• Member Since 19th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Feb 12th, 2015

Deadcat


hi! my name is Lauryn Whitehead. If you want to know about me, here are 4 words to describe me; filly fooler ;3 yuri, grimdark, gore

T
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My name is pinkie pie, i live in ponyville with all my best friends. I should be happy right? but i have been keeping a secret for my whole life, all to protect the breaking mind of Dashie.

Fluttershy sat across from me with her concerned azure eyes staring deep into my soul with concern. "Y-you can tell me anything pinkie..." she cooed softly, her voice echoing in my soft pink ears. I had been trying to hold it in, hold in how i fell in love with the cyan Pegasus, how i had killed my father, how i got my cutie mark, how me and the rainbow maned pony met at the asylum. How she forgot.

but secrets were hard to keep for so long, and i knew that if i could tell anypony about what happened, it was Fluttershy.
"o-okay, well i guess it all started on a rock farm" i spoke calmly, as the rest of the story poured out of me.

AMAZING ALTERNATE ENDING/ EPILOGUE HERE: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/190532/pinkie-promise-epilogue
(cover art by me: toxicdemon10 on Deviantart)

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 126 )

You have a good story going here, but you should know that your punctuation is pretty bad. Mainly it's capitalization, but I saw a period or two missing here and there. For example, Pinkie Pie is a name and should thus be capitalized, but several times it is not. Also, thought it may not be noticed by many people, you should capitalize your chapters. Fimfiction doesn't care about it much, but it's a general rule of mine. Other than that, I can see this being a good story, otherwise I wouldn't have even bothered to comment (I do it a lot). Try and you shall succeed.

This is amazing, I can't wait for the next chapter! !


~~Flutter-Shy~~

pff, what a kangaroo court. A ten bit lawyer could have pointed out that the murder weapon was improvised on the spot, so it couldn't have been premeditated. "Being upset beforehand" doesn't count as premeditated.

Plz make the next chapter:applecry:

4266837
well, slaughter is rather rare in Equestria and not like they could afford a good lawyer, or that her parents even care.

4265697

Thank you! Sorry about the awful grammar, it has never been my strong subject..:twilightsheepish:

"I'd miss you of you died....."

Such a lovely story I can't wait for more :twilightsmile:

Now THAT was some remarkable job! I'm very... VERY happy I happened to find this story and read it. I love your vision of the situation and that little.... ehm, alternative universe you've made up. It all was brilliant and I trully wish more ponies would read and like this story of yours. Thakn you very much for writing it. I love it. :pinkiecrazy:

4310560 :pinkiegasp: THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! i really love all your kind words!! its not really an AU its, kinda like a story that goes back in time, like a headcannon? mabye? anyways, thank you so much for all you words!!:heart::heart:

4315950 I called it an AU because it actually breaks the cannon ^^ And no need to thank me. I'm just saying what I really think ^^ Keep up your wonderful work. I can't wait for the next part of the story ^^

Though I can't help but REALLY worry if that story is going to have a happy ending or not. Because if it doesn't, it'll all go to waste in my eyes...

"No peaking!" I poked fun.
hard to find a sowing machine

(I think she's going to be doing a lot of "peaking" tonight.)

"I love you Rainbow Dash!"

My eye lids were to heavy

4316549

I think this story is a prequel to the show, so it should turn around... eventually.

4318307 Well, it would still be a bad ending if Rainbow won't remember anything and Pinkie would prefer to hide it deep inside herself in order not to put much pressure on Rainbow.

"Your just throwing away

4318317

Well Rainbow Dash did forget. I thought she was going to do so as a coping mechanism though, not the old "head injury." That would have been a lot harder on Pinkie, as her friend rejected and avoided her more and more genuinely while they tried to earn their freedom by staying apart.

4318402 The thing I'm concerned about is if she's going to remember or not. After all, there is that special book in their possession... to remind them of all the times they had together.

I really didn't think pinkie waz a filly fooler:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

4318691 -pinkie shrug-:pinkiesmile:

4318326

for a ferret, you sure are a smart ass.:rainbowhuh:

jk, but i get it, it could use a little more revisions, so you don't have to keep posting my mistakes, i have a editor already.

4316549

you'll see! :3 you're pretty close though!!:rainbowlaugh:

rather questionable execution, especialyl with her gradually losing her memory as that does not work. but i do like the alternate idea of how she got her mark a little.

actually this made me suddenyl realize the abstract meaning of pinkie's cutie mark i will admit. it has less to do with parties and more raising people up, lifting thier spirits and easing the pain in others.

4323499

exactly, and lost of people have been asking about the whole "forgetting" thing, don't worry people it will all be explained.

I SOOO hope it's not the last chapter. In fact, the most interesting turn of events is about to begin....

4323364

The way I see it the more eyes the better. Editor's job is to keep your head out of the clouds, not to check your spelling. When it stands out to me I figure might as well point it out.

Comment posted by ferret deleted May 2nd, 2014

This is beautiful. I have tears in my eyes, and I love the story. My only question is, do you have plans for it to lead on?


Much love from your reader
~~Flutter-Shy~~

4329601

thank you!

as for continuing, i only have one more chapter left and then im planing to end it.:pinkiegasp::fluttershbad::fluttercry::raritydespair::raritycry:

4329607 NOOOOOO
Well, all good things come to an end they say.

And this is now my head cannon. Thank you.


~~Flutter-Shy~~

Oh. My. Celestia... I ADORED the slaughtering part. That piece of corrupted under-being has got EXACTLY what he deserved EXACTLY the way he deserved it! Great job there.

I really hope the story is going to reveal the truth to Rainbow Dash somehow... be that the book of memories they shared... or sudden return of her memory.

4329725

you will see! thanks, im really glad that i got to slaughter the doctor.:twilightblush:

4329851 Are u gonna make a chapter where rainbow sees fluttershy and feels she's hiding something and gets it out of fluttershy and flutters tellers her the story and rainbow goes to pinkie and asks her why she didn't say anything or something:rainbowderp::unsuresweetie:

4330008

cool idea!! but, you will have to wait and see:trollestia:

Ugh, did she have to savor that last bit so much? She's basically validating his "murderers can't be reformed" thing. Not that murderers should be reformed as long as there are people like him around who need murdering, but I just didn't want him to be right.

4330060

i guess your right, but in the end they won,:rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy:

To be honest... this story still needs an epilogue... And it should at least twice as long as this last chapter. The story cannot be settled inour hearts until it's not complete.

The future based on a lie... is futile.

4333362

i ended it the way i did because i want the reader to make up a happy ending, i left things untied because if they want Rainbow to remember they can, if they don't, they can. you see, i wanted it to be the kind of cliffhanger, where life goes on and the reader can decide what happens next.

4333538 That's one of the things I was afraid of, to be honest. You see, whatever the reader makes up... It's a different story. They can as well just go ahead and write what they've made up. It would be their story, not yours.

Your story is still incomplete. It doesn't feel right to end it the way you did. It doesn't feel... finished. It feels forsaken instead. You leave the reader with the feeling of a forsaken story. The story which will never have the ending. The epilogue. That is exactly the part which is missing....

Especially after the final part being TOO short.

4333617

but the story never dose end, thats the point, the show will go on, it wont end, that was the whole message, that life will carry on and the ending will never be complete

4334390 You misunderstand me. Or does the only way to write a complete story for you means describing the events to the VERY DEATH of the main characters? Obviously, it's not like that.

The life may be continuing as much as it wants, but the story as nice as yours is simply not allowed to leave that many questions without answer.

4334418

what do you want the ending to be? what did you have in mind?

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