Return of the Mac
The river babbled peacefully, and the songbirds sang sweetly in the trees. The smell of the approaching autumn tinged the air with a pleasant pine scent carried on the lovely breeze courtesy of the Ponyville weather management team.
Mac took in every facet of his favorite spot every time he visited. This ritual was vital to maintaining his sanity after a long day of farm work. Sure, there were spots on the farm he enjoyed. In fact, he loved the farm.
However, sometimes he needed a break from his family. He loved them more than anything, but even the strongest ponies need time to themselves. It was during this most sacred of times that an unfamiliar sound floated through his ears on the afternoon breeze. Mac opened his eyes, carefully tuning his ears as he rested on his haunches on the grassy riverbank. It only took him a moment to recognize the disturbance in his garden of eden.
Somepony's cryin'
Mac rose from his haunches. Such a disturbance simply would not do! Not here!
But, along with restoring the balance to his sanctuary, he found himself motivated by more charitable notions. If there was ever a poor soul in need, Mac was known to lend a hoof.
He searched for the direction of the tears, and began a walk upriver. The clarity grew with every step, and soon he was able to recognize the sobs. As he crested the hill, none other than Ponyville's resident reptilian sat beneath the shade of a weeping willow, his knees clutched to his chest. Mac smiled at the coincidence.
As quick as it had come, the smile was gone. It was clear Spike was hurting, but the reason remained to be discovered.
Mac stepped forward until he cast a shadow over him. Spike looked at the ground in front of him before quickly turning his head.
"Oh! Big Mac, hey. I-I wasn't crying or anything, I was just cooking dinner for Twilight, and some onion juice squirted right in my eye. Can you believe that?"
Spike had only glanced at him momentarily, but a second was all he needed to notice the puffiness of Spike's eyes. Couple that with the widely circulated knowledge that Princess Twilight is not a fan of onions, and the truth was obvious.
"Onions, huh," Mac replied in a tone suggesting he believed him. "Yeah, they can tear ya up pretty well. Mind if Ah join ya?"
"Nah, go ahead," Spike replied, sliding over in the shade as Mac planted his haunches on the ground, his back against the tree.
"So, cuttin' onions, were ya?" Mac asked after a moment or two of stoic silence. He was certain this was the most he'd ever said to Spike in one sitting.
The young dragon's eyes had mostly dried up, but the pain was difficult to mask from a keen observer like Macintosh Apple. All the time he spent not talking, he spent listening, and watching, taking in all that was around him.
"Y-yeah."
Mac knew it was nonsense, but he didn't want to call him on it. He was here to help, not mock. "So what brings ya out here? Seems ta me like we're a might far away from your kitchen."
Spike sighed. "Yeah..." Mac caught the dragon glance at him, and turn back to the water. "Big Mac, you ever just have a realization one day that makes you question everything you've done up until that point?"
That was a bit more direct than Mac was expecting, but at least he dropped the onion bit. "Well... Ah can't say that Ah have..." He had an inkling to where Spike was headed, but decided to stick close to his friend, silence. It had served him well for twenty-six years, surely it wouldn't betray him now.
"I just... I wasted so much time that I'll never get back acting like an idiot," Spike answered.
Mac owed silence a beer.
"How d'ya mean?"
Spike stretched his legs from his chest, putting his claws flat on the ground beside him. "I don't want to mention any names..." As though he had to. "But I kept hanging on to this stupid idea that something I wanted more than anything would happen just because I didn't want to imagine a scenario where that thing I wanted didn't happen."
A touch cloudy, but Mac didn't need a clear sky to see the sun. "Ah see." Mac contemplated his reply. He'd been in this delicate situation before with Applejack. She was around Spike's age, and had a crush on her schoolteacher Mr. Parchment. Unrequited love could be quite painful. "Ah suppose this has to do with some feelin's that ain't been returned?"
Nailed it.
"...Yeah," Spike hesitated.
"Well, I can tell ya, bein' in a hurry ta find somepony ain't how you find somepony."
Spike soured. If there was one thing adolescents hated, it was advice contrary to their worldview. Mac could tell this wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear.
"Look, Ah know it don't make a lot of sense, but you're young. Ya got hundreds of years ta find somepony. Or, some-dragon."
"Easy for you to say," Spike mumbled.
Mac knew what he was referring to. It was no secret that most, if not all the mares in town ogled him at every opportunity. In fact, he knew even Rarity had looked him over on more than one occasion. Mac decided to cut to the chase.
"So, did this realization have anything to do with a mare who likes ta design dresses?"
Spike remained silent for a moment.
"It's just not fair!" he finally admitted. "I'm always there for her, I always try to cheer her up when she gets into one of her moods, I'm always helping her when she needs it, and what happens? She fawns over the next guy to roll into town from Manehattan and I'm forgotten about until he leaves."
