• Published 20th Jul 2014
  • 4,410 Views, 58 Comments

Growing Up - ThatOneWriter



Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo have a tough choice to make.

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Growing Up

The door shut behind Sweetie Belle with a click.

Since the dance, Scootaloo’s intentions had been clear. Every “accidental” bump and touch announced I want you. Sweetie Belle had thought that she was ready. The entire night had been building to this moment, and now here it was. The inevitable conclusion.

Scootaloo sat herself down on the couch, the motion slow and deliberate. She patted the cushion next to her, and Sweetie Belle sat next to her. Her wing twitched, and she fidgeted. “So.”

“So,” Sweetie Belle murmured. Her eyes darted away. She couldn’t look Scootaloo in the eyes. That would mean accepting that, yes, this was happening. Her stomach turned a thousand different ways, fluttering with butterflies then sinking with the weight of a stone. Nausea added itself to the list of worries on her mind.

The old couch squeaked, breaking her from her thoughts. Scootaloo scooted toward her. “My parents will be gone all night,” she whispered, breathing softly in Sweetie Belle’s ear.

Sweetie Belle nodded, her eyes still on the floor. Something warm and moist landed on her cheek, pulling away with a slight plop. Startled, she looked up to see Scootaloo’s lips still puckered. Her faced heated up.

Scootaloo pulled in again, this time kissing her full on the lips. Her tongue crept over Sweetie Belle’s lips, slowly licking over and around them, then making a sudden dart into Sweetie Belle’s mouth. The tongue invaded, pushing up against her own. They wrestled, fighting, grappling for dominance. A hoof pressed itself over Sweetie Belle’s cutie mark—

Sweetie Belle pushed herself away from Scootaloo. Her marefriend looked up at her, eyebrows raised and head tilted.

“S—sorry,” she said, bolting to the bathroom before Scootaloo could object. Shaking hooves locked the door. She slumped, pressing back against the door.

Her mind raced faster than ever. What are we doing? We’re not ready for this. She stood and looked at herself in the mirror. Though her reflection stood almost as tall as her sister, she felt like she did in her blank flank days—inept, inferior, and unsure. Her reflection bit her lip. Or are we?

She turned on the faucet and splashed water on her face a few times before letting the sink fill up. I mean, Scootaloo seemed pretty sure we were. And everypony else lost their virginity a long time ago—even Twist! That wasn’t quite right; Apple Bloom was still a virgin, as were a few others. But everypony had been in such a frenzy after Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon announced that they had done it. And all the holdouts are probably going to lose their V-cards tonight.

Looking down, she saw the water nearing the top of the sink. Her hoof immediately shot out to turn off the faucet. She sighed. But is that what I want? To lose it just because everypony else says I should? I mean, do I want to be like Silver Spoon? After her breakup with Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon had confided in her that she’d only had sex with Diamond after being threatened with a breakup. It was terrible sex anyway, she had said. Neither of them had known what they were doing, and it ended after Diamond had climaxed. Sweetie Belle had no idea how much of that was true and how much was Silver mudslinging at her ex, but it still weighed on her mind.

Then again, it could be wonderful, she thought, dipping her hooves in the water. She slowly ran her wet hooves over her face. Babs certainly seemed to enjoy it, often bragging about her exploits, at least until Apple Bloom had less-than-politely insisted that she stop. It was worth noting, however, that Babs was straight. Is sex just better with stallions? And again, how much of it was a lie?

Sweetie Belle did not know.

I guess I’ll never know till I try. Her hooves felt steadier now as she grabbed a towel. Idly, she wondered what sex with Scootaloo would be like. If there was a time to find out, now would be the time. She nodded at the mirror, and her reflection smiled back. Yeah! We’re both old enough now. We can do this!

Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door and walked back to the living room.

Scootaloo still sat on the couch, hunched over. Her head rested on her hoof, and she stared blankly at the wall. When Sweetie Belle walked up, she shook her head and looked up. Sweetie Belle flashed a smile, and she automatically flashed one back.

“Sorry,” Sweetie Belle said, taking her place again on the couch. “I was just…” She sighed. “This is a big deal.” Her smile returned. “But I think I’m ready now.”

“About that…” Scootaloo shifted on the couch again. She laughed, making Sweetie Belle raise an eyebrow.

“What’s so funny?”

Scootaloo shook her head, still laughing. “We’re so dumb. What are we doing?” Running her hoof through her mane, she shook her head again. “We’re just kids pretending to be adults, aren’t we?” She looked Sweetie Belle in the eyes. “I mean, this whole contrived race to lose our virginity… it’s cutie marks all over again. Finding our talents, getting in our first relationships, leaving school, losing our virginity… it’s all a race to grow up.”

