This was chilling, terrifying, thrilling, and... oh Goddess, but Dash is like some alcoholic scraping bottom. Dash... augh, but you DO torture your characters so!
One thing bothered me, writing wise, and it was this paragraph:
Celestia sighed again. "Is it not the same as of old, that they want their freedom and independence? I promised Twilight I would allow them that. I must, must, must work harder on being tolerant when they exercise it in unseemly ways. Sister, please! Don't ask me more questions now. Silly Twilight interrupted important royal business! It will have to be our secret that such business hardly involves raising the Sun- but for all that, this business still cannot wait!"
In the darkened section, the narrative voice seems to have slipped into Trixie for a moment. Or possibly a diamond dog, though more likely Trixie. The sentence doesn't sound like the rest of Celestia's mannerisms to me. I thought to mention it, maybe I'm wrong... but it just seemed out of place.
785706 Hm- Princess Celestia can't have a tone of gentle self-mockery? If I think of something else that's clearly better I'll use it. I'm still debating 'gentleponely' for 'gentlemanly' in a Rarity line earlier. I could see Celestia saying something other than 'silly Twilight' so long as it remains 'apparently reproving, but since she's talking about having a pee it's a joke on herself being too serious'. I just didn't come up with anything better than 'silly Twilight' to telegraph that.
Reading this is like reading a Robin Hobbs book, you both just heap the torture on your characters and we keep asking for more. Though to be honest, the books don't ever really seem to have any sort of happy ending at all. Yet you keep telling us its going to work out in the end and I am definitely waiting on that. Really like these stories, just pointing out the similarity in how the characters are being treated, you've already got my thumbs.
(for any interested the Robin Hobbs series I am referring to are: Soldier's son trilogy, Farseer trilogy, and the Tawny Man trilogy.)
789767 I do. But I have to contend with the readers who believe Rainbow is the worst! thing! ever! in this story- not just with you, a reader who's using Rainbow's element of harmony as an avatar. Naturally her choices feel justified to YOU but there's some ponies who've been wanting to have her head for all this stuff in this and the previous book.
I want THEM to be deeply moved by her happy ending, too- not just you. So she's really got to work for it and it's not going to be easy.
But since when did she fail anypony when it REALLY got tough?
790122 I didn't really get the Dash hate from Bit, and I certainly can't imagine anyone thinking she deserves this grade of emotional torture.
Also, I feel for Trixie, her lack of understanding Twilight's relationship with her mentor makes me wonder about her childhood. (Although I am beginning ((since Pardon)) to wonder about said relationship)
Rainbow seems to have strayed from her element quite a bit (pardon the unintentional yet oddly fitting pun) more than I had realized in hind sight. Seems like this would be a good time to go back and reread the story so I can get all the fanon straight and possibly fill some blanks.
I'd also noticed that this is the second time you've had Luna do an ominous foreshadowing where you make it seem like she's about to go in and "take care of things" but last time I saw almost nothing actually set in motion by her. I don't know if this was just some poor story planning or if I just derped and forgot something but it doesn't work well when you set something up just to ignore and then set it up (admittedly a little different) again.
792266 Eh? The first "dun dun DUNNN" was Luna realizing she was involved. She hadn't decided anything. It's rather a difficult situation and there is nothing good for her to do... which is NOT to say she will do nothing
792542 I'll probably be able to give detailed examples why once I got back and re-read the previous chapters but I thought for sure Luna was going to get involved right then, right now she just seems to be observing and making mental threats to no one in particular that she's going to do something. I'm thinking she's going to do something soon but I'm still trying to work out how as well as catch up on several other stories which I missed while I was away all week.
Oh dear... I suspect Luna's about to stick her big blue bottom right where it least needs to be right now....
Best result? Trixie learns a measure of respect for the royalty, or at least Luna, and behaves like a good little pony.
Worst result? Trixie and Luna back on the moon, while Celestia tries to soothe a traumatized Twilight.
Most likely result? Somehow, I think it'll be on the "worst result" side of things for a little while. ^^() I do hope that Trixie doesn't get broken up with Twi because of this, though; they may both be broken, but they're a compatible sort of broken. Kinda like finding out that you can put the two busted mirrors together into one, very carefully, with a soldering iron. I'm just afraid that Luna's bypassing the soldering iron and going for a flamethrower.....
Twi sad because Trixie force-teleported Celestia to them... Although admittedly Celestia's wording back at the castle had me laughing. In case someone didn't get it, Celestia got teleported from the bathroom and was about to pee on Twi's floor cuz of it. Nice touch. Wonder what Luna is thinking...
Aw, poor Dashie. It's painful to see her like that. Take care of your wings again Dash, you'll find that one true love. And poor Twi, getting reamed by Celestia like that. I can't wait to see what Luna is planning.
Celestia almost piddled on Trixie.
Aight.785530
My reaction to this entire god-damn-motherfucking story:
rustledmyjimmies.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/ONLY-THE-DEAD-CAN-KNOW-PEACE-FROM-THIS-RUSTLING.jpg
Just my own opinion, bruh.
785608
Again, I promise a happy pony ending.
We ain't exactly at the ending. I have not yet BEGUN to rustle
785629
I'm still incoherently pissed, though.
idjsug523ht89g7t4eqgpiqepryhwtehg245rwePO(%) jhrkgnls bw.
This was chilling, terrifying, thrilling, and... oh Goddess, but Dash is like some alcoholic scraping bottom. Dash... augh, but you DO torture your characters so!
