A short drabble about a human and a mare in the near future. Earth has bridged the worlds and technology is everywhere. Anything is possible and anyone can be anyone they want.
Originally written for a 3 minute fiction contest at To the Best of Our Knowledge. It had to be hard sci-fi set in the near future, and 500-600 words. I didn't win, but I didn't want the story to languish, so I ponified it. I actually think it works better in an FiM setting. Proofread as always by the interminably incredible PingSquirrel. Celestia bless him for suffering this for me.
~~NOTICE!~~
I'm not pleased with this as it is. When I actually get off my lazy tentacles and get around to it, I have ideas to revise and expand this story.
Chapters (1)
Is she his next patient?
Mari is Carlos' avatar?
I don't think there's anything wrong with this. Classic well-done short scifi. Reminds me of quite a few stories I've read (I'm terrible with names). Maybe you just got low exposure and bad luck with the reader selection. But I would guess many might think this isn't 'pony' enough - after all, it works identically if you change the ponies into other alien. Dunno, I liked it.
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Yes, the tragic irony is that the person the nurse desperately wants to meet more than anything is the person right under his/her (the narrator's sex is never specified) nose and wants nothing to do with. As for being "pony" enough, as the description says, it originally was a 600 word non-pony story for a sci fi writing contest that I bootstrapped into a pony story. So that's why it's low on pony content. (Technically, no ponies actually appear depending on how trans-friendly you are.) Mari was (obviously) originally not a pony. There were no aliens and the idol was just a human woman named Mona (short for Monarch). The whole idea was that technology can let even the lowliest person blossom into who and what they truly want to be. But I feel like it got watered down and focuses more on the narrator in the ponification process. I dunno.
And I originally didn't want any of this spoileryness to appear in the comments, but since no one cares about this one anyway, yolo.
("no, Otto, never use that word.")
6306349 Holy shit. Not only did someone actually read this story, but you actually commented on it. Wow, thank you. sir.
intense applause
I do absolutely love the concept, as well as the story so far!
It is a shame there isn’t a continuation (no pressure intended). The plot seems to be a well thought out one from the information I’m this chapter.
-Melodiac
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I do have a continuation plotted out as a three chapter short, but it's pretty low on my list of priorities. But I guess, since it's short, it could be knocked out pretty quickly.