712869 I do not think she wanted a Diamond Dog to be her baby-daddy. Dawn breaks on marblehead... and yes, that is just the sort of thing that would cause her to ovulate and then be able to be fertiized. Pegasus culture says he'd then be the daddy (sort of). However, I do not think dogs and ponies are cross-fertile. She emotionally reacted like she was, but that's different. She hasn't said outright they're not. I guess unless somepony asks her in the story I don't have an official answer- and I don't think she's going to admit how far she went with the Dog.
I did not realize that Dog was as nice as he was when he showed up. I do know he's gay (at least with other Dogs) and so Dash wasn't mistaken about that. But I didn't know he was gonna do that. I don't think we'll be seeing him again, but *brohoof* for trying to care for Dash at rock bottom. Sometimes you're shown the light in the strangest of places.
This chapter felt a little different, particularly the beginning. It seemed like it was written in a more jovial, lighter style than the rest of the piece. Not a huge amount, but enough to be noticeable.
AJ's mindset is interesting. She seems aware that her relationship with Rarity isn't normal and in control of her state of mind regarding her new femininity, or at least aware of the ways she is changing. What leads her to risk her own well being for sexual thrills, whats driving her back to Rarity so firmly?
Finally somebody gives her the advice she's needed to hear from the beginning! Was definitely the strangest place to get it, but at least now the healing can begin.
Because she and Dash are trying to bury just how crushed they are by splitting up. Dash is getting self-destructive sex to do so, and AJ went to the only other pony that could really understand her as a mare AND as the rough and tumble pony she presents herself as at the same time.
714488 Actually, that's kind of the problem- though Applejack is not exactly embracing her old-school AJ stalliony side (in fact, her bit is now not only stolen but GONE) there's no indication whatsoever that Rarity appreciates it. It's quite a bit like the flip side of TwiJack in the previous book, except that Twilight was lost in a fantasy world, and Rarity's incredibly self-aware at all times. She assumes Applejack is equally self-aware and meant all she said about turning over a new leaf and being all mare, and is trying to go along with that to the best of her ability.
Fashion pony is cunning, and rainbow pony is in a bad way. Darn it, Dash, Ponyville has a ton of kindhearted ponies you could hit up, if you wanna hide from your feelings in somepony else's nethers. But then you'd have to explain yourself, and I guess that's what you can't bear to do...
I felt the most curious tenderness towards that nameless Diamond Dog. That was ever so well done.
Rarity is such a complex character in your story. She is wanton, yet finicky, torn constantly betwixt conflicting drives, yet attentive and dedicated always. Outrageous, yet also sweet. I am left with equally conflicting emotions about her.
These personalities, you craft, never fail to impress.
AGHHH WHY RAINBOW WHY! The Rarity part was awesome, just the right amount of femininity. The Diamond Dog part was also really well written, staying perfectly within the realms of how they would act but, AGH RAINBOW DASH TALK TO APPLEJACK!
@ rainbow dash pregnancy: I highly doubt they are able to cross breed (to many genetic differences) but to be honest, I think the dog just let himself cool down to where he could pull out and never actually came in her.
Ya, that diamond dog seems to be more "rough around the edges" than mean. He seems to be one of those kind souls who just lived a rough life and learned to be rough as a result.
Actually, rarity isn't as much complex as everyone thinks in my opinion. Canon Rarity just likes the finer and fancier things in life and wants everypony else to enjoy them too as is her generous nature. She's not greedy really, she just knows what she wants and isn't afraid to pursue it unless it ends up hurting others in some way. There are a few side quirks as well like her aversion to dirt and such but the main thing here is that in this story she views things as "pleasure is pleasure so long as it outweighs the pain" and tends to project that philosophy on others due to her liking it and mistakenly assuming everyone else likes it too even if they don't know it (like big mac who was traumatized by it and applejack who sort of embraced it but wasn't really ready for it yet).
I have to agree with you there, Jinx is one hell of a character builder!
