I look forward to finding out whether Twilight's new attitude is genuine rebellion against her teacher's strictures, another effect of her mind being influenced by the bit... or some combination of the two, its magic drawing out something she wouldn't normally be able to say.
twenty-three seconds from the time Trixie hit the bed. Holy FUCK Twilight! girl got skillz!
Appreciate that you followed my suggestion a bit (whether it was intentional or not I don't know but thanks). Yet another fine, dramatic edition to the story!
I didn't expect Celestia to have a previous relationship with Trixie and it's got my curiosity piqued. Might be interesting to come back to later on!
I think everyone except Pinkie has a problem at the moment and even she might get hurt if Fluttershy's comforting gets a little too "comfortable".
I could go on about the emotional minefield I think I've uncovered but I'll just write down my predictions and see if I got them right later
580040 Back in 'Trixie', Celestia was seen watching Dash and AJ, and thinking 'maybe they would be able to solve the problem with the thing'. Now we know more about what she meant...
I've edited "Avalanche" and "Applesauce" in small but important ways- more on that in this blog post. Quick summary: Applejack has some reason to believe Dash was ALWAYS playing with Big Macintosh- not just the once, but before that, too. It is a conclusion she's jumped to knowing that Dash also sees Pinkie and doesn't practice monogamy- and because (a change in Avalanche) Dash said it was the 'least she could do, right?' about having sex with Big Mac. Applejack is wrong- it was indeed just the one time- but it's that which really crushed her, and that which she can't forgive.
Whew... I gotta say that this chapter has left me drained! It was perhaps the most emotionally intense chapter yet. Can we get to some comforting soon, before you inevitably throw us for another ride again?
I enjoyed the little contrast with the previous chapters - whether intentional or not - in how you used a different 'device' to move the plot forward. While up until now it was mostly the actions of ponies that caused the events to happen, in this chapter it was dialog, the conversation of Twilight and Celestia that drove the story.
I'm also glad to see the topic of the deaths come up again, I wanted to get some closure on that. You may or may not remember, but I wrote a comment about this on a chapter of Trixie's, questioning why you didn't explore it further in that story, why none of the ponies seemed to give it much thought. I understand that it's not the focus of either story, but it's good to know it's not entirely forgotten.
Whoa. This was complex and multilayered and ever so disturbing. It was less final than two more statues in the Maze Garden, but I am left with the feeling that a line has been drawn that both Twi and Trixie should be careful of. I find I am shocked at the savaging of what I had not realized - until now - was inside me a sacred sort of relationship between Celestia and Twilight. To see that torn hit me, and I find that interesting.
Your stories are challenging. They challenge and confront things in me, and while I may come out of a chapter bloodied, I do not feel bowed. I favor your writing for that fierceness. Reading your work is for me like exploring some alien realm filled with thought and interaction strange yet not beyond my ken - just beyond my limits, and beyond the way in which my own mind works. How you do what you do is magic to me, because it defies my understanding.
Your writing hurts, but it also expands. I guess that is why I keep coming back for more.
Nothing's final this early in the book. My whole concept of how the ending unfolds has been shifting and changing. There's a concept of 'emotional justice' that romances use which is important here (in admittedly a strange way)- by the same token, what happened between Celestia and Twilight in Lesson Zero isn't really a picture of a grown mare, is it? And it's pretty clear that Celestia doesn't hover over ALL ponies and mother them, but that Twilight's been in a rather unusual position. A lot of folks have taken that as Molestia. I'm not. I'm seeing it as 'apron strings' and new bonds have to be formed, not simply the old ones remade.
I've got a lot of ideas, but by now I'm really looking hard at ways where the ponies will fight back against all the grimness. They mustn't give up. Twilight is damned if she's gonna become a dependent filly again. Dash is struggling to work out where she fits in, Applejack's still pretty crushed- I'm going to get writing, because chapter after chapter, I keep not getting to a place for folks to rest. I guess Twixie's seeing some heartwarming moments in their peculiar way.
ya, I remember that but... I'm not sure why you quoted me for that comment, I don't think I said anything about it
I kinda made that particular connection myself. I like how you took some depth from the prequel and used it as a kind of foreshadowing though, props for that!
