The Question
A shower of muddy water splashed up as the pale purple filly fell backwards into one of the many puddles scattered around the rain soaked playground of Ponyville Elementary. Diamond Tiara watched as Dinky’s hooves scrambled to find purchase on the slick ground, tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes and lip bit firmly between her front teeth. Tiara chuckled at the sight, hearing Silver Spoon chime in from behind with her own laughter a second later, the sound tainted with a slight hesitation as always.
Embarrassment reddened the prone filly’s cheeks as she worked to right herself. Her voice caught in her throat as she tried to speak. She was clearly fighting the urge to cry as she looked up at her tormentors. “I’m sorry, Diamond Tiara. I just wanted to know if we could share your umbrella on the walk home. I’m sorry,” she said shakily.
Diamond Tiara’s eyes softened for an imperceptible moment before the characteristic sneer replaced itself on her features. Apologetic sadness was not one of the reactions to being bullied she was accustomed to, but it hardly mattered. She scanned the playground as her prey finally found her feet and begun fruitlessly shaking the mud from her drenched coat. Two dozen sets of eyes were now morbidly drawn to the confrontation playing out at the edge of the schoolyard. Diamond Tiara smiled, satisfied that she had an audience large enough to make a proper spectacle. She looked back down to the smaller unicorn filly before her.
Dinky Doo; she had sat two seats behind Diamond Tiara ever since she had joined Miss. Cheerilee's class. A tender and quiet little filly, she had always attracted more than her share of negative attention; more than just from Silver Spoon and herself. Public school was not for the faint of heart after all. Diamond Tiara knew, however, that some of her classmates had eased up on the purple unicorn as of late, ever since her dad had run out on her family. A timid little filly that was being raised by a single mother who now just scraped by in her low-paying job as a mailmare; their dynamic was not a common thing in the traditional and tight knit community of Ponyville and most of the other children had instinctually known to lay off their usual regime of teasing and exclusion. Some had even begun to begrudgingly associate with the filly, no doubt forced by their parents to spend time with the young unicorn. Diamond Tiara signed inwardly. Dinky definitely needed at least one real friend.
Diamond Tiara did not have that luxury, though she could not help but respect Dinky. The way she kept going after being the subject of schoolyard jokes and ridicule. The way she kept going after her father left without explanation. After all that, she still came to school every day with a smile on her face. Diamond Tiara mentally steeled herself for what was to come.
This was not going to be fun.
“This is going to be fun,” Diamond Tiara said as she turned to Silver Spoon, a cruel smile growing on her lips.
Hesitation briefly flashed across Silver Spoon’s face before her mouth formed a menacing grin to match her friend’s infectious sneer. “Heh Heh, totally Di,” she replied, voice now free of any uncertainty as she followed Diamond Tiara’s lead. Tiara felt herself fall into the familiar persona as she looked back toward the reddening Dinky.
“Just who are you anyway?” She snarled as she made a show of flattening the wrinkles that had appeared on her raincoat when she had shoved the other pony.
“I-I’m D-Dinky, from … from class. I’m real sorry if I ruined your coat Diamond Tiara, honest.” Dinky said, continuing the fight to regain her composure. A fight she was losing.
“Mhmm, and just what makes you think you're good enough to talk to us, much less share my umbrella?” Diamond Tiara raised her voice theatrically as she spoke, addressing the silent audience of classmates as much as Dinky herself. She waved the gem encrusted umbrella attached to her saddle back and forth as if to emphasize the ridiculousness of the notion.
“I … I just thought, since we all walk the same way …” Dinky’s trailed off as she cast her gaze downward with a sniffle.
Emboldened by her friend’s attitude, Silver Spoon stepped forward as well. “Aww, look everypony! I think little Dinky is gonna cry!” she said, her tone full of mocking venom. Silver Spoon looked over to Diamond Tiara, pride clear on her face.
Diamond Tiara nodded her approval and was rewarded when a bright smile lit up her friend’s features. Tiara felt her heart lighten for a moment at the sight before she turned back to the teary eyed unicorn before her. She took a deep breath, preparing for what was to come.