Mac nodded. Beneath his yoke, he kept many things. Among them, an implement of a decidedly rural habit. He produced a wet leaf of tobacco and tore it in half, placing one half in his mouth. The idea was to ball it up and hold it in ones mouth for a spell, till the flavor was gone. It also had the mild benefit of producing a bit of a head rush to the inexperienced. Macintosh, however, used it for its calming properties. Whenever a problem on the farm presented itself, Mac and his leaf were not far off.
"So you're movin' on, Ah take it?" Mac asked, a bulge in between his cheek and gums.
"I guess..." Spike sighed. "I just... don't know where to go from here. I knew Rarity almost as well as I know Twilight. If I wanted to get to know somepony else on the same level, I'd have to start all over!"
"That's about th' size of it," Mac replied.
"But, it took me years! You mean I'd have to do that every time?"
Mac couldn't help but smile. Spike was mature in some aspects, but certainly naive in others. "Ya do. That's called buildin' a relationship. Takes time. Takes work."
Spike groaned, rubbing his eyes with his claws. "How can you just... drop somepony you spent years chasing?"
"Spike, let me spin ya a yarn. When I was just a young colt, I got a girlfriend. I was about a few years older than you. I went off one summer to stay with my cousin Braeburn and his family ta help them replant some of the trees they'd lost durin' them dust storms a few years back. Anyway, my girlfriend and I had been together for about a year. I loved her, she said she loved me. We'd write letters back and forth to each other, each one talkin' about what we would do together when I came back home, where we'd eat, where we'd swim, all those kinda fun things." Mac paused to take the now flavorless leaf out of his mouth, dropping it in the river, watching sadly as it floated carelessly downstream. "Well, the day came, and I was back in town. I went to see her, and we had our reunion. I thought everything was fine, but as it turns out, she didn't feel the same way. One night after we'd just eaten dinner, I walk her home and I notice she's quietly cryin'. I ask her what was the matter, and she laid it on me." Mac stopped his story to look Spike in the eye. "She told me she just didn't feel the way she used to about me. She didn't love me anymore. The time apart had made her realize that."
"What? After a year, she just decided to... not love you?"
Mac smiled as he looked back to the river. "Well, Ah wouldn't say she decided to stop lovin' me. Sometimes it's just somethin' you realize."
Spike paused to consider his story before asking him to continue. "So what'd you do?"
"Well, that night, I wasn't really sad. Ah was so blindsided by it, that it was almost like it hadn't sunk in yet. What really set me off was the letters she wrote to me while I was away. Readin' through them again, talkin' about all the winters, springs, summers and falls we were gonna spend together, all just seemed like lies. Maybe she meant them when she wrote them, but now they were just a reminder of what I'd lost. For a week or so, I just wasn't myself. Everypony noticed. I take it you have some experience with feelin' this way?"
Spike nodded. "So how'd you get over it?"
"Well, I took my mind off it by doin' what Ah love. Wrappin' myself in my work kept my mind off more tender subjects. Other than that, it just takes time."
"That's it, just work and time?" Spike scoffed.
"That, and, well, takin' an interest in another special somepony. You know the old sayin' the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?"
"Uh... no..."
"Well it means get out there and find yourself another Rarity. One that ain't almost ten years older than you, and one who'll actually give ya an honest chance."
Spike stood up. "Big Mac, I think you're right! I'm a great dragon with a lot to offer any female!"
"Now you're talkin'," Mac replied with a smile.
"Got any tips for attracting the ladies? You seem to do pretty well in that department," Spike asked.
"Ah'll tell ya my secret to gettin' any girl. All ya gotta do, is ignore them. Pay 'em no attention, no never mind, and they'll throw themselves at ya. I got damn near every mare in town eyeballin' me when I'm sellin' apples with my sister, and I ain't never said more than a 'hello' to any of 'em. Just play it cool, act uninterested, and they'll line up."
"Thanks Big Mac! This is probably the most I've ever heard you talk," Spike said.
"Well, Ah've been known ta lend advice when it's needed," Mac replied. "Just remember, there's millions of females out there, Rarity ain't the only one on th' planet."
Spike grinned. "You're right Big Mac, I've been all mopey and depressed for no reason. Thanks for hearing me out!"
"No problem, Spike." Mac grinned as he found himself alone by the river bank, the sun beginning to cast orange rays across the ground as it set. His sanctuary restored, another thought crossed his mind. He stood, went to the riverbank and picked a few water lilies. He checked himself in the reflection of the river and straightened his mane a bit, but not too much.
With flowers in-mouth, he strode back into town, a single thought on his mind.
Ah wonder what Ms. Rarity is up to tonight
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He took a little waaaa-aaaalk!
Ran into Rarity
Offered her his... flower!
5030921 i actualy think the implication is more
'big macs gonna have a chat with rarity about playing with somedragons feelings'
That was short and sweet. I loved it! Also, dat ending...
I really liked it and I am a bad person that smells like I rolled around in dog shit.
The only decent pic I could find of just Spike and Mac that isn't blatant shipping (or worse) is this, and the tone is probably too far off from what you're going for..
