Its either this or star in porn. You all know whats worse.
Equestria is as most pony's know it all but gone. King Sombra and his Queen rule with an iron hoof.
Five mares and one Draconequus spend their time in a dark prison cell. Until one day they are visited by someone Discord never wanted expected to ever see again.
His older Brother.
Inspired by the fantastic Lost into Shadow. and its Sequel.
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Good start on the story but please don't trust spell check as much as you seem to do. The following are examples of what I mean
distract his [bellowed] friend (beloved)
[Ow] be ]quite] whore (Oh) (quiet)
“(Ow)… it’s you” [Oh]
with his (missed matcher) arms [ miss matched ]
pony’s to (know) end, [no]
. Discords (draw) dropped [jaw]
These are the ones that I found with a large glass of rum in me. Please look for others, this story has too much potential to leave these in it.
4544456
Thanks, genuinely i mean it when i say i appreciate helpful criticism i'll take it into account. Although im not doing much better on the alcohol account, it seems that people like it more than I assumed they would so i wont leave it up to my drunken escapades next time i write it. :
This story needs SO MUCH EDITING.
I really enjoy this story so far, but please do try to edit it.
That should be, "Just in time, too,"
This goes for the sentence a couple lines above as well. It should be, "Come on, Shy,"
There was a lot more, like capitalization errors, mis-spellings, inproper punctuation, etc.
I don't mean to criticize, but I found this to be a little annoying.
I'll follow to see what comes.
4552177
Thank you for the Follow, its greatly appreciated. I understand there is most likely many mistakes, errors and possibly drawn out sections. I try to re-read through each chapter thoroughly to insure at least the most basic errors are cut out. (believe me some of them where pretty bad even after I submitted them.
) Although considering i am writing and editing this myself it can become a problem in that I read it myself and my mind accepts the mistake as fact its an interesting phenomenon that happens to a lot of people especially during essays and so on... also my written Engish is shitie for the most part that helps to haha.
Anyway hopefully this wont deter you from reading further. I'll try my best, but i can't promise that there won't be mistakes. But i can promise that if there is I will do my best to fix them.
I like it so far, and I have to say I'm enjoying Discord's interaction with his older brother (his younger brother can go jump in a black hole), but there is something that's been bugging me all this time. If Discord had his powers, how was it he and the Mane 5 were still in prison? If he could conjure green wasabi paste on the floor, couldn't he conjure acid to eat through the bars, or something? You need to backfill some kind of explanation of what happened to his powers and why he couldn't use them to escape.
4663915 Well im going to explain the finer details later on, but long story short hes afraid of the power of the king and queen. Being that Sombra is the most powerful unicorn and Twilight special gift is magic itself (at least it is in the story) the idea of being imprisoned or possibly worse (as hinted at in the first chapter) is something Discord wont risk taking. trust me I left it intentionally unexplained for a reason.
Great chapter i would be very glad to see next as well as from alpha to omega too but i know that making them my take some time so thank you and make it when you feel it right
This is a really good story, but almost every sentance is a run-on sentence. You need to use periods about twice as much as you are right now.
4689362 cheers i'll keep that in mind next chapter
... Update?
What the hell happened to Twilight? Why did she pull an Anakin on them?
6534935 Granny Smith is her father b.t.w Spoiler alert.
Enjoyed the story, hope you continue it.
Please up date!
Will this get an update ever again?