• Member Since 14th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen May 20th, 2016

mythmatt


T

Mr. Hat and Clogs is a small candy shop owner with a dark past. He can move faster than the sound barrier, destroy mountains in seconds, and is a brilliant scientist and inventor. When one day, he conducts a experiment were he is teleported into Equestria with the strange ability to transform into a pony. Things seem to be going well at first until his presence begins to attract evil spirits. All the while a cat named Yoruichi follows him around.

Bleach Crossover.
Inspired by Dirty Bit's Cuatro.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 109 )

A couple of spelling errors but pretty good start to the story.:twilightsmile:

Kisuke Urahara in Equestria.... Not going to bother reading it, but I can tell there will be shenanigans. Especially with none other than Yoruichi, the Goddess of Flash Step with him.

You get your where and weres mixed up... kind of strange, because of lot of other worse errors that I expected were not here. Yeah, some minor grammar/spelling issues, but nothing even close enough to make me stop reading. Fairly interesting, though ponification annoys me. I'm hoping you can make this more interesting yet. Hope you have some ideas.

This was really good and I hope to see more, but this is the only part that ticked me off a bit,

he began to walk toward a small candy store named 'Urahara's shop'. Kisuke's last name was Urahara, so he decided to name the shop after himself.

Your language arts teacher may have taught you the age old rule, show, don't tell. This is one of those moments. :duck:

A Bleach crossover with Kisuke in Equestria?
static3.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Not+a+fan+of+One+Piece+_d683184c56229e829ffaa2fe86c5a33c.jpg

There were some grammar and spelling errors, but overall I liked it. I'll keep my eye on this.

I can't wait to see Fluttershy gush over Yoruichi in her cat form.

This. Is. My. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-*
explodes from too much awesome*

Neat, I'll be waiting for the next chapter, also, get an editor to catch any mistakes you miss.

I so totally figuring that Pinkie would jump out of null space or whereever or whatever like she normally does and nab Yoruichi:rainbowlaugh: let her TRY to figure out PINKIE PIE:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

You know, this would be incredibly interesting...if only you hadn't ruined it with amateur writing, Mr. Author.

When will Yoruichi ditch the cat form? I wonder if Urahara will reveal his true form as well, after the hollows start showing up. Does this mean that Hueco Mundo could be used to travel between Equestria and the Material World/Soul Society?

Offenses: Repeated use of un-capitalized "I," weak or lacking description, and "off" characterization.
The premise was interesting but the text did not hold my interest.

I'll wait for the coming chapters before I decide to whether to follow or not. It has some promise as the concept is interesting but the actual end result still needs some work. I think there are some groups that have dedicated themselves to helping in these cases.

I recommend finding an editor as you seem to an interesting idea going on here and I for one wish see this at it's best.:twilightsmile:

An Exsperiment......why am I not surprised Mr. Hat and Clogs. one day your gonna blow up something...oh wait you did that.....several times
its either that or you try to kill some one in good nature....Like Ichigo every other week

It's so rare to see a good Bleach crossover.
Carry on.

3811229 Are there any good bleach crossovers minus this?

Favorite/thumbs up. Looking forwards to the updates.

3811465
Hollow in Equestria off the top of my head.

3811501 You my good sir, have all my love and affection for the reference. Thank you. :pinkiehappy:

Well here we go again! :ajsmug:

I really hope this story entices me to read every single chapter every consecutive time a chapter comes out like HiE. :P

This looks to be very entertaining so good luck!

Interesting.
As for grammar errors, there were many, but only two that bugged me. The first was uncapitalized "I's" and the second was the saying, "Play it by year," instead of, "Play it by ear."

Other than that, I enjoyed it some, though I'll have to wait and see how this ends up. It's a good idea, but it could easily fall flat if not handled properly. Just don't give the princesses zanpakutōs again, that was uncool.

Does have a few Errors here and there... But I do give you: Please... Do go on...