Scootaloo bit her lip. “I don’t want this to just be another notch in our belt. I—” Her voice cracked. “I want this to matter.”

Sweetie Belle nodded. “So what do you want to do then?”

A faint smile curled the corner of Scootaloo’s mouth. “I don’t really care, just as long as it’s with you.”

Sweetie Belle pecked her on the cheek, and Scootaloo’s wing wrapped around her. A comfortable silence pervaded the air as they cuddled contently in each other’s embrace.

Eventually Sweetie Belle laughed, causing Scootaloo to turn to her. “You want to know something funny?” She snuggled closer against her marefriend. “While you were having this deep, philosophical inner dialogue, I was in there trying to psych myself up for this.” Her voice lowered. “I would have done it.” She sighed. “I’m so unsure of… everything right now, but I would have done it. For you.”

Nuzzling her marefriend, Scootaloo whispered, “Can I get a rain check?”

Sweetie Belle giggled and kissed her. “Yes, you can.”

They cuddled together for hours, until Scootaloo fell asleep in Sweetie Belle’s arms. As she lay there, her marefriend’s snoring filling the room, she decided that their choice, right or wrong, would be one she’d never regret.

Author's Note:

Why yes, that is a Katawa Shoujo reference near the end.

Thanks for reading! If you have anything to say about my story, I'd love to hear it. Comments are the highlight of my day!

Comments ( 54 )

4725151
Thanks! Glad you liked it!

Just the way it should be. There's so much pressure to loose "the V card" I glad to see a story where the two ponies involved decided to wait untill their ready instead of bowing to peer-pressure :twilightsmile:.

4725166
Yeah. I was undecided whether I wanted to write this or a really awkward first time that isn't sexy at all. The awkward sex scene still sounded too saucy for my taste, so I wrote this.

(Also it allowed me to use a Katawa Shoujo reference) :rainbowlaugh:

That was very well done!

Well, you've done it. You've seriously done it. Again. Once more.

This is a ship that honestly, I don't see much of. Actually, this may be the very first fic of this pair I've read. Ever. And you pulled it off.

Scootaloo scooted toward her.

I don't know why, but this sentence caught my attention. Is it awkwardly worded? I don't think so... it just looked like Scootaloo scooted towards her scooter so she could scoot all over the place. With scooters and Scootaloo at the helm while the Belle tolls.

Peer pressure is a nice topic on covering, especially for this pair. They're obviously aged up, but from the memories you contrived here, such as the cutie marks and leaving school, I see this as another obstacle that they face while they face the same 'personality traits' they possess. I can easily see the CMCs getting pressured into losing their virginity, and that result might actually end up with them trying it with each other, just to get it over with. Cutie Mark Crusader Cherry Poppers? But you put these two in a ship, which added to that tension. They related to one another, as well as a case they've known about regarding those other two. In the end, it works. And somehow, I can believe that Babs is a bit of a bragger. It ended on a sweet note, just the way I'd see them tackling this situation.

You... you did it. Like promised, it's time for me to deliver my side. Well earned my friend. Hoping to see more. Especially lesbians. :raritywink:

...And enjoy those three notifications you just got too. Overdoing it much?

4725273
Thank you!

4725300

... it just looked like Scootaloo scooted towards her scooter so she could scoot all over the place. With scooters and Scootaloo at the helm while the Belle tolls.

lol

Thanks for the feedback! I'm really glad you liked it, and I'm very thankful for the follow :pinkiehappy:

4725302
Thank you!

Another shipping that I love, good job! :twilightsmile:

4725474
Thank you! People seem to really lacking in their daily dose of ScootaBelle :rainbowlaugh:

4725512 You're welcome! It was only when the other shippings started to spread their allegiance, next thing you know we have Sweetie Belle as a cowpony and Scootaloo intimate. :rainbowlaugh:

This was a nice story. It's a ship that I enjoy. It would be neat to see this struggle as part of a larger story, Scootaloo and Sweetie struggling together is generally fascinating to watch. So yeah, thanks for writing I enjoyed this.

4726282
I may write this pairing again. Who knows? I'm very inspiration-driven, which is just plain frustrating sometimes.

I'm glad you enjoyed reading this. Thanks for the comment!

Daaaawwww!!! :heart:

After reading so many heart-wrenching stories (like an idiot), this is a refreshing adorableness :3

4727278
Thank you! I certainly tried my best to make it enjoyable. Glad you liked it!

4727496
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :twilightsmile:

Scoots was the one to call it off? Wow did not see that coming. :rainbowhuh:

I feel sad for Silver Spoon, but she should have known that DT was a horrible pony.

Hmm, interesting. I have always wondered about this ship, but I've never been able to read any stories of it. However, this is indeed very different. Of course, the sex aspect is a little iffy, but it seems to serve a point in the story to truly bring Scootaloo and Sweetie together.

