*Edit: 26 Nov. 2014. Changed tags to 'Teen' and added 'Dark'. But it's a light-dark.
Luna wakes in a cavern, blindfolded, gagged and bound by magic runes. Her captors are exultant. They have captured the co-regent and sister to the highest power in all Equestria. They can name their price!
Or can they?
Luna won't cooperate, Celestia hasn't answered the ransom demand, and Canterlot is acting like nothing is amiss. The moon rises and sets just like it always has.
If they have Princess Luna, why doesn't anypony seem to care?
Chapters (26)
Thou hast my attention. Proceed.
kay, why would celestia not go apeshit over her sister disappearing? or maybe they do not find them a threat or something......... i don't know.
think luna id capable of making the moon rise and fall even if she is restrained.
4097489 Orders received. Forward!
4097513 Do you believe magic can be restrained as well? If it can't, there must be a way to convince the Mage to keep from using magic.
Trust the writer.... Trust the writer...
Unless the story is s#!T, then just read something else..
You are asking the right questions. I hope to write acceptable answers.
4105418 certain magic maybe can be bound. then again how do you bind the pinkie sense or stare? it seems unlikely you could disconnect their bind to the celestia bodies short of some extreme magicks. the only forces that seem to be albe to severe the bond is the elements of harmony, and the plunder seed vines after they stole the tree of harmony's powers.
think one could bind her magic, but not her moon connection. and binding her magic would be trying and take constant attention so that she does not erode away whatever magical muzzling is used. its hard to prepare for someone as powerful as an alicorn after all.
.................. okay seriously what is with this story if they do not have celestia worrying about luna? it is kinda starting to piss me off right now if she does not.................
4417986 This story is told from Tiara's (Silver Chalice) perspective, and she has no knowledge of exactly what Celestia thinks, knows, or does. I don't desire to rankle you, but I don't want to give up any story elements either.
4418017 .........she loves luna, and suffered for a millenium keeping the moon moving. she regrets it completely. she evne shed tears diong it............. how could she not react? it makes no sense.
4418092 Yeah, you're correct. It's obvious that I'm a shite writer. Please down-vote my story and never read anything from me again.
OR
you can re-read my earlier comment and accept the fact that I do not wish to divulge any story elements that are not know to the main character: Tiara (Silver Chalice).
4418186 no need to take it personal dude just giving a critique. ii am not calling it stupid just that it makes no sense........ and have had a track record now of the stories not bothering to make sense.
seriously i have been having poor luck with stories latelty. damn poor luck. has made me damn cynical.
that was an odd chapter. tiara is sitll acting like a miad to luna even when she is the captor and it was fairly amusing. still an odd chapter.
though that pony underpants idea is rather brilliant. though i always thought that simply they did not have such social cues for nudity to begin with, considering weapon anything down there could restrict movement and of course cover their cutie marks.
4437286 Yeah, Tiara acting maid-like is mainly out of guilt and habit. She didn't want any harm to Luna, but Luna did receive painful burns from her bonds, and she was the only one who could treat them. I see a kind of reverse Stockholm-syndrome happening here. As we learn more about Tiara, I think it will make sense.
As for undertails, The straps are thin and able to be brushed under the coat. The only fabric is under the tail and between the legs. The CM's are not covered.
4437328 like i said i never even thought of that.
though basically it is a thong though.........
Mmmm sexy.
Oh I hope they burn for this...
Wow, they really took no chances with Luna. I hope she gets out soon; the idea of Luna being imprisoned like that is unbearable.
4623305 Yikes!
I can see you like Luna, and kidnapping a Royal is a severe offense, but burning? If you are a judge, I never want to be tried in your jurisdiction!
Ouch, Luna. I find it hard to imagine Celestia wouldn't search for Luna; she was so relieved to finally have her back after NMM. Though in another comment you said you won't be revealing story elements, so I assume that's a bluff on Luna's part... right? Right?
Nice to see an update to this.
4623342 Yeah, It took far longer than I wanted... I ran out of character a couple of times and had to rewrite. I'm happy, but I wish it was quicker.
Oh great, they're self entitled. 'Trumped up charges'. Gee, I wonder what charges were trumped up. Of course to the victim and their friends they're always trumped up, aren't they? 'Apprenticeship' to what? If it's something quite important, they wouldn't really be able to wait, would they? 'unpaid family taxes' And why weren't they unpaid?
