• Member Since 28th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Monday

Von Snootingham


The Chief Defender of International War Crimes at the World Court in The Hague. He also trains egrets & flies an ornithopter. He currently lives in a van down by the river & is personally unpleasant.

Comments ( 75 )

Woot woot, I'm rooting for you :yay:

4631524
Thanks a million again, man! You were an enormous help!:pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss::twilightsmile:

4631556
my pleasure, just holler if you need my help again :twilightsmile:
andboy, Luna is dense :twistnerd:

Oh the funny boners this story will evoke :pinkiecrazy:

4631703
If you read little in between the lines, you'll realize that Rarity as portrayed here is a scumbag Stacy and a slut :pinkiecrazy::facehoof:

4631710 I.... I'm not sure what to think about this story... Uhh...

4631714
It's a comedy, don't take it seriously. I tried my hardest not to... hehe "hardest"
giggity

Oh sweet baby Jesus, about 18k story. With a comedy tag. That is labeled mature + sex. Comedyclop is muh jam and time to get started on this story then! :pinkiehappy:

This story is so perfect. I can't even begin! The funniest thing I've read in awhile! :rainbowlaugh:

“Spikey… Wikey?” Rarity gasped, her face twisting in disgust. “Ew, nooo! He ended up inside me anywa-hay-haaaay!” she wailed.

Dat line tho... :rainbowlaugh:

Excellent work, mate! :pinkiehappy:

(Also, Spike & Hayseed, OTP?)

So funny to read :rainbowlaugh: Major props this was awesome :pinkiehappy:.

4632012
Oh my! Wow! Praise from THE Rainbowbob is high praise indeed!

4632522 4632151
:twilightblush: Aw, thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate it.

4632127
Eheh heh hehhhh.:pinkiecrazy:

4631710
Ehhh, nah. She's not too bad. She's just adamant about not wanting to to get physically involved with Spike. After all, have you seen a dragon's tackle? All spiky and covered in barbs. I wouldn't want that in me either.

4631714
Take it however you like. (There's plenty of that going on in here.:trollestia:) Just don't take it seriously. It's just a silly, completely crazy romp of a story.

4631725
Tee hee. "Hard." You dirty little ninja, you.

“Nope. I’m Cloudkicker.”

This is my new favorite one liner XD!!!

“-and furthermore, this actually yielded some very promising answers. We’ve seen that carnal relations did, in fact, cause a mind transfer. In every observed case, it was a direct mental transference between the two participants, rather than homing both back to their original vessels. In laymans terms, when you screw a pony, you become them.”

Dude. This. This SPECIFICALLY. THIS IS MY FETTISH <3333!!! I never imagined someone would make a clopfic on this premise!! I mean in a broader sense, I love body switching as a fettish (especially with sex), but this is exactly the sort of thing I was dying to see!!! I'll admit that when I wanted something like this, I thought it would be one pony screwing another and transferring the ability to swap bodies with others in a similar way (like a virus), but this is equally as good, if not more!

I wish that there was more focus on some of the action, but given the orgy size and difficulty with smut, I understand why it wasn't. I was just hoping to see how other ponies would react to having different genitalia and all that.

I was also hoping Lyra would also acknowledge the fact that she had a dick and would at least masturbate furiously with her hands, but at least it was pretty comedic while she was Iron Will.

One thing that confused me was that Spike was disappointed to be Rarity. I mean I understand he wanted to do her, but why not enjoy having sex as her? Maybe observe things about Rarity's body that he wouldn't normally be allowed to.

I was extremely happy that The Cakes had some focus though!

All that aside, I was very entertained by the story! I loved the numerous references throughout the fic (Pinkie = Surprise, Fallout Equestria, Five Score Divided by Four, Anthropology, and more)!! This was the funniest clopfic I've ever read as well as one of the kinkiest!! I accidentally became nocturnal again by reading this and commenting, and it's now like 8:45am (shit). Thanks for the read!!!

