The Doctor is Here *Edited*
'Out of all the ideas Trixie thought of, this is the single most stupid one yet!' Trixie thought, running through a bush. A few seconds later a manticore crushed the bush underneath one massive paw, determined to catch it's meal that it had been chasing for nearly an hour. The large beast pounced with claws ready to kill, but Trixie darted to the left, leaving the manticore to slam into a tree.
The blue unicorn shivered in fear as it roared in anger and frustration, and kept on running. Trixie, however, knew that she was running out of time with exhaustion quickly catching up on her and her magic useless. Last week’s encounter with a pack of timberwolves left her horn cracked, and using magic with a cracked horn was more dangerous than putting a firework in your mouth and then lighting it. While in a warehouse filled with even more fireworks.
As Trixie jumped over a large root, she couldn't help but think back to when all of this began. Heading over to Ponyville, the show mare expected another simple show with the usual 'awe the crowd with some bright lights and loud sounds, embarrass a few ponies, and move on' routine. Instead, thanks to the actions of two colts who had to either be dumber than rocks or have rocks for brains, she lost her wagon with all of her supplies and had to hoof it to the nearest town on a empty stomach so Trixie could contact her manager. It wasn't her fault that the two colts were too dumb to realize that part of being a show mare was that Trixie was suppose to spice up her words, though perhaps pulling out the old ursa major thing was a little too far. Still, she had expected a light scowling from her manager before telling her that somepony would drop off a wagon with new supplies ready and to continue her tour.
What really happened was her manager finding her himself and smacking Trixie with one wing, telling her that she was a complete and utter idiot. Apparently the three mares that she had embarrassed were three of the bearers for the Elements of Harmony, part of the six that defeated Nightmare Moon herself. Not only that, but word had gotten around that Trixie had not only humiliated them but also put their hometown in danger by bringing an Ursa Minor into town in an attempt to show that she was better than Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia herself.
Before Trixie knew it, her manager had frozen all of her assets, cut off all ties with her, and left her with only her cape, hat, and barely enough bits to buy a small meal. Despite that and her rage that followed, she truly couldn't blame him. A bad public image was poison in showbusiness, and few actions was more poisonous than what Trixie did. Life only gotten worse from there as she couldn't find a job, though not because she lacked the skills needed. Oh no, Trixie wasn't stupid enough to rely solely on a single set of skills. She knew how to sew, start a fire, make a shelter, live off the land, cook, clean, talk ponies into buying things, and a large variety of abilities to fall back on in case her show business career didn't work out. There was a time before she became a show mare and it wasn't an easy one to say the least. No, instead ponies wouldn't simply hire her due to her actions, marking her as a social pariah and leaving her unable to find somepony willing to take her.
In the end, Trixie was left completely alone. Except this time, she didn't have anypony to keep her from falling into despair.
Then she heard about an abandoned castle deep within Everfree, filled with untouched treasures and books filled with knowledge. A vast fortune in history just sitting there, and the only reason why nopony had gone back to claim them was because of the dangers of the forest itself. Still, it was Trixie's best shot at getting closer to her goal so she began planning.
First was getting some bits, which she managed to do thanks to a rock farm that was so far out in Equestria's countryside that the owners hadn’t heard of her actions. They paid her surprisingly well for breaking a couple dozens rocks and driving off a few rock golems.
Second was buying the supplies she would need to survive in Everfree. Trixie managed to sneak into Canterlot undetected and purchase what she needed from a merchant. He also tried to sell her something called the 'Alicorn Amulet' promising it would grant her the power she needed to get revenge on her foes.
Trixie scowled at the memory, ducking over a low hanging branch. How would a simple merchant have a legendary artifact that was lost for nearly five hundred years? Most likely it was a cheap, mass produced toy that he was trying to scam off her. And revenge? Hah! Her true goal was much better and rewarding than simple revenge.
Finally she entered Everfree Forest, following a map and a book she had gotten, fully confident in her abilities and ready for whatever it could throw at her.
As it turns out, she wasn't ready enough.
The book about the flora and fauna of the forest she had bought was horribly inaccurate. As it turns out, timberwolves were much more dangerous when lit on fire as it was only the plants that were set ablaze, not the magic binding them. This meant that she had to run from flaming timberwolves for nearly an hour, losing half of her supplies that first night. Many plants and fruits were also deadly to eat. Trixie nearly died after eating some beans from a plant and had to magically purge it from her body in ways she rather not remember. Not to mention that some plants were actually carnivorous! She watched a chimera fall victim to a wonderful smelling plant and getting eaten alive by one huge green mouth when it got close enough.
It's screams of terror as the plant burrowed back underground still haunted her dreams at night.
