487830 Well, you didn't have to wait long... I reckon the characters are going to start sendin' up signal flares and begging for rescue pretty soon, though!
490152 Nope, Ch.1 is like a prelude and Ch.2 starts off with the recapping. There's many different folks to recap- soon you'll get some recapping of where Twilight and Trixie are at. And I've never run ANY 'Trixie' by /fic/ because I can't: ponychan /fic/ won't take it and on my thread on FIMchan /fic/ _I_ am asked to crit stuff, ain't like folks talk to me much about Trixieverse in that particular way.
If I hear stuff that's important I go in and fix it, like fixing all the habitual punctuation derps for Kurbz. It all ends up more polished in th' long run. But I can't start with Appledash homelife when Rarity's the title character- and I had to bookend chapter 2 with Appledash because it sets up the wing stuff that's explained in th' middle, and then it ends with ouch and the happy times have to be real fresh if you're gonna feel what it feels like for them.
I'll try to moderate the Ouch. As best I can. I am afraid that AJ and Dash are going to be really, really, really proud and stubborn, though on opposite extremes of the 'run wild' spectrum... no points for guessing who runs most amok
490197 Ah, me being too lazy and indirect for my own again. "The other /fic/" is FIMchan.
The problem is one of gentleness. I'm sure I've seen you mention a couple of times that a writer can't just drop violence in the readers' lap without building up to it. Well, that goes for sex, too - I know I'm lecturing the master here.
Trixie's "Best Ride" warms the readers up fast, but effectively. Rarity's isn't as effective, even though the warm up is a lot longer.
See, in the first one, you ask the reader to join AJ as she walks in on Fluttershy getting very laid, inspiring emotions of "d'awww," "you go, girl!" and "With RD? Awww, yeah!" If they're deeply offended by futa, you lose, but those readers are a lost cause anyway.
In the second, you ask the reader, quite likely a sleeper member of SPSAI (the Society for the Protection of Stallions' Anal Integrity), to identify with Rarity's anticipation at breaking Mac in. I assume that particular act is not the main point of this story. (If so, you're gonna hafta start rounding up more stallions, no?)
Instead, if you open on--
>Rainbow Dash glowed with that wonderful energy of post-fucking. I- I shouldn't even have to tell you that's a hell of a hook line.
--sorry, we we're talking about Rarity and Mac. Well, if you follow Dash until she encounters suicidal Mac and then switch over to Rarity, the effect is completely different. Suddenly, we don't have to identify with Rarity's anticipation. We know she will fail, and we are free to see her as a protagonist making a tragic mistake or as a villain with good intentions, whichever we choose.
As written the text squicks out the SPSAI majority. I don't think it has to. Yes, you lose the shock value of Mac's note. But even that isn't a complete loss: For those who side with Mac, it's a Moment of Awesome. For those who pick Rarity, it's still an effective transition back to Rainbow and Mac.
Oh... Pony. You know how to rip my heart out, dont'cha? Dash and Applejack are my favorites in your stories, and you've gone and blown it all up. I feel like Charlton Heston screaming at the melted remains of the Statue Of Liberty right now. "You've gone and blown it all to heeeellllll!!!"
Interesting take on pegasus ovulation, I have to say.
Arggh. We're in for a grievous and traumatic ride, aren't we? Well, if it has to hurt, at least it's you doing it. I wouldn't trust my emotions to a lesser writer, thank everything you're immeasurably good.
Oh, and the way Big Mac went on, that bothered me a bit, which I found unusual. Huh. I started to not like Big Mac there; it made it more difficult for me to accept Dash consoling him, as it were. Probably just my issues - I am severely creeped out by the bigoted.
So after a small breather we go on to chapter two! Yay! ... Or maybe... no. No yay. Oh my gosh, what have you done?!
The beginning was so heartwarming! Seeing that small glimpse of the home life of AJ and Dash was seriously dawww worthy. Of course you had to upend it by the chapter's end! Anyway, it makes me wonder how much time has passed since the end of T'sMB. You give small clues - like how AJ now always goes without hair-ties around Dash - that suggest that there has been some progression. Maybe a few weeks, or a month or two, between the final confrontations in T'sMB and the giving of the new bits, and then Rarity's nigth with Macintosh. I'm pretty sure those weren't on the same day.