Also, was Celestia in Twilight in the end? I'm not sure if that was implied.

4640933
Wow, thanks for the extensive critique.:twilightsmile:

Bodyswap as an STD? Interesting. I've read stranger. But you wouldn't want to read any attempt on my part to write straight up fap material. I myself am an asexual eunuch, so I have literally zero sexual experience. And I forget what the trope is called, but you can always tell when the person writing sex is a virgin. I've read plenty of stories with sex in them, sometimes with gratuitous detail, and even I can tell. It's not what I come to a story for, but sometimes it's there. My gender issues have left me with an intense interest in, well, gender issues, and a lot of what I read and have read is TG stories. I shy away from straight fetish fap fic though. I prefer more developed stories about fantasy or sci-fi or superheroes, that happen to contain a swap, but it's definitely not usual for some fap to find its way in. (I was pleasantly surprised when the legendary Goldfur of Chakat fame started to post pony stories on this very site.) Hell, Five Score, for example. A great story that just happened to contain some sex breaks. In fact, one of my favorite authors of any media is a guy who writes TG stories named Morpheus. (His best was a fantasy epic about a teenage boy who discovers he's really a fae girl who's been hidden as a changeling. It was originally serialized, but when laid out end to end, it ends up being, like, 700 pages.) The title of this very story was, in fact, a tribute to an old TG story universe called The Great Shift. (Similar to what happened here minus the ponies and ability to change back, and on a global scale.) The word "Shift" in the title was originally "Bodyswap". I had the idea and was about a third way done when I realized it was like the Shift, so I changed the word in the title and threw it in the story a few times. So... yeah, anyway, while I'd like to think I'm a good enough author to fake anything, I'm realistic enough to know any sex I wrote wouldn't fool anybody.:unsuresweetie:

Also, I, too, would have liked to have more gender swapping going on, but I was kind of limited in that regard. I mean, when you think about it, what stallions are there in Ponyville? Caramel? Pokey Pierce? Thunderlane? The only one in the show above a background pony is Big Mac, and he's not exactly a a main character himself. I could have used a couple more background stallions, but really, they're not that interesting. I very briefly thought about bringing in Flim and Flam, but their presence would be even less believable than Gilda's or Iron Will's and I already had three visitors. Any more and it would have been too much. Plus, I've got Flim and Flam in my ongoing Five Score story and I'd be compelled to write them the same way (showy, with Flim speaking in alliteration), and I just wasn't in the mood and didn't have the time. I could have also made up stallions, but that would have been just awful.:applejackunsure:

The way I see it with Spike is like this: he wants to bone Rarity. He doesn't want to be boned AS Rarity. It's like if there was a toy he wanted but couldn't have. Finally, one day, someone hands him the toy, except it's only to deliver to someone else. He's told he isn't allowed to play with the toy, and he has to give the toy to someone else and watch THEM play with it. Disappointing. Plus, while I forgot to make mention of it, Spike is a dragon and dragons' "business" tends to mean serious business (at least in most of what I've read). Like, barbed business. He wasn't exactly relishing the prospect of being on the business end of his own barbed business.:raritydespair: I meant to add a brief mention of this, but forgot. Once the judging for the contest is done, this is one of the little minor edits I'd like to go back and make. (That and I forgot to include Trixie making a joke about "pulling a rabbit out of a snatch".)

I had a lot of fun with the references. I'd love to be able to do some sort of DVD commentary and point out all of the subtle jokes and references I slipped in. Like, I used lines from both Spaceballs and Anchorman in there. Crazy.:rainbowkiss:

And yes, it was Tia all along. I didn't explicitly state it, but I hope it was obvious enough in the end. There were little hints all throughout the story, but I hope it was made obvious enough to figure out in the last scene. My favorite subtle hint? The brief passage that describes Pinkie being in Rainbow's body ends with "Celestia help us all." Then the very next brief passage is about Twilight going around the crowd, helping the participants.:trollestia:

Finally, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. Thanks for reading and commenting. The fact that you're happy makes me happy. (I am secretly Pinkie Pie.):pinkiegasp:

4641224 I get what you mean. The reason why I wouldn't write a clopfic is because I have no idea how sex works on a specific scale XD. Even still, I think the fact that these ponies are having sex like this is pretty kinky c:

Good luck in the contest!!