Still, she had pushed on and for the two years Trixie had survived the Everfree's countless tests. However, she felt that she was no closer to her goal than when she began and it appeared that her time in the Everfree had finally began to run out.
The blue mare hid behind a large rock, catching her breath and listening to see if the manticore was nearby. The only things she heard were the general sounds of the forest, howls of timberwolves as the night sky set in, flapping wings, and- Wait.
Flapping wings?
Oh no.
Trixie barely managed to throw herself to the side to avoid a pounce from the manticore that had been chasing her. Another thing that the book forgot to mention was that some manticores had bigger and stronger wings, granting them short term flight. Adding to her long line of bad luck, she had the misfortune to seriously anger one with said wings, making it utterly determined to hunt her down and kill her.
Although if somepony cut her eye with a stone knife, she would probably want to do the same.
She quickly turned to run once more, but the manticore's long tail lashed out, forcing her to dodge. However she didn't manage it completely and, although it only grazed her leg, it was more than enough for the venom to sink in. Trixie quickly threw down some homemade smoke bombs and retreated in some random direction, but it was all for naught. Her vision blurred and her pace slowed as the venom worked it's way throughout her body. She stumbled into a clearing and fell flat onto her face.
'So this is how Trixie shall meet her end,' she thought, darkness appearing at the corners of her vision. 'Dying alone in Everfree Forest where nopony shall remember her… No. One pony shall remember Trixie, and he'll always wonder where Trixie is.' A young face flashed through her mind, making her smile at the memory.
A roar interrupted her and Trixie, drawing every ounce of her remaining strength, forced herself to stand and face the manticore. It was a massive beast, nearly 12 feet tall with large wings, massive claws, and a long tail dripping with venom. It's entire frame throbbed with muscles gained from a lifetime of surviving where many could not, and two eyes, one blind, met her gaze. She could see the savage intelligence behind them and she knew that it knew that it's long hunt was finally over. That victory was his, and the defeat was hers.
Fine then, but Trixie was going to make sure that she went down kicking and screaming.
"This meal isn't going down without biting back!" Her head snapped to her barrel where her main weapon was strapped to, and took it out from it's sheath. She watched with grim satisfaction as the manticore took a step back. She didn't blame it.
Held between her teeth was none other than a basilisk's fang, poisonous magic still flowing through it, attached to a hilt she had carefully built out of very strong tree bark and wrapped in animal hide. Trixie barely managed to kill a basilisk when she had run into it's nest and had to rely on her hearing, as a basilisk's stare can kill with a single glance. One large wooden stake shoved through it's eyes later, and Trixie had took a fang and converted it into a weapon, using it to great effect. A basilisk's poison magic was lethal to even the princesses, if rumors were to be believed, so it made sense to make use of it somehow.
The manticore regained it's confidence and, with a mighty roar, leapt at her with a powerful flap of it's wings. Claws ready to rip into her, she did the only thing she could do. Trixie threw her fang-sword at it.
It clearly didn't expect that as the fang-sword buried itself into it's shoulder, making it roar in pain and agony as it crashed into the ground. Trixie grinned as it stood up on shaking legs.
"Not so fun *pant* when you're on the receiving end," Trixie chuckled. A second later, the back of a paw smacked her sideways, and Trixie didn't stop until her body impacted something hard and unforgiving. She felt blood run down the back of her head and pain filled every inch of her body. Trixie saw that the manticore was stalking toward her, steps unsteady and the wound from her fang-blade turning green. It appeared that no one would be walking away from this encounter.
The blue mare narrowed her eyes at it and said, "If Trixie is going to die, then Trixie shall die on Trixie's own terms." She called on what little magic remained in her and the air crackled with power. Her time in the Everfree had made her stronger physically, mentally and magically, and she prepared her last spell that she would ever cast. A spell that would be seen for miles and remembered forever.
Only for it to harmlessly die out the moment she tried to cast it.
Trixie let out a sob of despair and angry tears fell from her eyes. 'Not even able to die the way Trixie wants to. Talk about an unending streak of bad luck.' Darkness was slowly but surely encompassing her sight and she could feel her body slowly beginning to succumb to the venom. 'Farewell world. Let the Everfree Forest remember the one pony who braved it in ways that no other pony would dare to try.'
As darkness took her over, Trixie could have sworn she heard a voice. It only said one thing.
"Room."
She heard nothing and felt nothing. Is this the afterlife? An eternity of nothing? Or was it only her afterlife?
"Wow Trixie! This is amazing!"
A voice from a time long ago pierced through the nothingness. The voice brought back happy memories that pushed away the nothingness and made her feel warm.
"It is nothing."
