• Member Since 24th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 27th, 2018

Mr Darkstone


If I wanted to stay sane, then I should have stayed away from the internet.

T

Hello there, my name is or was Kyle but now I go by Axel. You see, what started as just me and 13 of my friends going to a convention cosplaying as Organization XIII from Kingdom Hearts II for my 18th birthday, has ended in us becoming Organization XIII, coming to Equestria, being labeled as enemy's of Equestria and having all the ponies hating us including that S.O.B named Celestia. But you know what, I don't care; if I'm stuck here and miss sun butt isn't going to help us get home then I might as while have some fun well I'm here till we find a way home.


This story was inspired by F*** it I'm Having Fun by Jimmy the Grape and many other stories like it. And special thanks to Thadius0 for proofreading.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 221 )

Barely played any KH but whatever, I'll read this

Can't wait to see what happens

You got a fav like and follow I am a Hugh kingdom hearts fan and I love demyx

And then Luna though Xemnas was in love with her because he made a heart shaped moon. THE END

I'll give you a favorite for now. You gotta earn the like.

3973801 You think that's all? There's more! I predict that 'darkness' will be said at least 250 times by the end of that fic.

3973810 You know what, I dare you to count how many times I use the word darkness in this story!

I think that you are in need of an editor or proofreader. Still, you have made me interested in Kingdom Hearts, so you earn a like.
I know that I'm pretty like that myself.Here are some errors that I picked up that are easily fixable:

With that, we walked to were the rest of the group was waiting for us.

Change that to 'where.' Where denotes a place, while were is denoting the past. It's an easy mistake to make.

spell had finally ware off,

Change that to worn off. I don't know what word that is, but worn is the correct word to use here.

cant

put one of these in between the n and t: '

it back to revile each and every one of the Organization's weapons, they wont those fake plastic ones they were made of metal and they look like there real.

revile? No, reveal. Wont basically means that it is what they want to do. Change it to won't. Also, put a comma between fake plastic ones and they were made of metal.
Still, good work! You have a good fic, just make sure to iron out these little niggles. I'll point out more later.

3973850

it back to revile each and every one of the Organization's weapons, they wont those fake plastic ones they were made of metal and they look like there real.

Wont basically means that it is what they want to do. Change it to won't.

'Weren't' is a better term, as in 'they were not those fake plastic ones'. 'Won't' is 'will not'.

In regards to the story itself, I agree that you should probably get a proofreader, Mr. Darkstone. However, 'tis a decent enough start, and you have my attention.

3973850
3973889 I admit that when it comes to proofreading, I suck at, its one of my major flaws as a writer.:ajsleepy:

You have my favorite I wish to see more of this!

3973940 Ask and you shall receive... whenever I get to around to it that is.:twilightblush:

Things happen so fast. Slow down, bro. Maybe give some more actions to the characters. Don't just go: We're gonna have a picnic, oh wait no we're not, because Axel broke free. We don't even know why he was imprisoned to begin with. I better hear something about this next chapter.:twilightangry2:

3974155 Yah I kind of rushed it at the end didn't I, but I well explain why he was imprisoned or at the very least give you an idea of what happened.

3974260 Right now I'm actually hoping they did SOME sort of evil. That would justify their imprisonment a lot better than the sisters saying: New bipedal creatures we've never met before? Must be evil. Let's imprison 'em!

wait how and where he imprisoned again?

3974510 Dunno yet. All Celestia notes is that A: Axel's return means some spell has worn off, and B: Axel's return means his friends, the rest of Org 13, will be waking up soon.

One word.
Moar.

Enough said.

"Pitiful Heartless, mindlessly collecting hearts. The rage of the keyblade releases those hearts, where they gather in darkness, masterless and free, until they weave together to make Kingdom Hearts and we can truly, finally exist."
Saix.

The only time I came close to playing Kingdom hearts was in a day care center.

And now that this story has got my attention I need someone with an acute knowledge of exactly how evil orignization Xlll is and what powers they have

If someone could reply I'd give a like on everyone of their stories

Nice start so far.

I do hope the pace will slow a bit in later chapters. Right now it's a bit breakneck.

another problem that involves grammar.

"Dude don't tell them or else are evil plans to take over Comic Con will be ruined!"

Don't you mean "our" plans?

Terrible grammar but the story makes up for it.
MOAR!
Can't wait for the next chapter! :D

This is AWESOME :pinkiehappy:
I love the kingdom hearts series and I gotta say, this is amazing. Can't wait for more. :twilightsmile:

3977095 ... Yah you're way off, I named it that because it's his catchphrase , not because of another fanfic, hell, I didn't even know that fanfic existed.

Shouldn't this be on the KH group as well?

3977244 You should read it is soooooo funny. It neary beat my fourth fave MLP story, and my fave Kingdoom Hearts story Keyblade's light

If anyone is interested on the current status of this story, I made a blog to tell you what's going on.

I really hope that this ends up being a good organization fic. I haven't been able to find a good one yet. Unless anyone has something to recommend.

I See the following Errors

Hello there, my name is or was Kyle but now I go by Axel. You see, want started as

But you know what, I don't care; if I'm stuck here and miss sun butt isn't going to help us get home then I might as well have some fun well I'm here till we find a way home.

Change "Want" to What and "Well" to while

Mkay, outta all the LoHAV stories, this be the one that I'm willing to aid in the editing of.
Lemme just take a look-see here...

We planed eight months ahead

planned

work on all of are costumes

our

rent some room's at a hotel

No apostrophe necessary.

build are weapons on a small budget

Again, our.

I then looked to were my little brother

where

shortest of are group of friends

our

I said well messing with his hear playfully.

Would probably read better as 'I said while messing with his hair playfully.'

having my hear dyed blond

hair, again.

that are sister

our

we droved in

Should just be drove.

that there at the entrance

they're

finally cached up with

caught would work better here.

once in; we

Once in, we

Luxord cense he

since

right, are weapons were

our

look like there real

they're

Now normally if you bought the hole set it would be over five thousand, but sense you guys are playing the act and how badly you need some better equipment, ill sell it for five hundred."

whole, since, I'll

so does mine...

Should probably be 'so is mine...'

will wake up to soon...

will wake up soon, too...

...That was actually enjoyable!
I might've missed some capitalization, some spacing...but methinks you could catch that.

3980437 Have I mention that I'm terrible at proofreading. :facehoof:

3982187
Have I mentioned I have spellcheck and OCD? :scootangel:

3982193 Well, I fixed them, sorry for the terrible spelling.

3982264
Perfectly willing to be an editor.
I have, after all, played KH.
So when I see this join our wonderful LoHAV-verse, I want to make sure it's done right.

3982329 ...My friend, I would have to be sane not to accept your offer.

Missed a few!

shortest of are group of friends standing

with the rest of are group and

our, in both instances.

once in, we question of

"there's no need for that my little ponies,

Should be capitalized in both instances.

coming to say hi"

Should probably be a period in there.

A cursory glance reveals everything else as nominal.

3982414 ... Ok its official, you can be my editor.

Aw dammit. Missed a few. My OCD will not let me be...

"well I didn't think the entire

Capitalization.

does every once in awhile, and it seams that this

Should probably be seems.

...Okay, I think that's all the errors. Right? RIGHT? :pinkiecrazy:

3982440 IF YOU EVER GIVE UP ON THIS STORY I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND BREAK YOUR LEGS :flutterrage:

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