• Member Since 25th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen January 23rd

zephen


live in the us. and didn't consider myself a brony till i realized id watched every episode and written my first story. i write while listening to imagine dragons

T

spike was a dragon that had lived in ponyville for most of his life and lived day in day out. however, when twila lets him down one more time, on a countless list, spike comes to realize that there is nothing for him in ponyville. join spike as he journeys across equestria.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 39 )

meh needs work and dude taller then average pony + dragon = epic strength so you may want to tweak things a bit also make a encounter with Rarity and pinks. Also go to my favs page and read nightmare of a dragon and the rise of Spike the dragon aslo you said antro which means no human half just ponies and dragons that look like humans. Also idea try when Spike leaves he gets chicks or becomes an advencher or a wondering hero. Also if you want to make the Aj and big mac thing more believable at Spike current Size try having him be more a bull in a china shop thing were he is too strong. while Dash mocks him for being a flightless dragon.

PS Big mac isnt a stubborn dick he is a nice guy and would have accepted the help while AJ would be more unsure becuse of the Spike at your surves episode. Also instead of twi acknowlging the promis make here deni it or forget it
pss don't forget flutters try making here scared of the new big Spike. Also you may want to changes the Size thing and make Spike 6'2 becuse 5'11 aint all that big

pssss PM me for help plot wise

This need some work...and I'm Willing to help you, cause it can be ten times greater then my own work.

So what's with the "twila" and who is chylene?

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he's trying to completely humanize the characters.

twilia - twilight

chylene - fluttershy

It could use some cleaning up but there is a lot of potential here.

How much has you written this out already? I'm just a little curious, because you definitely have a bit of a plot bunny to play with. It would kinda suck if this becomes one where updates are few and far in between. (Yeah, I'm mentioning the irony of that statement on my end.)

We stand here at the beginning of what looks to be an very interesting tale, both for Spike physique as well as his psyche. Dragon or not, he still needed to have a feeling of belonging, and once again, we are seeing at a passing glance that it looks like no pony cares. Well, probably in the next chapter, we discover that there are ponies that do care, and once again, they discover it too late to even try.

I'm keeping an eye on this.:twilightsmile:

Alright you got me interesting on where this story is going to go, I am just wondering and i might have just missed it but how old is Spike here. I mean is is like 13 or 16?Ether way i want to see where this going and how the story develops into more.:moustache:

in regards to anthro i'm thinking of changing the tag to add humans as in they were here but you don't see them because ponyville is sheltered as fuck. im going for the kind of crossover where im doing new names for some characters so you can distance this fic from the show and other fics.
also, spike is... well a twig right now, i made him weak so he could get stronger. this becomes the problem of video games where you start as the giant meat block headed tank and end as.. the same meat blok headed tank. if i made spike strong instantly then where can i go with that? besides all he dose is chores and restack the books, while one can argue that books = heavy he can do them one at a time.
thank you all for the imput and feedback i appreciate it alot.

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"Also instead of twi acknowlging the promis make here deni it or forget it"
if i were to make her forget it then thsi could be more excuseable and one could say 'oh she jsut forgot' the point is that its supposed to hurt.
"Big mac isnt a stubborn dick he is a nice guy and would have accepted the help while AJ would be more unsure becuse of the Spike at your surves episode."
peopleponies act differntly under stress. there whole life could be crashing down around them becuase of this and its my fault for not clearly stating taht. i made the mistake of not implying this because those who have seen super speedy cider squeezy or read other fics know how every apple is important all year long. if i come off as a bit of an asshole im sorry.

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thanks for the encouragement. people who post like you allow me to write more and i dedicate more time to writing then. on the topic of ponies caring, i thouoght zecora or flutter shy (a.k.a. kindness) would have encouraged spike to stay so i had her leave and zecora i cut out from my original idea.:pinkiecrazy:

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So, in essence, you intentionally forced his claw.......interesting. Another good example of sometimes we, whether as ponies, humans, or otherwise, have to be pushed, shoved, or otherwise "influenced" :pinkiecrazy: in order to make the necessary changes needed to alter one's stand in life. Regardless of what others may say, no pony is going to give you a damn thing worth saving. You have to do it yourself.

Earn your happy ending, young drake!! You will find that it is much more satisfying and more appreciative when one learns how to be better, rather than just having someone do it for them. And, you will learn stuff about yourself that you never knew about yourself before. :moustache:

yaa dude may what to make story bored first because this ch was a whole lot of random shit

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this is ment to show spike dont know that fuq is going on becuase he just got robbed. also its ment to be fast paced to get you guys a second chapter. i foucsed more on introducing carter less on details cause they didnt matter. its a train its not rocket science to figure out what it looked like, also im leaving it up to you to see it in your mind. looking back this is mostly dialog but that is the kind of character carter is. also its random shit for a reason.
read between the lines. :derpyderp1:

Not bad as a introduction chapter for this new character. I really can't wait for this story to get some meat on its bones and really get me hooked.:moustache:

Oh the plot thickens, what is going on at home that he can't return. This is getting interesting lol.:trixieshiftright:

I wonder why he can't return to Ponyville? Lets see where this goes.

you'll just have to wait and find out what the all knowing angel bunny dose:rainbowderp:

if i let you know that is :rainbowkiss:

i have decided to take off the sad tag because this story isn't sad like i had original planned it turned into an action adventure kind of a story

I do enjoy the story, it gives me a lot of ideas to stretch my imagination on (like if Spike's scales are too strong (even in the gaps) to be pierced by the blade, or that his claws/pure muscle could slice through solid steel)

However, there are three things (at the current time) that I'm I'm really questioning:

1. surely Spike isn't so gullible as to trust someone that stole from him, with his valuables?
2. can't Spike send letters directly to Celestia as well as frequently have Spike in Canterlot for royal duities?
3. what possible reason could Angel Bunny possibly have told Fluttershy to not allow Spike to go back home? (because as far as I know, the only excuse he would know about is the broad 'journey to find oneself')

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spike didnt trust carter right off but carter had said that trolley's dont make much money.
i had said read between the lines and some may have caught that the lady "bumbed" over his bag and carter explained in short that they need all the bits they can get. its ok that you didnt see that i made it very suddle. also spike grew up in sheltered old ponyville where no pony steals.
many people are wondering waht angel bunny said so im not goona reveal it. yet. (probobly be MUCH later in the story so hold onto ur hats)

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"Earn your happy ending, young drake!!"
who said anything about a happy ending?:pinkiecrazy:

I don't really like this story because it's so straight forward. This "story" seems more like a long summary. What I do like though is the plot, setting, and general idea. I think if you put more time into doing these "stories" and add more details, it might help the reader visualize what the setting is like, what the character is like, and what the story is like. Then again these are just my opinions.

Is everyone human or ponies and do carter and the other walk on 4 legs

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think of spike as looking like the cover photo and they walk on 2

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TAKE THAT!
REVISION!:pinkiegasp:
EIDITOR!:pinkiehappy:
BETTER REVISION!:ajsmug:
:facehoof:

Well, it sucks. Mainly because you keep pussy footing around and not getting to the goddamn point.

will this ever be finished

6174670 idk why your post was disliked.

please let there be more. i would like to know how cesletai will deal with the main six for how they treated spike.

Yeah don't bother trying to revive it, it's not worth it.

you do realize it's Twilight not Twilia right?

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You do realize this guy hasn't been touched since 2014 right?

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For when or if he comes back.

This story lacked good reasoning for Spike abandoning everything he knows, so if he comes back hopefully there will be some rewriting.

I’m now invest and want more chapters, please post more chapters

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