Even with all her practice, it was difficult to predict how a pony was going to react to this kind of confrontation. Most times ponies would try to laugh it off, attempting to save face as they chuckled at their own expense. This has been the most common response as it usually diffuses the situation and allows the poor foals to escape by sacrificing some of their pride. Sometimes the ponies would get angry, shouting back at her, trying to return the abuse. They rarely tried this anymore as Tiara was well known to be gifted with a quick and scathing tongue. There have been times when the communal tension of the school ponies had reached an apex and they have mobbed together against her in defense of their fellow classmates. In these cases, Diamond Tiara would lead Silver Spoon in a strategic retreat, usually muttering something demeaning about the lower classes not knowing their place. Her victories in these cases were not as obvious as the others, but no less complete. In some rare instances, the verbal stand-offs have resulted in violence. Diamond Tiara had always been quick to play the victim as soon as Miss Cheerilee arrived, denouncing her attacker as a savage ruffian. In the end, even this helped serve her cause. Seeing Dinky collect herself enough to find her words, Tiara exhaled, wit sharpened and at the ready.
“Why?” Dinky simply asked in an unsteady voice as she sniffed back her tears.
Diamond Tiara’s brow furrowed at the question. Where was the quick anger? The awkward laughter? The hasty retreat? Dinky wasn’t properly acting out her role and Tiara was, for the first time since the beginning, unsure how to proceed. A spark of real anger flared behind her facade. This was her show, and she needed to get it back on track.
“What are you talking about, you loser? Why what?” The annoyance she felt added an edge to her words even beyond her usual condescending tone.
Dinky’s head rose till she held Diamond Tiara’s gaze with her own; a quiet moment when cold blue met teary yellow. Then she asked, “ … Why are you being so … mean to me?”
The sneer on Tiara’s face melted away. Dinky’s voice was free of rage. Free of shame. Free even of accusation. The only thing colouring her question was a sadness and an honesty which completely disarmed Diamond Tiara. This wasn’t right. She stood looking at the soaking wet filly as she struggled against tears that Tiara herself had caused while waiting for her answer.
Why?
For the first time since the beginning, Diamond Tiara felt her eyes burn with tears as memories began to rise unbidden to her mind. Tiara couldn’t break her gaze away from her victim's. Dinky was now silent, but Tiara could still see her eyes pleading, asking her question. Why? Why does she do this? Why does she pick on everypony? Why does she go out of her way to publically humiliate and demean her classmates? To make them sad, or hurt, or mad, or scared? All the while pointing and laughing at them, with her equally cruel friend standing at her back?
The sorrow worn on Dinky’s face began to echo in Diamond Tiara’s heart. It didn’t surprise her that she felt bad for her actions, or that she had sympathy for this drenched and shivering filly in front of her. These feelings were far from new. What did surprise her was that she actually found herself tempted to answer. To explain. To tell this downtrodden classmate of hers that her suffering wasn't needless. That there was no maliciousness behind Tiara’s actions. That there was a purpose. That the pride of Diamond Tiara’s victims wasn’t hunted for sport, but sacrificed for a greater good.
After all, isn’t this why it all started? A joyless smile grew once more on Diamond Tiara’s face as she considered the circular irony of the world around her.
She could answer. She could tell poor Dinky how it all started. It would feel good to get it off her chest. And after all, if anypony could understand, it would probably be the shivering purple unicorn who stood in front of her. As Diamond Tiara’s mind turned to memories of the beginning, she finally found a thought which allowed her to break her gaze away from Dinky’s watery yellow eyes. She looked over her shoulder to her friend, Silver Spoon.
Diamond Tiara had come to Ponyville Elementary later than most. Her father had homeschooled her for the first few grades. He told her that she needed a broader scope of education than a public school could provide if she were going to take the reins of Rich’s Barnyard Bargains one day. While Tiara took quickly to her studies and greatly enjoyed her tutors’ praise as she excelled in most of his lessons, she still felt that she was missing out on something important. Even with the admittedly higher quality learning she was receiving, she couldn’t help but look out at midday upon the crowded playground of the school down the road and feel envy for the capering youngsters therein.
