- Member Since 20th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 21st, 2015
Sai-guy
A collaborative experiment involving ponies, RPGs, and storytelling.
Sai-guy
Joined 20th Aug, 2013 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Sai-guy · 6k words · 13 4 · 350 views
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This is an excellently written introduction chapter to a seemingly loving couple. For only 4,200 words, characterization is provided enough to get a basic understanding of the two characters involved, as well as provide a foundation for how the body swap takes place.
I especially liked the notion of magical ley-lines, and the bit the writer did here with the manipulation of them to change the basic senses, such as tasting with touch, or hearing with one's eyes.
Will this be continued? The first chapter was CERTAINLY worth my while. I could give it a favorite if it got continued, but, alas, I only favorite multi-chapter stories... What a shame, a Sir Author.
4427342
Lo! It shall continue indeed, my numeric spectra friend. A second chapter is already in the works!
4427357 Huzzah and good show, friend!
4430959
*holds it captive
*no ransom note is issued
I must say that this is one of the best intro's i have read here. It shows great promise for future chapters. Keep up the good work!
4431498
Thanks! I do take care with my intros; they're what hook people into reading more, after all. I'm glad you liked what you saw, and I hope you continue to enjoy reading about Star and Aileris' life together.
4431729 i am sure i will!
I don't follow this at all... Are these characters from another of your stories?
4436837
That is a question without a straightforward answer. I do have a rather extensive back-story for them and their families, but that isn't published anywhere. I also started writing a piece with them in it that's set after this is, but then the body swap contest came up, and I realized that they would be able to fit into it. That story is also not published.
Probably the best way to look at this situation is as an example of starting a narrative in media res. That is to say, the story picks up in the middle, and I, the author, fill in background over time, slowly bringing things to light. If something doesn't make sense now, that's likely because I am trying to build suspense or anticipation for its eventual reveal.
mmmm this is gettin' gooood~.... another please?
4438895
Why but of course! I'm glad you liked it, and I would like to kindly remind you to favourite it to get the update when the next chapter comes out. Hopefully I'll see you then.
You have the weirdest fetishes...
On that note, wasn't Star the one with the tail-fetish? Why would Aileris be getting off on it while in his body?
4479273
By that, do you mean the caudophilia or the bondage? Or, was it the fact that I combined them? In any case, I only "have" one of them. (Hint: I didn't have to construct the word for it.) If I could write both well enough to be believable, I'll count that as a good sign.
Indeed, Star is the pony from whom the caudophilia originates. However, via their mental bond and frequent Linking, it has also started to permeate Aileris' mind — albeit to a (usually) lesser degree. For her, it's typically only at the optional level whereas with Star it's definitely preferred. For him, it sort of just has always been there; I'm calling it a biologically induced one*, so when Aileris ended up in his body, there it was. Star retained it since it's become a learned sexual association over the course of about a decade.
*I wish I knew enough to be completely sure this is a legit assertion.
4480716
AFAIK most fetishes are purely "learned sexual association," with only a few(breasts for one) having strictly biological origin. For giving it to Star as such, you'd need to claim one of two things:
1. Star actually has a "condition"(for lack of a better word) that associates the memories and sensation of hair with the neural pathways associated with arousal. Something along the lines of synesthesia, perhaps. Not the overt version from chapter 1, but more integral to his psyche.
2. Pony biology, at some in evolution/history, favored large tails as a survival trait. As a result, ALL ponies find large tails stimulating to some degree, and Star's obsession is more akin to the Breast Worship fetish than a simple hair fetish.
4481684
Seems possible… We've seen in-show that their tails are somewhat prehensile, so having longer ones would be useful. Also, having a long tail would probably be a sign of good health/grooming habits.
Still living the story so far, the clop scene was... for lack of a better word, hawt. Oh, and Scoltland? That is clever, I might have to blatantly plagiarize that!
4520814
Why thank you, kind sir. I'm glad you're liking the story too. As far as I'm concerned, the sex is a part of their story, but it's not the entire point; I like for it to explore who they are and how they feel for one another. It's a high-intensity scene, much like a battle, and like a fight, it can help bring out a character's true colors, I think. As with any form of characterization, it deserves to be done well, and that quality is something for which I strive.
Good job on this. It was really confusing reading the 'he' or 'she', 'him' or 'her' right after the switch, but I got used to it. Regardless, I enjoyed the story!
4585004
Thanks! And guess what—the direct sequel comes out today! I'll be putting it up once more people are online, and I hope you check that out too!