Yay, happy ending! Though I confess to greatly disliking your characterization of Luna the rest of the characters were fantastic in the way you portrayed them.
Certainly not the 5 words I was expecting I admit I get a vague sense of this being a bit... fast. I expected a bit more talking between AJ and Dash, a bit more explanation. But this is definitely awesome... and it feels *great* to finally see them back together. Celestia has the right mind of it! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png
1136925 Remember, that was the 'fast end': the last two chapters used all the momentum I built up, to resolve explosively and tightly. I don't want any wasted words in my ending chapters. It worked out that this was a little tighter than Shh No Tears, but I'm OK with that- it spotlights exactly what's happened between these ponies, and still drops hints toward the last chapter.
There IS still one more chapter, just like in Trixie's Magic Bit: the 'sweep up loose ends now that the big story has been told' chapter, which also brings one more helping of clop to bid goodbye to the ponies in a nice way. The last chapter gets to unwind and stretch out a little more, though even that is still aiming towards a nice closing image. But it gets to be laid back in a way these last two chapters couldn't be.
1137888 Whoa. That might merit a last-minute edit- well spotted. yeah, Applejack will have caught herself saying grandfoal too... AND I caught myself misspellin' 'irresistibly'. Whoof! *EDIT*
1137722 Of all the ponies Dash would be the most likely to come while Celestia was watching- but I assure you, she and Applejack totally forgot Celestia was back there in the throne room. They only had eyes for each other, and once Dash started talking, forget it- you coulda hit them over the head with a club and they wouldn't have noticed you. Celestia is just being Miss 'I have a telescope, I'm nature watching' again, as she has already done. In fact, it's Applejack and Dash she literally watched having sex in the woods. Unseemly ponies!
1137722 Socially awkward, but yes, I believe applejack's loose wing-play made dashie have an orgasm right in front of everyone.
Applejinx, ya did good here. It did feel a bit rushed in the wrong way here and there but the most of this ending was pretty well done. It was mostly just a phrase or sentence alteration that could have filled a few small gaps and paced some parts out while explaining things a bit better like maybe a little elaboration that applejack didn't care that technically her brother was the father in mechanical terms even though Applejack was the daddy in every other sense or a little more explanation to everyone as to how Luna fell so hard because Trixie was a Lulamoon and Luna felt so alone and desperate to reclaim the little bit of her old life that she thought she had left. I don't really think it's worth the trouble of going back and trying to connect a few extra dots that don't absolutely need it though so this is mostly just for future reference.
My weird mind is finding the ending a bit anticlimactic though as I think you dropped a few too many hints before the big reveal to the others. I think it might have been a little better to leave some questions left unanswered until the majority of the characters learn about it. The big mac pregnancy was kinda ruined by the comments though as everyone caught on at once so I can't really blame you for that small disappointment of a revelation. Maybe us readers should just learn to keep some things to ourselves so we don't ruin it for others. Looking forward to that final wrap up and anything else you feel the need to write in the future.
1138026 >paced some parts out while explaining things a bit better like maybe a little elaboration that applejack didn't care that technically her brother was the father in mechanical terms even though Applejack was the daddy in every other sense or a little more explanation to everyone as to how Luna fell so hard because Trixie was a Lulamoon and Luna felt so alone and desperate to reclaim the little bit of her old life that she thought she had left.