One thing bothered me, writing wise, and it was this paragraph:
Celestia sighed again. "Is it not the same as of old, that they want their freedom and independence? I promised Twilight I would allow them that. I must, must, must work harder on being tolerant when they exercise it in unseemly ways. Sister, please! Don't ask me more questions now. Silly Twilight interrupted important royal business! It will have to be our secret that such business hardly involves raising the Sun- but for all that, this business still cannot wait!"
In the darkened section, the narrative voice seems to have slipped into Trixie for a moment. Or possibly a diamond dog, though more likely Trixie. The sentence doesn't sound like the rest of Celestia's mannerisms to me. I thought to mention it, maybe I'm wrong... but it just seemed out of place.
Ok, this is all becoming a mess...
MOAR!
785706
Hm- Princess Celestia can't have a tone of gentle self-mockery? If I think of something else that's clearly better I'll use it. I'm still debating 'gentleponely' for 'gentlemanly' in a Rarity line earlier. I could see Celestia saying something other than 'silly Twilight' so long as it remains 'apparently reproving, but since she's talking about having a pee it's a joke on herself being too serious'. I just didn't come up with anything better than 'silly Twilight' to telegraph that.
785641
Make smaller pictures, Dancing Dead- 'still no' combined with a huge-ass picture isn't going to work here.
786842
renewedfitness.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Make-it-Work.png
Reading this is like reading a Robin Hobbs book, you both just heap the torture on your characters and we keep asking for more. Though to be honest, the books don't ever really seem to have any sort of happy ending at all. Yet you keep telling us its going to work out in the end and I am definitely waiting on that. Really like these stories, just pointing out the similarity in how the characters are being treated, you've already got my thumbs.
(for any interested the Robin Hobbs series I am referring to are: Soldier's son trilogy, Farseer trilogy, and the Tawny Man trilogy.)
789767
I do. But I have to contend with the readers who believe Rainbow is the worst! thing! ever! in this story- not just with you, a reader who's using Rainbow's element of harmony as an avatar. Naturally her choices feel justified to YOU but there's some ponies who've been wanting to have her head for all this stuff in this and the previous book.
I want THEM to be deeply moved by her happy ending, too- not just you. So she's really got to work for it and it's not going to be easy.
But since when did she fail anypony when it REALLY got tough?
That clinches it. The "mage-meld=ultimate unicorn intimacy" deal has finally swung the meter all the way over to "erotic setting."
Your Dash is as pitch-perfect as always. Haters can go rut themselves. I am deeply in love with your Rainbow Dash.
I still don't get your Fluttershy. I'm sure it's total coincidence that I don't "get" canon Fluttershy either, of course.
790122
I didn't really get the Dash hate from Bit, and I certainly can't imagine anyone thinking she deserves this grade of emotional torture.
Also, I feel for Trixie, her lack of understanding Twilight's relationship with her mentor makes me wonder about her childhood. (Although I am beginning ((since Pardon)) to wonder about said relationship)
I officially hate you. Rainbow Dash shouldn't be made that unhappy. That is just. HORRIBLE. Something good better happen to Rainbow soon.
Rainbow seems to have strayed from her element quite a bit (pardon the unintentional yet oddly fitting pun) more than I had realized in hind sight. Seems like this would be a good time to go back and reread the story so I can get all the fanon straight and possibly fill some blanks.
I'd also noticed that this is the second time you've had Luna do an ominous foreshadowing where you make it seem like she's about to go in and "take care of things" but last time I saw almost nothing actually set in motion by her. I don't know if this was just some poor story planning or if I just derped and forgot something but it doesn't work well when you set something up just to ignore and then set it up (admittedly a little different) again.
792266
Eh? The first "dun dun DUNNN" was Luna realizing she was involved. She hadn't decided anything. It's rather a difficult situation and there is nothing good for her to do... which is NOT to say she will do nothing
792542
I'll probably be able to give detailed examples why once I got back and re-read the previous chapters but I thought for sure Luna was going to get involved right then, right now she just seems to be observing and making mental threats to no one in particular that she's going to do something. I'm thinking she's going to do something soon but I'm still trying to work out how as well as catch up on several other stories which I missed while I was away all week.
Oh dear... I suspect Luna's about to stick her big blue bottom right where it least needs to be right now....
Best result? Trixie learns a measure of respect for the royalty, or at least Luna, and behaves like a good little pony.
Worst result? Trixie and Luna back on the moon, while Celestia tries to soothe a traumatized Twilight.
Most likely result? Somehow, I think it'll be on the "worst result" side of things for a little while. ^^() I do hope that Trixie doesn't get broken up with Twi because of this, though; they may both be broken, but they're a compatible sort of broken. Kinda like finding out that you can put the two busted mirrors together into one, very carefully, with a soldering iron. I'm just afraid that Luna's bypassing the soldering iron and going for a flamethrower.....
Oh Dashie... is it wrong that all I want to do is hug her and tell her everything will be okay?
As for Twilight, Trixie and Celestia... Twi's been having fantasies about her mentor, methinks.
To Luna's involvement, such as it is... time to take the foal gloves off.
Kid gloves are made out of kids.
So... Foal gloves, eh?
Also this is the... Third clean chapter? Not complaining.
790449
Deserve it? Hardly. I just hope she learns something from it. You know what they say: "It's always darkest before the dawn".
Oh snaps.
Twi sad because Trixie force-teleported Celestia to them... Although admittedly Celestia's wording back at the castle had me laughing.
In case someone didn't get it, Celestia got teleported from the bathroom and was about to pee on Twi's floor cuz of it.
Nice touch. Wonder what Luna is thinking...
Aw, poor Dashie. It's painful to see her like that. Take care of your wings again Dash, you'll find that one true love. And poor Twi, getting reamed by Celestia like that. I can't wait to see what Luna is planning.