It had taken a year of asking, using methods ranging from polite inquiry to tear-streaked pleading, before her father had acquiesced to her request. Diamond Tiara still remembered her excitement as she donned her brand new saddle bag full of books and walked to school on her first day. Her smile had threatened to split her head in two as Miss Cheerilee stood with her at the head of the room and introduced Diamond Tiara to her new classmates.
It hadn’t taken Diamond Tiara long to make friends. She had always been intelligent and well spoken. This, combined with her excitement at finally being able to become part of a community, soon saw Tiara become something of a social butterfly. She called every clique, club, and group her friends, and they her in return. She was a true societal jack of all trades, and she had never been happier.
It was not long after her debutant appearance in this new life that Tiara noticed something that set her apart from her peers. Something she had always taken for granted and never fully understood the implications it brought forth. She realized she was rich. Diamond Tiara, unlike her friends, never had to save her allowance to afford treats from Sugar Cube Corner after class. She could attend all the movies, shows, and concerts that she had time for. She could always have the latest fashions, brought straight from Canterlot.
Diamond Tiara hadn't been very experienced in the unwritten rules of the playground at that point, but she had known one basic tenet. Different was bad. Every day she spent at her new school she saw ponies that were labelled as ‘different’ get teased, picked on, and excluded. Diamond Tiara was not about to jeopardize her new place in this complex social structure. She did the only thing she could. She lied. She acted like she was just the same as everypony else. She purchased clothes at the same stores her friends did, only bought sweets once a week, and only went to a show if the majority of her classmates could also make it. It was slightly annoying to have to censor her actions like that, but she didn’t really mind. She had never lived that extravagantly anyway, and besides, she was having fun with her new friends.
Life was perfect.
It was during one such perfect day, as all the school ponies filtered into the sunlit classroom ready to begin the day’s learning, that Diamond Tiara first met Silver Spoon. Miss. Cheerilee led the shy little grey filly to the front of the room and introduced her to everyone. Diamond Tiara found herself thrilled at the prospect of yet another new friend. During recess, she and a group of her peers had wasted no time in approaching the newcomer and introducing themselves. After that initial meeting, Silver Spoon began to accompany their group on all their outings.
A short time after Silver Spoon had been accepted into their group, several things became evident to Tiara. Silver Spoon was a very kind, extremely timid, and exorbitantly wealthy pony. Fortunately, it seemed she was the only one to realize the latter. Tiara was the only one to recognize the brand name of the clothing that Silver Spoon wore, as well as her refined manner of speech, as it mirrored her own upbringing. Diamond Tiara silently hoped that she was wise enough to hide the fact as Tiara herself had. She could not stand the thought of this sweet little pony being teased or excluded from the group. As it turned out, Diamond Tiara hadn’t needed to worry about Silver Spoon being excluded. The events that transpired were far worse than that.
It was during one rather unremarkable afternoon when the other school ponies finally caught on. A new show had come into town, the Great and Powerful Trixie, if Tiara recalled correctly. The excitement was rampant throughout the schoolyard, everypony wanted to go and see the world’s most magical unicorn perform. Unfortunately, the show came to town the day after Tiara’s group of friend’s had paid a visit to the bakery and spent all their allowance on treats. Diamond Tiara remembered how Silver Spoon’s features had lit up as she offered to buy tickets for the lot of them. She had been so thrilled to have a chance to contribute to the group, and they were equally thrilled at the chance to attend the performance. Everypony seemed so happy that Tiara began to wonder if she had been silly to worry about how her wealth would affect her friendships.
But after that night, Tiara started to notice the changes. Now that she had seen how happy it had made everypony, Silver Spoon began occasionally offering to pick up a few tabs at the bakery, relishing in the attention and praise it garnered her. Soon after such treatment began, her friends began testing the waters, apologetically asking for her to pay their way into shows. Silver Spoon always seemed more than happy to oblige. Tiara noticed at this point that their small group of friends began growing at an increasingly quick rate. More and more classmates were asking for Silver Spoon to join them at Sugar Cube Corner, or Bon Bon’s confectionary, or any number of other places. And of course, she was always elated to treat her friends to whatever they wanted. It was at this point when Tiara began worrying about her new friend.
