Celestia snickered from behind her hoof as a freshly laundered Luna emerged from her bedroom. The memory of what she had seen mere minutes before still fresh in her mind.
Luna had gone for a sponge bath in Celestia’s bathroom. Celestia had peeked in just in time to see Luna precariously tottering on two legs with a half-dozen of her staff surrounding her. Her left fore-hoof was extended to Nurse Tenderhoof, who was wrapping her burn with a fresh dressing. Her right hind leg was being held outstretched to its limit by Dr. Lollipop, the Palace’s resident doctor, as she closely examined it for possible infection. Her head she held out to allow her damp mane to be brushed by one of Celestia’s personal groomers, while two others had both of her wings spread up to their zenith to preen her secondary and tertiary feathers. Finally, quite literally bringing up the rear, a sixth staffer was carefully attending to the task of sponge bathing Luna’s delicate areas and tail.
“Feeling better, Luna?”
“Verily!” Luna chirped, grinning broadly despite her combination medical examination and bathing ordeal. “Thy surgeon forbid me a normal bath due to my burns. Nevertheless, We would choose your quick-clean alternative again without hesitation. ‘Tis a most pleasant sensation to be so thoroughly cleansed after nearly a week without a bath.”
“Oh really? I was certain that you would find the complete lack of privacy with so many at once invasive, or at least disconcerting.”
“Indeed, ‘twas a most unusual experience, being so completely and efficiently groomed without even raising a hoof, but your staff is most professional.” Luna said, taking a seat on a midnight blue cushion at Celestia’s table. While she had been in the expert care of Celestia’s personal groomers and simultaneously getting her medical check-up, a squad from the small army of Palace staff had restored Celestia’s breakfast room to its former glory.
“I believe my staff would say that they are only well practiced, as this service is not part of their official job description. Whenever the need arose, it just served me to keep calling on the same staffers.” Celestia gave a wry smile. “I cannot tell you how many times I had optimistically overbooked my schedule, or run late on some important bureaucratic business and then realized that I only had mere minutes to get ready for a formal event that evening.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I hate to say it, but I consider their willingness and experience a lifesaving necessity.”
“Then perhaps it is time for you to give them a specific job title? You could even use that as justification to provide them with flashy uniforms.” Luna said playfully and tapped her chin in mock contemplation. “Now to pick a proper descriptive job title… How about, Celestial Scrubbers, or Sun Bathers?”
“Or maybe, Princess Perineum Pamperers?” Celestia giggled.
Luna reddened and joined her sister’s mirth. “I cannot say I would want her to wash that area any faster, and yet, it did seem to me that she spent an inordinate amount of time sponging under my tail. It brings up all kinds of thoughts and insecurities, does it not?”
Celestia smiled broadly and nodded. “Yes, absolutely! Especially during the first time.”
The orderlies from the kitchen arrived then and set plates filled with peeled and cored peaches and pears baked in a spiced simple syrup before them. After so many days of eating nothing but oatmeal, Luna found the smell of warm, fresh fruit intoxicating and wasted no time seizing her knife and fork with her magic. Eagerly, she cut and forked large bites of the sweet, succulent fruit into her mouth, paying no mind to her sister.
“I was told you weren’t wearing an undertail.” Celestia said quietly after the orderlies had left.
Luna stopped mid-bite and looked up. Celestia hadn’t touched her plate yet. She sat across from her, motionless except for her flowing mane. “Three of my abductors were indeed stallions, but I wasn’t – ”
“I didn’t that think you were,” Celestia interrupted her, not wanting to hear about a possible nightmarish scenario during her sister’s abduction, even if it wasn’t true. “There is no way you would have allowed anypony to sponge bathe you so completely if you had been. But, I need to know what did happen to you.”
Luna locked eyes with her sister. “Why do you need to know anything about what happened if I was in control the entire time?”
“Why are you being so evasive?” Celestia sighed and pushed her untouched plate away. “Isn’t it obvious why I need to have some answers regarding my sister? I’m not asking you to justify your rather unorthodox method in dealing with the impostor whom you discovered three years ago. You are Princess Luna of Equestria. You don’t owe me an explanation for your actions.” Celestia sighed again, her ears flopped back and her brow knit into tight furrows. “But I would like to know what happened to my sister after she was taken away from the Palace, and I did nothing to stop it.”
