Oh sweet merciful Celestia. I admit it, I did not expect THAT checkov's gun to fire. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png I am so torn right now. I know Luna was doing what she thought was right, in a twisted sort of way, but it was so completely beyond cruel.
Wow. This was a whole lot of awesome packed into a very brief space. Dash crazying her way out of being eaten was great, and Trixie's thing for Princess-yoinking came in handy! I did find it odd, however, that for all intents and purposes Twilight was weakened by having friends along, as Luna might have had to put some actual effort into overpowering her if she hadn't had Dash there to be distracted by - rather counter to the themes of the show.
And now the talking begins. And the yelling and screaming and such.
EDIT: A thought occurs to me - Trixie just successfully mage-melded with Twilight without consent? Is that just because they've mage-melded before so she still has an 'in' to Twilight's magic?
EDIT: Another thought, though why it turns up now I don't know - so looking forward to Fluttershy finding out Dash gave Applejack her wings, and AJ turfed her out anyway. Dash will undoubtedly diffuse the situation by explaining she never really filled AJ in on the significance of the whole thing, but those few moments of FlutterRage will be worth it.
1123485 Seems a reasonable assumption. Also, weakness is a bit subjective. Her focus was broken by somepony being in incredible anguish, but her power was itself unaffected.
EDIT: And had Pinkie not bailed on Twilight, the rest of the Elements would have been there to friendnuke Luna. EDIT 2: The Edits Strikes Back: Of course, the fact AJ did not even remotely give RD a chance to explain her actions would warrant at least some Fluttermiffed.
1123513 Both Applejack and Dashie are impulsive and rough to the extreme. It's not really about whether Fluttershy would approve- I doubt that detail will come up directly, so I'll just say Fluttershy would be horrified and saddened, not enraged. But if it all works out in the end (or indeed in the next chapter, when Dash FINALLY gets the chance to talk to Applejack at her first possible opportunity...)
Luna is correct that Trixie has a scary amount of latent power. She didn't need Twi to be awake. She'd done it before and worked out how. There's a reason Luna worried and took the actions she did- Trixie IS dangerous as a loose cannon.
Luna's in BIG trouble- but she does have an argument to support her intent if not her means. If Trixie remained hostile to and suspicious of Princess Celestia, it would be really bad. But that just changed when she desperately reached out for help from Celestia and got her total support... that's a big deal for both of them, in very very few words and events.
I got more writing to do but please let me know how this worked out for y'all, this sequence of events was half the book in the making...
I admit, on some level I was hoping for some dragon on RD action. It was nice to see Celestia smack a filly, too. But seriously, nice Chekhov's Gun there, bro. Good stuff.
1123513 Can't really see it that way. FiM treats caring about others as a strength - this scene treated it as a weakness. Caring about Trixie might have given Twilight the anger to stand up to Luna, but caring about her friends made her unable to focus that strength, rendering it useless. That's incredibly jarring, enough so that I assume Applejinx probably already has a response prepared. Will be very curious to see it.
As I originally said, I loved the story - it's just that scene was very non-FiM, and Applejinx (in her own way) is a stickler for making her stuff feel like FiM - to the extent it can with all these rampaging dickfillies gadding about.
EDIT: Given how fucked-up RD is at the moment, and Rarijack going kablooey, I'm not sure the Elements could have gotten it together right now even if they needed to. Celestia and Pinkie were right - dicks on mares ruin everything! See PinkieShy, where everything is harmony and sweetness and good times.
You have NO IDEA how happy it made me to see the fic update. I was even happier to read this chapter. And then seeing the long awaited talk is next chapter?
My squee would break glass if it went any higher. And I don't have a high pitched voice.
1123636 True, though, on the other hand, caring about Twilight, and her relationship with her, gave Trix the strength to do the mage-meld, despite hours of emotional torture, lack of sleep, AND starvation. Great and Powerful indeed. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png Side note, I love getting to a story early enough to actually get in discussions.
EDIT:
I'm not sure the Elements could have gotten it together right now even if they needed to.
1123636 Without Dash's love, Twilight would never have made it to the cave. And the fact that Twilight was able to magewrestle Princess Luna, a full-blown alicorn, to a standstill, is freaking astonishing! She's only a unicorn!
The lesson there is not that Twilight is weak- no, no! It's very pony of her to fail in that specific way- I thought it endearing, I'd like Twi less if she'd been able to remain unmoved. The point wasn't about how powerful and ruthless Twi was able to make herself.