This was absolutely hilarious. The sheer amount of insane references is mind-boggling.

4644258
Thanks. I do what I can.:ajsmug:

She actually wasn’t, but that’s Pinkie for you. Now, the intricacies and logistics of the eighth-dimensional nature of Pinkie Pie, as well as the five minute back and forth between her and Dash aren’t important to this story and we’ve dawdled long enough, so let’s get to the point, shall we?

It's stuff like this that killed the story for me. It's unorthodox, and tears the reader from being immersed in the story. On top of that, you shouldn't use smaller text to convey someone speaking softly when you can just say they spoke in a whisper.

Cloudkicker and Thunderlane looked at each other.
“Wait, why are we not already banging?” she asked.
He shrugged.
And then they banged.

...Very descriptive.:ajbemused:

4656566
That was, uh, that was kinda the point. It wasn't actually a sex story. It was a comedy masquerading as a sex story. The sex was just incidental. It was a means to an end to further the plot. All we needed to know was that it happened, not intricate details of how it happened. If I'd wanted to describe the actual act in detail, I would have. And it would have been awful. But luckily, I have no interest in sex whatsoever, so I didn't. I'm sorry if you didn't like the story and wanted more of a base clopfic, but that was never was this was. (The story description even declares it's "possibly one of the cleanest dirty stories you've ever read".) Sooo... yeah.:applejackunsure:

4657768 Fair enough, though I went into the story thinking there'd, well, be actual sex, mainly because the story does have both the Mature and the Sex tags on it. The lack of the sex part didn't really matter to me, but the way how an actual narrator speaks in the story does. Like I said in the first part of my earlier comment which you failed to respond to, it's kinda... well, it's pretty bad, dude. It really breaks up the flow of the story, and I recommend that you edit those out.:heart:

Also, since it says in the description that you are part of this body swapping contest, if you can't write sex stories well, then why did you write one for the mature body swapping part of the contest? Did you happen to write a clean one for the other part of the contest by any chance?

4658235
I didn't respond to the first point because I wasn't aware it needed to be addressed. I made a stylistic choice that you may not have liked, but I very much did. I didn't think I needed to defend myself. The narrator (actually me, the author) dropping in to comment was part of my humor. I was going for a silly tongue-in-cheek self-aware style in the vein of a (not to compare myself too highly) Monty Python. They weren't above fourth wall breaks and addressing the audience directly because it was part of the joke. They were ridiculous. The audience knew it and they certainly knew it, so they'd drop in now and again to nudge the audience and say, "Wow, get a load of this, eh? What nonsense." That's what I hoped to emulate.

As for why I wrote a mature story: because I did. I felt like it and I did it. The requirement was just that it was a mature story. No one said it had to have it had to have graphic descriptions of gratuitous sex, throbbing :derpyderp1:s, pumping ropy stands of :pinkiesick: into ponies' fur, matting it to their sweaty, heaving frames, as they cry out in the thralls of :fluttershbad:smic rhapsody. :rainbowderp: It just had to be "mature". And in the end, this was a story about an orgy. All the adults in town gathered together and fucked each other senseless. I'd qualify that as mature. But it was also a trollfic, both inside and outside the confines of the story. Inside, the characters, particularly Trollestia, were a bunch of douches, dicks, and idiots. Outside, I got you to read a sex story with no real description of sex.:trollestia:

Oh look! Snootingham has a FiMFiction account! I'll go take a look at his work....