But- Applejack does totally care, that's why she froze up and freaked out and was on the fence when Dash admitted everything. She does totally care about that and she'll have to work on it. And- hmm. it's Trixie and Twi sharing the realization that Luna fell in love- which makes it a big jump to conclusions on Twi's part, but she's a very smart unicorn and Celestia is also saying that she, Celestia, loves Twilight possibly too much- implying that Luna loved Trixie too much too and thus 'knows how she felt'. Yeah- I admit, that's a lot going on in a few sentences. I'll try to be more careful in future :)
As far as real pegasus daddies- what if it's not just cultural? What if pegasuses, magical creatures using magic wings as a focus of their powers, do not ovulate if wing-mongled by mechanical devices? What if it must be a lover, and it's their soul that reaches out and merges with the mother's to spark the child's new soul without which there is nothing? If so, the baby might look like Applejack, not Big Macintosh- or like both. And if Dash had been wing-gnawed by some mechanical sex toy for pegasi, she wouldn't be pregnant at all because it would be *drumroll*
1138318 In Pinkie's defense, she doesn't do well when she is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT 100% and has to be able to communicate WHY as well... it's exactly the sort of problem she gets. She KNEW that Princess Celestia did not kidnap Trixie- but all she could do, since it was a 'bad thing NOT happening' rather than 'bad thing happening she must fix', was go on strike. And so she did, and got Fluttershy to pull out as well, but she wasn't able to solve the real problem because that wasn't what she was being presented with. She was being presented with "Celestia kidnapped Trixie! She is Nightmare Sun" and there just wasn't enough NO in Equestria to express her response to that...
If I told you that I was literally holding my breath with anticipation as I clicked the link for the chapter, half-cringing, not sure I could take it if you turned this around into another twist, would you believe me?
Because it's the truth.
But! My heart still lives on, and it was well worth the click!
I'll be happy to read the next chapter, and I'm so glad that Twixie continues on!
I do hope that things end up well for Big Mac though... he and Rare were both rather silly ponies here, perhaps they can have some manner of reconciliation with that realization?
1138378 ... In an attempt to not go into my technical, over-analyzing mode, I'll just say once again, good job and try to elaborate just a little more on the "tight" endings.
I think i know what's wrong with this chapter, at least, why I feel it's incomplete.
We've followed Dash across many chapters. We've seen her thoughts, shared in her agony. It's why it twisted our hearts seeing her watch AJ and do all that stuff to herself.
But we never saw AJ's thoughts. We saw her with Rarity, saw some of her thinking in regards to Rarity and how she delt with her... But we almost never had any inclination about AJ's feelings, AJ's thinking about Dash herself. Unless we did and I don't remember them..
Which makes her decision process in this chapter feel somewhat out of the blue. I'm happy as hell of course to see them back together, as expected. I just don't understand WHY, from AJ's POV. That one "I've been thinking the same things" line isn't really enough :X
(sorry if this is tearing into the story. I just now realised what I felt was missing.)
edit: addendum. AJ is the one that broke them apart. We know why, from your comments, why she did what she did. But this needs to be shown in the story, somehow, or it feels like something is missing :x
1142353 But it's not complete- one chapter remains. I'm kinda struggling to face it, actually- the silence will be hard to get used to Applejack's kept everything bottled up- half her inner thoughts have been her continually trying NOT to think of Dash constantly. "She hadn't got nearly enough practice while she was with D... yeah." "Privately, she thought to herself: and Dash's taste won't be the last on my lips. She kept smiling, though. It wasn't talk-about-your-feelings time." Reacting to Twi reminding her of wanting to attack Dash: "Applejack glowered at nothing. "Yeah. That weren't good."" At Twi's joke that now maybe she wishes Twi had killed Dash: ""No!" said Applejack in a panic. She blinked, catching herself. "O' course not, that's crazy talk..."" Dead giveaways, some of them. She doesn't panic easy, but the thought of Rainbow being hurt... AJ was trying to downplay her own feelings, and determinedly at that, but every now and then the reality peeks through. Every step of the way she's dropped narrative cues that Dash is still deep in her head. It IS time for her to face what her feelings have been, yeah.