The point is that Princess Luna is unthinkably badass, like her sister- with thousands of years of experience and the ability to think her way out of just about anything- and capable of reacting with devastating tactical ingenuity and no mercy or restraint. You didn't see how 'bad' Twi was- you saw just how good Princess Luna really is. Battling alicorns is no joke. They'll wipe the floor with you, and not just through brute force. Their intelligence is terrifying.
You mean, tropers who are NOT me, the one troper who shouldn't be creating tropes pages in the MLP section to cover these stories? It always makes me sad that seemingly I got no troper readers. Nopony's representin' me there. What the hay is stoppin' you? Do I need to go and write better and earn it? I'll try *gulp*
1123680 From Applejinx's comment above, that apparently has more to do with Trixie being a really fucking good mage-melder and having already melded with Twilight before. Any sufficiently juicy battery that she had a prior meld with there would have let her whip out her pokeCelestia. Less about caring about folks, more about 'experimenting on violating your sovereign's personal space can have unexpected and delightful benefits'.
So looking forward to Luna trying to wiggle out of this. "Alright, so I abducted one of our citizens, trapped her in a lightless place where no help would/should have come, starved and sexually harassed her, and fully intended to keep her there as my personal fucktoy until her pitiful little mortal life guttered out. But I was being self-sacrificing and noble, sis! Totally didn't wanna do it!"
"Alright, so I abducted one of our citizens, trapped her in a lightless place where no help would/should have come, starved and sexually harassed her, and fully intended to keep her there as my personal fucktoy until her pitiful little mortal life guttered out. But I was being self-sacrificing and noble, sis! Totally didn't wanna do it!"
Seems Legit.
that apparently has more to do with Trixie being a really fucking good mage-melder and having already melded with Twilight before.
1123703 So, the point is 'Luna, while pony-shaped, is not a 'modern' pony, and you don't get to play by pony rules if you pick a fight with her'?
Okay, fair enough. I was just noting that whole scene was really un-FiM-like - all the emotional weight was on Twi and co's side, so their adversary casually gunning down the weaklings, then figuratively shooting Twi in the back because she flinched at the sight was jarring. Still, entirely deliberate, as you've said. Guess it emphasises Luna's whole 'mare out of time' spiel, too, to be so casually ruthless.
1123780 I don't read that as having anything to do with Trixie's ability to perform the mage-meld. I read that as her being willing to swallow her pride and ask Celestia for help, if it was for Twilight's sake. Which is a big deal for Trixie, given how things went last time she and Celestia were anywhere near her.
Which reinforces Applejinx's point, I guess, that for FiM-style ponies, the only appropriate military response to an alicorn is another alicorn, because modern ponies are soft, like marshmallow - and Luna's not taking anything lightly since Nightmare Moon did and got a rainbow to the face for her troubles.
1123867 I figure it comes down to Trixie being able to do the mage-meld, when she shouldn't have barely been able to move. Mage-meld's are incredibly difficult, even if you have the talent for it. THAT's where the power of love enters it, at least, from my perspective.
1123814 She had every intention of editing their memories- that's the point. She was putting them peacefully to sleep and making it LOOK like a slaughter to gain advantage. I'm certain she'd have removed any upsetting images or feelings as part of removing all evidence. She didn't want to go editing memories wholesale, but she felt driven to it and knew she was potentially in a lot of trouble... from the moment she began to act, the plan was to render them all unconscious and then, 'shh no tears, only dreams now'... take away all the pain and sad and bring them home peacefully to lead peaceful, Trixie-less lives.
It wouldn't have worked. Pinkie would remember.
1123890 Your maximum abilities are that of your meld PARTNER in the type she had done before, and was doing again, with Twilight. It didn't matter that she was exhausted and depleted, she had to channel Twilight's power into a given and familiar pattern. Luna had legitimate cause for concern there too- Twilight fought her to a draw and still had reserves to teleport Princess Celestia, which is a ridiculous amount of power for even a Lulamoon-line unicorn. it just goes to prove that Twilight is one juicy... battery!
I've already started on the next chapter. I doubt I can turn it around quite as quickly as Shh No Tears, but I won't make you wait for too long. There are only two more chapters to go.
1124049 iloveportalz has made a script editing thingy for greasemonkey, that adds a bunch of emoticons to fimfiction, that's where I got them. I can't remember the URL for it though.
I am well aware that the scene was internally coherent. My objection (which wasn't even an objection, but a passing comment) was that the scene as a whole felt decidedly un-FiM-my to me, because little things like an overwhelming advantage in power, experience and skill haven't saved previous FiM antagonists from becoming the byline for a friendship report due to sheer narrative weight. And Trixie firing Chekhov's Gun, while hilarious, doesn't change that for me, because that just doubles down on the idea that Twilight and friends tugged on a mane they shouldn't have, and the only solution was to find someone bigger to do the fighting for them.