*One scan later*

.....Mother of celestia...:pinkiegasp:

4672852
Little did you know, my verbal diarrhea isn't just limited to videos. And now you've seen the true horror that is my mind. :rainbowderp:

That was funny also I liked the fact that the entire time Princess Celestia was in Twilight's body that was a great twist:raritystarry:

4689652

Thanks, though. Glad you liked the story.:scootangel:

4689766 I would like to read more of your stories

4690254
I've got quite a few ideas for stories, but unfortunately, they're just ideas for now. I've got a Five Score Divided By Four sidestory that's 100k words in and another short drabble that I'm not real proud of and I've been meaning to rearrange and expand on. And if you liked this, even more bad news, most of my stuff is isn't comedy. But I appreciate the love. :twilightblush:

4690503 I will be the judge of that I like other story types too I am a very twilight sparkle egg-head I love to read more of your work::twilightsmile:

Celestia was Twilight the whole time.

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BEST
TWIST
EVAH!

And that's coming from me. Good show, good sir, bloody marvelous good show. Have all my mustaches.:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

Seriously, I was reading a really dark story before this and was worried about sleeping tonight, but now I can!:pinkiehappy:

The only downside is it won't let me upvote more.:raritydespair:

4708001
Thanks for the love! But I must argue that THIS is the best twist evah: :twistnerd:
(Who am I kidding nobody likes her she sucks)

Wow, this is just like "Beating the Heat":
Innuendos. Innuendos everywhere

4733070
Yeah. It was long and hard to make so many innuendos. But in the end, I think I stuck it.

Freaking Trollestia! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

I suspected when i Twilight started eating cake like she'd lost her mind, and then Luna confirmed it.

You know? I think this really was the cleanest, orgy fic i've ever seen. It was also one i highly enjoyed.

Most excellent.

4733803 I could see this as an episode for the show, albeit they'd have to find a substitute for curing the body switching.

4734887
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Always makes me happy to find out my work isn't complete trash like I suspect it is the entire time I'm writing it. :twilightsheepish:


4735917
Frankly, I'm surprised they haven't done it already. In addition to the shrinking episode, the body swap episode is the most overdone cliche episode concept that EVERY show has to do at some point or another.

4734887

You know? I think this really was the cleanest, orgy fic i've ever seen. It was also one i highly enjoyed.

If you're looking for a clean clopfic, I'd definitely recommend "Beating the Heat." 'Tis very funny. :pinkiehappy:

4736470 ZOMG, that's on my watch-list! :pinkiecrazy:Thank you, i guess I know what i'm reading 2morrow! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

4738080 totally worth it I tell ya!

Well Spike can say he was the 2nd youngest male to get laid multiple times in 1 day.Well at least i still hold the record for first place.Phrased that funny like huh?Well it was a good story funny and all but just one of those things where its like
WHAT THE JAVLA DID I JUST READ
things.And i'm guessing you can figure out what Javla means no problem.Anyway still quite the amount of errors though

4758039
Yeah, I've noticed a number of errors and other little nitpicks I want to edit, but I don't think I'm supposed to alter the story at all until judging on the contest is done. So I'm holding off until then.

4758300 Well thats fine but that was just my personal thoughts though.Sure if rewritten by someone else For say another user named Bad_Seed72(Fantastic author)He could of done better on how understanding the story was.I guess you could say that or put it that way.No offence but yeah,But it doesn't help really anyone because the original author didn't improve from his/her errors and didn't truly learn anything.
Anyway that was probably Wrote all mumbly and jumbly.May rewrite this better but i hope you understand....That ^^^^^
|||||
Whatever you wanna call it but okay i don't even know what i was doing myself to be honest with ya :facehoof:

4762633
I'm... not entirely sure what you said. Is English your second language? Might want to brush up on your English. So, you originally pointed out I had errors, and I said I planned to correct them once judging for the contest was done. Are you saying I'm not going to improve my errors and didn't learn anything? Because I explicitly said that I was going to.