I liked the part where we finally learned the real importance of wings. This little tidbit of information gives an interesting insight into pegasus culture. Until now I thought that being such a free spirit came all from Rainbow's personality, but this suggests that the pegasi as a race have a unique view on intimacy, even if not all of them are as - forgive the word - rampant as Dash. Also now that we know about the special erogenous zones of unicorns and pegasi (horns and wings respectively), it makes me wonder if the earth ponies would have something similar to that...
Moving on, Big Mac's little 'episode' on the cliff caught me a bit off guard. Suicide is a serious subject, and it felt like it came out of nowhere. I knew of course, that the events of chapter one would have consequences, but I wouldn't have thought he'd go that far. I guess it was all just a bit sudden for me, so I'll chalk it up to overreaction on Mac's part for now. I'm sure we'll see more about what goes on in his head, I expect him not to be cured of all his woes so easily.
I didn't like Big Mac on the cliff either... you'll notice Rainbow Dash is on the 'side of good' there and that's no accident. There's a lot more to her that is moral, besides just wanting to bodysex everything. You'll notice that Big Mac did NOT actually do anything, but when confronted, he was self-pitying and maybe just crying out for help- he's kind of a big baby, see 'The Last Roundup', and he might not be incredibly bright (Jay Naylor's astonishing take on him aside! real OC, that) and he's soaked up attitudes unquestioningly. He could use some growing up. There's all sorts of 'this cannot stand!' starting off this book, if anyone thought it was a two-chapter short story I would spit my bit in horror...
Regarding not starting off with NICE clop- this book is slightly different from 'Trixie'. Trixie was clop first. Rarity is 'clash of worldviews' first, it's about how everypony is reasonable to themselves- but when you combine them, sometimes relationships are a lot of work, or even fundamentally incompatible. To some extent EVERY relationship is fundamentally incompatible and it's just a matter of how much and what you can tolerate.
Yes, some ponies are more thoughtful and some more instinctual and some do fine until... I wrote a little couplet that was originally going to lead off th' whole thing.
It’s not that you aren’t fabulous It’s not that you aren’t a star It’s not that you’re too beautiful It’s that you’ve GONE TOO FAR...
The big question for all of 'em in their own ways is, 'how far is too far?' What is too far? Why does one go too far? Rarity was tryin' to lock down Big Mac by over-performing for him and amazing him more and more. Dashie was unthinkingly imposing her pegasus values on earth ponies and trying to establish permissions where she knew they couldn't be, and had what she thought were logical reasons in the moment, and her own boundaries. Big Macintosh was torn up, all the values he'd never questioned in tatters- his self had been judo-flipped out from under him. Applejack was betrayed by the one fundamental expectation she was SURE would never be shaken, and that expectation did NOT just involve Rainbow Dash, either- if you think Dash is the one she's angriest at, think again.
I'm juggling events for at least four chapters- don't think I can do a chapter a day but I'm going to try to get off to a quick start so y'all can at least see ponies being ponies and trying to help. I think the fella who said 'ew, it's so drama' over Trixie ought to run away fast as he kin... a few lil' snowballing events have led to some BIG hard to fix drama, which will not go unaddressed.
I'm so intimidated . Everyone has these lengthy, well-thought out comments and I just want to tell you that I think you're doing an amazing job... ... Well, I said it.
Whoa-ho-ho! Heavy characterization and personal growth? In a clopfic?
Jackpot.
Now, as a personal rule, I don't Favorite clopfics (sorry!), but consider this followed. Followed like you're everypony in the Mane 6 who isn't a Paranoid Pinkie.
497136 Feel free to tell folks about this if you can come up with appropriate ways to do so. Ain't like this is the first book I've written (have you read Trixie's Magic Bit? This is a sequel) so you know I'm going to be able to finish it and do it up properly.
