Rainbow Dash has three foals with her husband Soarin, but not before he leaves her for another mare.Though she misses her wayward husband, Dash loves her foals and is determined to give them all the love they could get from two parents, even without a father.
By the way, this is kinda Inspired by "My Little Rainbows," By thepatioheater. Read it! I command you, because its awesome.
Also, if you don't like my writing, please don't tell me, unless you have ideas as to how I could do better. Because honestly, I don't give a buck whether you like it or not.
Chapters (4)
Please feel free to comment any advice. this is my first story, so I'm not quite sure what you guys like
Also, I finally added the third (and maybe but probably not final) chapter. Check it out!
I NEED MORE!!!i.neoseeker.com/mgv/60953-Shadow%20of%20Death/953/85/rainbow_dash_seal_of_approval_by_lemonyhoovesd3d8vey_display.png
This is not bad. Not bad at all. I enjoyed it. But it didn't have any plot development. It just dead pans on what the point is. My two stories do that somewhat near the ending, but this did exactly that in the first few paragraphs of chapter one. You should have put more heart into it. But all in all, I will favorite this and look forward to whatever else you write. I wish you the best of luck Brony.
And add more character to your profile. Some people like a little insight on who their next big author is.
Adieu~
It was okay, nice concept. You do have some errors, like missing capitalization, spaces, quotes, and the like.
I also think you could have prolonged the birth, and made it it's own chapter in detail.
That was really good keep up the good work. I liked it.
SO> DARN. SWEET.
pfft screw spelling! keep making more if this and i'll get the jist!
This story is great! If only you would put more plot development into it. Making it longer and more descriptive (it is a rarity to have such a thing as too much proper detail). This has the potential to become a masterpiece.
nice vary nice
And this is why I support MacDash instead of Soarin'Dash.
Guh! I really have to stop procrastinating.
So i'm just going to read the first chapter. And the first chapter is great keep up the good work.
I really don't like to be critical but watch your capital I's
This is beautiful
it was very very good but it had a few errors all in all great story good job
Awesome.
537344
Thanks for the comment. I like the idea of more on the birth, but I'm not sure how, since RD is passed out,so she cant remember it. If you or anyone else has any suggestions, I will certainly take them into consideration.
542256
You could narrate it in third person.
the end? really i havent wrote any stories nor am i an outhor but The End? really first i felt it was way to short i was hopin a the end Dash might have gotten back together with sorain or she found another lover or she is still the same. personally i thougth the story was good until u said The End and made everything not a good story but still it was pretty good
yea buddy this stories ending id a real kick in the groin
Edit: ok now i like were the story is going
MOARMAORMAORMAORMOArmoarmoar!,,,
>>Kirby >>Phudoodloos
ok,ok, I'm getting there.
Wait, its not over!? GUUUUUUUUD!!
interesting
lol
hmm this story can go in many directions from here i hope it keeps getting better
I can really bite the fact that Rainbow wasn't mad at her friends because they hid the truth from her and left her heart to rot in loneliness. Just sayin'
>>ScootzTheRipper.
Umm, actually, I think it is over now. sorry.
>>Darth Femto
Yeah, I see what you mean. I'll change that.
aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
If it's over then why does it still say incomplete unless... you plan to do a short epilogue.
Look 'ere guv... The story was nice n all but it was too short! Too short! *baw* *baw* *baw*
537632 I AGREE
SO FUCKIN ADORABLE!!!
It's a good story, but I too feel like it was too short. When I read it, It feels like he was gone for the weekend, not for a very long time. And the way Rainbow just accepted his disappearance seems a little out of character. For somepony who is all about not leaving their friends hangin, she seems to just forgive him after he supposedly abandoned her very quickly.
you cannot leave without telling ur mate.
there should be a death sentence of that
The story shows potential... It could be a pretty great story if a few things were different.
Namely the length of it: It's very, very short, and it could have been a very good story to read it from the beginning where Soarin apparently 'leaves' Rainbow for another mare and we see what sort of hell she goes through. If you had spent time describing in detail what Rainbow went through, shown the reactions of her friends and so on, it would have made the whole "I came back" scene a bit more powerful.
Basically, expand the story to be more than just a few flash backs and a "get-back-together" scene.
That, and grammar. You missed a lot of quotation marks and misspelled quite a few words. Get an editor if you plan on writing more, doesn't matter which story, but don't just rely on them to fix your mistakes; take care to learn proper grammar and such yourself.
Nice story, great concept but I think a bit more detail all round would've made it that much better, a nice read though :)
DAWWWWW thats all i have to say
i seriously can imagine whats going on
this story is freaking boss,man
lol you rascal hehe good one
aww finally came back
If that's not a fourth wall break than I'm not sure what is.
Feels!
Nice little story I hope there is more to come from this idea.
I HATE SOARIN WHY DID HE LEAVE DASH