“I asked you to do nothing; you honored me by honoring my request. And I gave you proof so that you knew that I was not helpless. You have no reason to feel guilty.”
“Please, Luna, I need to know how you got those burns, for my own peace of mind.”
Luna’s ears laid back and she felt her face flush with heat. “Do you promise not to laugh?”
Celestia perked up. “What?”
“Do you promise not to laugh at me if I tell you?” Luna repeated.
Shocked into silence at this most unexpected answer, Celestia could only nod her agreement.
With a sigh and a glance up to the ceiling, Luna relented. “I woke up in a cave wearing shackles, blinders, and a halter with silencing bit.”
“You woke up? She drugged you then?”
“Yes, with moondrake.”
Celestia snorted with amusement. “Moondrake? Really?”
Luna smiled. “I decided to play along. After I wrote and sent you that letter, I allowed myself to sleep until we arrived at their hideout.”
Celestia nodded. “Please continue.”
“After I woke, I found that I could barely move. I magically probed my surroundings quickly and efficiently. I could tell at once that the chains were ensorcelled with lunar runes and that there were four magical capacitors in there with me.”
Celestia tittered. “You’re kidding!”
“Luna smirked, and allowed herself a chuckle. “She thought they were null orbs.”
“Well, actually, I can understand her mistake, seeing as she wasn’t in any advanced magic program.”
“Yes, novices do often make that error.”
“Yes, they do. So you discovered that you had enormous magic potential in that cave, what then did you do?”
Luna’s ears went flat. “Well, when I realized I was chained to all of that potential, I decided to try to shock and awe them with an awesome display of power.”
“Yes, with four capacitors at even a mild charge, you could put on quite an impressive demonstration. That should have been easy for you.”
“Yes, it should have been. However, it didn’t work out the way I expected.”
Celestia said nothing, but just waited for Luna to continue.
“I could tell the chains, the shackles, and every strap and buckle that I was bound with were ensorcelled. Furthermore, I also knew that the one who called herself ‘Silver Chalice’ didn’t have unlimited resources. So I…assumed…that the runes had been painted on the chains with silver paint and covered with a resin to preserve them."
“Painting runes is how magical students learn them. That is not an illogical conclusion to draw from your information. But, apparently the runes on your shackles were not painted on?”
“Correct. My abductor had access to a master level engraver.”
Celestia’s eyebrows raised. “Oh, really? And you know who this pony is?”
“Yes I do, but he is not a member of any engraving or trade guild.”
“But you said-“
“-That he was master level, yes.” Luna continued, “I’ll wager that he possesses a natural talent for engraving lunar runes.”
“So the paint was laid in the engravings.”
“No.” Luna shook her head. “No metallic paint was used, anywhere.”
“Really? Then…gold leaf?”
“No, the engravings were inlaid with pure silver.”
“Wow. That’s a lot of expense for your abductors.”
“Indeed, and we should inventory all the silver in the Palace.”
“Ah, Yes. It is most likely that she used Palace silver. The impertinence of the act is matched only by the irony. But we are off topic. What role did the runes being inlaid with silver play in your injuries?”
“I charged the runes, which is to say, I overcharged the runes. I expected them to burn off like paint. Then they would of course crackle and pop with bright flashes and thick clouds of purple smoke when they lost their continuity. From those anticipated theatrics, I would emerge unfettered and garbed as the Nightmare! Finally, I would demand the information I sought from my awestruck and cowering abductors.”
Celestia covered her muzzle with her fetlock.
Luna saw her action and sighed, “I did notice that it was taking longer than I had expected, but I kept forcing magic into runes, expecting that at any moment they would flare out spectacularly and provide the spectacle for my glorious revelation. However, the foul stench of burning fur…”
Celestia placed both hooves over her mouth and her eyes sparkled with amusement.