Guess I'd better get movin' on chapter three- though you will NOT be getting 4-7K word chapters daily. I don't think anypony expects that...
I wonder if Rainbow Dash remembers the fact that Applejack was playing with her wings and made her quite horny (which is why she was contemplating having sex with someone on the weather team in the first place). Oh well, if that is the way Rainbow Dash gets pregnant, at least her child with be as close to one of Applejack's offspring as genetically possible (although magic would probably allow Rainbow Dash or Applejack to get pregnant on their own).
She did say wing play 'while' having bodysex. Don't get ahead of yourself, there's plenty else to worry about even if you take Dash's word for it. Who's gonna know about this if not a pegasus? They probably even consider the wing-player the father, at heart.
Although Dash ending up pregnant from her coupling was just a thought that occurred while reading, a rather interesting thought when you think about it.
First of all, I congratulate you on the great story so far and admire your skill in somehow fitting so many incredibly well written sex/tease scenes in with a heart wrenching plot and still somehow providing a smooth and fairly natural insight into the culture of the Pegasus race. That takes an amazing amount of talent.
Second, while I personally think there would be enough "problems" for already, the fact that had been fucking her and had obviously been "using" s wings at the same time, might actually have a very real threat of having ovulated then and had already had her eggs dispensed and ready in her womb when she was plowed by . Unless Pegasi can UN-ovulate after cooling down a bit then she could very well be looking at pregnancy which probably wouldn't be taken to kindly from and would probably throw into a panic. Then again, even unprotected sex has a 2% chance of failure to impregnate (if i remember correctly)
I had a third thing I wanted to say but I forgot...
Yeah, the whole fertility window thing occurred to me today. For most mammals, ova have a life expectancy of about a day, and spermatozoa, up to a week. I think we can safely say Dashie won't be getting any wing-action for longer than that, so it's a question of what happened that morning.
Then again, real biology + Applejinx fic = not necessarily true. See: Pinkie's tongue.
So, fun observations.
Cats and birds are the most famous induced ovulators. Relatives of weasels, rabbits, and camels are too. Domestic chickens are an exception. According to one abstract, doves require close companions, but not necessarily male.
Just a guess from what we've seen so far in this fic: Earth mares follow a regular cycle, pegasus mares require physical stimulation, and unicorn mares, emotional one.
That's really quite clever. How long was it planned? "Wings weren't touching, didn't count" was mentioned all the way back in "Best Ride."
Fluttershy's body language in "Party Soft" is now 20% more d'aww-inducing.
Oh, and while it's not an idea one can own, I can think of an author who did a little world-building bit with griffon egg-laying and related behaviors. I might just have to swipe this idea back.
I'll try to distract you with more chapters when I can (I am putting out another youtube song- more woodentoaster coverin'- vocals today, I'm terrified)
But can you keep a lid on this speculation? If Dashie hears it- and she's already gutted and probably will be acting out in a big way- and if it's true that she would consider Applejack the 'father' for doing the important part...
*GULP*
TOOOO much grimdark. Dashie is vulnerable, please do not suggest this idea to her. For Pete's sake!
Me: What? I saw this possibly going *much* nastier, uglier, darker places than it just did!
Inner Pinkie:
Me: I know, I know. But this is Applejinx. I'm sure everything will work out for the better in the end... but yeah, I was also thinking "you mean like Applejack performed on you before you came out here?" when she talked about how it took a *lot* of Wingplay for a pegasus to ovulate. But hey! At least Big Mac isn't going about, forcing himself on any vaguely interested mare in an effort to prove his heterosexuality!
Inner Pinkie: :pinkieha-
Me: Yet.
Inner Pinkie:
So, we'll have to see what happens! Though in this case... oh, Rainbow, you *really* should have broken the news more gently to Applejack.