590073 You were talking about Trixie's previous relationship with Celestia- and that little aside meant Celestia knew something and wasn't taking any action about it. Since the bit's curse was killing ponies, that's a very damning observation- except that she didn't see that part, because it was indoors. She saw some of the related activities and went 'oh my!' and frowned on how it seemed like Trixie was intentionally getting caught in the compulsion-spell over and over (not classy). Now she's got a lot more to think about, but has essentially agreed to let Twi handle it, believing that Twi would roll over for her as always. It's a very inconvenient time for Twi to try and be independent.
I see. Still a bit of a logic leap. The way you made it sound in "Trixie's" (when I read it) was that she had just recently noticed the bit's activities and was going to do something about it but then noticed it seemed to be having a more positive effect on ponies (relationship aid) so she just resigned to "let the situation play itself out". It took your help just now to make me understand that Trixie's activities had been observed for much longer and that; she had no idea that deaths had occurred despite Trixie getting run out of town and death presumably not being a common occurrence in Equestria due to it's general philosophy. If you haven't already, I would suggest altering the Celestia scene so it hints more clearly about her specifically knowing Trixie had used the device over and over again and possibly a hinting under current that showed her displeasure at such "vulgar" acts.
590235 I'm not sure she is displeased at such vulgar acts. It was Luna who made the remark about 'husbandry? Really?' where Celestia seemed more amused, even charmed by Applejack's and Dash's antics. I think she can tell the difference between pony sex in good spirits and some of the bit-induced creepy gang scenes, and 'read' the latter as ponies being not very poni about their sex.
My gripe is that I'm not sure you adequately displayed her irritation at Trixie or the bit in the previous scene. I don't recall you saying she had any idea Trixie was behind the bit or expressing any contempt/dislike at her. You hinted that there WAS worry about the bit that had been discredited after seeing how much dash and apple loved each other and the joy the bit had given them but not much else that really fit Celestia having a prior relationship of Trixie in the way your comment stated. Edit: "the two scenes seemed unrelated" Ok, not as unrelated as I thought but my original thing was I remember Celestia acting like the bit was a recent thing that she was going to take care of until Applejack and Rainbow dash were seen in love in the woods.
tbh, it's actually a fairly small thing so I'm sorry I made a big deal out of it though that was kinda unintentional. I should also clairify I meant this chapter as "just now" not the comment really. 590235
When this came up the first time, I and I'm sure a few other people suspected it was an oversight or a very questionable Celestia characterization. Glad it's being addressed.
Other thoughts of mine after this chapter: Funny how you said Trixie-canon itself is going through puberty right before going into a little bit of the 'coming of age' cliche... I guess you were foreshadowing this.
Fanfics by their nature extend characters past who they are in strict canon-- a fic where characters faithfully play out situations that are really similar to ones we've all seen them in would be terrible. What you're doing, however, is in a different class of 'extending,' no pun intended.
You'd think (okay, a lot of other people would think) that characters fucking each other like crazy would be one of those things that makes it hard to keep them close to canon, but your Pinkie begs to differ. I could talk forever about how wonderful your Pinkie is, but basically she's a faithful, deep, genuinely funny Pinkie even when she's chin deep in candyvag.
You have not managed the same with Twilight or Rainbow Dash. Those two ponies are as elegantly characterized as ever, but they're too far developed, their situations are too far removed from anything we'd see in the show. No, not that we'd never see them fucking each other with magically-grown dicks in the show; more like we'd never see one of them pushed to this level of emotional complexity in the show. I'm talking rebuilding their lives around lovers, helplessly sobbing over breakups, confronting uncertainty and fear and not finding the inner strength that they need.
Ponies in fanfics can screw 'till the author runs out of synonyms for 'ponypussy,' hell sometimes they fly spaceships into things and eviscerate each other all over the floor, but that doesn't drag them away from strict-canon the same way you have by writing them with such powerful, believable, living spirits.
On that note, though, I'm looking forward to seeing more of your Applejack. If you'll excuse me stating the obvious, you have her down even better than the rest of the m6. I'm sure seeing her 'being pushed' is going to be very interesting.