This isn't a weird thing, of course - lots of folks around the FiM fic sites write the Mane 6 with a lot less narrative protection than the show gives them. I just wasn't expecting it from you, and thought it worthy of comment.
1124114 That brings me to the #1 complaint on my one-item list of complaints with the Trixiverse. Your Luna isn't.
This would be fine before Luna Eclipsed, but then she got an entire episode dedicated to examining her concerns, fears, flaws and worldview. Luna in LE hates rejection as much as she presumably did a thousand years ago, but responded with isolation and dejection rather than rage (though there was a little rage). I can't see Trixieverse Luna giving a fuck. Your Luna, rather than being a morally fragile creature who threw a kingdom-wrecking fit of jealousy, was an infinitely wise ruler of a parallel sub-kingdom. A kingdom who loved the night and all it brought. Your Luna is a brilliant tactical genius, utterly ruthless and with the experience of a thousand battles. Nightmare Moon was a blathering idiot who made half hearted--at best--attempts to waylay the Fellowship.
Your Trixie isn't either, but is explained, justified and presented in such a manner as to make it totally believable. You just throw super!Luna at us and expect us to believe.
So unless there is a lot of 'splainin in the next chapter or two (something along the lines of "InsaneTheory.png" perhaps), I will continue to feel the Luna scenes awkward.
The rest of the fic is so amazing it hurts, but I just find Luna's rampant out of charecter (to me) actions jarring in this otherwise brilliantly written fic.
She really needs some friends who aren't emotional wrecks. One level-headed weathermare confidante coulda sorted this mess out, Dashie! Maybe you could get Spitfire as your mentor -- or Celestia, since somepony doesn't appreciate her wisdom, anymore.
1124438 Awww. You're only as good as your villain- I had to have Luna be awful badass to live up to what she'd been doing with the Lulamoons back in the day- and then to get carried away and try to take over everything as Nightmare Moon (which is canon), and then try to take a piece of her world back while not literally turning MUAHAHAHA nightmare moon again.
It would've been easier if she was just a straight-up monster villain like the canon Nightmare Moon, but in order to motivate her and explain why she'd gone wrong in the first place, I had to give her that 'underworld' and have her love it as much as it loved her, and it made her about as far from 'Woona' as I've ever seen her go. She bears no resemblance to the S1 Luna or Nightmare Moon other than magical power, and is closer to the Luna Eclipsed Luna, if that arrogant but more relatable pony had the power she appears to have (thunder, lightning, bat-winged henchmen). And rather than hate Celestia, she's trying to protect her- but she is arrogant and makes up her own mind about things and has that impulsive streak where she makes harsh decisions and then tries to stick to them.
I'm keepin' her- sorry if you don't like her, you win some you lose some
1123703 >The lesson there is not that Twilight is weak- no, no! It's very pony of her to fail in that specific way- I thought it endearing, I'd like Twi less if she'd been able to remain unmoved.
I guess the problem for me is that it never seems like Luna has to work for it. Twi simply gets brushed aside because she cares about her friends, and the casual way it happens does make it seem like a weakness.
It would be different if there was an active element to her going down. If the mage battle was placing the others at risk, and Twilight chose to back off, for example. I think that would give us the endearing you were after, since Twi would choose not to harm her friends as opposed to failing them because she cares.
This chapter was phenomenal. Only issue, the thing with the dragon seems kinda superfluous right now unless that gun(his ultimatum) goes off next chapter. There was already plenty of tension with Trixie slowly giving in, and the rescue party in danger of self destructing. So the ticking clock, sudden mortal danger bit felt off, to me at least. I think the dragon works well as an unbiased third party to give RD her reveal, but I just didn't like the sudden death threat.
1126393 She's a real dragon, and they went into her lair when she was pregnant- it was mighty charitable of her to not just flame everything and be done with it. I'm sure she IS putting up screens. Stupid little ponies, running around everywhere making gardens and stealing dragon eggs... if there's a take-away from that, it's that dragons and ponies really don't coexist, and that the dragons have some legitimate beef with ponies and indeed Celestia herself. How does it make sense that hatching a dragon egg and keeping the dragon is a mage test?
And it wasn't ever about them missing her deadline, it was just all part of how everything started happening so fast... when they're woken up, they all have some stuff to cope with. Twilight and Dashie in particular are going to be flipping out until they realise everypony is OK...
...