Diamond Tiara had been staying late at school studying the first time Silver Spoon had been ditched. Looking up through a window, she had seen Silver Spoon standing in the middle of the playground, shoulders hunched, head hung low, name brand mascara running freely down her cheeks. Tiara rushed out to her friend, heart melting as she wordlessly enfolded her in a firm hug, feeling her own warm tears falling down her cheeks. After a time, Silver Spoon told her about that night. About how their friends invited her out to the most expensive restaurant in town. About how they all ordered the highest quality mushroom steaks. About how they had all run out of the restaurant while she was in the restroom. About how she had tried to run after them, only to see them laughing hysterically as they took off down a nearby street. Tiara knew now that her fears of Silver Spoon being teased and excluded were baseless, for something worse was happening. Silver Spoon was being used.
It was then that Tiara told Silver Spoon her secret. Her family’s money, and how she had kept it hidden from their classmates for so long. How Silver Spoon was not alone. Spoon’s eyes widened at the realization that somepony shared her curse, but Tiara immediately swore her to secrecy. She felt guilty for not suffering alongside her friend, but she was worried what the group would think if they realized she had been lying all this time. Kind-hearted Silver Spoon had of course agreed, although by her sombre expression, Tiara couldn’t help but feel that Spoon felt more isolated now than before she had confided in her.
Time passed, and these new outrages became common place. Every time Silver Spoon went out with the group, they ended up sticking her with a bill. Some were even so blatant as to directly ask her to buy some new outfit or gadget they wanted. Diamond Tiara always admonished them when she heard these things, but she couldn't be around all the time. The worst of it always happened when she was at home or staying late at school. More than once Diamond Tiara had rushed to answer a banging on her door late at night only to find a crushed and emotional Silver Spoon weeping on her step.
Tiara began making it a point to hang out with Silver Spoon without the rest of the group at least a couple of times a week. She had lost trust in her fellow classmates and wanted Silver Spoon to have at least one pony she could feel safe and herself around. Tiara’s heart broke for her friend and she wanted to help, but she was never sure if her secret companionship could make up for her duplicity in public.
It was during one of their weekly sleepovers that, after Spoon had fallen asleep while attempting to hide her silent weeps from her friend, Diamond Tiara stumbled upon her journal tucked halfway under the mattress. She felt tears sting her eyes and her breath hitch as she read her friend's secret words of sorrow and despair. She had known that these events were hard on Silver Spoon, but she hadn’t known how bad things had gotten. Perhaps, looking back, she had refused to know.
Page after page told of Silver Spoon’s daily struggles. They told of how her friends used and mocked her. They told of her plummeting self worth. They told of her inability to consult her distant mother or her absent father. They told of her one true friend, and how even she couldn’t do anything help her. They told of how she had begun to have thoughts of escape.
Escape from cruelties of the world.
Diamond Tiara remembered how she had shut the book in horror, mouth agape as she regarded her sleeping friend. She had decided then that she could no longer stand to see such a delicate and kind pony trampled under hoof by inconsiderate ‘friends’. She would save Silver Spoon. Save her from thoughts of isolation and escape. Laying awake beside Silver Spoon as she sobbed softly in her sleep, Tiara’s mind raced until she hit upon a realization. Tiara had always wanted to help her friend, and now she finally knew how to do it. It was not enough to be there for Silver Spoon in private. It wouldn't even be enough to stand with her in public by exposing her own secret wealth. Tiara knew that if she and Spoon stood up to their friends together, Silver Spoon’s demure and dependant demeanour would only invite history to repeat itself. No, Tiara knew that to fix this she not only had to be there as Silver Spoons friend, but also to keep all the other pretenders away.
Diamond Tiara knew that if she wanted to definitively prevent anypony from ever again extorting Spoon, she would have to drive a wedge between her and the rest of the town. To form a gap so vast that no pony would even want to attempt crossing it. Diamond Tiara knew of only one thing which she and Silver Spoon shared that could cause such a rift.
Wealth.
Tiara told Spoon of her decision to reveal her secret. Silver Spoon’s excitement at the notion was complete, and the next day at school she did just that. Initially, the group had been enthused to have another among them with such deep pockets. Tiara had felt her stomach turn as she could practically see them counting bits behind their eyes. At the end of the day, one of them suggested that they head over to Bon Bon’s for some treats.