Luna’s ears splayed out and her cheeks reddened. “I recognized far too late that the runes weren’t ever going to burn off. The magic I forced into the runes had heated the shackles to red hot, burning off my fetlocks and scalding my pasterns. With that sudden realization of burning pain, I lost my concentration and let the magic I was commanding discharge back into the capacitors. In my panic, I lacked even the simple presence of mind to free myself, but just hopped about like a fool until my abductors rescued me with cold water and wet rags. And thus, I destroyed my hopes of impressing them with a powerful display and my chance of bringing the whole affair to a quick conclusion.”
To her surprise, Celestia remained quiet, and dropped her hooves to reveal only a soft, pleasant smile. “Your tale is quite entertaining, and indeed, I would laugh. However, I identify too closely to your story. For I too learned the same lesson you did in an unnervingly similar manner.”
Luna’s ears perked straight up. Her sister had once made a similar stupid mistake? And she was willing to talk about it? “Indeed? Pray tell.”
“My mentor in experimental magic at that time had noticed my tendency to work thoughtlessly when I was faced with similar challenges. So he invented a method to cure my tendency to slip into mindless application of brute force. He insisted that I perform the same simple task – locating and then connecting two oppositely charged runes – before we would begin any lesson or interesting experiment. Every day, I had to do his mundane task before he would even talk to me. I must have completed that simple routine a hundred times without ever verifying the locations of the runes. From the beginning, I always relied solely on my magic to locate the runes and then make the connection.
“Then the time came that we were to begin some interesting magical experiment. I couldn’t wait to get started that day, but before I could start, there was that same, silly, task impeding me. And just like you, I focused on getting the result I expected, instead of paying attention to what was happening around me at that moment.
“I remember that I heard the creak of wooden beams and the rising pitch of metal under tension behind me, but I ignored it. It wasn’t important to me. I kept pushing more and more magic into the runes, forcing them to move together as I always had. Noticing, but not paying any mind to the fact that the test had never before been so difficult. Harder, and harder, I pushed. Not caring about locations, or effort, or the huge amount of magic I used. I focused so intently on just getting that stupid thing done so we could move on!
“Finally, there was a loud pop! And I felt the connection that I had long anticipated, the completion of the test. Immediately thereafter I heard the whistle of something moving exceptionally fast. But before I could react, the metal arms of the experimental ballista behind me swung forward and swatted my…” Celestia paused to clear her throat, “…hindquarters. Following that, of course, was the broken bowstrings. They whipped around my body and lacerated my flanks and neck.”
Luna sat agape at what she heard. “Zounds! How severely were you injured?”
“I was certain that my right femur was broken at the hip; I couldn’t support any weight on that leg. Later, a doctor determined that the bone was intact, but all muscles and tissues around it were very badly bruised. All over my body, blood oozed from lacerations where the frayed ends of the broken bowstrings had lashed me. There was blood in my urine for the next couple of days, and I think more than a week passed before I could walk again.”
“Your teacher, did he...”
“My instructor was horrified by what had happened to me. He had never considered the possibility that the bowstring might break. By connecting one of the runes to the increasing tension of the ballista’s bowstring and the other to the wall, he thought he had engineered a Sisyphus device – an arduous task that was impossible to complete. He had expected me to eventually tire or quit in frustration. However, back then I was as stubbornly single-minded to task completion as I was powerful in magical ability. He couldn’t know that there wasn’t enough torsion resistance in the springs of the ballista to keep me from reaching their draw limit. Nor could he foresee that I would be so minotaur-minded to connecting the runes that I would keep applying more and more power until the bowstring snapped. The position of the ballista directly behind me was mostly an unfortunate accident. He wanted it out of my sight and back against the wall so it wouldn’t move. It was unfathomable to him that I wouldn’t stop until I had broken the bowstring. However, by my doing so, I learned the lesson he wanted to teach me about my being hyper-focused and relying on brute force as the solution to problems. Albeit, in a far more humiliating – and painful – manner than he could have ever anticipated. But that was a lesson I am not about to forget! Much like you with yours, I suspect.”
Luna nodded and shivered. “The lessons we learned hardest, are the lessons we learn best. Although, it is a shame that experience is often the cruelest headmaster.”