---
Now that I think about it, anyone figure out why the bit fizzled? My current theory is that dash just wanted to take and the bit wasn't having any of it. Maybe greed is the requirement thing? *delete off the wall idea*
Actually this makes more sense. The bits are trying desperately to promote the emotion that they were created with. Bit v1 was something along the lines of "cold lust" or spiteful/hateful lovemaking but it was directed at Trixie (possibly due to her self loathing at the time) so when love for Trixie was brought into the mix it destroyed the bit. Bit v2 was also a type of hatred but was undirected, so any love caused it to fizzle. Bit v3 was a combination that could exist with love and made with feelings of selfless giving (of satisfaction) so when dash was using it for selfish taking (of satisfaction), it destroyed the bit. I'm thinking that the bits are either tolerant or indifferent towards other emotions besides the one's they are promoting and the ones that destroy them. This also makes more sense now that we know that it is being drawn from the same power source (Lulamoon bloodline magic) which seems to stem from, or at least be tainted by, misguided and corrupt love given the patterns I'm noticing and the fact that love didn't work for Trixie's original attempts (but then maybe her testers and her didn't share love so that's why it didn't work).
720179 I also hope you feel warm and full of joy when their pony natures triumph over all this terrible bad luck and misunderstanding
But it's always darkest before the dawn, and as we've already seen, the truth can come via strange strange avenues. And some of these ponies, when they think they know what the right thing is, they're really determined and stubborn...
It was kind of a warm fuzzy feeling from it being a diamond dog (who I imagined as Rover), or even ANYONE, that finally got through to RD, even if only somewhat. Particularly given the diamond dog's own emotional response.
I also got the impression Rainbow doesn't so much think she is right (rather the opposite, she just doesn't know what else to do), but she doesn't completely understand what it was she did that was so wrong.
Cute Dog character you've made here. Your comment about him being nicer than you intended is interesting, though. If I hadn't read down, I'd have assumed you actually intended to write Dog culture as not being so bad after all. I could make an argument for them being sort of nice, like this guy-- they're seen in the one episode and then never again, so they're probably crazy isolationists who don't like other races.
Also, I'm so incredibly happy with how you're writing the RariJack relationship. I'm not really sure how well you're communicating AJ's desire to be girly, though her reaction to her new pajamas was nice. Mostly I love Rarity's character. Her loving nature, the "queen of pony kinky" aspect, her canon showy refinement. She feels real. She feels wonderful.
Once in a while, usually on the second read-through, I notice things that an overzealous /fic/ reviewer would point out as a "show vs tell" violation. I can't decide whether to agree that telling should be improved, or tell that little voice to fuck off because sometimes telling is a way to get worldbuilding or internal monologue across.
You are making me hate you in the best ways possible. Just when I was feeling relieved by seeing that Applejack and Rarity wouldn't last, you go an do... that to Rainbow.
No one has ever made me feel this bitter or angry over how thoroughly they break a character. You'd best have a damn good resolution planned for that poor mare.
I was dumbstruck that RD went to the Diamond Dogs for that. But now I'm puzzled. With the bit bursting into sparks, Dash may have stumbled onto the bot's bailout condition--which I can't put into words cuz it makes little sense to me. But, I do know why she was crying from him biting her wing.
I don't even have fucking words.
My brain hurts.
...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png
That Dog's probably the smartest one here, right now.
Poor Rainbow. Though at least she just grudge-fucked him, she didn't go and do what I thought she was going to do.
*locks up the box with the mental image of Rainbow, bit in mouth, leading a rampage of Diamond Dogs in to gangbang Rarity and AJ*
Uh, if he bit the wing, wouldn't that mean she could get pregnant? Like it said in the second chapter?