It was then that Diamond Tiara enacted her plan. She had pushed the colt down into the dirt with a laugh. She told them that aristocrats such as her and Silver Spoon wouldn’t be caught dead fraternizing with riff raff such as them. Throwing her nose up into the air, she motioned to a stupefied Silver Spoon to follow and walked haughtily away, using her tail to swish some dirt into the face of the downed colt on her way. Everypony present was stunned to silence at the display from the formerly pleasant filly.
Silver Spoon had been as shocked as the others after the confrontation, and had initially been reluctant to follow Tiara’s new example. She had worked hard and suffered much to gain the acceptance of their classmates. Diamond Tiara had confidently assured her that they no longer had to mingle with the lower classes now that her secret was out. Tiara smiled grimly, remembering her words as she told Spoon that ponies such as they were meant for higher pursuits and could only be dragged down by commoners such as they.
It had taken some time for the naturally kind and shy pony to adopt this new outlook. Tiara made an example of everyone who crossed her path. No one was spared, whether they were part of Silver Spoon's earlier abuse or not. Any time there was opportunity and a crowd of ponies large enough to make her point, Tiara struck. Over time, Spoon’s kind and giving nature melted into the background, replaced by the armour of entitlement and clannishness that Diamond Tiara nurtured in her.
As time passed, Diamond Tiara saw the old Silver Spoon recede further and further behind these protective walls, but it didn’t matter. Tiara had succeeded. She had saved her friend. And she continued to save her every day. Gone were the tears and secret terminal desire. With every act of bullying and exclusion, she reinforced the bulwark of class and division she had created from them. Her actions kept every other pony a safe distance from Spoon and herself. Far enough away that no one tried to befriend them anymore. No one tried to get to know them. They weren't needed, for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon found their happiness in each other. It hurt Tiara’s heart to see the most beautiful aspect of her friend encased in this armour, but she knew in her heart that Silver Spoon was still the same tender-hearted filly she was on her first day of class. She revealed it now and again, such as in the hesitation she had shown when they began laughing at Dinky.
Diamond Tiara’s mind suddenly snapped back to present day. Everypony around her was chattering nervously. She must have been silent for a long time while she was reliving her past. Dinky still stood shivering in front of her, waiting for her answer. What was the question again?
Why?
Diamond Tiara shook her head. She was not a mean spirited pony by nature. Every time she belittled or demeaned another undeserving filly or colt, she felt terribly for them. But she had no other choice but to keep the act up. If she gave leniency to anypony, the armour would crack; the walls she had so carefully built would crumble. Ponies would start to relate or identify with them. Eventually Silver Spoon’s ingrained need to please and to be accepted would crash through, she would reach out, and she would be open to all the same heartache and despair as before. Tiara knew in her heart that if Spoon was taken advantage of again after dropping her guard so completely, it would break her. Why? Because Tiara had no other choice.
Did She?
If there was any pony that deserved to be treated fairly and without malice, it was Dinky. With everything the little filly had gone through lately, she reminded Tiara in many ways of the old Silver Spoon. She was quiet, timid, and being given a rotten time by classmates claiming to be friends. And despite this she continued to soldier on, just as Silver Spoon had, burying all her hurt and despair within herself. Now that Diamond Tiara thought back of recent weeks since Dinky’s home life had crumbled, she realized that many of the same warning signs had become apparent. Did Dinky have her own journal filled with dark thoughts under her bed?
Tiara took a moment to look back into Dinky’s watery yellow eyes before speaking. She had wondered why Dinky hadn’t reacted with anger or shame or misplaced laughter. Looking into her eyes, Tiara could now see the reason. Ponies reacted in these ways to protect themselves. It was a variation of the fight or flight instinct which exists in every living thing. Dinky’s question had none of these things, in their place was merely an deep and honest sadness.
Long buried emotions rose within Tiara, conflicting her mind. Diamond Tiara had been there to save Silver Spoon. Who was there to save this scared little filly in front of her? She scanned the crowd once again, noting faces coloured only with self-interested fear and anger. There were no protectors out there.