It's fascinating how many ponies object to the idea that Twi did not destroy Luna herself, and that she showed weakness by losing to Luna. The point of the book has never been 'make yourself strong and invincible'. The point of the book has been how folks interdepend on each other, and how mistrust and conflict can screw that up for everybody. In that light, Trixie turning to Celestia for help- and Celestia responding with total trust and loyalty and siding against her own sister to aid the one she disliked and mistrusted (and Celestia has been consciously working to accept and forgive Trixie!) is just plain more important than Twi getting to be Super Saiyan.
Twi isn't the cause of the personality conflict there anyhow, she's the unhappy victim of Celestia and Trixie not loving each other. It's she who has been rescued from a terrible fate- she doesn't have to lose her mentor OR her lover, and she'll be proud and happy.
Chalk me up as one more person who didn't expect this particular Chekhov's Gun to go off - Hell, I almost thought it wasn't even loaded and looked down the damned barrel! I'd just figured it was a plot element to get Celly all ticked off and get Luna involved.
As for the dragon... why do I have the sneaking suspicion that there's gonna be a Book Three that ends up involving her, or at least the dragons in general, more in detail?
THANK PRINCESS CELESTIA AND DISCORD!!!!!!!!! I loved this chapter, not only for its conclusion, but for the mental aspects of it as well. The depth of mentality put into the characters was simply stunning, and no overt grammatical errors were found.
By overt, I mean ones where I would stop and say to myself "That's misspelled, oh he really meant that..." etc. I was totally convinced that once Twilight and the others found Trixie, she would have deluded herself into an emotionally numb state, where she would know she loved Twilight, but wouldn't actually feel it. Your way is better.
I'm honestly baffled at the number of people who're irked over Twilight's 'defeat'. It's written right there, as she's preparing to kill/destroy/whatever Luna, that she is making herself into (or trying to make herself into) '..something without a heart to break or a shred of mercy to distract her from her task. ' As Jinxie said, the way she fell was decidedly 'pony', and the notions that would have fueled her to destory Luna were very much UNpony, IMHO.
Let's also remember that Luna is pony too; ultra-powerful, extra-big, and very-experienced, but still. She is not Discord, and she is not truly Nightmare Moon. In short, she is not 'the big bad'. She is a 'good' (in that she has good intentions, her morals might be a little messed up after 1000 years) pony too, one who has made one hell of a mistake because she felt it was 'right', in her own way, and who has attempted to conceal it from her sister in a misguided attempt to protect her. To say it's 'un-FIM-like' because the villain is not crushed by the power of friendship is silly, to me, because there's no 'true' villain. Discord and Nightmare Moon undoubtedly had evil intentions, but Luna DOES NOT.
I'm a little worn out, so, for this chapter, all I can say is...wow. That last scene made me feel warmer and happier than I could have imagined. Thank you so much, Applejinx.
Unholy fuck, that was an incredible chapter. Dash, you horny, horny little Pegasus. That has got to be one of my favorite parts of the entire story. AND she's pregnant! I laughed when Trixie teleported Celestia to the cave, so, so hard I laughed.
The "Deus ex Machina" that was used and abused here it really was... um... let's say tacky. But, woo, boy, how much have your writing skills have improved since the very first chapter of the first book? A lot. I really need to congratulate you for this story has been... well, a great thriller. And that is just so far!
This really isn't a, "Deus Ex Machina," kind of moment; considering that Trixie has teleported Celestia to her location before, it is very well explained, outside of an act of god.
Oh sweet merciful Celestia. I admit it, I did not expect THAT checkov's gun to fire. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png I am so torn right now. I know Luna was doing what she thought was right, in a twisted sort of way, but it was so completely beyond cruel.
Also, re: preggers RD
I KNEW IT! (yeah so did everyone else, and its been all but confirmed already, but its nice to have heard ((so to speak dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png )) someone say it. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png )
Aaaaaaa!
My reaction when this showed up as an update.
My reaction when confirming all the suspicions and whatnot.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-Orw3QzD9QDc/TqePEFelgYI/AAAAAAAACjw/JIdTHBGmo-k/s400/57609%2B-%2BDJ_P0n-3%2Bartist%2Bsweatshirt%2Breaction_image%2Bvinyl_scratch.jpg
And oh dear... Luna is in trouble!
Wow. This was a whole lot of awesome packed into a very brief space. Dash crazying her way out of being eaten was great, and Trixie's thing for Princess-yoinking came in handy! I did find it odd, however, that for all intents and purposes Twilight was weakened by having friends along, as Luna might have had to put some actual effort into overpowering her if she hadn't had Dash there to be distracted by - rather counter to the themes of the show.
And now the talking begins. And the yelling and screaming and such.
EDIT: A thought occurs to me - Trixie just successfully mage-melded with Twilight without consent? Is that just because they've mage-melded before so she still has an 'in' to Twilight's magic?