No seriously PLEASE make another chapter....:fluttercry:

Ok there was some obvious spelling errors and in a few instances Twilight was somewhat OOC. This is a good start though and definitely has potential.

If you need an editor I'll be happy to provide the help.

goddamn urahara-san. he's everywhere O_O

3810817 Then you can write a MLPxBleach crossover using your superior writing skills.

... Wow. So riddled with errors in grammar and word useage/spelling. Get editors and pre-readers, and then you'll have a good story. As is... it's pretty meh.

I would volunteer, but this semester is looking to be a doozy...

A pity Kisuke isn't wearing two sets of geta in his pony form, but I suppose his horseshoes will suffice :derpytongue2: I almost expected him to be an alicorn given his badassery, but he's good enough as is.

Nice to know someone's doing a crossfic on my favorite Soul Reaper in Bleach. Color me interested. :moustache:

Good story, but there are much better main characters in Bleach than that hobo. :pinkiecrazy:

Yoruichi responded in a masculine tone

Yoruichi is a girl ...

3813205 In cat form, it is actually quite a different story.

3812752 Sacreligious blasphemer!! Urahara is a pimp!:flutterrage::flutterrage:

3813227 ah, thanks for the clarification.

Okay, rant time.

You were doing fine in the beginning, then your grammar and spelling slowly rolled downhill from there. Kinda like you got bored of writing it, and decided to rush the rest of the chapter in hopes of finishing it before the idea left you. This does not bode well for continuing chapters.

All the characters seem to go through emotional cycles faster than Sonic can go through Green Hill Zone. You have AJ happy that you caught the cat, even though she was reluctant at first because she thought Twi was a bit bonkers. Then, you have her confused about how the cat cut the rope and disappeared. One or two lines after that she's depressed and sad because she failed a friend. Then another line or two later she's happy that Twilight cheered her up. Plus you had Twilight saying 'cheer up, we can get it later' even though not minutes before she was practically screaming at AJ to catch the cat because it was from another world.

Then we get to Twilight and Pinkie's little interaction. If Pinkie pointed out the cat with a new pony, Twilight would immediately put two and two together and say he was from the other world as well, seeing as the cat was with him. She would not just say 'hello and welcome'. She would get right up in his face and demand answers for questions she has about the other world.

And now we get to Kisuke himself. I feel like you haven't really watched enough Bleach to know about Kisuke's character. Yes, he's laid back and easy going, that much is true. But he's also a serious man, one who can calculate the outcome of a situation by glancing at it, and acting accordingly. He would not just say "let's go live in the town of ponies which we just met and I have had no personal experience with". He would stay back, maybe wait a day or two and observe from the Everfree Forest, finding out what ponies did, how they spoke, cultural snippets about them, etc. Plus he's somehow walking perfectly fine, despite only being a pony for not even an hour. Then after all this, we get to the introductions. Kisuke would not introduce himself as Mr. Hat and Clogs. That is what Ichigo calls him. He has made a point throughout the anime to introduce himself as Kisuke Urahara. That is his name, therefore when introducing himself to someone new, he does the polite thing and gives them his real name rather than the nickname a disrespectful teenager gives him.

Don't get me wrong. I like this story, and I'm hoping you can update fairly soon. I'm definitely tracking this to see how it turns out... I just have too many gripes with the small details that prevent me from up-voting it.


3812689 He is pretty awesome. I would agree with you on the Geta's, but it might be a bit weird having to explain why he's wearing clogs (another thing, he's not wearing clogs in this story, so introducing himself as Mr. Hat and Clogs is kinda redundant) when he doesn't need to, plus they would either make it awkward to walk with hooves, or would not stay attached to his feet. Then again, it's Kisuke, so maybe it would've been possible. As for alicorn... well, now he can't use Kido without a lot of red flags coming up for the ponies.