Tiara felt her heart clench with indecision. Dinky wasn’t wealthy or important, and everypony in the yard was now watching the exchange. Diamond Tiara couldn’t go easy on her without compromising her aristocratic bearing in front of their whole school. But if she carried the confrontation through to its conclusion, she would only be worsening the condition of the depressed little unicorn. Panic gripped Tiara as she considered the possibility of her torment being the final push into some dark and hidden decision Dinky was making. The panic only intensified as she looked back over to Silver Spoon, whose brow had furrowed onto a conflicted look of confusion and concern during Tiara’s extended silence.
Could she save them both?
Or by trying, would she lose the one pony she cared for most?
Diamond Tiara opened her mouth to speak...
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OH, COME ON!!!!
I liked this story... very sad...
Are you going to continue this? I'd really like to see how this all plays out...
sounds intresting so I will add to watch later
4228958
Good to hear! let me know what you think, I'm always hungry for feedback!
4228879
The stories in the Ask series story tell of a critical moment in the subjects life and the events leading up to it, leaving the rest up to the reader. I'm flattered that you enjoyed it enough to want the story to continue though!
I'm afraid not my friend!
If you are interested in it, i suggest reading Ask Snowflake, which is linked in the description as it follows a similar style.
4228734
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed. Here, have a Derpy!
4228711
lol I understand you comment sir. If this story left you wanting more, you should check out the first one linked in the description, I can definitely say that it .... will probably do the same thing.
Thanks for the read!
4229013 OH MY GAWD I LOVE DERPY!!!!
I would really like this style to continue. It's a very interesting style of telling a story and I'm eager to see what other ponies you have waiting for us.
// Sphex
This is very similar to my own headcanon about Diamond, so I like. The way you executed it was perfect as well.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Show,_don%27t_tell
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/show-dont-tell/
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ShowDontTell
http://www.wright.edu/~david.wilson/eng3830/creativewriting101.pdf
http://thewritepractice.com/show-dont-tell/
http://www.writingforward.com/writing-tips/writing-tips-show-dont-tell
4229524
While I appreciate that you took the time to read and comment on my piece, I feel that you may have misunderstood its intent. Its meant to be an expository piece exploring a characters inner struggle from their own perspective.
The oft repeated "Show, don't tell" mantra prevalent on this site doesn't actually apply to this story as it is meant to be expository. (Only a few moments pass over the course of the entire story)
I appreciate your attempts to assist me though
4229144
Great minds think alike! Thanks for the comment!
4229078
Thrilled you enjoyed! It already looks like this one is getting a fairly positive reception, so I may just have to keep these coming! Thanks for the read and the kind words!
Why is a form of an attack. Good or bad, justifying actions is not a simple thing. This makes 'why' an insidious strike only the most foolish or wisest can ignore effectively. Simply, I saw this as Dinky punching Diamond in the gut.
I laughed.
Maybe I'm a fool, but if this Diamond Tiara changed her mask before - what is stopping her now? Nothing.
4229608
I just don't see what that accomplishes when you could have told a much better story with not that much more effort and not have to frame it with this clunky setup.
But okay, it's your style and that's fine. And if you're intelligent enough to comprehend the idea of intentional expository writing instead of just shitting out the laziest thing you possibly can like most of the people on FIMFic do, then I'm probably just too autistic to appreciate this properly.
It's an interesting idea you have here, but it felt rushed and undeveloped because it was all exposition and no activity. Although, I suppose it technically works--it's an okay framework.
YOU CANT JUST DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT MAN!!!
4229013 Okay, I've created my own end to the story:
So DT is about to speak, but then the world explodes because Discord ate too many frijoles. Everypony dies. THE END.
4229688
First off, thank you for taking the time to have a well informed discussion with me over the comments. Feedback and talking about creative direction is half the reason I post on this site (the other being I love candy coloured ponies!
)
I can certainly understand why you find the framing clunky. Modern writing has mostly kept exposition to a minimum in favor of a moving plot. As such, nearly pure exposition pieces like the ones in my Ask series can feel strange to read due to pacing and word choice among other reasons.