I've edited 'Avalanche' a lil' due to reader reaction- didn't take much because certain things like Dash wrestling Big Macintosh back 'without difficulty' were already supported. He's more 'leave me alone' (to sulk and feel ruined) than 'let me leave' (life), now. This isn't a huge change regarding what else happened, but it was important- Dash is no less appalled by the situation, but it needed to be more obvious that Mac was acting out- people had a hard time buying that he wanted to destroy himself over the breaking of his self-image, because he really doesn't- he's just angry and betrayed and pissed off at the world and very, very frightened. Hope the revision (sometimes just a word or two like 'without difficulty' or 'leaving, maybe' instead of 'leaving') is okay with everypony, because it needed to be done.
Oh, Dash. You didn't even consider sending Big Mac back to Rarity since it's been established that SHE would want him again after his (ahem) "deflowering"?
Well, shit has positively hit the fan. Wow, I can't believe I accidentally skipped over THIS chapter. I can see how AJ would be mad, but she should really consider the fact that DASH JUST STOPPED YOUR BRO FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE!!! Also, she should have realized that it's the way Dash is. Fucking things left and right, just for the pleasure. She does AJ for the intimacy and the love.
We ovulate—that’s make eggs for little colts and fillies—from wingplay. LOTS of wingplay. Like, leave-you-a-puddle wingplay. I’m talking wingplay while you’re fuckin’ each others brains out, okay?
She isn't very bright, is she? I mean, even guppy have at least 3 month memory span and Dash only need to recall last few days. -_-
I guess Dash flies so fast she leaves her brain behind? (more seriously, it's a matter of making mental categories that other people don't consider, and keeping them very rigidly. Which comes back into the story in both bad and good ways, right up to the end. So Dash dismissing this might not be clever, but it's very much in character and speaks to how she sees things, including some important things.)
487830
Well, you didn't have to wait long...
I reckon the characters are going to start sendin' up signal flares and begging for rescue pretty soon, though!
Ouch.
I'm going to be saying that a lot, aren't I?
Also, that first scene in Ch 2? Yeah. I think it probably belongs as the first scene of Ch 1. Didn't you run this by the other /fic/?
490152
Nope, Ch.1 is like a prelude and Ch.2 starts off with the recapping. There's many different folks to recap- soon you'll get some recapping of where Twilight and Trixie are at. And I've never run ANY 'Trixie' by /fic/ because I can't: ponychan /fic/ won't take it and on my thread on FIMchan /fic/ _I_ am asked to crit stuff, ain't like folks talk to me much about Trixieverse in that particular way.
If I hear stuff that's important I go in and fix it, like fixing all the habitual punctuation derps for Kurbz. It all ends up more polished in th' long run. But I can't start with Appledash homelife when Rarity's the title character- and I had to bookend chapter 2 with Appledash because it sets up the wing stuff that's explained in th' middle, and then it ends with ouch and the happy times have to be real fresh if you're gonna feel what it feels like for them.
I'll try to moderate the Ouch. As best I can. I am afraid that AJ and Dash are going to be really, really, really proud and stubborn, though on opposite extremes of the 'run wild' spectrum... no points for guessing who runs most amok
490197
Ah, me being too lazy and indirect for my own again. "The other /fic/" is FIMchan.
The problem is one of gentleness. I'm sure I've seen you mention a couple of times that a writer can't just drop violence in the readers' lap without building up to it. Well, that goes for sex, too - I know I'm lecturing the master here.
Trixie's "Best Ride" warms the readers up fast, but effectively.
Rarity's isn't as effective, even though the warm up is a lot longer.
See, in the first one, you ask the reader to join AJ as she walks in on Fluttershy getting very laid, inspiring emotions of "d'awww," "you go, girl!" and "With RD? Awww, yeah!" If they're deeply offended by futa, you lose, but those readers are a lost cause anyway.
In the second, you ask the reader, quite likely a sleeper member of SPSAI (the Society for the Protection of Stallions' Anal Integrity), to identify with Rarity's anticipation at breaking Mac in. I assume that particular act is not the main point of this story. (If so, you're gonna hafta start rounding up more stallions, no?)
Instead, if you open on--
>Rainbow Dash glowed with that wonderful energy of post-fucking.
I- I shouldn't even have to tell you that's a hell of a hook line.