EDIT: Another thought, though why it turns up now I don't know - so looking forward to Fluttershy finding out Dash gave Applejack her wings, and AJ turfed her out anyway. Dash will undoubtedly diffuse the situation by explaining she never really filled AJ in on the significance of the whole thing, but those few moments of FlutterRage will be worth it.
1123485
Seems a reasonable assumption. Also, weakness is a bit subjective. Her focus was broken by somepony being in incredible anguish, but her power was itself unaffected.
EDIT: And had Pinkie not bailed on Twilight, the rest of the Elements would have been there to friendnuke Luna.
EDIT 2: The Edits Strikes Back: Of course, the fact AJ did not even remotely give RD a chance to explain her actions would warrant at least some Fluttermiffed.
...
I need to lie down for a minute.
1123513
Both Applejack and Dashie are impulsive and rough to the extreme. It's not really about whether Fluttershy would approve- I doubt that detail will come up directly, so I'll just say Fluttershy would be horrified and saddened, not enraged. But if it all works out in the end (or indeed in the next chapter, when Dash FINALLY gets the chance to talk to Applejack at her first possible opportunity...)
Luna is correct that Trixie has a scary amount of latent power. She didn't need Twi to be awake. She'd done it before and worked out how. There's a reason Luna worried and took the actions she did- Trixie IS dangerous as a loose cannon.
Luna's in BIG trouble- but she does have an argument to support her intent if not her means. If Trixie remained hostile to and suspicious of Princess Celestia, it would be really bad. But that just changed when she desperately reached out for help from Celestia and got her total support... that's a big deal for both of them, in very very few words and events.
I got more writing to do but please let me know how this worked out for y'all, this sequence of events was half the book in the making...
Well......that was unexpected
1123587
How does, "Exceeds my wildest expectations!" sound? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
As for Luna being worried, yeah, she is justified in that, but that kind of emotional torture was uncalled for. Luna, you got some 'splainin' to do.
I admit, on some level I was hoping for some dragon on RD action. It was nice to see Celestia smack a filly, too.
But seriously, nice Chekhov's Gun there, bro. Good stuff.
1123513
Can't really see it that way. FiM treats caring about others as a strength - this scene treated it as a weakness. Caring about Trixie might have given Twilight the anger to stand up to Luna, but caring about her friends made her unable to focus that strength, rendering it useless. That's incredibly jarring, enough so that I assume Applejinx probably already has a response prepared. Will be very curious to see it.
As I originally said, I loved the story - it's just that scene was very non-FiM, and Applejinx (in her own way) is a stickler for making her stuff feel like FiM - to the extent it can with all these rampaging dickfillies gadding about.
EDIT: Given how fucked-up RD is at the moment, and Rarijack going kablooey, I'm not sure the Elements could have gotten it together right now even if they needed to. Celestia and Pinkie were right - dicks on mares ruin everything! See PinkieShy, where everything is harmony and sweetness and good times.
1123587>>1123625
Applejinx: this about sums up my reaction to this chapter, everything in it, on top of what I already posted.
terrariaonline.com/attachments/35231-its_beautiful-rainbow_dash-jpg.33722/
You have NO IDEA how happy it made me to see the fic update. I was even happier to read this chapter. And then seeing the long awaited talk is next chapter?
My squee would break glass if it went any higher. And I don't have a high pitched voice.
1123636
True, though, on the other hand, caring about Twilight, and her relationship with her, gave Trix the strength to do the mage-meld, despite hours of emotional torture, lack of sleep, AND starvation. Great and Powerful indeed. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
Side note, I love getting to a story early enough to actually get in discussions.
EDIT:
Possibly, though seeing Twi's fears half confirmed might have gotten them in gear just long enough. The show has shown their bonds to be nigh unbreakable.
1123631
Troper Alert! We're everywhere. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
1123636
Without Dash's love, Twilight would never have made it to the cave. And the fact that Twilight was able to magewrestle Princess Luna, a full-blown alicorn, to a standstill, is freaking astonishing! She's only a unicorn!
The lesson there is not that Twilight is weak- no, no! It's very pony of her to fail in that specific way- I thought it endearing, I'd like Twi less if she'd been able to remain unmoved. The point wasn't about how powerful and ruthless Twi was able to make herself.
The point is that Princess Luna is unthinkably badass, like her sister- with thousands of years of experience and the ability to think her way out of just about anything- and capable of reacting with devastating tactical ingenuity and no mercy or restraint. You didn't see how 'bad' Twi was- you saw just how good Princess Luna really is. Battling alicorns is no joke. They'll wipe the floor with you, and not just through brute force. Their intelligence is terrifying.