To give some context for this style, I can tell you that I am heavily influenced by H.P. Lovecraft and other pulp writers of the 1920-1930's when creating the Ask stories, as well as my Eleven and Counting story in which half the events are told in correspondence between Twilight and Princess Celestia.
I highly suggest reading some Lovecraft. It can take a few of his shorts to get a feel for the flow of his work, but he was truly gifted and is one of the most important writes of weird fiction.
4229758
......... Head Cannon Accepted.
4229756
Lol, well then, unless your a masochist I wouldn't read my other story in the Ask series
Thanks for the read!
4229637
Exactly. Whether it was intentional or not, that simple question didn't just take the wind out of DT's sails, it made her boat spring a few leaks.
As far as changing the Mask she chooses to wear, that is where I hand the reigns over to the reader.
thanks for the read and comment!
WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE HAT BIG OF A CLIFF-HANGAR!?!?!?
4229791
Did you just compare yourself to HP Lovecraft?
I suppose you're under the impression that I'm a typical animufag--I'm not. I often prefer modern literature to older styles. Specifically, I often prefer modernist influences in my lit more than anything, though that's kind of a broad statement so I'd be hesitant to stand by it if pressed. But I try not to limit myself to one style or time period, in any case. You are what you eat, after all. If you eat nothing but manga comic books, you'll shit out Spike harem porn erry day of the week.
I agree that the appropriate amount of detail depends heavily on the atmosphere you're trying to build. Too much or too little can distract from the story or limit what the reader can envision. But I just feel... hm. Actually, it's less the exposition, I guess (although that does make it worse at times) and more that it has a very bland personality to it. It's probably my modernist influences at work, but I just think that using one neutral narrative voice for everything detracts from the storytelling. Combined with the particular tense you're using, it makes for some awkward, cliched moments that I feel could have been less so if they had been written differently.
Because we're both adults, I assume you can take that critique and either make use of it or refuse and refute it maturely. It's rare to find someone on this site who can discuss anything technical about their writing without dissolving into screaming fits like a five year old, so this is a most joyous occasion indeed for someone such as myself.
4229944
Also I believe there is already far more SpikyClop Romps on this site than is necessary lol
I have absolutely no problem with your critiques. (in fact comments of this type are why I do this, hoping to become a better writer) And i can definitely see where your coming from.
If I may though, I will propose, and I very well may be mistaken, that you find the personality to be bland because it is written entirely from DT's perspective. In this story I characterized her as a very intelligent and pragmatic person. From your comments, I can see that you are obviously intelligent and pragmatic yourself, and as such would be reading one step ahead of others who didn't share these traits. Is it possible that this is the reason you found the word choices and narrative personality to be bland and predictable? (honest question, as I considered this problem when deciding to write an expository story from a sole narrative point.)
I agree with you 100% about enjoying the chance for a good dialogue on writing craft. I dont want to impose but I would love the chance to go over some of my other stories if you would be interested. PM me if you would like to exchange thoughts, I would be more than happy to take a look at your work as well if you like.
This is sad... I liked your writing style! 5 Stars!
You...
Get one galaxy of stars for this story. Magnificent!
""Why?" is a silly question."
-Richard Dawkins
The foolish will to everything they can to avoid the "why?" question, and I think this story illustrates that very well.
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It stopped at the good part!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eh. I like the story, it's well done, Doesn't tell or show more than it needs to and gets out right on schedule. My only gripe is that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon can't be that smart or sympathetic, nor can their reasons for being utter @$$ hats be explained away in such a ludicrous way.
We know at the very least that Silver Spoon isn't as awful as Diamond Tiara as she is usually the first to come around when the bullying aspect of an episode goes away. (most notably in family appreciation day.) Also, Silver's response of "but we already called them blank flanks" in ummm... I forget the ep, but it's the one where Diamond Tiara decides picking on a pony with a disability is totally cool.
Which it isn't.
Apart from that and the cliffhanger, this story is pretty good. And yes, the cliffhanger is a problem. People thought Inception was cool because they never truly answered the question as to whether it was a dream or not because the answer was it didn't matter. The character decided dream or not, he was going to live his life. This is clearly a case where the decision does matter and therefore should be explained.