712869
I do not think she wanted a Diamond Dog to be her baby-daddy. Dawn breaks on marblehead... and yes, that is just the sort of thing that would cause her to ovulate and then be able to be fertiized. Pegasus culture says he'd then be the daddy (sort of). However, I do not think dogs and ponies are cross-fertile. She emotionally reacted like she was, but that's different. She hasn't said outright they're not. I guess unless somepony asks her in the story I don't have an official answer- and I don't think she's going to admit how far she went with the Dog.
I did not realize that Dog was as nice as he was when he showed up. I do know he's gay (at least with other Dogs) and so Dash wasn't mistaken about that. But I didn't know he was gonna do that. I don't think we'll be seeing him again, but *brohoof* for trying to care for Dash at rock bottom. Sometimes you're shown the light in the strangest of places.
712940Aight.
This chapter felt a little different, particularly the beginning. It seemed like it was written in a more jovial, lighter style than the rest of the piece. Not a huge amount, but enough to be noticeable.
AJ's mindset is interesting. She seems aware that her relationship with Rarity isn't normal and in control of her state of mind regarding her new femininity, or at least aware of the ways she is changing. What leads her to risk her own well being for sexual thrills, whats driving her back to Rarity so firmly?
Finally somebody gives her the advice she's needed to hear from the beginning! Was definitely the strangest place to get it, but at least now the healing can begin.
When the local equivalent of Orcs are the sanest and most compassionate around, you know things are fucked up.
713112
Because she and Dash are trying to bury just how crushed they are by splitting up. Dash is getting self-destructive sex to do so, and AJ went to the only other pony that could really understand her as a mare AND as the rough and tumble pony she presents herself as at the same time.
Geez... I want to hug everyone involved even more now... even the Diamond Dog. Talk about a good dog!
Poor, poor Rainbow Dash - I want to give you such a big hug right now.
I hope things start turning around for you soon; goodness knows you deserve your happy ending as much as everypony else.
714488
Actually, that's kind of the problem- though Applejack is not exactly embracing her old-school AJ stalliony side (in fact, her bit is now not only stolen but GONE) there's no indication whatsoever that Rarity appreciates it. It's quite a bit like the flip side of TwiJack in the previous book, except that Twilight was lost in a fantasy world, and Rarity's incredibly self-aware at all times. She assumes Applejack is equally self-aware and meant all she said about turning over a new leaf and being all mare, and is trying to go along with that to the best of her ability.
Whoa...
Fashion pony is cunning, and rainbow pony is in a bad way. Darn it, Dash, Ponyville has a ton of kindhearted ponies you could hit up, if you wanna hide from your feelings in somepony else's nethers. But then you'd have to explain yourself, and I guess that's what you can't bear to do...
I felt the most curious tenderness towards that nameless Diamond Dog. That was ever so well done.
Rarity is such a complex character in your story. She is wanton, yet finicky, torn constantly betwixt conflicting drives, yet attentive and dedicated always. Outrageous, yet also sweet. I am left with equally conflicting emotions about her.
These personalities, you craft, never fail to impress.
AGHHH WHY RAINBOW WHY! The Rarity part was awesome, just the right amount of femininity. The Diamond Dog part was also really well written, staying perfectly within the realms of how they would act but, AGH RAINBOW DASH TALK TO APPLEJACK!
@ rainbow dash pregnancy: I highly doubt they are able to cross breed (to many genetic differences) but to be honest, I think the dog just let himself cool down to where he could pull out and never actually came in her.
714898
Three answers:
Ya, that diamond dog seems to be more "rough around the edges" than mean. He seems to be one of those kind souls who just lived a rough life and learned to be rough as a result.
Actually, rarity isn't as much complex as everyone thinks in my opinion. Canon Rarity just likes the finer and fancier things in life and wants everypony else to enjoy them too as is her generous nature. She's not greedy really, she just knows what she wants and isn't afraid to pursue it unless it ends up hurting others in some way. There are a few side quirks as well like her aversion to dirt and such but the main thing here is that in this story she views things as "pleasure is pleasure so long as it outweighs the pain" and tends to project that philosophy on others due to her liking it and mistakenly assuming everyone else likes it too even if they don't know it (like big mac who was traumatized by it and applejack who sort of embraced it but wasn't really ready for it yet).