“Yes, it is.” Celestia agreed, then magically lifted a pear half to her lips and took a full bite. Her eyes closed while she worked her jaw using slow, deliberate motions to chew her bite of pear. Then she stopped, and took a breath. Her eyes were still shut as she swallowed, exhaled, and then waited. Suddenly, Celestia’s hoof flew up to cover her mouth and she sharply drew in a breath.
Across from her, Luna had been silently watching, anxiously observing, glimpsing at what the past five days had been like for her sister. From what she could see, her sister’s anxiety level peaked far above what she had ever expected. Not only that, her return coupled with their emotional bonding moment didn’t appear to bring instant relief of her sister’s nausea. There was nothing she could do as Celestia held her breath, her eyelids remained pressed shut, and her hoof still covering her mouth. Luna wondered if she was preparing to be sick.
But Celestia at last produced a long, low, rumbling belch that put their fears to rest. “That’s better,” She said with a relieved smile and patted her stomach, “if you continue to be good, I’ll make certain to reward you with a slice of cake after dinner.”
Luna smirked, “As if you could wait that long.”
Celestia didn’t reply, but smugly popped the remainder of the pear into her mouth.
“May I ask why you aren’t planning on going to bed?” Celestia asked as Luna accepted another refill of her coffee.
“There are a few issues that I must attend now. None can keep till evening.”
“Such as?”
Luna blew and slurped her coffee. “First, I know that you gave me the Ministry of Education, but I also know that you desire to retain control over your School for Gifted Unicorns, and I hesitate to tread upon the Canterlot Universities in some matters.”
Celestia’s brow raised. “What matters?”
“One of my captors had a personal invitation from you to attend RTUC, but he was denied admittance when he arrived.”
“What? Are you sure?”
“As certain as I can be. I rode his dream; it had all the feelings of a remembrance. There was a focus on highly emotional circumstances and dream setting was exceptionally detailed.” Luna paused, but Celestia was content to wait. “For example, do you know if the head of admissions at RTUC is a unicorn with a coat the color of spring grass and a mane the color of shade trees?”
Celestia’s mouth opened, “Yes, that’s Meadow Days, she has been the head of admissions there for... I believe for more than a decade now.”
“Is she…heavyset?”
“I believe that she has put on some weight in recent years. Yes.”
Luna took a deep breath. “Then I think you need to order an extensive audit of the student admissions department at RTUC and possibly even CSGU. I suggest you start investigating your personal invitations. That is, perhaps, your best legal entry into the matter. Somepony has either decided that RTUC should be open exclusively to unicorns, or somepony is selling slots to paying applicants. My theory is that both are true.
Celestia double blinked. “I want to say that… what you are suggesting is impossible. Both RTUC and my School for Gifted Unicorns have corrupt admissions officers, selling slots to the highest bidder?” She paused, but Luna was content to wait. After a moment of consideration, she nodded. “I will open the investigations, and assemble a team for a comprehensive audit for the eventuality that evidence is found. If it is as bad as you say, then my credibility is being sold, and right underneath my nose.”
“After – no, should. Should we find corruption in those institutions, you know that general housekeeping is in order. If ponies are bold enough to ignore the rules and laws here, then certainly elsewhere.”
“Yes, unfortunately. I agree.” She sighed and then shook her head. “But enough of that. What is next on your agenda?”
Luna furrowed her brow in thought. “We cannot… I cannot remember the word, but I require an investigator that is specialized in the science of dead bodies.”
“Coroner.” Celestia waved a dismissive hoof. “Don’t concern yourself. We won’t need investigations or autopsies on the bodies of your captors. Just give me the location and I’ll send coroners and a crime scene cleaners to take care of the remains. Your statement on file will be enough to satisfy the law.”
Luna shook her head, “No, that is not what I mean. I must have a specialized investigative pony or team, in order to find and examine the real Silver Chalice to determine the cause of her-” Luna’s voice caught, forcing her to clear her throat and swallow before resuming. “…her death, and the possibility of foul play.”
“Oh, yes, of course.” Celestia nodded her understanding. “You want a forensics team.”
“Yes, that is what I want. Where may I find their headquarters?”