Once again, I'm completely intimidated by the massive, complex comments others have left. So, all I'll do is offer you more congratulations on another great chapter and my wishes for your continued success.
I know how you feel Dash is Best...I've refrained from commenting to avoid just gushing mindlessly over the wonderousness that is Jinxie's writing >< Oopsie, looks like it happened anyway! :P
It's nice to see more Fluttershy! Her characterization was why I started reading this; I heard Jinx had turned her into something beyond and ...and gosh, that sure was true O.O and yet...she still feels like canon fluttershy...Just a little more expanded.
Jes' know- it does make me happy when y'all squee, whether it is with the rare eloquence of a Chatoyance or just normally. Thank you- and I will sit down right this minute and write some more, still expecting to get another chapter by at latest the end of the week if not sooner.
I got a bit distracted by creating Pony Clop Haiku- technically, it is Sleepless Brony who invented it as a joke, but it had to exist and I've taken on responsibility for maintaining it
I'm sorry, but for the first time, I have to outright disagree with the way you've written a character interaction. Twilight's temper building over time during her conversation with Celestia would have been understandable, but starting with a curt "What?" and spiraling rapidly down from there? Not once during the conversation does Twilight show any sign of respect, reverence, or love for her princess and mentor. During the previous scene, Twilight seemed quite within the norm of worrying over Celestia's visit and making sure not to disappoint her. Are we supposed to believe that one stuttered glance at her new marefriend is enough to make Twilight turn so bitterly against Celestia's judgment and wishes?
Help me out here, AJ. I have a lot of respect for the way you write, and how deeply you craft your characters, but this just feels wrong. Celestia feels wrong, and Twilight being sarcastic and disrespectful to her feels wrong.
Shit got real, yet again.
All I can say, is Oh, Wow! I look forward to the continuation of this story.
I look forward to finding out whether Twilight's new attitude is genuine rebellion against her teacher's strictures, another effect of her mind being influenced by the bit... or some combination of the two, its magic drawing out something she wouldn't normally be able to say.
twenty-three seconds from the time Trixie hit the bed.
Holy FUCK Twilight! girl got skillz!
Appreciate that you followed my suggestion a bit (whether it was intentional or not I don't know but thanks). Yet another fine, dramatic edition to the story!
I didn't expect Celestia to have a previous relationship with Trixie and it's got my curiosity piqued. Might be interesting to come back to later on!
I think everyone except Pinkie has a problem at the moment and even she might get hurt if Fluttershy's comforting gets a little too "comfortable".
I could go on about the emotional minefield I think I've uncovered but I'll just write down my predictions and see if I got them right later
They ain't Celestia's 'little' ponies anymore, and I don't thonk the princess is ready to let them grow up just yet it seems.
580040
Back in 'Trixie', Celestia was seen watching Dash and AJ, and thinking 'maybe they would be able to solve the problem with the thing'.
Now we know more about what she meant...
I've edited "Avalanche" and "Applesauce" in small but important ways- more on that in this blog post. Quick summary: Applejack has some reason to believe Dash was ALWAYS playing with Big Macintosh- not just the once, but before that, too. It is a conclusion she's jumped to knowing that Dash also sees Pinkie and doesn't practice monogamy- and because (a change in Avalanche) Dash said it was the 'least she could do, right?' about having sex with Big Mac. Applejack is wrong- it was indeed just the one time- but it's that which really crushed her, and that which she can't forgive.
Whew... I gotta say that this chapter has left me drained! It was perhaps the most emotionally intense chapter yet. Can we get to some comforting soon, before you inevitably throw us for another ride again?
I enjoyed the little contrast with the previous chapters - whether intentional or not - in how you used a different 'device' to move the plot forward. While up until now it was mostly the actions of ponies that caused the events to happen, in this chapter it was dialog, the conversation of Twilight and Celestia that drove the story.
I'm also glad to see the topic of the deaths come up again, I wanted to get some closure on that. You may or may not remember, but I wrote a comment about this on a chapter of Trixie's, questioning why you didn't explore it further in that story, why none of the ponies seemed to give it much thought. I understand that it's not the focus of either story, but it's good to know it's not entirely forgotten.
579824
That's perfect! i lold hard, but that's the perfect feeling.