I have to agree with you there, Jinx is one hell of a character builder!
---
Now that I think about it, anyone figure out why the bit fizzled? My current theory is that dash just wanted to take and the bit wasn't having any of it. Maybe greed is the requirement thing? *delete off the wall idea*
Actually this makes more sense. The bits are trying desperately to promote the emotion that they were created with. Bit v1 was something along the lines of "cold lust" or spiteful/hateful lovemaking but it was directed at Trixie (possibly due to her self loathing at the time) so when love for Trixie was brought into the mix it destroyed the bit. Bit v2 was also a type of hatred but was undirected, so any love caused it to fizzle. Bit v3 was a combination that could exist with love and made with feelings of selfless giving (of satisfaction) so when dash was using it for selfish taking (of satisfaction), it destroyed the bit. I'm thinking that the bits are either tolerant or indifferent towards other emotions besides the one's they are promoting and the ones that destroy them. This also makes more sense now that we know that it is being drawn from the same power source (Lulamoon bloodline magic) which seems to stem from, or at least be tainted by, misguided and corrupt love given the patterns I'm noticing and the fact that love didn't work for Trixie's original attempts (but then maybe her testers and her didn't share love so that's why it didn't work).
-Starfield, Magical science theorist
Such a nice doggy! Who's a nice boy? Who is? You are! Yes you are!
This is the third pony fic I have read that has gotten me to cry. Well done.
720179
I also hope you feel warm and full of joy when their pony natures triumph over all this terrible bad luck and misunderstanding
But it's always darkest before the dawn, and as we've already seen, the truth can come via strange strange avenues. And some of these ponies, when they think they know what the right thing is, they're really determined and stubborn...
720213
It was kind of a warm fuzzy feeling from it being a diamond dog (who I imagined as Rover), or even ANYONE, that finally got through to RD, even if only somewhat. Particularly given the diamond dog's own emotional response.
I also got the impression Rainbow doesn't so much think she is right (rather the opposite, she just doesn't know what else to do), but she doesn't completely understand what it was she did that was so wrong.
Fuck.. I read all the chapters in one sitting..
Why did you captivate me, you bastard!
Cute Dog character you've made here. Your comment about him being nicer than you intended is interesting, though. If I hadn't read down, I'd have assumed you actually intended to write Dog culture as not being so bad after all. I could make an argument for them being sort of nice, like this guy-- they're seen in the one episode and then never again, so they're probably crazy isolationists who don't like other races.
Also, I'm so incredibly happy with how you're writing the RariJack relationship. I'm not really sure how well you're communicating AJ's desire to be girly, though her reaction to her new pajamas was nice. Mostly I love Rarity's character. Her loving nature, the "queen of pony kinky" aspect, her canon showy refinement.
She feels real. She feels wonderful.
Once in a while, usually on the second read-through, I notice things that an overzealous /fic/ reviewer would point out as a "show vs tell" violation. I can't decide whether to agree that telling should be improved, or tell that little voice to fuck off because sometimes telling is a way to get worldbuilding or internal monologue across.
You are making me hate you in the best ways possible. Just when I was feeling relieved by seeing that Applejack and Rarity wouldn't last, you go an do... that to Rainbow.
No one has ever made me feel this bitter or angry over how thoroughly they break a character. You'd best have a damn good resolution planned for that poor mare.
I was dumbstruck that RD went to the Diamond Dogs for that. But now I'm puzzled. With the bit bursting into sparks, Dash may have stumbled onto the bot's bailout condition--which I can't put into words cuz it makes little sense to me. But, I do know why she was crying from him biting her wing.
Blind lust looks like the bailout. I love that Diamond Dog. He was awesome! And Rarity, SPRAINING a pussy!
2489986 I think she was carrying because didn't she say that she gave her wings to applejack?