Another voice joined in and it took Trixie a while to figure out that it was hers. She sounded younger, happier, oblivious to how cruel the world can be.
"Are you kidding? You’re like a great and powerful wizard from those stories!"
The great and powerful. She took up that title and wore it like a medal when she started her career in show business. It brought her back to a time where she only had to worry about school. A time where she had friends and family. A time before it all fell apart.
"Counter Shock."
Another voice, this one completely unfamiliar. Trixie only had a second to think about it before pain gripped her once more.
"AHHH!" Trixie screamed as she was violently brought back to the world of the living. She felt something tight wrapped around her barrel and head, and tried to call upon her magic. It failed to answer her call so she kicked with all her might where she thought the threat would be. Something felt off with her kicks, but Trixie didn't care. She had to escape whatever caught her and-
"Cut it out or I'll knock you out." A cold voice stopped her, and she turned her head to look at it's source.
The first thought that entered her mind was that she was saved by a Diamond Dog, only to quickly banished that thought from her mind. The being before her was too lean to be one of those filthy mutts and lacking in muscles to be a minotaur. It, or his if the voice was any indication, wore a long black coat with an unfamiliar symbol on one sleeve and a hat with a thick bill. His grey eyes betrayed nothing, and his face expressed only a slight amount of interest.
Trixie's mouth and throat were dry but she managed to ask, "W-who are you?"
He raised an eyebrow at her question. "Trafalgar Law. You?"
"Trixie Lulamoon." It was then that she noticed something about her was...off. The blue mare looked down-
And began to freak out when she saw that all of her legs were gone. "W-w-w-w-w-where are my legs?"
Law coughed, getting her attention, and he pointed to his left where she saw her legs. All of them put in a neat pile.
"The venom was entering it's second stage, causing muscle spasms, and there wasn't anything to tie you down to, so I removed them to operate better."
The world spun and darkness welcomed Trixie once more.
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Trafalgar Law in equestria?
files.sharenator.com/youre_a_fucking_genius-s615x461-139738.jpg
Moar
Plz
Nice work here
..............................................
You have my attention.
O look, main protagonist passes out as a scene transition on cliffhanger...
I just found out who trafalgar law was and I'm impressed hosed he earn the name "surgeon of death" WAIT THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE IS GONNA DIE'
?!,!,!,
Awesome start!
Go die in a car fire.
'Bout time I saw a One Piece character in one o' these stories. Good on ya fer bein' the guy to write it.
Honestly?
Your writing is mediocre. You have a case of under-using commas, homophobe confusion, and some other structural weaknesses in your story. All typically easy remedies if you were to have someone proof-read and edit the story. Which I'm certain you have not, given the amount of errors still contained in the body.
You also would have been a lot better not labeling this as part of the bandwagon that is pissing everyone off, too. Since it's better written than most of the other bandwagon whores, I won't downvote it. But, expect to have a lot more downvotes than you should get due to you labeling this as part of the bandwagon.
Now, I need to leave and use some brain bleach. Blech.
4329091
Keep fighting my brother, for you have my arm by your side!
Hey this looks...
Oh. LoHAV.
Right then.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Oh my Gawd, Law in Equest -- oh. It's a fucking LoHAV.
4329174 First off, let me thank you for being honest with your thoughts. It's a trait that I respect in people. Another thing is that this will be the only chapter I'll do unedited as I haven't had the time to contact my editor before this. The other chapters will be published edited or not at all.
Second is that I enjoy being part of the bandwagon and nothing will change that. After all, how many other groups can say that they managed to irritate a mod for the site with their stories? So I will make sure that everyone knows that it's part of the bandwagon craziness, despite how anyone else may feel.
4329091
I hate to say it, but I'm starting to feel the same way about this group. One, they are generally stories full of the same cliches and plot devices, and two, they raise my hopes by showing crossovers I would love to see, but then just have really annoying cosplayers. Trafalgar Law+Equestria=Awesome. Trafalgar Law cosplayer+Equestria=...Meh.
I didn't even have to read the description. I saw the Jolly Roger and I instantly knew that Law was goin' to Equestria.
LoHAV bandwagon or not, I'm interested in this story.
So, I just got finished reading the first chapter, and I have a few things to say. For starters, you may need a proofreader, and if you already have one, then get a better one, cause there were numerous grammatical errors. Also, while I like the concept, I don't really like the pace at which you wrote this chapter. For instance...
You could have perhaps gone into further detail as to how the wagon was lost. Another thing, I've heard a few things about this LoHAV thing, most of them negative. However, considering I know little to nothing about that group, I have no bias towards this story, so I'll stick with it for now.