Yes... A couple of errors but otherwise yes... THIS PLEASES ME

3813578 My reaction to seeing this big of a comment on my story. http://static1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131109151913/walkingdead/images/c/cc/Grandma_-_What_is_this_i_don't_even.jpg
I can see what you mean though about there being to many emotions in the first chapter. Guess I wanted there to be a bit of character development early on. I don't know.:applejackconfused::applejackunsure: I'm sorry if i didn't make it clear at the end, but Yoruichi was nowhere near Kisuke when he meet Twilight. Can't really respond to the rest of your comment without giving away too many spoilers. :twilightsheepish: Thanks though for the insight on what you think, I really appreciate it.:twilightsmile:

Mr. Hat and Clogs

Why is that familiar?

Only after reading the list of abilities and staring at the picture for ten seconds...

:rainbowlaugh: Kisuke.

Mr. Hat and Clogs

Why is that familiar?

Only after reading the list of abilities and staring at the picture for ten seconds...

:rainbowlaugh: Kisuke.

3813721 Not trying to be rude, so please don't take this the wrong way.

You don't do character development like that. Character development is when you establish a flaw or flaws with a character, whether it be a physical or mental flaw, and gradually work to overcome it. If you want character development, a good example would be to have... let's say Twilight in this instance. To have Twilight, who was running mad about the 'cat not of this world', realize that she's going about it the wrong way, and calmly walk towards the cat instead of chasing it like a fat kid chases Twinkies, whereas she learns from then on out that she doesn't need to be so manic about discovery. You established she had a problem, and you worked your way through it, eventually fixing it. That is character development.

And I still say Kisuke would've introduced himself as Kisuke instead of Ichigo's nickname for him.

At one point, this have to happen!

3813984 Thanks for the tip on that. I'm kinda new to this whole story writing thing, as i'm only a freshman in HS, but really, thanks for information.

And I still stand by Kisuke introducing himself as "Mr. Hat and Clogs":rainbowwild::rainbowwild: *Nudge* *Nudge*

3810565 Pinkie Pie is the true Goddess of the flash step.:pinkiehappy:

Fun story idea, but plenty of OOC moments... It feels like you tried adapting the characters to fit a storyline you wrote first.

3812475 ...You know, your sense of irony is remarkably dull. I've read countless fanfictions, and just because it's a crossover or a Bleach crossover doesn't excuse the effort you need to make to have it work.

For one, the characterization is subpar. It's as if the person writing took one 2-minute look and saw these characters, inferred nothing about them, and tried to write them into the story. The first thing a writer must understand when working on a crossover is the characters they used. I personally like Bleach, and I don't feel as I'm reading the pre-existing character, but a new amalgamation holding their images. It's boring, and not what I signed up for in the first place. It's a bit like the 'Equestrian Wind Mage', it succeeds in some areas, while others fall flat. And unlike that fanfiction, it doesn't have the momentary on-par characterization of its actors to fall back on. I.E. On that point, it fucking fails.

On the other hand, it gets that little bit of world-building semi-correct, or at least on the MLP end, and Pinkie. However this is one of the only things it gets right. It fails in so many areas, I just had to dedicate an entire paragraph to its worst failing.

The language is terrible, broken, and in many places it needs to work on the syntax and formatting, along with the occasional spelling and grammar mistakes. The emotions fall flat, and some of the words are so overused, it may as well be comic. Finally, the pacing is subpar, and there are more holes in the plot than there is in Swiss cheese.

Now it's fine in many cases, but the overall ranking of this story is a '-B'. I.E. It is a fine way to waste a few minutes, but if you were looking for something serious, you may as well go elsewhere. If it worked on the areas specified, it may eventually be something, but for now, it is trite. However, I'm definitely keeping an eye on it, the premise itself, if done well enough, could be something to look forward to.

Well... Let the shenanigans commence as soon as possible.

3814372 So, because you've 'read countless fanfictions' you are an expert at understanding them . . . right. I have seen many reviewers like you who simply detract from a story simply because their stories fell flat on their faces.