Trixie still beat her. For love of Twilight.
1123703
Like her sister? Looked like she got rather thoroughly trounced to me. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_2.png
EDIT: I think I am addicted to awesome smileys.
1123680
>troper
You mean, tropers who are NOT me, the one troper who shouldn't be creating tropes pages in the MLP section to cover these stories? It always makes me sad that seemingly I got no troper readers. Nopony's representin' me there. What the hay is stoppin' you? Do I need to go and write better and earn it? I'll try *gulp*
1123680
From Applejinx's comment above, that apparently has more to do with Trixie being a really fucking good mage-melder and having already melded with Twilight before. Any sufficiently juicy battery that she had a prior meld with there would have let her whip out her pokeCelestia. Less about caring about folks, more about 'experimenting on violating your sovereign's personal space can have unexpected and delightful benefits'.
So looking forward to Luna trying to wiggle out of this. "Alright, so I abducted one of our citizens, trapped her in a lightless place where no help would/should have come, starved and sexually harassed her, and fully intended to keep her there as my personal fucktoy until her pitiful little mortal life guttered out. But I was being self-sacrificing and noble, sis! Totally didn't wanna do it!"
1123753
Seems Legit.
gregdespres.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/objection2.jpg
EDIT:
1123748
I don't actually have an account on Tvtropes.
My shame knows no bounds.
1123703
So, the point is 'Luna, while pony-shaped, is not a 'modern' pony, and you don't get to play by pony rules if you pick a fight with her'?
Okay, fair enough. I was just noting that whole scene was really un-FiM-like - all the emotional weight was on Twi and co's side, so their adversary casually gunning down the weaklings, then figuratively shooting Twi in the back because she flinched at the sight was jarring. Still, entirely deliberate, as you've said. Guess it emphasises Luna's whole 'mare out of time' spiel, too, to be so casually ruthless.
1123780
I don't read that as having anything to do with Trixie's ability to perform the mage-meld. I read that as her being willing to swallow her pride and ask Celestia for help, if it was for Twilight's sake. Which is a big deal for Trixie, given how things went last time she and Celestia were anywhere near her.
Which reinforces Applejinx's point, I guess, that for FiM-style ponies, the only appropriate military response to an alicorn is another alicorn, because modern ponies are soft, like marshmallow - and Luna's not taking anything lightly since Nightmare Moon did and got a rainbow to the face for her troubles.
1123867
I figure it comes down to Trixie being able to do the mage-meld, when she shouldn't have barely been able to move. Mage-meld's are incredibly difficult, even if you have the talent for it. THAT's where the power of love enters it, at least, from my perspective.
1123814
She had every intention of editing their memories- that's the point. She was putting them peacefully to sleep and making it LOOK like a slaughter to gain advantage. I'm certain she'd have removed any upsetting images or feelings as part of removing all evidence. She didn't want to go editing memories wholesale, but she felt driven to it and knew she was potentially in a lot of trouble... from the moment she began to act, the plan was to render them all unconscious and then, 'shh no tears, only dreams now'... take away all the pain and sad and bring them home peacefully to lead peaceful, Trixie-less lives.
It wouldn't have worked. Pinkie would remember.
1123890
Your maximum abilities are that of your meld PARTNER in the type she had done before, and was doing again, with Twilight. It didn't matter that she was exhausted and depleted, she had to channel Twilight's power into a given and familiar pattern. Luna had legitimate cause for concern there too- Twilight fought her to a draw and still had reserves to teleport Princess Celestia, which is a ridiculous amount of power for even a Lulamoon-line unicorn. it just goes to prove that Twilight is one juicy... battery!
..Oh heck, I completely missed this.
The first thing in this chapter Applejack says.
"Dashie."
The pet name... I completely missed that the first time around. (And second, and third).
(or am I reading too much into this?)
1123994
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
1123994
Do you really think that is an accident?
I've already started on the next chapter. I doubt I can turn it around quite as quickly as Shh No Tears, but I won't make you wait for too long. There are only two more chapters to go.
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I know! I looked at it that 4th time and went in realization! (this site needs that octy smiley!)
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I was hoping not! And take your time. This needs to be as good as it possibly can be!
My heart will survive. Somehow.
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iloveportalz has made a script editing thingy for greasemonkey, that adds a bunch of emoticons to fimfiction, that's where I got them. I can't remember the URL for it though.
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That work with chrome? T'is what I use :x
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We are talking past one another here.