And then did you suggest I just hand my story over to another author because they would have done a better job? Because if I'm interpreting that correctly, that is an incredibly insulting thing to say to a writer. "Hey, your story was alright, but XXX could have written it so much better, so just let them rewrite it." Like, wow, guy.:applejackunsure:

4762930 No sorry i really don't know what i was saying either plus i made that look or seem mean and insulting but no im sorry for the misunderstanding and all and i also know that though but still i did not mean to offend you again im sorry

4763111
Just sayin', you might want to consider learning about punctuation.

4763211 eh well i honestly don't care though right now and also i do it's just its been 1 a long day and 2 late.But who cares anyway

4888315
4888334

Wow, this is comprehensive. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Image: http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110325180960/muppet/images/3/3d/TMS-Statler%26Waldorf-BalconyBox.jpg
^says it all..... such a troll...^

It's funny that you mention these two. I do reaction videos to the episodes, which are then part of a larger compilation series called Reactions Are Magic. While my own video for Rarity takes Manehattan has been out for ages, the compilation just came out yesterday and my gimmick for the episode was the Muppets, including Statler and Waldorf. http://youtu.be/6VDdu7TIrmA?t=3m4s
And actually, the original line was a reference to Pee Wee's Playhouse:

Also, that male alicorn shit is freaking weird! Can't get it outta my head! Also, why is bon bon the one who asks? That makes absolutely NO sense!

This scene just fuckin' scarred me btw.

Seriously, is everyone in this story a freaking troll? Cloudkicker, Twilight, Rainbow Dash... Lyra... umm... anyways, I feel extremely sorry for Spike as well.

Shhhhhh... No tears. Only dreams now. Just let it happen and it'll all be over soon.:trollestia:
And I can't get over how many people felt sorry for Spike. He lied and deceived in order to have sex with a mare who made it clear she didn't want to have sex with him. That's AWFUL! That's non-consensual. Sure, it didn't work on his part, but Spike is still a bad guy here. But like you said, a lot of them are pretty bad in this. Everyone's a troll because, hey, it's a trollfic. I'd dispute Dash being a troll though. She was on the up and up the whole time. And this:

Derpy’s voice rang across the room, “What did I say!? Leave that to me!”

Seriously, are we back to the story title game? I love how rainbow (in derpy's body) is the one to say this XD So awesome!

wasn't her. That was Pinkie, who'd previously said to leave the meta humor to her. I know, it's confusing. It's a giant, constantly shifting bodyswap orgy. It's meant to be. Oh, and the male, black and red alicorn was supposed to be stupid. That's why it was "swept under the rug". It was a cheap dig at the "mary sue black-and-red-alicorn" cliche. I liked the name though. If Donut Steel had a cousin, what would his name be? Iron Bearclaw.

So many cute situations as well as extremely gross and extremely off putting situations... I want to say, Ew. Aw. and Wut?

I actually, in the planning stages, drew up a document that listed out who was in what body and which swaps would happen so I could keep track of it all. (Except for all of the Cloudkicker swaps. She had no rules. She was just everywhere.) Some of the pairings were better than others because some were out of necessity. I had some I really wanted from the start: Spike finally getting the chance to be with Rarity as a pony only to realize he WAS her, Pinkie in Mac for talkative Mac, Dash finally getting to try being a dragon except it's just Spike's lame body. And some were just leftovers that I had to pair up because no one was left. Those I tried to give decent reasons for, like Mac in Dash for a quiet, stoic Dash. But above all, my hard rule was that AJ and Mac could not come into contact with each other. They couldn't be in each other's bodies and they couldn't have sex with the other's body or mind. Because while this whole this was one giant pile of "Ew. Aw. and Wut?", it was all in good fun. Putting AJ and Mac together goes straight into NOPE territory.