'nepotism' I doubt its nepotism. Luna controls the moon and the stars and without her Discord would still have Equestria as its plaything. She, by canon, benevolently guides the country, shields it from night terrors and night monsters... and just so happens to be Celestia's sister. ' We are fighting wealth and privilege and the evil it engenders.' The irony is so intense. I hope that their errors are revealed to them and they break down.
'palace–raised princess' Who faced the maddened havoc of Discord, and suffered a thousand years in solitude.
'Hey Silver! Come outside, quick!' That's the rescue party, right? No? Okay.
Once again, I really hope she gets out soon. The thought of someone being imprisoned and restrained like that is... very upsetting. Especially to one as high as an alicorn.
4623388
Thank you, That was funny!
Heh, yes, excuses excuses! Just like every prisoner is innocent and is only in prison because they had a bad lawyer!
Thank you very much for your thoughtful comments!
Also as a side note, Luna is a millennia old alicorn with vast amounts of magical knowledge and power. The restraints got her the first time, but I find it hard to believe she couldn't find a way to outsmart the burning things. If power doesn't work, go with subtlety. I find it quite hard to believe regular, mortal ponies can keep her down for long.\
... unless she's deliberately staying there.
Ah yes, that's right. Have fun dreaming after you've kidnapped the Princess of Dreams. Their logic for Celestia raising the moon equaling she's going to pay the ransom is pretty spotty, but I guess they're just desperate.
Also, Luna can turn into mist. Even if the magic drainers affect that, she's already shown she can outpace them, and the burning bonds wouldn't work on mist. So I am now absolutely certain she's staying there on purpose for... whatever reason.
4660986 You mean Nightmare Moon can turn into mist. I don't recall Luna doing that since she changed back.
4661911 There's also no evidence that NMM has powers Luna doesn't.
4666007 That's true, too. Well, either way, with all those restrictors in place, it's too painful to even charge up the spell to do that, let alone use it.
rather manipulative of luna, and clever to hurt a cponsirator's confidence.
still trying to understand the reactions, or lack there of, of celestia. hope it will have good reasoning.
Thing is these ponies have a believable path to their revenge. I mean that was horrible what was done to Brass, a pony hero thrown away.
4669594 Brass went almost unrecognized as a hero because of his severe illness. You can't interview a hero when he is delirious with fever, nor can they interview a hero when he is fighting for every breath. Too much time passed between the accident and the time when he was able to speak for himself. As a result, his name and actions got press, but no real media attention or contacts himself personally, as the big news reporters left to pursue other stories.
Brass' main concern was to get to Canterlot, not to seek fame. He had no expectation of being refused when he got there. Thus he found himself with no resources once he was turned away.
i like this story alot, hope u keep writing it
4669976 Your hope is in line with my great desire to see this story finished.
I thank you for your comment.
Your paragraphs look blocky. If you indent them it'd make the big paragraphs you use look more streamlined and easier to digest. Other than that this fic is looking interesting. *goes to read next chapter*
4623305
Why? For all intents and purposes, Luna has been nothing but cruel to her little ponies. I mean yes it is in her perspective [Tiara's], but to work for a pony and not only being harrassed over every little thing regardless of who did it, taking the blame and combative feelings of a boss. But Luna doesn't even bother to remember her name, face, or species.
Then you have the fact that Luna was nothing but rude from the get go, I have to side with the villain here. But I also have to say that this Luna feels a bit OOC. I mean, why be such a jerk? Especially after the whole Nightmare Moon, Overlord of the World bit (not her fault depending on AU / head canon you follow), rather than try to work with her suboridinates she treats them like garbage.
That paragraph is really big and blocky. If I may suggest breaking it at, "The sound of Luna's ..." and "A barking sound ...".
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Really I'll just leave this as a benchmark comment on future fics. Indenting paragraphs is a good practice to pick up. The fic itself is good, but the blockyness takes away from the over all feel of the fic. Other than that, this fic is rather nice.
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Still, not liking Luna's treatment of Tiara in Tiara's memories of Luna pre-kidnapping, nor of Luna's treatment of Tiara when she saw her. I mean seriously shoddy job at being a Princess, heck I'd try kidnapping her too if she were my boss. It feels kinda OOC, from popular fanon / few canon appearances of Luna. But meh, it's all good. I'm liking what I'm seeing so far kidnapper's side at least. They seem like relatively nice ponies, who just got fed up.
I wonder if they'll ever spill that Luna was an abusive, intolerant, rude, and over all horrible boss / pony who took her own feelings out on the innocent? Will she? I really want to know.