--sorry, we we're talking about Rarity and Mac. Well, if you follow Dash until she encounters suicidal Mac and then switch over to Rarity, the effect is completely different. Suddenly, we don't have to identify with Rarity's anticipation. We know she will fail, and we are free to see her as a protagonist making a tragic mistake or as a villain with good intentions, whichever we choose.
As written the text squicks out the SPSAI majority. I don't think it has to. Yes, you lose the shock value of Mac's note. But even that isn't a complete loss: For those who side with Mac, it's a Moment of Awesome. For those who pick Rarity, it's still an effective transition back to Rainbow and Mac.
Oh... Pony. You know how to rip my heart out, dont'cha? Dash and Applejack are my favorites in your stories, and you've gone and blown it all up. I feel like Charlton Heston screaming at the melted remains of the Statue Of Liberty right now. "You've gone and blown it all to heeeellllll!!!"
Interesting take on pegasus ovulation, I have to say.
Arggh. We're in for a grievous and traumatic ride, aren't we? Well, if it has to hurt, at least it's you doing it. I wouldn't trust my emotions to a lesser writer, thank everything you're immeasurably good.
Oh, and the way Big Mac went on, that bothered me a bit, which I found unusual. Huh. I started to not like Big Mac there; it made it more difficult for me to accept Dash consoling him, as it were. Probably just my issues - I am severely creeped out by the bigoted.
Why can't I give this story more thumbs and stars?!? It's friggin' amazing! Twistin' plots and plots a'twistin', just the way I like it!
So after a small breather we go on to chapter two! Yay! ... Or maybe... no. No yay. Oh my gosh, what have you done?!
The beginning was so heartwarming! Seeing that small glimpse of the home life of AJ and Dash was seriously dawww worthy. Of course you had to upend it by the chapter's end! Anyway, it makes me wonder how much time has passed since the end of T'sMB. You give small clues - like how AJ now always goes without hair-ties around Dash - that suggest that there has been some progression. Maybe a few weeks, or a month or two, between the final confrontations in T'sMB and the giving of the new bits, and then Rarity's nigth with Macintosh. I'm pretty sure those weren't on the same day.
I liked the part where we finally learned the real importance of wings. This little tidbit of information gives an interesting insight into pegasus culture. Until now I thought that being such a free spirit came all from Rainbow's personality, but this suggests that the pegasi as a race have a unique view on intimacy, even if not all of them are as - forgive the word - rampant as Dash. Also now that we know about the special erogenous zones of unicorns and pegasi (horns and wings respectively), it makes me wonder if the earth ponies would have something similar to that...
Moving on, Big Mac's little 'episode' on the cliff caught me a bit off guard. Suicide is a serious subject, and it felt like it came out of nowhere. I knew of course, that the events of chapter one would have consequences, but I wouldn't have thought he'd go that far. I guess it was all just a bit sudden for me, so I'll chalk it up to overreaction on Mac's part for now. I'm sure we'll see more about what goes on in his head, I expect him not to be cured of all his woes so easily.
And poor, poor AJ. My heart goes out to her.
Hahahahahaha!
In all my babbling after last chamber, I failed to comprehend the sheer depths of simple-mindedness you'd inflict on Mac. Bravo.
I didn't like Big Mac on the cliff either... you'll notice Rainbow Dash is on the 'side of good' there and that's no accident. There's a lot more to her that is moral, besides just wanting to bodysex everything. You'll notice that Big Mac did NOT actually do anything, but when confronted, he was self-pitying and maybe just crying out for help- he's kind of a big baby, see 'The Last Roundup', and he might not be incredibly bright (Jay Naylor's astonishing take on him aside! real OC, that) and he's soaked up attitudes unquestioningly. He could use some growing up. There's all sorts of 'this cannot stand!' starting off this book, if anyone thought it was a two-chapter short story I would spit my bit in horror...