Also, I haven't read the story yet. How'd I do? :rainbowwild:

This is just from the description. Onward to reading!

But is that want?

My brain just keeps trying to come up with a situation where this would actually kind of make sense. :pinkiecrazy:

Okay, okay, I'm teasing. It was a nice short read.

4728017
I'm tricky like that :rainbowlaugh: And yeah, she should have seen that coming. Sometimes I make Diamond nice, but not this time.

4728167
I'd say that that's a pretty accurate assessment. I'm curious about what you thought about it after reading. You don't appear to have downvoted, so that's good, I guess. :rainbowlaugh:

4728407
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. :scootangel:

4728851
I hadn't read it until know. But anyway, this was pretty good, though it was honestly a little short, shorter than it needed to be. There are times when a story should be short for the sake of not drowning the reader in useless information instead of getting to the point, the core of the story. You started off well with this.

Instead of starting before all of this, you went straight to the confrontation. It was a good move. And it was even better that Sweetie left after Scootaloo made her move. However, the lead up to Scoots making her move was rather . . . sloppy. Just like their kiss. To begin with, you never said that Sweetie was putting out whatsoever. At first, that's what I thought. I thought Scootaloo was doing all the work while Sweetie just sat there. And the fact that that entire scene was describe in a paragraph and without any introspection from Sweetie made everything feel rushed, and it also left me confused, above all else.

Anyway, the scene with Sweetie in the bathroom was rather perfect. It had sufficient time to allow Sweetie to think out the situation before she was able to come to a decision. And then, you turned the tables with Scootaloo not wanting to have sex after Sweetie spent all that time thinking about it. It was rather interesting.

But while the ending was great, it just didn't feel as great because it still felt rushed in the end. It felt like the conclusion came too fast because the whole problem of sex was hardly shown besides one paragraph. If you had gone in and maybe lengthened the scene with Sweetie's thoughts leading up to Scootaloo touching her cutie Mark, it would have balanced out the story overall.

But that's my view on this. I still liked the story. Liked and faved.

4728912
No, I completely agree. I also thought it felt rushed at the beginning, but I wasn't really sure what I could do about that. I might go back in and try to add a bit more of Sweetie Belle's perspective there, or I might not. It'll depend on where I end up submitting it.

I feel a bit stunned and relieved that you liked most of the rest of the story though. I mean, I'm always worried about the quality of my stories that don't hit 2k words. Judging by feedback, I guess that was a pretty pointless concern.

Thank you so much for the feedback, the fave, the like, and the follow!

4727391 No problem! Keep up the great work! =D

4728851
You're welcome.

P.S. - I see you chose to leave "But is that want?" in the story. Is that how it's supposed to go?
EXPLAIN!! EXPLAIN!!!
geeky-gadgets.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/dalek.jpg

4729309
Sorry, I had no idea what you were quoting. It's fixed now. Dunno how that managed to get overlooked by all of us.

Beautiful story about peer pressure and growing up.
I particularly liked Scoots comparison of their Cutie Mark struggle with their decision to share their first time. "Its a race to grow up" Yes it is, and there is no reason to race. So take your time, pace yourself, and enjoy the moment. Just like Twilight said to AJ and RD.
Others are better at analysis, all I know is that I liked it.

4730325
Thank you for your feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed my story and that it had some personal meaning to you :scootangel:

Wow, I expected comedic clop and I get commentary on young women wanting to grow up too fast? That, sir, surprised me and intrigued me. Plus it's fairly well-written, awkward in the right way -- the details you describe and how you describe them remind me of what I've heard descriptions people's first-times (or near first-times) can be like.

Kudos :eeyup:

So I can't keep my fingers crossed for a clop sequel?

4732129
Thank you! It sounds like everything I tried to do hit all the right notes for you. I'm really glad you liked my little story :yay:

4732328
Maybe? I mean, I don't write clop, but if someone wants to write that, I'm not gonna stop them.

I read this expecting mindless clop, but it was so much more. The feelings were so real. I almost cried. Like + fav

4733918
Awe! Glad you liked it! Sorry for almost making you cry :twilightblush:

what is Katawa Shoujo? Btw, this was a sweet fic. Nicely done.

4735765
It's a visual novel that a bunch of people from 4chan made. Surprisingly, it's pretty good. Unsurprisingly, it has pointless sex. It's pretty popular, so I thought more people would get the reference. Guess not.

Thanks for reading!

4735842

You're welcome. I'll have to try looking it up one of these days.

4737111
Personally, I would have liked to have made this closer to two thousand words. Unfortunately, the brevity of it is just how it turned out. As much as I'd like to stretch it out, I'm not quite sure how I would have done so without diluting the impact of it. I've got nothing to add to Sweetie's internal dialogue, and the end is pretty straightforward. About all I could do would be to take Timelord's advice and add a bit more to the intro, which was shorter than I'd have liked.

