Marcus Verinous was a Primus Prior of the 12th Legion of Rome before his supposed demise. Now he is tasked as Night Captain to the Princess of the Moon. He has seen and handled many things War, Love, even Death. But will he be able to handle a simple request asked of him, to escort a certain Princess of the night on Hearts and Hooves day.
(Undergoing editing soon. No changes to the story, just grammar and spelling errors.)
Some mild violence at the beginning as a fair warning.
Sex Tag for flirtatious comments and other sexual themes most likely anything above this will be posted in separate chapters
Art by http://gimlas.deviantart.com/
Chapters (6)
Well, I like the concept but you really need to improve your writing.
You should add more commas, otherwise you get there long sentences that make no sense. you should also seperate your story into smaller paragraphs, to keep the viewer interested. You should also make sure to start a new paragraph when someone new talks, if you have to people talk in the same paragraph, people might think it's the same one.
Other then that, this story is good and I'll follow you
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But i wasn't sure if was really worth focusing too much on as it was literally a spur of the moment idea, and i wanted gage the reaction and see if i should keep writing/editing which i will of course. Thanks again for the critique i'll take it to heart, its nice to have some helpful criticism for a change haha. 
Cheers for the comment and the follow.
Yeah im attempting to edit it now, as i mentioned in the author's notes at the bottom i sort of rushed it out without to much pre-viewing on my part, which was a bit silly of me.
4414635 Don't sweat it, mate. I actually did the exact same mistakes with my first story. I hope next chapters will be better in terms of structure, but still as interesting. I really enjoyed reading this story
Um Madness I'm pretty sure that hades is a Greek god well I'm absolutely sure about that, but I just checked and Hades is Greek and roman it's Pluto simple mistake
4438654 Yeah thats true, however the Roman public borrowed, and adopted (not officially) many of the greek gods and myths from time to time, mostly because they found the Greek myths and stories more interesting than their own. I was a bit hesitant about using Hades instead of Pluto but its technically accurate, and much more fun to use.
4438654 actually, Romans used both the Roman names AND the greek names for their gods. It was really just a form of translation, you could use one name or the other, it didn't matter.
Sorry if I'm acting a bit like a nerd. Greek and Roman history is something I have a very extensive knowledge of...
Just want to thank everyone who has favorited this story which i can tell is most of you. I know its only a moment and a click, but it does have some meaning to me, so i just wanted to say Cheers and Gratias tibi. I hope you enjoyed it so far there's plenty more to come im sure haha
I love the little details about the romans that went into this story. it makes me happy
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4438654
Youre both right Pluto was the god of the underworld in roman mythology having had his name changed from the greek Hades. however the common name of the underworld didnt change. both romans and greeks knew the underworld as Hades, so its the modern equivalent of saying Hell.
I like where this is going so far. Most HiE fics are about modern humans, it's nice having a roman soldier with no clue what is happening around him. Keep up the good work
He used the ultimate Murphy phrase....What could go wrong.
It's super effective!
What could go wrong? WHAT COULD GO WRONG!
God dammit Marcus, you stupid, roman, thick headed idiot
May the gods have mercy on thine soul
4611490 go easy on him buddy
4613411 That was me going easy, I'm not a cold hearted bastard after all, I'm a thoughtful man/woman/pony/gryphon/Discord/princess/God
/toga chant from animal house
Alright, I have to say this. There are quite a bit of grammar and punctuation mistakes throughout the story so far, as well as a few spelling errors here and there. That said I now have to say this.
This story is excellent! I find your characterizations well done and thought out. The story flows very smoothly and your use of details is top notch. I also find the comedy to be excellent! Moon and shield are very funny! All in all, a well done story so far, just buff out mistakes to turn this gem into a true diamond.
I shall give you a thumbs up, a favorite, and a moustache
(spike not included).
Good work comrade! I await more!
I happen to fined this story and taken the time to read it. You have dun an excellent job on it so far. Keep up the good job you are doing with this story. I do hope to see a new chapter soon.
I wood like to know how he made it to Equestria? Who found him and why did the princesses taken the time to save him and help him in his time of need. They could have made sum one to do the job to take care of him but they did it themselves. Why?
Dragonfox
PS. Pleas make a new chapter soon so I can see how the date went.
Another enjoyable chapter! Now I will sit here and wait for the next one
She truly is in love!!!!
I want they date now please man it's too good.
4890260 i'm with you now where did i put my chair?
Huh. Last chapter I was thankful that Marcus didn't have time to get his hands on a beetle, but what do you know, it could have worked!
IT LIVES OH MY GOD MY FAVE FIC IS ALIVE
I like this, a human naive about some costumes. Besides I like the humour here. Keep up with this work
4414635 To add onto the advice, drill it into your head to remember when and when not to capitalize... Oh, and you forgot a " at the start of a sentence at one point.... I'd go find it, but fimfiction is fussy on a ps3.
PLEASE get an editor and get it checked over. I think that will be your biggest issue with the story. Ypu got a solid premise and all but I had to stop reading.
5465557 I agree, I have been meaning to clean up this little diamond in the rough for some time, however I simply haven't had any of it.
It was written during my more inexpedience days on fimfic before I started really focusing on it so i i know its a bit poor.
If its any consolation the later chapters are written far better though again could probably do with an editor none the less.
Thanks for the comment regardless.
-Madness.
I would love to continue reading this but Damien has a point, you need an editor badly. You use the wrong tense too many times to count. There are also numerous cases of the wrong word being used like where for were. Sentences also seem to go on too long like you're missing periods, commas, or even a semi-colon. I think I even remember at least one subject predicate disagreement or a disagreement between two different sentences where first it's one then the writing is as if there are multiple people/things involved. I like the idea but this piece is hurt badly by the errors. They make it too difficult to read.
lovely, truly lovely
i have just recently picked this fic up and i am quite thoroughly enjoying it keep up the good work
The odd thing is that Hearts and Hooves Day is actually, via the modern version of St Valentine's Day, based on a Roman holiday called Juno Februata, during which members of a community would be paired (by lottery rather than self-selection, as I recall) as special somebodies; the early Christians attempted to replace that with the veneration of randomly drawn martyrs but that was unpopular.
That is not how computers work in my experience: Either they work at almost full speed, or they completely freeze and you have to wait for them to cool down before you restart them. And I am told that that complete freezing is part of a failsafe, so if it your computer is slowing down to a crawl because of the heat, you may be doing it permanent damage.
In my experience, the most likely culprit is processes that use too much memory (either because of their memory use or because processes that use so much memory are in general the ones that heavily use CPU time); in fact, less than a month ago I had a similar problem that was caused by a program using ~6 GiB of RAM.
MAN PLEASE I BEG YOU PLEASE FINISH THIS WONDERFUL STORY
*Sad sigh* Join me, as we mourn the loss of another wonderful story. May it Rest in Peace.