1143825 I'm glad you strongly feel that needs to be resolved- and I'm glad you mentioned it so it could clarify my thoughts. I got part of the very last scene clear in my head now, which is a good feelin'
so in the end, besides the totally amazing storyline in the Trixieverse, we had LOTS of clops and romances... wich include, in order of appearence:
dash/fluttershy (which was kind of a weird start...) dash/applejack (ohmygosh I loved these two soo much, got me crying everytime... so glad everything turn out ok...) pinkie/dash (fun crazy pinkie with tongue superpowers was nice to discover) pinkie/dash/applejack (you gotta shaaare you gotta caaare...) dash/twilight (at least hinted, i think...) applejack/twilight (meh, it was ok, but i´ll stay with the appledash) applejack/fluttershy (I actually though that was unexpected) rarity/big macintosh (mmm yay for only straigh couple? xD I don´t really know what to say about them) trixie/applejack (creppy) trixie/dash (double creppy, the whole "curse" escene was creppy as hell) trixie/twilight (creppy at first but then it grow up to a very nice yet strange relationship so it´s all good) trixie/flutershy (shy´s a scary stallion... still a little creppy) trixie pinkie/lyra (mmm... maybe a little romantic...no, still creppy, sorry) bon bon/lyra/pinkie (cute, on a freakish weird sort of way) pinkie/fluttershy (most adorable adorableness on the whole fic, just love it) lyra/bon bon (cute again, but I didn´t really care that much about them) dash/big macintosh (man, big mac´s a big crying baby) dash/gilda (the griffing way is dangerous shit, man...) applejack/rarity (I must admit I didn´t even give them a chance as a couple, i just couldn´t see it work... guess I was right!) dash/diamond dog (poor, poor dashie...) trixie/luna (and poor, poor trixie too) dash/dragon (xD ok maybe not, only on dash´s totally wild imagination, but I though it would be funny if I put it on the list) ... damn you, you actually made me comment on every couple or tresome you wrote about... and to really like THIS, a clopfic from all things damn you ... ... ... ...
Hopefully the last chapter addresses Pinkie and Fluttershy's Quest for Baby Belly.
It's a real shame to see this series end, but it's inevitable, I suppose. Planning any other stories in the Trixieverse? Or are you all dickfilly'd out?
Just wanted to let you know that I read this chapter the other day, meant to comment, and forgot. Then today I was feeling down, and I thought, "I need some super happy fluffy AppleDash to make me feel better."
The first thing that came to mind was this chapter. Thank you.
Happy-ass ending! Yay! Yay! And haha to Luna. Grounded for 350 years, that's going to suck. And Dash, pregnant with MAC'S foal...even though she let AJ make her ovulate...Damn. Still my headcanon now!
Is it wrong if I hope Apple Jack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity can have a threesome? Also Rainbow Dash, I think it is overdue an explanation on why you had sex with Big Macintosh. That will clear up a lot of things and even if the threesome does or doesn't happen, Big Macintosh and Rarity should get back together. Finally I know Princess Luna was very bad, but don't you find the punishment a little harsh.
8393200 If you keep going, eventually do get to play. It's not exactly a threesome, though. And there are those within the story who also think Luna's punishment was too harsh, and even get involved in trying to change it… but that's another story
Yay, happy ending! Though I confess to greatly disliking your characterization of Luna the rest of the characters were fantastic in the way you portrayed them.
Certainly not the 5 words I was expecting
I admit I get a vague sense of this being a bit... fast. I expected a bit more talking between AJ and Dash, a bit more explanation. But this is definitely awesome... and it feels *great* to finally see them back together. Celestia has the right mind of it! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png
Oh Luna. I guess I can't say its not deserved, but still.
i.imgur.com/VgXCk.gif
On the flip side, HOORAY for AJ and RD, and for Twi and Trix. They can finally get back on track now.
Good end.
1136925
Remember, that was the 'fast end': the last two chapters used all the momentum I built up, to resolve explosively and tightly. I don't want any wasted words in my ending chapters. It worked out that this was a little tighter than Shh No Tears, but I'm OK with that- it spotlights exactly what's happened between these ponies, and still drops hints toward the last chapter.