Their is no perfect imitation of any character in any story found here or on any other website from book or anime. Why? Because only the creator of the character can actually say what this person would do in any given situation. Yes Kisuke and Yoruichi don't exactly fit up to snuff to what their normal personalities are but so what? This if fiction, and no story survives first contact without picking up some scarring. There will always be mark that define it from what it once was, whether they be subtle or noticeable.

This simply needs some spit and polish, an editor willing to look over it. If the author can get one of those, this story could shine. Besides, very few others seem to have a problem with this story the way you do.

And if you really want to go so far as to 'rate' it, be sure your own stories are actually noteworthy before passing judgment down on others. The thumbs up/down shows that your rating don't mean squat.


3812689 he is wearing a hat so we do not know yet if he has a horn

3814531 ...Oh? Spit and Polish? This story needs bleach. And if you're saying that my own stories should reflect my abilities as a writer, and a reviewer, then you're dead wrong. To rate my own stories, I wouldn't give them any markings, because in the simplest truth, they are not stories. They are half-finished ideas that I didn't see any point in continuing. They aren't good, there isn't a way to mesh those characters to another world, and I don't have the current experience to make them more than what they are. It's a tragedy that they won't see completion, but fuck it, I was just trying to see where they would go in the first place. And I agree with you when you say that the 'thumbs up/thumbs down' feature doesn't mean anything, but you have to realize that it means more than saying my own stories aren't up to snuff.

I nitpick, downgrade, and rate on a scale so I, and others can see potential, and quality. But when someone says I'm doing wrong with reviewing in the first place? That's not going to fly. I review, I criticize because I want a story to improve. I expect the best from anyone, and everyone. I don't want to live in a subpar world, where language is abused and walked over to the point where all I'm looking at is mush, and thus I try to seek improvement as far as I can. Your arguments stagnate the pool of filth that I'm trying to raise and improve, and it bothers me that you think this is the best that can be done. So to conclude, here are the three problems, I have with what you're saying.

1.

Yes Kisuke and Yoruichi don't exactly fit up to snuff to what their normal personalities are but so what? This if fiction, and no story survives first contact without picking up some scarring.

This is what I'm trying to fix. Fiction, and fanfiction should be well-written. We don't live in a day where what you try to write is wish-fulfillment, and puke spat on the face of ideas. Ideals aren't perfect, and I don't expect perfection. And no, some stories survive first contact, but the fanon clichés are another thing. If we left what wasn't 'up-to-snuff' the way it was, it would never improve. It's like you're trying to advocate stupidity.

2.

Their is no perfect imitation of any character in any story found here or on any other website from book or anime.

Yeah, so what? Just because there is no such thing as perfection, does not mean there isn't a 'close-as-possible? If every story had readers like you, we'd be stuck in the dark ages. If all Bleach had in the beginning were readers like you, they would have NEVER hit off. They'd be back in the 'D' ranks instead of one of the top three mangas in current market.

3.

an editor willing to look over it. If the author can get one of those, this story could shine.

And you think that I don't like it. What I don't like isn't the story, its the lackluster characters, flip-flopping emotions, and the massive gaping plot holes. It's not that I think the story 'could' shine, I expect it to. I want this story to be as best as possible, and your and some of these other comments do nothing for this story, or tell it where it fails. Besides me, and one or two others, all is see is a bunch of fanboys defending a 'concept' that's not being attacked in the first place, and to them I say 'Get off your high horse, the story is fine. All I want is for the author to improve his characters, fill in the dialogue, and remove the still-gaping holes in the plot.'. Is it too much to ask that you guys look at 3813578? All I'm doing is saying the same things he is, a little bit more aggressively.

It's hard to find a meme that will truly fit how I feel listening to you...so here's one that will surely get across my message.

reallifephilippines.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Implied-Facepalm.jpg
I mean, it's not like I downvoted the thing, I just didn't favorite. Come on, guys, it's not that bad.

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