Thank you for the feedback though! Glad you liked it, even if you didn't love it.

This is a breath of fresh air for society today. Excellent story.

4773536
Thank you! Sad as it is, I knew that writing the story the way that I did would be a unique thing. I actually didn't think people would like it, sex-focused as our culture is today. It was a pleasant surprise when this got such a positive response. Guess there's still a bit of hope, eh? :raritywink:

Courtesy of: The Writing Lab.

First 500 word review: Growing up

- - -

¶1 Your opening line leave us ungrounded, and confused as to where we are and what’s going on.
“The door shut behind Sweetie Belle with a click.”
Who shut the door? Is that supposed to be ominous, or comforting?

¶2 The second paragraph is a thinly disguised info dump. Jerking us from the closing door to reminiscing about the past week.

¶3 is weak and passive. Don’t use two words where one will work. Strong verbs make for strong prose.
///
Scootaloo slid onto the couch with a slow and deliberate grace. Patting the cushion next to her, she waited for Sweetie Belle to sit next to her. The wright and warmth or Sweetie’s presence made her wing twitch. “So,” she said, fidgeting to get comfortable again.
///
This paragraph also is in Scootaloo’s POV, while the first two were in Sweetie’s. There’s is nothing wrong with hopping POV, but you must be clear about it, and avoid doing it too quickly. Be aware of your POV and move it intentionally

¶4 POV is back to Sweetie. Solid work here. Only comment is that “Her eyes darted away.” feels a bit out of place. Would have probably melded that into one of the neighboring sentences.

¶5&6 POV still at Sweetie. Using pronouns helps make the POV more subversive. Using the POV’s full name when they are the object, breaks the POV.
“Scootaloo scooted toward her. “My parents will be gone all night,” she whispered, breathing softly in Sweetie Belle’s ear”
Insted
“Scootaloo scooted toward her. “My parents will be gone all night,” she whispered, breathing softly in her ear”

“Her face heated up.” That’s a very “tell” sentence. Just kinda floating there without any context. Anchor it to an action. “Her face burned as she watched Scootaloo lean in again for another kiss. This time...”

¶7 Nebulous POV, kinda Scoots, kinda Sweetie, kinda the tongue. Watch your tense, you float between past and present. Keep it past. Unless you’re doing a present tense fic, but that’s a horse of a different color.

¶8 POV back to Sweetie.
Show, don’t tell. http://www.wright.edu/~david.wilson/eng3830/creativewriting101.pdf
Avoid pronouns as subjects, when the character in question is not the POV.
“Her marefriend looked up at her, eyebrows raised and head tilted.”
OR
“Scootaloo looked up at her, eyebrows raised and head tilted.”

¶9 Dialogue attribution is a bit murky here. Here’s my take on the paragraph. fixing the attribution, and making it a bit more “show”.
“S—sorry,” she said before bolting to the bathroom before Scootaloo could object. Shaking hooves locked the door. Pressing her back against the door, she sank to the floor.

¶10 Solid here. Would have gone with “Standing” over “She stood” Again, never use two words where one will do.

¶11
“She turned on the faucet and splashed water on her face a few times before letting the sink fill up”
V.S.
“Turning on the faucet, she splashed water on her face a few times before letting the sink fill up.”

I’m a big fan of starting off sentence with -ing verbs.
Past that, good writing.

¶12 not much to say here. Good work.

¶13 Too many commas, but I have a comma problem too. Good past that. It always good to get an editor that good with advanced punctuation.

This is my first time reading a clopfic!!! Not bad :raritywink:

4819707
Er... clopfic? I'm not sure I'd classify it in that category. Nothing too saucy happens, and it's only Teen rated. That was actually my biggest concern, since it does seem like a cloppy premise. I couldn't really de-sex it without losing the conflict.

Nuanced gripe aside, I'm glad you liked it.

This was very sweet and enjoyable. Good job! :pinkiesmile:

5010694
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

5011145

You're welcome. :twilightsmile:

Scootabloom is my drug.
And I enjoyed this little fic very much.
I WILL STALK YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

5344959
So I'm being stalked now? Well, that explains why I felt like I was being followed while I was walking earlier. :rainbowwild:

Your review done for the Pleasant Commentators and Review Group is now up and atom. Congratulations on your Must Read status!

-Soaring.

P.S. I really like her mane!

Cheesy reference.

Huh. I'd read this before apparently. No idea why I didn't favourite it then, it's well written and has a great message too.

5556944
Thank you! It was the message that really drove me to write this thing. To date, it's probably my favorite of my own fics. Either this one or The Dull Afterglow, which was probably my first good story.

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