Either way, I enjoyed this so I will be giving it a thumbs up regardless.
I demand that you continue this
Quite an interesting challenge Diamond has been presented with. Maybe she could whisper in Dinky's ear that she'll explain later when there aren't so many ponies listening, and then yell at her to get lost? Then talk things over with Silver Spoon, whether they should attempt to befriend Dinky, or not risk it. And then go for it.
Lots of interesting places to go from there.
that cliffie
This cannot be complete.
Why did you stop writing more?
I need more! Make a sequel! 
Damn you cliffhangeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer...
Really great story, its nice to see some good character exploration for DT and SS
So, you want to know what I think? I think this is a perfectly written story... Everything you wanted to express has been expressed without a flaw. You did a wonderful job... A wonderful, yet incomplete job. So, let me ask you one question: as a writer, do you feel right letting the story end here?
4231578 it's not a cliffhanger... apparently, that's the end.
Yep, it was very disappointing.
(story ends)
[youtube=youtube.com/watch?v=-DgFWOvgL90]
uh luneth spark hates it when stories end like this it makes luneth spark angry
Yeh
Good job, man
I can feel so much tension in this fic and that ending just made it grow.
It's a good fic. Judging from what I read in the first "Ask" I'd say the tension has been doubled. I liked how the end both offers the readers a chance to think of how it plays out as well as bringing the tension meter up.
I think I'll think up some ending I'd like after letting off some steam.
Well, this is certainly interesting. Diamond Tiara's reasons for being a bully are actually as good as reasons for being a bully can get. I would never have expected that.
WOW
Amazing story!!!!
Can you do a continuation of this? It is probably my FAVORITE DT backstory ever!! Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please SEQUAL!!!!!
It just stopped!!! Noooo!!!! I wanted to see what she was gonna do!
Other then that it is an amazing piece of work... I just wish some would read my story and leave feedback... Thats mainly why I never kept going with it because no one seamed to care enough to give me info...
Anyway, This is a wonderful work of art... I love how its played out, How they are good fillys only trying to protect one another. And then thrown into a internal conflect of epic propertions!
I loved it!
4233287
Thanks for the read and the kind words!
I don't have a ton of free time lately but I wouldn't mind taking a look at your story. I cant promise you when ill get to it, but ill put my thoughts down in the comments for you
4232838
Thrilled you enjoyed it! I'm afraid I dont have any immediate plans to continue DT's story here, but I do have several other ideas for more stories in this Ask series that I'm interested in working on. Keep an eye out!
4231687
Thank you very much, your words flatter me sir. As far as the ending, I do feel content with how it is left. I feel if i were to answer the question, it would lessen the impact of the moral grey area the character is attempting to work through. thanks for the read!
Thanks everyone for the read and comments!!! I'm thrilled to have put out a piece that so many people are enjoying!
Cheers!
This is an interesting fic. I quite enjoyed it. I do think it could be made better by letting us hear the answer given. This is just my opinion, so please don't take it personally, but to have so much tension built up and not to be able to hear the answer feels somewhat like a cop out to me. It just feels a bit unfinished, like a road that ends abruptly.
I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing, as it lets people use their imagination a bit, even though I'd rather have seen the questions answered. I did enjoy both fics though, as they give insight on how each character thinks and what their life was like.
HOW THE HELL DO WRITERS DO THIS?
YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE, AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT! GOD DAMMIT, IT'S CONFUSING!
Also, dat cliffhanger tho.
4233501
Thank you... You are very kind...
And yes. Giving an answer would lessen the story in a why... I mean. Its intersting just thinking about 'what' she would do after...
I've had sevreal diffrent outcomes from just the cut off ending. And that to me is a good thing... It allows you to fill in the blanks and make your own outcome for yourself. Its quite intreging...
Nice writing but I kinda wanted to hear the answer. Like just a sentence would do...
What! Noooooo! I need an answer. I wanna here her response.
Cue the credits.
It was a great story!;)
4233501 Oh well, it does leave how she would handle it up to our guesses..... Sadly, I think DT would not tell Dinky the story. Well at least, not yet..