what would happen if the answers to spikes past is in his grasp, but does he really want to know the dark truth of his origins
Chapters (10)
- Member Since 22nd Feb, 2014
- offline last seen March 29th
Frostbite4
What's the meaning of life? Well its to live it to the the fullest, we only have one life after all.
Frostbite4
Joined 22nd Feb, 2014 ·
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Well I would say that the idea behind your story has really caught my eye and I want to see where it is going. I would like you to work on using your quotation so we can tell when someone is talking or not. To me it started to blur with the rest of the writing after a while. I would also recommended that after you write a chapter you go back and read it out loud slowly to see if it sounds right while also looking for grammar errors. But I do feel like you have something that could become very interesting once the story really picks up.
Will do thanks for the help I'll try better with my next chapter
4324635
Do you have any recommendations for what the two unknown dragonesses should look like cause I have no clue and I need them for the next chapter
4324679 Well that is kinda hard to say, it really depends on what their role is, what stage of life they are in,and if they have a relation to Spike (family wise) or not. I would say ask yourself these question and that could help you get a idea where to go. And if not you can message me and we can talk about it to see what can be done.
4324699 ok i shall keep that in mind thank you
You have massive punctuation errors, the biggest one is thatyou are missing basic quotation marks in between dialogue. Don't get me started on the grammar. Also the whole chapter was very rushed that it's very hard to comprehend what's going on.
You introduce two oc characters that immediate jump into action without giving any clue on who they are. It wouldn't matter if they were in the background role, but apparently one of them is best pals with the princesses.
4324718 i am very sorry about the grammer Ill try better in the next chapter I promise
Holy crap, I read the first paragraph and I had to stop. You DO know you're suppose to use quotation marks, right?
Capitalize character's names; they teach you this in grade school, dude.
Also,
That shit? Fucking stop. Ellipses are THREE periods, you do not use any more or less.
At first I thought this was interesting but it's meh.
4325124 I know right.
4324679
4324718
4325124
4325389
4327432 Hey, no one's first story is perfect. It is an interesting concept, just needed polishing. :) Thanks for the shoutout!
4332259 True.
4332259 I'm sorry for that I was just mad because I kept failing and not getting my story on the site
4342218 hey, that's alright.
4342235 thanks I was making this sTory it's my first it's called adventures of Equestria if you see it remember to go nice on the way I had to make the story.
4342242 I'll be sure to check it out!
There seemed to be a repeat in the middle of the story. What was at the top, was repeated not long after. That's my only issue.
4347423 for which chapter
4347426 chapter 2 repeats itself somewhat.
4347423 what in blazes name happened there... I'll fix it right away
4347428 there it should be fixed now thanks for telling me that mistake I have no clue how that happened
4347459 you're welcome
Nova woke up from unconsciousness in an empty room, feeling dazed.
"You're  nothing but a piece of trash, dragon boy," said a mysterious shadow as it came seemingly out of nowhere and circled around Nova tauntingly, before disappearing quickly.
*crack*
"What a pathetic waste of scales,"commented a second shadow, as it materialized from under the ground behind the drake's head, before going back down as he turned to the voice.
*crack*
"And would any care about him?"a third shadow asked, just above his vision.
"Shut up, shut up shut up, get out of my head, you're not real!" Nova yelled out, as he went down on both knees, and began to clutch the sides of his head. Another cracking sound rang throughout his skull and a thick, chunky, blue substance started seeping out of his scales, which started turning from blue to black. His eyes started glowing red  from under his visor, claws and teeth stretching out painfully, now two sizes larger and three times as sharp.
"You should've never been born," yet another voice said n his head, making the drake roar out in deranged fury, shaking  the room.
*snap*
As if a twig broke in nova's head, he let out a torrent of black fire into the room, Â incinerating everything in the room.
The drake that used to be known as Nova charged at an incinerating wall smashing clean  through it and a platoon of changelings guarding the room.
Nova charged through the rest of the castle, filled with destroyed walls and clusters of changelings and those taunting shadows.
After bashing through another group of changelings he found himself in front of an old wooden door that had scratches and marks all over it.
Looking at it closely, something inside him made him walk to the door and open it. Once  he did so, he was met with a partially lit room. The drake took a step in, suddenly feeling something crunch under his foot, when he looked down he found a small toy dragon, the old Nova.
Picking  it up and studying the coloring of blue and green on the torn up toy, his eyes and scales turned back to normal.
-flashback-
"Hey, Novey,  We have a present for you!"A younger version of Luna said as she and Celestia  waited in the room that she and Nova shared.
Not long after, a small baby dragon waddled his way into the room with a pair of large sunglasses too big for his face atop his head,
"You called sis?" the small one waddled, making the lunar mare giggle.
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What?
I can't read this...
I can't even understand what's going on, let alone read the words.
4409894 what is it that you don't understand and ill try and fix it that
4411023 It's just impossible to read.
I literally can't understand this.
4342235 thanks good to know so me one gives a crap
what does everyone think of chapter 3
I'll guess B
4478505 interesting choice I actually never gave that one much thought
4478529 thnaks
4478529 I like the C concept, but B is a close second.
I just noticed that D sounds I bit like halo with odst
Yay update.
Speedster is a real ass. And I should know, that's me!
Yay update.
Wait, we get drunk?
....
My body is ready. >:)
That title though.
'A girl with fighting for'.
4566976 lol that is awesome and deserves the spike moustache for the epicness
4567001
Lol.
I'm getting married?! That escalated quickly. So that was the secret...;)
4572412 yes that and the part at the end you also sort of gave me the idea to use her from dragon initiative
4594190 i am sorry but latly ive been way to busy with finals at the moment ill try better when im not stuck doing school work
I liked it :)
4912174 thanks.....just wish others would say the same
4912193 smiles sweetie they will but some peeps will just hate it with no explanation ok that just happens ok hugs u
4912224 yea I guess......thanks