All in all, I kinda like the story up to this point, but the grammar and pacing are kinda killing it for me. Hopefully you'll fix that, while also trying to go beyond the expectations of a story from this LoHAV group thing.
4329380
My editor will hopefully agree to editing this story and if she does then those errors will be a thing of the past. The whole hate for LoHAV is mostly because readers want to read about their favorite characters, not people cosplaying them. Using a popular character such as Law is a gamble due to their large fanbase but I'm glad I got a good roll.
Weird, I've been told that I put too much details into my stories from my English teacher but I'll try and find the right balance between the two.
Thanks for reading!
4329265
I just want to take a moment to point something out to you here... It's quite silly, really.
Uh, okay then. I think you can see why I find this extremely silly. You WANT to be a part of a group that has mods fuming at the mouth that they can't just institute a site-wide ban on the group like they did with the Five-Score group? I would want to be as far away from that group as I can be, truthfully.
4329431
Oh so that is what happened to the Five-Score Group... I guess my friend wasn't lying about that and now I'm honestly a bit frightened. I've been a part of this site for nearly a year and I still have much to learn.
I suppose you have a point on that but last I checked, we only managed to irritate one... Although one just might be enough. Thanks for the information and for pointing out that flaw in my response.
Out of curiosity, how many mods would it take in order to do said ban?
4329185 Heh, I've been fighting since LoHAV's conception. Nice to see some other people are finally getting the memo.
4329445
Really, it would take a lot (sadly, in my opinion). The reason they did the Five Score one was because so many (almost every one) did not actually have ponies, or anything to do with Equestria, and were instead self-insert wish fulfillment fantasies written by eight-graders. There have been some LoHAaV stories which have lacked said pony content, but the majority of them are simply plagued with poorly written self-insert faggotry, but still contain ponies. So, sadly, they cannot initiate such a ban unless they have a solid footing to do so, no matter how much some of us would like it to be done.
And also, if you irritate one mod, the rest hear about it. Either way, generally a good idea not to jump onto anything that a mod or mods find irritating, just as a good idea.
4329467
I've been right there with you, maybe not vocally, but my hate festered deep inside me until now.
4329483
Ah that makes sense and even I won't deny that there are some pretty bad stories in our group. I'm guessing that people are finding the concept of putting themselves as their favorite character in Equestria too good to pass up and often just post it without a proofread or editor...like me when I first joined the group.
Hopefully it won't come to that and if it does, then oh well. Thank you for sharing your information.
Wait... isn't this Chappy? I see the One Piece sign...
4329515
Who is Chappy? The only Chappy I know of is from Bleach.
4329517 img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121215031940/onepiece/images/c/c3/Rumble_Ball.png
Chappy is the Ships Doctor
4329523 Oh Chopper! Oh no, I like him but Law is my favorite One Piece guy. Also cover is the jolly roger for Law's crew, the Heart Pirates.
4329533 Ohhh~! I see!
Time to practice medicine
He is not menguele with other name ??????z
I couldn't help but chuckle at this
I liked this quite a bit. If you ever get the chance, I'd like to see more!
Law is Equestria? Hell yeah!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
4332788 i guess that would work for a reason he cant leave, but it just seems kind of a weak in my opinion
4329445
You do realise that just because this guy is the real law doesn't mean it can't be part of the LoHAV group. The whole costumed thing is the problem because it's so overdone, however if he's not costumed then I don't see the problem as long as he is kept in character.
When I read the title. I thought it would be The Doctor, after regenerating, has gone Time Lord Victorious and has begun being a dick to reality.
You know it's a good story Whelan somebody loses their legs in the first chapter
I approve this so damn much! If you dont update frequently i will eat you soul
4335121
Don't worry with summer coming up, I'll be able to do so at a more regular basis. And that is officially the fifth time I've been threaten with the whole 'eat your soul' thing... Yeah I have weird friends.
Did she really get amputated or are you pulling my leg?
4335231
This will give you a visible example of how Law's devil fruit works. His DF still works even after the patient leaves the circle or when Law deactivates it.
4335276 I was trying to say a PUN but Ok ;-;
Thoughts fir main body of story:
So Trixie ran off into the Everfree, obviously she's gonna die painfully at the hands of aforementioned monster.
Wait. Two YEARS??!! Trixie has now earned the title great and powerful.
Basalisk? Come on yeah right like you would get your hooves on som- oh. Sorry. Walking away in fear now.
"Where are my legs?!"...
...
I hate authors that do that to characters.
But not you for some reason.
Upvote and star attached.
4335327 XD i get it
You might want to switch the tag from oc to other.
Where are my legs?
there over there
XD
Sees legs: " This may be my only chance ever" grabs legs "Give me 4!" Hooves.