I am well aware that the scene was internally coherent. My objection (which wasn't even an objection, but a passing comment) was that the scene as a whole felt decidedly un-FiM-my to me, because little things like an overwhelming advantage in power, experience and skill haven't saved previous FiM antagonists from becoming the byline for a friendship report due to sheer narrative weight. And Trixie firing Chekhov's Gun, while hilarious, doesn't change that for me, because that just doubles down on the idea that Twilight and friends tugged on a mane they shouldn't have, and the only solution was to find someone bigger to do the fighting for them.
This isn't a weird thing, of course - lots of folks around the FiM fic sites write the Mane 6 with a lot less narrative protection than the show gives them. I just wasn't expecting it from you, and thought it worthy of comment.
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That brings me to the #1 complaint on my one-item list of complaints with the Trixiverse. Your Luna isn't.
This would be fine before Luna Eclipsed, but then she got an entire episode dedicated to examining her concerns, fears, flaws and worldview. Luna in LE hates rejection as much as she presumably did a thousand years ago, but responded with isolation and dejection rather than rage (though there was a little rage). I can't see Trixieverse Luna giving a fuck. Your Luna, rather than being a morally fragile creature who threw a kingdom-wrecking fit of jealousy, was an infinitely wise ruler of a parallel sub-kingdom. A kingdom who loved the night and all it brought. Your Luna is a brilliant tactical genius, utterly ruthless and with the experience of a thousand battles. Nightmare Moon was a blathering idiot who made half hearted--at best--attempts to waylay the Fellowship.
Your Trixie isn't either, but is explained, justified and presented in such a manner as to make it totally believable. You just throw super!Luna at us and expect us to believe.
So unless there is a lot of 'splainin in the next chapter or two (something along the lines of "InsaneTheory.png" perhaps), I will continue to feel the Luna scenes awkward.
The rest of the fic is so amazing it hurts, but I just find Luna's rampant out of charecter (to me) actions jarring in this otherwise brilliantly written fic.
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how'd it work out? FANTASTICALLY! The dragon was a nice swerve, I expected Dash to lead her on a merry chase through her own caves...
And Celestia and Trixie both save the day! Well done!
Rainbow's humiliation conga line continues.
She really needs some friends who aren't emotional wrecks. One level-headed weathermare confidante coulda sorted this mess out, Dashie! Maybe you could get Spitfire as your mentor -- or Celestia, since somepony doesn't appreciate her wisdom, anymore.
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Awww. You're only as good as your villain- I had to have Luna be awful badass to live up to what she'd been doing with the Lulamoons back in the day- and then to get carried away and try to take over everything as Nightmare Moon (which is canon), and then try to take a piece of her world back while not literally turning MUAHAHAHA nightmare moon again.
It would've been easier if she was just a straight-up monster villain like the canon Nightmare Moon, but in order to motivate her and explain why she'd gone wrong in the first place, I had to give her that 'underworld' and have her love it as much as it loved her, and it made her about as far from 'Woona' as I've ever seen her go. She bears no resemblance to the S1 Luna or Nightmare Moon other than magical power, and is closer to the Luna Eclipsed Luna, if that arrogant but more relatable pony had the power she appears to have (thunder, lightning, bat-winged henchmen). And rather than hate Celestia, she's trying to protect her- but she is arrogant and makes up her own mind about things and has that impulsive streak where she makes harsh decisions and then tries to stick to them.
I'm keepin' her- sorry if you don't like her, you win some you lose some
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May the script be with you. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
]1124095
No, Greasemonkey is a Firefox add-on. Unless of course I am wrong. catquotes.com/bonkers.jpg
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>The lesson there is not that Twilight is weak- no, no! It's very pony of her to fail in that specific way- I thought it endearing, I'd like Twi less if she'd been able to remain unmoved.
I guess the problem for me is that it never seems like Luna has to work for it. Twi simply gets brushed aside because she cares about her friends, and the casual way it happens does make it seem like a weakness.
It would be different if there was an active element to her going down. If the mage battle was placing the others at risk, and Twilight chose to back off, for example.
I think that would give us the endearing you were after, since Twi would choose not to harm her friends as opposed to failing them because she cares.
This chapter was phenomenal. Only issue, the thing with the dragon seems kinda superfluous right now unless that gun(his ultimatum) goes off next chapter. There was already plenty of tension with Trixie slowly giving in, and the rescue party in danger of self destructing. So the ticking clock, sudden mortal danger bit felt off, to me at least. I think the dragon works well as an unbiased third party to give RD her reveal, but I just didn't like the sudden death threat.
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Just found out, it should work with Chrome just fine.