“Manehattan. Tragically, that is most often where such a specialized, macabre, unit is needed, but one of the head investigators is teaching a new class of recruits in the art of forensics here at RTUC. Raven can get you her name and classroom if you wish.”
“Yes, thank you, I’ll see if she can fill my expectations.” Luna tapped the toes of her fore hooves together. “I may also need a criminal psychologist. I want to leave as little as possible open to doubt.”
“There is a rather talented psychologist on staff here, or the forensics Captain may have one she prefers to call. Either way, please know that all Palace resources are at your disposal.”
“I know, Sister, but thank you.”
Celestia nodded. “I still need to know where the other bodies are. No matter how much you detested your abductors, it is unsanitary to leave them to rot. Neither should their remains be left for accidental discovery. It would cause all manner of confusion in the future.”
Luna smirked. “There is no need for you to worry about that.”
“Luna!” Celestia exclaimed with no small amount of disgust, “I understand that you were impassioned, but magically vaporizing their bodies is barbaric!”
“No, Sister, you don’t understand. I didn’t kill them. They are all still living.” Celestia’s eyes widened noticeably, giving Luna no small amount of satisfaction.
“You…teleported them into the dungeon then?” She asked with a cocked brow.
“No, I released two of them to their own recognizance immediately, the impostor and one other I teleported with me into the courtyard. There, I placed the impostor into a deep sleep, and the last of my abductors requested transportation home, so I commanded that a chariot and four pegasi guards be placed into his charge.” Luna wore her version of an impassive mask, but was inwardly cackling at Celestia’s obvious befuddlement. Playing coy with the truth succeeded in unsettling her sister and bringing to light all manner of her presuppositions. Most likely, she would not have another opportunity to hold the upper hoof over her sister for a very long time.
Indeed, Celestia looked positively dumbfounded, and seeing her bewilderment made Luna’s joy complete. This was solid proof that her older sister wasn’t quite the omniscient ruler so many believed her to be; she could still make false assumptions, jump to conclusions, and be surprised. And that surprise can find its way to authentic expression through her practiced mask. Despite all of her power, education, and millennia of experience, Celestia was still fallible.
“You…let all but one of them go?” She said at last. “I know that you love to show mercy, and that you often desire to be magnanimous, and that you see yourself as the champion for the underdog, but I believe that with that action, you have far overstepped the boundaries.”
Luna allowed her grin to show long enough for Celestia to notice and release the tension that had been building in her shoulders. Luna then dropped her grin. “Truly, it was difficult for me to refrain from at least taking them all into custody. I respect the law, but the decision to allow them to surrender themselves owes much to my inspiration gained from observing you.” Luna stated simply. All her previous enjoyment lost to the seriousness of the subject at hand. And to her frustrated acknowledgement that her older sister was indeed better in many aspects of governance.
“I ordered them all to report here, to the Palace, with all evidence, by the morning of the fourth day. If they don’t comply, they will get a visit from the Nightmare. If they still refuse, then they will slowly go mad from the absence of dreams. After having been so generous, I don’t think that I should be seen as harsh for this.”
“Your handling of your abductors is most inventive. I must say that it sounds quite similar to what I might do, if I had your abilities, of course,” Celestia smiled broadly. “However, I am most curious as to what it was about watching me that so inspired you to take the course that you did?”
Luna swirled and stared into her cup of coffee. “All the ponies love you.” She began somewhat mournfully.
“Most, Luna,” Celestia cut in to stop her younger sister’s overly negative train of thought, “Most of the ponies approve of me as their ruler, for at least this moment in time. I’ve told you that good leaders must not seek to be loved, but to seek justice, security, and whatever course is best for the majority of those whom we govern.”
“I know, I know,” Luna acknowledged quickly to stave off what she believed might be the beginning of a lecture, “but you are loved too. Just walk outside the Palace gates if you doubt. The Canterlot citizens may be used to the idea that you don’t want ponies bowing down at the sight of you, but will know the tourists and recent transplants by how they so willingly throw themselves prostrate at your appearance.”
Celestia looked away, unable to deny what she said.