Regarding not starting off with NICE clop- this book is slightly different from 'Trixie'. Trixie was clop first. Rarity is 'clash of worldviews' first, it's about how everypony is reasonable to themselves- but when you combine them, sometimes relationships are a lot of work, or even fundamentally incompatible. To some extent EVERY relationship is fundamentally incompatible and it's just a matter of how much and what you can tolerate.
Yes, some ponies are more thoughtful and some more instinctual and some do fine until... I wrote a little couplet that was originally going to lead off th' whole thing.
It’s not that you aren’t fabulous
It’s not that you aren’t a star
It’s not that you’re too beautiful
It’s that you’ve GONE TOO FAR...
The big question for all of 'em in their own ways is, 'how far is too far?' What is too far? Why does one go too far? Rarity was tryin' to lock down Big Mac by over-performing for him and amazing him more and more. Dashie was unthinkingly imposing her pegasus values on earth ponies and trying to establish permissions where she knew they couldn't be, and had what she thought were logical reasons in the moment, and her own boundaries. Big Macintosh was torn up, all the values he'd never questioned in tatters- his self had been judo-flipped out from under him. Applejack was betrayed by the one fundamental expectation she was SURE would never be shaken, and that expectation did NOT just involve Rainbow Dash, either- if you think Dash is the one she's angriest at, think again.
I'm juggling events for at least four chapters- don't think I can do a chapter a day but I'm going to try to get off to a quick start so y'all can at least see ponies being ponies and trying to help. I think the fella who said 'ew, it's so drama' over Trixie ought to run away fast as he kin... a few lil' snowballing events have led to some BIG hard to fix drama, which will not go unaddressed.
I'm so intimidated . Everyone has these lengthy, well-thought out comments and I just want to tell you that I think you're doing an amazing job...
...
Well, I said it.
Can't wait for more, Applejinx!
Whoa-ho-ho! Heavy characterization and personal growth? In a clopfic?
Jackpot.
Now, as a personal rule, I don't Favorite clopfics (sorry!), but consider this followed. Followed like you're everypony in the Mane 6 who isn't a Paranoid Pinkie.
497136
Feel free to tell folks about this if you can come up with appropriate ways to do so. Ain't like this is the first book I've written (have you read Trixie's Magic Bit? This is a sequel) so you know I'm going to be able to finish it and do it up properly.
Guess I'd better get movin' on chapter three- though you will NOT be getting 4-7K word chapters daily. I don't think anypony expects that...
I wonder if Rainbow Dash remembers the fact that Applejack was playing with her wings and made her quite horny (which is why she was contemplating having sex with someone on the weather team in the first place). Oh well, if that is the way Rainbow Dash gets pregnant, at least her child with be as close to one of Applejack's offspring as genetically possible (although magic would probably allow Rainbow Dash or Applejack to get pregnant on their own).
-W
497551
She did say wing play 'while' having bodysex. Don't get ahead of yourself, there's plenty else to worry about even if you take Dash's word for it. Who's gonna know about this if not a pegasus? They probably even consider the wing-player the father, at heart.
497888
I bow to your authorship of the story.
Although Dash ending up pregnant from her coupling was just a thought that occurred while reading, a rather interesting thought when you think about it.
-W
First of all, I congratulate you on the great story so far and admire your skill in somehow fitting so many incredibly well written sex/tease scenes in with a heart wrenching plot and still somehow providing a smooth and fairly natural insight into the culture of the Pegasus race. That takes an amazing amount of talent.
Second, while I personally think there would be enough "problems" for already, the fact that had been fucking her and had obviously been "using" s wings at the same time, might actually have a very real threat of having ovulated then and had already had her eggs dispensed and ready in her womb when she was plowed by . Unless Pegasi can UN-ovulate after cooling down a bit then she could very well be looking at pregnancy which probably wouldn't be taken to kindly from and would probably throw into a panic. Then again, even unprotected sex has a 2% chance of failure to impregnate (if i remember correctly)
I had a third thing I wanted to say but I forgot...
Yeah, the whole fertility window thing occurred to me today. For most mammals, ova have a life expectancy of about a day, and spermatozoa, up to a week. I think we can safely say Dashie won't be getting any wing-action for longer than that, so it's a question of what happened that morning.