5031028 This is actually a cropped pic, as Applebloom is cut out from the right side.
5031307
I did, in fact, read the author's note.
Hey Spike I hear that Apple Bloom is single.
That could come back to bite him in the flank I'm just sayin.
5031343 Bite who in the flank?
5031345
5031348 Thank you for answering my question. By the way did you see my first comment on here?
5031354 I did now
5031358 That would be ironic if that happened.
5031364
You read my mind and if Mac got onto Spike.
5031369 This needs to happen.
5031383 Eeyup.
5031328 Oh OK.
Admittedly, it seems good to me until the end...That last little bit just puts me off, and its hard for me to put into words why. It just kinda makes Mac seem sorta, I don't know, douchy? Kinda like a guy who assures a friend a girl isn't into him, then swoops in but not quite as bad. I know it's not the same thing, it's just offputting.
Also, if you're looking for MLP images, check Derpibooru, you can search by name (Just make sure you have Safe as one of the search parameters, or you might end up with the same problem)
10/10 advice would follow absolutely sure it would work and will try and will have great success
kappa
Big Mac...
Dick move buddy... Dick Move...
PORN.
PORN EVERYWHERE
THIS WAS THE BEST I COULD FIND
Hrm...
Mac doesn't seem particularly in-character, though the show is too vague to say for certain.
Spike is mostly in-character, but it's odd that soome guy from manhattan was the last drop considering how he weathered Trenderhoof.
Mac's advice is cookie-cutter and doesn't seem like it'd help much, especially with a teenage mind. Spike's reaction to it seems accurate at first, but then he suddenly flips and the problem evaporates. What.
The parting line is either too dark and out of place, or insufficiently explained.
Overall, fine writing but needs work.
In the boutique she heard a clop clop Clop CLop CLOp CLOP CLOP KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Rarity answers the door, Big Mac Clops on in.
"What brings you to my place of business BIG Mac?
Mac looks down at Rarity " Pardon me , Havein Spike as yer friend is all good Miss Rarity"
He then gives her the grand ol STINK EYE "But what cha doin to him is B. A. D."
Rarity gasps as Mac continues as he lets him self out
"Besides I'm hung like a weasle next to ol Spikey there"
"I havent spoke this much" . . . .CLOP "CLOP in a long time" Clop Clop clop
Not sure what to think of this story. At first it seems Mac is really trying to help Spike, then secondly just kinda jumps at Rarity as if he were waiting for something like this to happen.
Although I gotta say as someone who's tried Mac's "advice", it's a pile of horseapples. The only things that get women interested in you are money and looks, if you have neither then they will not even give you a chance to approach them. Thirty-three years of that and you tend to find most relationship advice is ignorant of the fact that the advice givers are usually all either attractive and/or successful and have an automatic "in" that gets them past initial impressions and gives them a chance to actually try courting in the usual manner.
So thumbs down for giving the same piss-on-my-life advice that made me waste decades of my life in vain hope.
I liked everything until that last line.
Applebloom: "Hey Spike! Ready fer our date?"
Well this was quite a wonderful read.
Also, good moves Mac, find out that Rarity is not fawned over by Spike and immediately take the chance
5042653 Yes. all my yes that is exactly what should happen then it would be a truly happy ending.
So now I'm going to imagine Big Mac singing Mark Morrison to himself while he swings by Carousel Boutique?
Kind of a dick move on Mac's part, but at least he tried to balance it out with some semi-decent advice. He might want to keep in mind that even little dragons can breathe fire, though.
It's easy to look at that last line and think "dick move", but on the other hand, it was nice of him to wait until Spike gave up on her before making his move.
Is it to late to post this
5702736 it is not. the chapter title is a reference to this song. you're probably the first person to get that.
Nice! Cute and kinda silly, given the advice and ending, but definitely enjoyable nonetheless. A pleasant read!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading! Even if it takes me a while.
A nice short Mac story, does this take place after Simple Ways? Since it doesn't specifically reference Trenderhoof, though it was written well after Season 4 ended.
While it does indeed show a Spike possibly realizing that Rarity would never love him, Mac's secret way to getting mares does seem like it wouldn't work for Spike and possibly only works for him cause he's usually silent most of the time anyways. I mean, Spike's chattier than he is and him not doing so suddenly might cause questions among others; plus to say IF it even worked, he would be a rival for Big Mac with some of the mares in Ponyville. 
Not bashing this story, but just saying that even from Mac's well-meant intentions, his advice at the end for getting a new filly/mare won't be guaranteed to work for Spike, just cause it does for him. Even if he did say it was HIS method for getting mares. But overall, it was a nice little story and his advice in the beginning was indeed solid, even if it got less guaranteed to help Spike near the end and I found Mac using tobacco to be kinda weird.
I feel like me reading this story is a requirement...
So Big Mac is the biggest asshole in Ponyville, is what you're saying.
6656425 well, I don't know about biggest, but, his name is Big Mac.