4670097 I did have Tiara say that she seemed to be singled out in her negative treatment from Luna. Luna is a bit astere and OOC for a reason not yet know to the reader.
As for the blocked paragraphs, I had read that the blocked look is correct if the paragraphs are spaced, and indents are correct if they are not. I prefer to space my paragraphs, so I went with blocks.
I'll keep your feedback in mind on future stories.
needs beginning " marks.
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4623333
I know, but with how odd things are in this fic between the sisters. I wouldn't put it past Tia to leave Luna hanging, when she doesn't have to worry about NMM coming to take over. Honestly the wait's giving me the willies. And is making me have greater and greater sympathy for the kidnappers with each chapter. I really hope they get a happy-ish ending, like the ones in Princess Celestia Gets Mugged. Although in that Fic Luna was awesome and went to save her sister without hesitation. Even though Tia didn't need it.
Space between Luna's dialog and Tiara's.
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Still siding with the kidnappers. BTW, you're doing a great job in making them. Well thought out, well characterized, and rather deep over all writing for them. I'm rooting for them, even if I'm not so much mad at Luna now. All that happened to her is kind of her fault, but at least she's getting some respect and recognition.
4623431
She probably is staying there on purpose. At least she's getting some respect ... in a roundabout way.
There's no, or in there. You have an either, then you have an Either way but no two options / situations.
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This is starting to get a little heavy. It might be wise to consider adding the "Sad" tag.
4670315 Thank you for your input. I value your opinion.
However, I disagree with the "Sad" tag because the goal of this story is not to make the reader sad. It's just a sad chapter. Like seeing "Johnny go off to war". But the story doesn't end here.
Is my interpretation of 'Sad' that far off? Or does every story that has a sad chapter require a sad tag?
I actually think 'dark' might be more appropriate...?
4670314 Gah!
What a gaff! I'm going to have to hire you as a pre-reader. Thank you.
You never stated her race. Or any of the others, other than Tiara and now Brass Hammer for that matter [not sure how I missed that other than there personalities were huge. I don't even know what their coat, mane, eye colors are.]. It'd be nice to know for certain what race us who. I'm guessing Milstone since he was on a farm, and hasn't been shown using magic is an Earth Pony. Thunder is a Pegasus. Am I right? Also what do they look like? You don't really describe their bodies at all. It'd be nice in the Chapter 2 A/N to have a description of the players would be nice.
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Dialog needs beginning " marks.
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Loving this fic. I'm eager to see the next update.
4670365
You're welcome, and I'll send you a PM of my google addr, and if you have the fic on GDocs I'll be more than happy to pre-read for you. You're making a rather intriguing story so far and I can't wait to see what you come up with next
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4670363 It's definitely not dark. At this point, I guess you have a point. Perhaps it's not sad enough for a Sad tag. It depends on how the rest of the story pans out.
4670401
Umm... You caught me...
Yeah, I didn't want to get hung up on character descriptions. It was taking too much energy from me when all I wanted to do was start storytelling. I know that I have mentioned that Thunder is a gull-gray pegasus.
And Millstone is dyed gray-on-gray, the color of the granite rocks they are in.
But without actually looking back to reference my own story, I don't know any other pony descriptions I put in.
I'm a baaad writer... No cookie...
4670507
XD.
Honestly it'd probably take me a month or two to do it. But if you can PM me their descriptions, I know a good artist I can commission a pic of them. But yeah, a good part of good story telling is knowing what you're looking at. Although a simple A/N with what they look like would be great.
It'd probably be good to post it in Chapter 2 [when we're introduced to them], and in an A/N in the new chapter say. [Link] this chapter's A/N shows the description of the ponies.
Or if I have the commissioned pic by then a description in Ch.2 and a fan art pic in new Chapter / chapter the fic is made closest to. If you'd like that.
Wow, sneaky Luna is sneaky.
I think I see Lulu's game, slowly win them over to her side. I suspect Silver's gonna be the last one. Time will tell, though, if that's truly what you have in store for her. It's kinda strange, though. These ponies have all had issues, but didn't they think to go to Open Court and, you know, explain them? I have a hard time seeing Celestia allowing a lot of red tape for Open Court, so they were either so untrusting, unthinking, or some other circumstance kept them...
4770275 And would make sense why Celestia hasn't lifted a hoof, as not to spook them. She knows that Luna can handle herself like this.