Would you accept this comforting from the most unlikely source imaginable... if it made perfect sense in a peculiar way?
Oh wow. That's all kinds of harsh. Welp, Twilight's not going to be much help to Applejack and Rainbow for a while, is she?
Whoa. This was complex and multilayered and ever so disturbing. It was less final than two more statues in the Maze Garden, but I am left with the feeling that a line has been drawn that both Twi and Trixie should be careful of. I find I am shocked at the savaging of what I had not realized - until now - was inside me a sacred sort of relationship between Celestia and Twilight. To see that torn hit me, and I find that interesting.
Your stories are challenging. They challenge and confront things in me, and while I may come out of a chapter bloodied, I do not feel bowed. I favor your writing for that fierceness. Reading your work is for me like exploring some alien realm filled with thought and interaction strange yet not beyond my ken - just beyond my limits, and beyond the way in which my own mind works. How you do what you do is magic to me, because it defies my understanding.
Your writing hurts, but it also expands. I guess that is why I keep coming back for more.
Thank you, may I have another?
Goddess. What you do, Applejinx. What you do.
Nothing's final this early in the book. My whole concept of how the ending unfolds has been shifting and changing. There's a concept of 'emotional justice' that romances use which is important here (in admittedly a strange way)- by the same token, what happened between Celestia and Twilight in Lesson Zero isn't really a picture of a grown mare, is it? And it's pretty clear that Celestia doesn't hover over ALL ponies and mother them, but that Twilight's been in a rather unusual position. A lot of folks have taken that as Molestia. I'm not. I'm seeing it as 'apron strings' and new bonds have to be formed, not simply the old ones remade.
I've got a lot of ideas, but by now I'm really looking hard at ways where the ponies will fight back against all the grimness. They mustn't give up. Twilight is damned if she's gonna become a dependent filly again. Dash is struggling to work out where she fits in, Applejack's still pretty crushed- I'm going to get writing, because chapter after chapter, I keep not getting to a place for folks to rest. I guess Twixie's seeing some heartwarming moments in their peculiar way.
580675
ya, I remember that but... I'm not sure why you quoted me for that comment, I don't think I said anything about it
I kinda made that particular connection myself. I like how you took some depth from the prequel and used it as a kind of foreshadowing though, props for that!
590073
You were talking about Trixie's previous relationship with Celestia- and that little aside meant Celestia knew something and wasn't taking any action about it. Since the bit's curse was killing ponies, that's a very damning observation- except that she didn't see that part, because it was indoors. She saw some of the related activities and went 'oh my!' and frowned on how it seemed like Trixie was intentionally getting caught in the compulsion-spell over and over (not classy). Now she's got a lot more to think about, but has essentially agreed to let Twi handle it, believing that Twi would roll over for her as always. It's a very inconvenient time for Twi to try and be independent.
590093
I see. Still a bit of a logic leap. The way you made it sound in "Trixie's" (when I read it) was that she had just recently noticed the bit's activities and was going to do something about it but then noticed it seemed to be having a more positive effect on ponies (relationship aid) so she just resigned to "let the situation play itself out". It took your help just now to make me understand that Trixie's activities had been observed for much longer and that; she had no idea that deaths had occurred despite Trixie getting run out of town and death presumably not being a common occurrence in Equestria due to it's general philosophy. If you haven't already, I would suggest altering the Celestia scene so it hints more clearly about her specifically knowing Trixie had used the device over and over again and possibly a hinting under current that showed her displeasure at such "vulgar" acts.
590235
I'm not sure she is displeased at such vulgar acts. It was Luna who made the remark about 'husbandry? Really?' where Celestia seemed more amused, even charmed by Applejack's and Dash's antics. I think she can tell the difference between pony sex in good spirits and some of the bit-induced creepy gang scenes, and 'read' the latter as ponies being not very poni about their sex.
590299
My gripe is that I'm not sure you adequately displayed her irritation at Trixie or the bit in the previous scene. I don't recall you saying she had any idea Trixie was behind the bit or expressing any contempt/dislike at her. You hinted that there WAS worry about the bit that had been discredited after seeing how much dash and apple loved each other and the joy the bit had given them but not much else that really fit Celestia having a prior relationship of Trixie in the way your comment stated.