There IS still one more chapter, just like in Trixie's Magic Bit: the 'sweep up loose ends now that the big story has been told' chapter, which also brings one more helping of clop to bid goodbye to the ponies in a nice way. The last chapter gets to unwind and stretch out a little more, though even that is still aiming towards a nice closing image. But it gets to be laid back in a way these last two chapters couldn't be.
Will there be a continuation of this, like the original?
... yep, dead of cute. Somepony call the undertaker and notify Mort.
Am I the only one weirded out that Rainbow orgasms in front of Princess Celestia? Unless that's supposed to be a metaphor or somethin'...
Besides that, a beautiful ending. I can't wait to see what's next.
Just to be clear, Princess Celestia is saying that she won't see Trixie either?
Dash is giving Granny a greatgrandfoal btw
1137888
Whoa. That might merit a last-minute edit- well spotted. yeah, Applejack will have caught herself saying grandfoal too... AND I caught myself misspellin' 'irresistibly'. Whoof! *EDIT*
1137722
Of all the ponies Dash would be the most likely to come while Celestia was watching- but I assure you, she and Applejack totally forgot Celestia was back there in the throne room. They only had eyes for each other, and once Dash started talking, forget it- you coulda hit them over the head with a club and they wouldn't have noticed you. Celestia is just being Miss 'I have a telescope, I'm nature watching' again, as she has already done. In fact, it's Applejack and Dash she literally watched having sex in the woods. Unseemly ponies!
1137722
Socially awkward, but yes, I believe applejack's loose wing-play made dashie have an orgasm right in front of everyone.
Applejinx, ya did good here. It did feel a bit rushed in the wrong way here and there but the most of this ending was pretty well done. It was mostly just a phrase or sentence alteration that could have filled a few small gaps and paced some parts out while explaining things a bit better like maybe a little elaboration that applejack didn't care that technically her brother was the father in mechanical terms even though Applejack was the daddy in every other sense or a little more explanation to everyone as to how Luna fell so hard because Trixie was a Lulamoon and Luna felt so alone and desperate to reclaim the little bit of her old life that she thought she had left. I don't really think it's worth the trouble of going back and trying to connect a few extra dots that don't absolutely need it though so this is mostly just for future reference.
My weird mind is finding the ending a bit anticlimactic though as I think you dropped a few too many hints before the big reveal to the others. I think it might have been a little better to leave some questions left unanswered until the majority of the characters learn about it. The big mac pregnancy was kinda ruined by the comments though as everyone caught on at once so I can't really blame you for that small disappointment of a revelation. Maybe us readers should just learn to keep some things to ourselves so we don't ruin it for others. Looking forward to that final wrap up and anything else you feel the need to write in the future.
That's just beautiful. The AppleDash ship is back afloat, as it should have been. Awww, makes me all giddy to see this happening.
Seems to be some real loose ends regarding Luna, gonna be hard to resolve that in just one chapter. Unless a third story is in the works.
Also, it still kinda bugs me that Pinkie kinda bailed on Twilight. It was like Lesson Zero, only with a legit problem this time.
1138026
>paced some parts out while explaining things a bit better like maybe a little elaboration that applejack didn't care that technically her brother was the father in mechanical terms even though Applejack was the daddy in every other sense or a little more explanation to everyone as to how Luna fell so hard because Trixie was a Lulamoon and Luna felt so alone and desperate to reclaim the little bit of her old life that she thought she had left.