Then again, real biology + Applejinx fic = not necessarily true. See: Pinkie's tongue.
So, fun observations.
Cats and birds are the most famous induced ovulators. Relatives of weasels, rabbits, and camels are too. Domestic chickens are an exception. According to one abstract, doves require close companions, but not necessarily male.
Just a guess from what we've seen so far in this fic:
Earth mares follow a regular cycle,
pegasus mares require physical stimulation, and
unicorn mares, emotional one.
That's really quite clever. How long was it planned? "Wings weren't touching, didn't count" was mentioned all the way back in "Best Ride."
Fluttershy's body language in "Party Soft" is now 20% more d'aww-inducing.
Oh, and while it's not an idea one can own, I can think of an author who did a little world-building bit with griffon egg-laying and related behaviors. I might just have to swipe this idea back.
Ye gods, y'all.
I'll try to distract you with more chapters when I can (I am putting out another youtube song- more woodentoaster coverin'- vocals today, I'm terrified)
But can you keep a lid on this speculation? If Dashie hears it- and she's already gutted and probably will be acting out in a big way- and if it's true that she would consider Applejack the 'father' for doing the important part...
*GULP*
TOOOO much grimdark. Dashie is vulnerable, please do not suggest this idea to her. For Pete's sake!
502215 *GASP!* What have I done?!
And with AJ being considered the father... oh god that would really cause emotions to explode!
@dash: "Oh, hey! uh... nice weather we're having, did you do that?
Me: Phew! That's a relief.
Inner Pinkie:
Me: What? I saw this possibly going *much* nastier, uglier, darker places than it just did!
Inner Pinkie:
Me: I know, I know. But this is Applejinx. I'm sure everything will work out for the better in the end... but yeah, I was also thinking "you mean like Applejack performed on you before you came out here?" when she talked about how it took a *lot* of Wingplay for a pegasus to ovulate. But hey! At least Big Mac isn't going about, forcing himself on any vaguely interested mare in an effort to prove his heterosexuality!
Inner Pinkie: :pinkieha-
Me: Yet.
Inner Pinkie:
So, we'll have to see what happens! Though in this case... oh, Rainbow, you *really* should have broken the news more gently to Applejack.
I've edited 'Avalanche' a lil' due to reader reaction- didn't take much because certain things like Dash wrestling Big Macintosh back 'without difficulty' were already supported. He's more 'leave me alone' (to sulk and feel ruined) than 'let me leave' (life), now. This isn't a huge change regarding what else happened, but it was important- Dash is no less appalled by the situation, but it needed to be more obvious that Mac was acting out- people had a hard time buying that he wanted to destroy himself over the breaking of his self-image, because he really doesn't- he's just angry and betrayed and pissed off at the world and very, very frightened.
Hope the revision (sometimes just a word or two like 'without difficulty' or 'leaving, maybe' instead of 'leaving') is okay with everypony, because it needed to be done.
Oh, Dash. You didn't even consider sending Big Mac back to Rarity since it's been established that SHE would want him again after his (ahem) "deflowering"?
Oh noes again!!!!!
BigMac is fixed, but now AJ is mad at RD again...
OH SNAP
Well, shit has positively hit the fan. Wow, I can't believe I accidentally skipped over THIS chapter. I can see how AJ would be mad, but she should really consider the fact that DASH JUST STOPPED YOUR BRO FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE!!! Also, she should have realized that it's the way Dash is. Fucking things left and right, just for the pleasure. She does AJ for the intimacy and the love.
ahhhhhhhh my heart!
She isn't very bright, is she? I mean, even guppy have at least 3 month memory span and Dash only need to recall last few days. -_-
10256670
Shh, don't tell her
I guess Dash flies so fast she leaves her brain behind? (more seriously, it's a matter of making mental categories that other people don't consider, and keeping them very rigidly. Which comes back into the story in both bad and good ways, right up to the end. So Dash dismissing this might not be clever, but it's very much in character and speaks to how she sees things, including some important things.)