- Member Since 9th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 23rd, 2021
Karach
Just a humble software developer who fell in love with ponies.
Karach
Joined 9th Feb, 2012 ·
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Chapter 1 is skippable, if someone is only here for the clop. Then again, why else would anyone read this
Surely not for some far-fetched, cheesy piece of head canon... 
storypiece of clop?For the peace of Applejack's mind, let's assume the events portrayed in this story happen in a completely different universe than Of Stetons and Magiculation and The Magic of Strap-ons. Seriously, Applejack would obliterate both Fluttershy and Coco and Rarity if they did something like that behind her back. Especially since they didn't invite her...
Oh, and
blamethank Haywind for this story. Without him, it would probably still be gathering cyber-dust, forgotten somewhere in the bottomless depths of my hard drive.Cover image: piece of Vulapa's art GiMPed together with this meme. Owner of the meme image is unknown to me.
That face is one of confusion and embarrassment. I'd love to see where this is going....
And I'm guessing guilt trip for Fluttershy to join in on the unadulterated fun?
So, that was a thing.
Chapter 1 was actually entertaining. You got a genuine groan out of me with the pun, and I applaud the execution. It was terrible in the way puns are supposed to be terrible and it fit the cast incredibly well.
It felt like you caught the rapport between Rarity and Coco pretty well too.
Chapter 2 things got...awkward. Fluttershy kind of does that. I did catch the slight foreshadowing and guessed that Flutterbutters was disappointed at having a relative stranger intruding on her sexytimes. The two glaring back and forth at each other extended that impression.
Things went back to being interesting slice of life while discussing the impact of Shy's modeling career on Coco.
Then I swear someone scratched a record somewhere nearby. I'm sure I didn't just imagine it.
Take note, kids. Vaginas work like this. Take a girl with established anxiety issues, bring up a somewhat traumatic event in her recent past involving public humiliation. Then out of nowhere give her crotch a friendly rub. Instant turn on. It is kind of like picking up a cat by the scruff of its neck, only sexier.
So the sex was there. I have a preference for relatively tame stuff, and this story more or less delivered. Technically. I'm thankful it didn't have random magic dicks, fetish stuff, and so on. There was some believability issues with Fluttershy actually consenting to this, but she did become fairly eager a participant, so it did not feel overtly rapey. Some people might want to steer clear though. There was some wingplay too, which is OK.
Maybe it was due to the abruptness and the trouble I had suspending disbelief, but the sex scene was a little on the mechanical side. It felt like a puppet show. Some parts, like Coco's overeagerness and Rarity's coaching helped, but not enough to feel connected emotionally.
The ending was...odd. Flipping that switch certainly helped a ton, because for no apparent reason Shy is willing to be openly affectionate to Coco and publicly kiss her. It sort of feels like the idiot-logic I see often in porn/clop where losing her virginity causes a girl to fall madly in love with the one who deflowered her regardless of circumstance. Except that Fluttershy isn't new to sex; she and Rarity have been going at it for years now. Coco was not described during the sex to have been especially good at it, and again she and Rarity have been at it for years so merely being good shouldn't create that instant powerful bond anyway.
Conclusion:
It is a fairly mindless clopfic. Talking happens, sex happens, everyone is happy in the end. While I can't say the characterization is very strong, it isn't bad. The theme and feel of the story fit the fashion world that is relevant to these three ponies. The big problem is that the sex is entirely gratuitous, and the parts that are done well are likely to be skipped over by the target audience the way the author suggests in the first comment.
I'd kind of like to see someone extract the good bits from this collection of words, fix it up, and tell a cute romance. The start of a poly relationship is there, with some potential conflict already hinted at. The sex could even be left in, if it were fixed up and treated more maturely.
I'm leaving it with a down vote for now. It earned that much with all of its flaws. If it gets fixed up though, I'd be more than happy to flip that. Please don't rub my vagina to cause the flip.
4811362
). While I certainly learned something from your coment (I hope it will help in my future "stories"--big quotes there 
), this story will not get fixed or revised further. Clop just isn't worth it, in my humble opinion. 
Why, thank you for such a detailed review. I would never expect one for a clop.
Your downvote is definitely fair, let's leave it at that (honestly, those 26 thumb-ups are much more surprising...
4811362 sigh... your analysis makes me want to be criticized.
never thought I'd say that. you have a way with words friend. Your description of how to work a vagina in particular made me laugh till I needed to pee.(however that probably needs a disclaimer, this is the internet after all stupid is its nickname)
Your analysis was also dead on. honestly if I tried that with my gf I'd be slapped so fast...
Right in the description.
Great read, I really enjoyed it. There were some points where I was confused which 'her' was which. But thumbs up then!
4815868
Thanks for spotting it. 
Why would someone downvote your comment for this valuable pointer?
4819092 I know right? I just didn't want future readers to see that and get a misleading first impression about the quality of this story.
This was okay. I'm generally interested in polyamory stories, especially with the social dynamics of them. This story kind of hinted at it, but I would have liked to have seen it more in depth.
The clop itself felt kind of awkward, but to be fair, most clop is. There's so much unrealism imbedded into the tropes of the genre that it becomes a standard. I can't really judge anyone for being average.
The main issue was the unrealistic social interactions, but that was balanced out by some interesting ideas, like Coco idolizing Fluttershy. As far as writing, there should have been much more detail and more characterization. Overall an ok fic.
4820631
I definitely do not consider it OK, but then again - most of the clop isn't (gratuitous sex FTW 
). 
Or maybe it's just as you said - the lack of realism became an awkward standard. 
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I like the opening, lots of potential for many things to happen.
So much set up for that one pun. I am horrified and impressed.
4990660
I've read better than that, though. I remember one of Blueshift's stories. More than 3 thousand words (if I recall correctly) to make a punchline with 'peaness'... 
Thanks.
Coco-Channel...
i1266.photobucket.com/albums/jj530/Crowe9/CaptainAmerica1_zps8c295f96.jpg
40.media.tumblr.com/30efb7377e634099a42604553c51ea7f/tumblr_mrp0waFZRl1qb5gkjo4_250.png
Cute
6912127
Thankies.
Coco-Channel? What about Coco-Spirit? Or Pommel-Channel? Dunno about Pommel-Spirit.
Imagine that these three, or two excluding Coco Pommel, but including her during special occasions, were doing this erotic act for a long time, and after such a long time, the spa ponies find out what's going on. What would happen?
8640806
They would join, obviously, 'cause I'm that perverted.
Then later they would bring up an ancient, long-forgotten law about a heavy fine for conducting an orgy (defined as group sexual intercourse with more than 4 mares). Rarity would pay, of course, in fear of it ruining her reputation. She would also pursue legal advice and - with Twilight - consult ancient books, leading them to the discovery of Princess Celestia being the one to establish such a law even before the banishment of Nightmare Moon. Then they would appeal before Celestia, remind her of the law (the princess would have naturally forgotten about it after such a long time), and end up in an orgy with her and Princess Luna in the palace baths. That would make Celestia revoke the ancient law and Rarity would get her compensation.
What the hell am I doing with my life?!
8642365
That sounds delightfully delicious, that would make for a great sequel. This story is good as well.
why steal? The more the merrier <3