This chapter is, IMO, the best thing that you have written to date. Bravo, sir. An outstanding job. :)
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She's a real dragon, and they went into her lair when she was pregnant- it was mighty charitable of her to not just flame everything and be done with it. I'm sure she IS putting up screens. Stupid little ponies, running around everywhere making gardens and stealing dragon eggs... if there's a take-away from that, it's that dragons and ponies really don't coexist, and that the dragons have some legitimate beef with ponies and indeed Celestia herself. How does it make sense that hatching a dragon egg and keeping the dragon is a mage test?
And it wasn't ever about them missing her deadline, it was just all part of how everything started happening so fast... when they're woken up, they all have some stuff to cope with. Twilight and Dashie in particular are going to be flipping out until they realise everypony is OK...
...
It's fascinating how many ponies object to the idea that Twi did not destroy Luna herself, and that she showed weakness by losing to Luna. The point of the book has never been 'make yourself strong and invincible'. The point of the book has been how folks interdepend on each other, and how mistrust and conflict can screw that up for everybody. In that light, Trixie turning to Celestia for help- and Celestia responding with total trust and loyalty and siding against her own sister to aid the one she disliked and mistrusted (and Celestia has been consciously working to accept and forgive Trixie!) is just plain more important than Twi getting to be Super Saiyan.
Twi isn't the cause of the personality conflict there anyhow, she's the unhappy victim of Celestia and Trixie not loving each other. It's she who has been rescued from a terrible fate- she doesn't have to lose her mentor OR her lover, and she'll be proud and happy.
Chalk me up as one more person who didn't expect this particular Chekhov's Gun to go off - Hell, I almost thought it wasn't even loaded and looked down the damned barrel! I'd just figured it was a plot element to get Celly all ticked off and get Luna involved.
As for the dragon... why do I have the sneaking suspicion that there's gonna be a Book Three that ends up involving her, or at least the dragons in general, more in detail?
THANK PRINCESS CELESTIA AND DISCORD!!!!!!!!! I loved this chapter, not only for its conclusion, but for the mental aspects of it as well. The depth of mentality put into the characters was simply stunning, and no overt grammatical errors were found.
By overt, I mean ones where I would stop and say to myself "That's misspelled, oh he really meant that..." etc. I was totally convinced that once Twilight and the others found Trixie, she would have deluded herself into an emotionally numb state, where she would know she loved Twilight, but wouldn't actually feel it. Your way is better.
... so AJ is the only one who got her memories edited? she´s not gonna remember Trixie or their journey now? well that sucks
I'm honestly baffled at the number of people who're irked over Twilight's 'defeat'. It's written right there, as she's preparing to kill/destroy/whatever Luna, that she is making herself into (or trying to make herself into) '..something without a heart to break or a shred of mercy to distract her from her task. ' As Jinxie said, the way she fell was decidedly 'pony', and the notions that would have fueled her to destory Luna were very much UNpony, IMHO.
Let's also remember that Luna is pony too; ultra-powerful, extra-big, and very-experienced, but still. She is not Discord, and she is not truly Nightmare Moon. In short, she is not 'the big bad'. She is a 'good' (in that she has good intentions, her morals might be a little messed up after 1000 years) pony too, one who has made one hell of a mistake because she felt it was 'right', in her own way, and who has attempted to conceal it from her sister in a misguided attempt to protect her. To say it's 'un-FIM-like' because the villain is not crushed by the power of friendship is silly, to me, because there's no 'true' villain. Discord and Nightmare Moon undoubtedly had evil intentions, but Luna DOES NOT.
I'm a little worn out, so, for this chapter, all I can say is...wow. That last scene made me feel warmer and happier than I could have imagined. Thank you so much, Applejinx.
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>It's fascinating how many ponies object to the idea that Twi did not destroy Luna herself,
It's not that she lost. It's that she went down so easily, and her compassion was a weakness.
Full of shock and awe.
Dashie and the dragoness...
'Don't kill me...fuck me!"
And its nice that she set Dashie straight about her pregnancy.
And the fight with Luna, although short, was powerful. Great move on Trixie, teleporting Celestia, again.
That was extremely disappointing. I wanted to see Twilight demonstrate preternatural power and annihilate Luna.
Unholy fuck, that was an incredible chapter. Dash, you horny, horny little Pegasus. That has got to be one of my favorite parts of the entire story. AND she's pregnant! I laughed when Trixie teleported Celestia to the cave, so, so hard I laughed.
The "Deus ex Machina" that was used and abused here it really was... um... let's say tacky. But, woo, boy, how much have your writing skills have improved since the very first chapter of the first book? A lot. I really need to congratulate you for this story has been... well, a great thriller. And that is just so far!
So: Congratulations. You've made my week.
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This really isn't a, "Deus Ex Machina," kind of moment; considering that Trixie has teleported Celestia to her location before, it is very well explained, outside of an act of god.