHARKS with fricking LASER BEAMS on their heads!
Ferhog
In Return of Harmony, T tries to use the Elements against Discord w Spike using The Element of Loyalty. They fail, but Spike isn't harmed. Also, Princess C was able to use them alone against Nightmare Moon. This shows that, to some extent, the Elements can be used by many. The Element Holders were picked not because they were the only examples of that trail (Kindness, Generosity, etc.) but because they were the BEST examples available.
I agree, Fluttershy is likely to have the same abilities & the same cutie mark. But, she can't fly & is confined to a wheelchair. Is she going to be able to make it through the woods? Even if that's possible, would she WANT to go? Would the others LET a handicapped Pegasus go w them on such a dangerous trip?
Rainbow Dash is likely to be punished for what happened, even though she was trying to help F. Even if F is willing to forgive, (IMO, a MIGHTY big if) is Dash going to be willing to work w her?
I've got this bookmarked to find out what happens next, but to my mind this is at least one of the important issues the writer has to face. What about the Elements of Harmony? Can/will F still do it? & can Luna be freed if she can't?
Interesting, I await more.
While it's a little on the short side, this story is off to a solid start.
Having Fluttershy land on the ground instead of the butterflies as she does in the show is, in my opinion, quite a brilliant idea to start a story with. Personally, I love these types of alternate universe stories quite a bit, so I'm really looking forward to see how this change of minor details will drastically alter future events.
This first chapter is nicely written and has captured my curiosity, so I'll have to follow this tale all the way through now!