Edit: "the two scenes seemed unrelated"
Ok, not as unrelated as I thought but my original thing was I remember Celestia acting like the bit was a recent thing that she was going to take care of until Applejack and Rainbow dash were seen in love in the woods.
tbh, it's actually a fairly small thing so I'm sorry I made a big deal out of it though that was kinda unintentional. I should also clairify I meant this chapter as "just now" not the comment really. 590235
When this came up the first time, I and I'm sure a few other people suspected it was an oversight or a very questionable Celestia characterization. Glad it's being addressed.
Other thoughts of mine after this chapter: Funny how you said Trixie-canon itself is going through puberty right before going into a little bit of the 'coming of age' cliche... I guess you were foreshadowing this.
Fanfics by their nature extend characters past who they are in strict canon-- a fic where characters faithfully play out situations that are really similar to ones we've all seen them in would be terrible. What you're doing, however, is in a different class of 'extending,' no pun intended.
You'd think (okay, a lot of other people would think) that characters fucking each other like crazy would be one of those things that makes it hard to keep them close to canon, but your Pinkie begs to differ. I could talk forever about how wonderful your Pinkie is, but basically she's a faithful, deep, genuinely funny Pinkie even when she's chin deep in candyvag.
You have not managed the same with Twilight or Rainbow Dash. Those two ponies are as elegantly characterized as ever, but they're too far developed, their situations are too far removed from anything we'd see in the show. No, not that we'd never see them fucking each other with magically-grown dicks in the show; more like we'd never see one of them pushed to this level of emotional complexity in the show. I'm talking rebuilding their lives around lovers, helplessly sobbing over breakups, confronting uncertainty and fear and not finding the inner strength that they need.
Ponies in fanfics can screw 'till the author runs out of synonyms for 'ponypussy,' hell sometimes they fly spaceships into things and eviscerate each other all over the floor, but that doesn't drag them away from strict-canon the same way you have by writing them with such powerful, believable, living spirits.
On that note, though, I'm looking forward to seeing more of your Applejack. If you'll excuse me stating the obvious, you have her down even better than the rest of the m6. I'm sure seeing her 'being pushed' is going to be very interesting.
Once again, I'm completely intimidated by the massive, complex comments others have left. So, all I'll do is offer you more congratulations on another great chapter and my wishes for your continued success.
Keep on rockin'!
I know how you feel Dash is Best...I've refrained from commenting to avoid just gushing mindlessly over the wonderousness that is Jinxie's writing >< Oopsie, looks like it happened anyway! :P
It's nice to see more Fluttershy! Her characterization was why I started reading this; I heard Jinx had turned her into something beyond and ...and gosh, that sure was true O.O and yet...she still feels like canon fluttershy...Just a little more expanded.
Jes' know- it does make me happy when y'all squee, whether it is with the rare eloquence of a Chatoyance or just normally. Thank you- and I will sit down right this minute and write some more, still expecting to get another chapter by at latest the end of the week if not sooner.
I got a bit distracted by creating Pony Clop Haiku- technically, it is Sleepless Brony who invented it as a joke, but it had to exist and I've taken on responsibility for maintaining it
I'm sorry, but for the first time, I have to outright disagree with the way you've written a character interaction. Twilight's temper building over time during her conversation with Celestia would have been understandable, but starting with a curt "What?" and spiraling rapidly down from there? Not once during the conversation does Twilight show any sign of respect, reverence, or love for her princess and mentor. During the previous scene, Twilight seemed quite within the norm of worrying over Celestia's visit and making sure not to disappoint her. Are we supposed to believe that one stuttered glance at her new marefriend is enough to make Twilight turn so bitterly against Celestia's judgment and wishes?
Help me out here, AJ. I have a lot of respect for the way you write, and how deeply you craft your characters, but this just feels wrong. Celestia feels wrong, and Twilight being sarcastic and disrespectful to her feels wrong.
That... Didn't go over so smoothly. Or did I misinterpret the Princess' departing words?
[reads it again]
Still lost. So Celestia glad/proud that Twi told her off politely?
Wow, things did not go well in the slightest for Twi. Events are not going well. Hopefully things will straighten themselves out soon.