Best Twist ever, hands down.

Better than this one->:twistnerd:

Love the story, And the plot twist

Tee hee. "Plot".:rainbowlaugh:

FUCK YOU CELESTIA! Not inviting Spike to your birthday party.... Asshole.

Because that was the worst thing she did that day. And really, she DID invite him. She even aged him up for it. THIS was her birthday party. The only one who WASN'T invited was Twilight, who spent the day tied up in a closet. (Gilda, you could have set her free!)

And again, Congratz on the 4th place position!!! You deserve higher.

You're right. I'm going to demand 3rd. Oh look, it worked! I'm in 3rd place!:raritystarry:

TL;DR
Thanks for your in-depth review! I really appreciate it! I'm glad you liked the story. I've only barely started yours, and I should have a review for you tomorrow.

You got me at "honest-to-goodness switcheroo". :rainbowlaugh:

Well played, you magnificent bastard.

4922930
Thanks! I was hoping someone would get that. When I wrote the story, that book hadn't come out yet, (I work in a library and it had come in to our office, but it wasn't going on to the public for about another week.) so I think when it first came out, not a lot of folks recognized the reference. Glad you did, though.

4923387
The best jokes are the ones hardly anybody notices. :pinkiecrazy: There are at least three major references in my story "My Little Pony's Little Ponies" that either nobody has spotted, or nobody's bothered to point out.

Sly references aside, TUUAotGPS&tSOtF is a delightful read. I can't believe I didn't figure out the cake-face-stuffing hint until much later...

4923758
I actually hid a few hints in there.

First, there's the fact that Twilight doesn't know any of the townponies' names. Then there's:

“Late as usual,” muttered Trixie. Actually, Twilight was known for her meticulous attention to quality and detail, and of course, her punctuality, so this was unusual. But Trixie’s few dealings with Twilight had all involved the latter showing up late, so we’ll forgive the wizard pony this time. Regardless of her usual habits, Twilight was tardy this time and the townsponies were suitably miffed.

“Yo, Twi, what’s the hold up!?” shouted Rainbow Dash.

“Indeed, dear. Twenty minutes late is unlike you. It’s most unbecoming to keep a lady waiting,” agreed Rarity

followed later by

“Ha! Late again? Typical Sparkle!” huffed Trixie as she approached the group. Now Twilight was not normally- Wait, I’ve got the weirdest sense of deja vu. Didn’t we already go over this? Huh. That IS weird that Twilight is late so much today. It’s not like her.

--

In particular, that really overly melodramatic mare (You know the one. Dramaaaa!) let loose with a hearty, “THE HORROR! SWEET CELESTIA!”

“What?” Twilight looked over the crowd in confusion. “Oh, right.

--

“Hmm. I must have miscalculated. Perhaps didn’t take into account the lower power output,” Twilight muttered to herself.

--

One time she hit a rock funny and came out of a desk drawer in an enormous bedroom, ornately decorated in whites and golds. She thought she heard some sort of moaning coming from the closet, but there was NO WAY she was going to check that out.

and then later "Twilight" says

If anypony brings it up, just pretend like you don’t know what they’re talking about. I know I will. If after today, you mention what transpired, I will pretend to have no knowledge of it and most likely tell you I spent the day tied up in a closet.

--

“I’m not Rarity. I’m Spike. And you’re not Twilight, right?”

The alicorn dropped her fork. “What?”

--

But (I can’t believe I’m about to say this) this left Pinkie in Rainbow Dash’s super fast, flight-capable body. Plus, she suddenly had a craving for cupcakes. Celestia help us all.

~~~~~

Through all of this, Twilight was making her way through the crowd, distributing bottles of Neightor-ade and energy bars. And of course occasionally joining in the activities. After all, sometimes a couple would “need a boost” to the “love output of their union”... or something. Anything to help her subjects.

(Notice the transition there?)

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