Julia
Joined 13th Oct, 2014 ·
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I want to cum inside that picture.
5497694 yes! a clopfic with a plot!
it's the perfect crime!
Still think I should've been in it...
5498050 yeah, good luck with that since this takes place between s1 and s2
5498079
Just use Trillestia,
The trillest mo' fo around!
5498097 yeah... i don't want anymore people complaining about my Deus Ex Machina skills
5498127
You're a bigger noob than Sonata on Dark Souls!
5498139 what is a n00b?
a newbie? a newfag? what does being a n00b have in store for you?
5498145
I assure you sir,
I am no noob!
#25Platinumtrophies~
5498164 hmm... you're a smart one, not falling into my trap... i applaud you
Not a bad start. It felt a little rushed throughout the chapter, but you definitely have a solid base for the story. Just try to slow down the narrative a bit, and add in some more flavor text here and there.
While I can't speak for everyone, using the term "Main/Mane 6" within the narrative really breaks immersion for me. It's a term coined by the bronies, and the girls have never been referred to that in the show. I would suggest something like "her friends" or "the Elements of Harmony". In addition, "First Aid" in this case shouldn't be capitalized, I believe.
I wish I had more time to run through this and give you a better review/proofreading, but work calls. Keep it up though, as I said before, you have a good base for the plot (See what I did there?
Thank god no Twilicorn! Love you.
Finally, a good old S1 feel-good story about the mane 6. No unnecessary discord or humans or falling of equestria, or Mary-sue self-insert OC's, no blatant OOC pandering.
I love you.
Also, good story! Will follow.
Will I ever be in one of your stories?
You bitch.
5513193 yes, i got a couple planned already
5513205
Can you give a brief synopsis?
5513217 You're gonna star in Season 1 Episode 23 of Derpy Hooves Network
Rhinoceros Lotus, in which you'll be the main character
Highschool of Chaos, in which you'll be a recurring antagonist
Chapter 3 of The Curse of Spaghetti, in which you will spill spaghetti
that's pretty much it for major roles. i usually try to fit certain characters in the background
5513263
So you're not working on my requests?
You whorse!
5513281 wait... what were they again?
5513324
All the sirens merging into one super siren that goes around molesting/raping all the girls in Canterlot high (It could start with the mane 6) And another one which I forgot...
5513350 the first one is Rhinoceros Lotus
5513362
synopsis?
5513371 they fuse and fuck ponies, what more? it'll be a one shot
5513382
I want to know which ponies and what their name and personality is
5513388 i'll get there when i get there, geez!
5513392
Calm your tits, hoe
5513397 Calm your fins, seapony reject.
5513403
I have more screen time than the sea ponies, bitch
Fkn come at me, fam,
ill knock u out blad
u fkn wot m8?
5513412 you sound cute trying to sound black
5513419
I was trying to sound white...
How is that even close to sounding black?
5513429 White people got that talk from black people.
5513434
In England they call those people "Chavs"
5513442 and we call you "Weird"
5513448
Is that really so bad? I'd say it's accurate since I am a seahorse, besides I'd rather be such than yet another blob attached to a faceless crowd. Wouldn't you agree, my dear Mistress?
5513460 Hmmm, quite.
5513462
dat reply doe
5513466 dat doe doe
5513474
Doe, a deer; a female deer
5513498 dough
5513500
Duo
5513503 Dynamic Duo
5513504
Me and you,
you and me,
Why don't we get together?
5513509 lol
5513515
You're not saying no~
5513521 maybe so... as a couple of destruction
5513534
Will there be RP involved?
5513537 when i have time to
5513534
NSFW RP?
5513544
idk yet, i gotta plan
5513534
Fine...