But- Applejack does totally care, that's why she froze up and freaked out and was on the fence when Dash admitted everything. She does totally care about that and she'll have to work on it. And- hmm. it's Trixie and Twi sharing the realization that Luna fell in love- which makes it a big jump to conclusions on Twi's part, but she's a very smart unicorn and Celestia is also saying that she, Celestia, loves Twilight possibly too much- implying that Luna loved Trixie too much too and thus 'knows how she felt'. Yeah- I admit, that's a lot going on in a few sentences. I'll try to be more careful in future :)
As far as real pegasus daddies- what if it's not just cultural? What if pegasuses, magical creatures using magic wings as a focus of their powers, do not ovulate if wing-mongled by mechanical devices? What if it must be a lover, and it's their soul that reaches out and merges with the mother's to spark the child's new soul without which there is nothing? If so, the baby might look like Applejack, not Big Macintosh- or like both. And if Dash had been wing-gnawed by some mechanical sex toy for pegasi, she wouldn't be pregnant at all because it would be *drumroll*
train running low on foal soul
hehehehehehehe oh geez, I'm too tired...
Oh, and
1138318
In Pinkie's defense, she doesn't do well when she is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT 100% and has to be able to communicate WHY as well... it's exactly the sort of problem she gets. She KNEW that Princess Celestia did not kidnap Trixie- but all she could do, since it was a 'bad thing NOT happening' rather than 'bad thing happening she must fix', was go on strike. And so she did, and got Fluttershy to pull out as well, but she wasn't able to solve the real problem because that wasn't what she was being presented with. She was being presented with "Celestia kidnapped Trixie! She is Nightmare Sun" and there just wasn't enough NO in Equestria to express her response to that...
If I told you that I was literally holding my breath with anticipation as I clicked the link for the chapter, half-cringing, not sure I could take it if you turned this around into another twist, would you believe me?
Because it's the truth.
But! My heart still lives on, and it was well worth the click!
I'll be happy to read the next chapter, and I'm so glad that Twixie continues on!
I do hope that things end up well for Big Mac though... he and Rare were both rather silly ponies here, perhaps they can have some manner of reconciliation with that realization?
1138378
... In an attempt to not go into my technical, over-analyzing mode, I'll just say once again, good job and try to elaborate just a little more on the "tight" endings.
I think i know what's wrong with this chapter, at least, why I feel it's incomplete.
We've followed Dash across many chapters. We've seen her thoughts, shared in her agony. It's why it twisted our hearts seeing her watch AJ and do all that stuff to herself.
But we never saw AJ's thoughts. We saw her with Rarity, saw some of her thinking in regards to Rarity and how she delt with her... But we almost never had any inclination about AJ's feelings, AJ's thinking about Dash herself. Unless we did and I don't remember them..
Which makes her decision process in this chapter feel somewhat out of the blue. I'm happy as hell of course to see them back together, as expected. I just don't understand WHY, from AJ's POV. That one "I've been thinking the same things" line isn't really enough :X
(sorry if this is tearing into the story. I just now realised what I felt was missing.)
edit: addendum. AJ is the one that broke them apart. We know why, from your comments, why she did what she did. But this needs to be shown in the story, somehow, or it feels like something is missing :x
1142353
But it's not complete- one chapter remains.
I'm kinda struggling to face it, actually- the silence will be hard to get used to
Applejack's kept everything bottled up- half her inner thoughts have been her continually trying NOT to think of Dash constantly.
"She hadn't got nearly enough practice while she was with D... yeah."
"Privately, she thought to herself: and Dash's taste won't be the last on my lips. She kept smiling, though. It wasn't talk-about-your-feelings time."
Reacting to Twi reminding her of wanting to attack Dash: "Applejack glowered at nothing. "Yeah. That weren't good.""
At Twi's joke that now maybe she wishes Twi had killed Dash: ""No!" said Applejack in a panic. She blinked, catching herself. "O' course not, that's crazy talk...""
Dead giveaways, some of them. She doesn't panic easy, but the thought of Rainbow being hurt... AJ was trying to downplay her own feelings, and determinedly at that, but every now and then the reality peeks through. Every step of the way she's dropped narrative cues that Dash is still deep in her head.
It IS time for her to face what her feelings have been, yeah.
1143800
Oh I know one chapter remains :) if this is covered there? Then my complaints will be retracted immediately!