“And I too desire to be loved by the ponies as you are, and for the same reasons. To that end, I believe that I have found the area I most lack. I want to know your…way.” Luna looked up in a way that reminded Celestia of a lost filly.
Her little sister’s question was far too vague. And the all of the emotional intimacy and personal revelations they had so recently shared was unsettling her. Not to mention Luna now finally asking for her advice. Her little sister was actually seeking her counsel? It was too much change, much too quickly for her to absorb at once. Celestia felt her stomach rumble and took a deep breath. It was nearly enough to make her want a return to the near civil war of an hour ago. Something where success and failure were easy to assess. Yes, there was nothing like a good life or death struggle for simplicity and clarity. It was just a shame that those by nature were so bloody.
“My…way?” Celestia finally brought herself to ask.
“Yes, the direction of my statement was extremely nebulous. I’m sorry”
“No worries, sister.” Celestia lied. She still had no idea why she wasn’t feeling overjoyed with this turn of events. Normally she would sacrifice everything for a willing student. And most often, her little sister was far from willing to listen to her instruction.
“What I mean is, I want to know how you seem to manage to turn enemies into allies, and allies into friends. Even if they are evil. For instance, Discord-“
“Discord isn’t evil.”
“But before we found the Elements, he made much of Equestria intolerable.”
Celestia’s eyes rolled back and she took a deep breath. “True, but he isn’t evil. Mischievous, selfish, and infuriating, but not evil.”
“Nevertheless, you did make him an ally.”
She shrugged. “He is powerful. And if powerful beings can become powerful assets, why not try?”
Luna leaned forward with both hooves on the table. “But…how do you do this?”
Celestia opened and closed her mouth. “I believe I finally understand your inquiry. But I am at a loss for how to instruct you.”
Luna sat back and picked up her coffee to stare into the dark liquid. “I understand. It is simply an innate ability of yours. It’s probably for the best that I must find my own way.”
Celestia bit her lip. The signs of discouragement in her little sister were obvious. She needed a demonstration of support, or some meaningful encouragement. Yet Celestia remained mute and paralyzed where she sat. Think Celestia, think! She berated herself. What would you do if that was Twilight Sparkle? Over two millennium of existence, and I’m still acting like an anxiety-ridden filly! It’s too late now to say something, so get up and DO something!
She stood, but it felt like only her body obeyed. Luna remained fixated on her coffee, unaware of the conflict happening inside her. Celestia swallowed and walked on what felt like wooden legs around the table to place what she hoped would be a reassuring hoof on her little sister’s withers. Luna still didn’t react. “Hey.” She tried to say, but it came out as a dry whisper. She decided not to risk talking anymore. I should rub her back, she thought. She moved her foreleg, the one that had its hoof on her little sister’s withers and waited for her to look up. After what felt like a decade had passed, her little sister finally turned her head.
Something about looking into her little sister’s aqua ringed pupils made her realize what she had to do. “Luna, I didn’t mean that I wouldn’t try to teach you, but that I don’t know at this moment how I can teach you. And by that I mean, I have no method or prior experience in instructing anypony in this skill. However, if you are willing to accept that we will both be learning as we go, then, rest assured, I will try my best to teach you everything I can.”
A soft curve of Luna’s lips rewarded her and radiated trust. “I know you will, Sister. I believe you always have.”
Celestia basked in the warmth being given off by the Princess of the Moon, never considering the irony of her feelings; the moon radiates no heat. At that moment, though, it all made perfect sense to her.
Luna stood suddenly, breaking the spell Celestia was enjoying. “I have to go. There is far too much I want to get done today.” She wrapped a foreleg around Celestia’s neck and pulled her close. “Thank you, Sister. I’ll see you later.”
For all her hesitance before, now she didn’t want to let her little sister go. But Luna had turned and was walking out the door before Celestia could think of what she wanted to do or say next.
“So, tell me, did I do that right?” Celestia inquired of the empty room. “Will that count as a win, loss, or draw?” There was no answer.
She sighed and walked out toward the throne room. There was far too much she wanted to get done today. But the thing she wanted most was out of her reach. Everything else was going to be second best. It was looking like the beginning of a very unsatisfying end-of-the-weekday.