I was just... expecting it here. If not at the first meeting (which is just fine), then the second scene definitely :x
1143825
I'm glad you strongly feel that needs to be resolved- and I'm glad you mentioned it so it could clarify my thoughts. I got part of the very last scene clear in my head now, which is a good feelin'
1143961
Good to know! And I guess I need to reread the fic. I'd plum forgotten most of those dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowderp_flip.png
so in the end, besides the totally amazing storyline in the Trixieverse, we had LOTS of clops and romances... wich include, in order of appearence:
dash/fluttershy (which was kind of a weird start...)
dash/applejack (ohmygosh I loved these two soo much, got me crying everytime... so glad everything turn out ok...)
pinkie/dash (fun crazy pinkie with tongue superpowers was nice to discover)
pinkie/dash/applejack (you gotta shaaare you gotta caaare...)
dash/twilight (at least hinted, i think...)
applejack/twilight (meh, it was ok, but i´ll stay with the appledash)
applejack/fluttershy (I actually though that was unexpected)
rarity/big macintosh (mmm yay for only straigh couple? xD I don´t really know what to say about them)
trixie/applejack (creppy)
trixie/dash (double creppy, the whole "curse" escene was creppy as hell)
trixie/twilight (creppy at first but then it grow up to a very nice yet strange relationship so it´s all good)
trixie/flutershy (shy´s a scary stallion... still a little creppy)
trixie pinkie/lyra (mmm... maybe a little romantic...no, still creppy, sorry)
bon bon/lyra/pinkie (cute, on a freakish weird sort of way)
pinkie/fluttershy (most adorable adorableness on the whole fic, just love it)
lyra/bon bon (cute again, but I didn´t really care that much about them)
dash/big macintosh (man, big mac´s a big crying baby)
dash/gilda (the griffing way is dangerous shit, man...)
applejack/rarity (I must admit I didn´t even give them a chance as a couple, i just couldn´t see it work... guess I was right!)
dash/diamond dog (poor, poor dashie...)
trixie/luna (and poor, poor trixie too)
dash/dragon (xD ok maybe not, only on dash´s totally wild imagination, but I though it would be funny if I put it on the list)
...
damn you, you actually made me comment on every couple or tresome you wrote about...
and to really like THIS, a clopfic from all things
damn you ...
...
...
...
have all my moustaches:
Hopefully the last chapter addresses Pinkie and Fluttershy's Quest for Baby Belly.
It's a real shame to see this series end, but it's inevitable, I suppose. Planning any other stories in the Trixieverse? Or are you all dickfilly'd out?
Celestia never endickenated, I feel cheated.
Just wanted to let you know that I read this chapter the other day, meant to comment, and forgot. Then today I was feeling down, and I thought, "I need some super happy fluffy AppleDash to make me feel better."
The first thing that came to mind was this chapter. Thank you.
Oh... my tears. I just. No words. Sory.
YES! They're back together!
Hee! Pegasus butter callback.
[wipes a tear] That was such a beautiful ending and recon very!
And admittingly, the whole 'Luna is grounded' thing...
'For 350 YEARS'
Beautifully written!
Happy-ass ending! Yay! Yay! And haha to Luna. Grounded for 350 years, that's going to suck. And Dash, pregnant with MAC'S foal...even though she let AJ make her ovulate...Damn. Still my headcanon now!
Is it wrong if I hope Apple Jack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity can have a threesome? Also Rainbow Dash, I think it is overdue an explanation on why you had sex with Big Macintosh. That will clear up a lot of things and even if the threesome does or doesn't happen, Big Macintosh and Rarity should get back together. Finally I know Princess Luna was very bad, but don't you find the punishment a little harsh.
8393200
If you keep going, eventually do get to play. It's not exactly a threesome, though. And there are those within the story who also think Luna's punishment was too harsh, and even get involved in trying to change it… but that's another story