A young Pegasus named Crimson Pallet and his group of friends meet and welcome a new Unicorn to Fillydelphia, but the more they get to know this new and mysterious unicorn the more Crimson draws suspicion on him of being something he may not appear to be. They decide they must leave Fillydelphia and somehow warn Princess Twilight Sparkle of some dark and perilous event that may occur.
But all her friends call her "being" for short.
People? Not ponies?
You do know that the human city of Seattle is quite large, right? So why would the pony city of Seaddle be any different?
Unlikely, since the only pony currency we've seen has taken the form of coins.
In what world would that count as "spare change"? If Fluttershy's shopping trip is anything to go by, a few dozen bits would completely fill up a pantry and feed a single pony for weeks. And even 10,000 yen would be around 100 dollars, so again, hardly "spare change".
And to hell with all your readers who don't know all the same pop culture references you do.
Seriously?
I'm out.
3887792 Clearly I have work to do and a gain I am a beginner writer. and also the currency in my interpretation is really cheap compared to american currency. But anyways I will watch out for how exactly I write my stories and such. But I hope you get to like it better.
3887428 I don't know what to think about this.....
3887973 no....
Come on guys give him a break. He said he was new at this. He was asking for some constructive criticism, and these comments aren't very constructive. I see a few of the points you were making Elric, but you could have at least helped him by giving him possible fixes for those areas.
3888311 Thanks. I really appreciate the support.
3888311
They're a writer. They need to sink or swim. They've been shown the problems, now it's up to them to figure out how to correct these grievances.
3887792 Also if you have the slightest decency of giving me a few positives or pointers for my story that would be nice. Unless you're that one critic who is an arrogant, stuck up, douche bag.
3891080
You want a pointer? Join one or more of these groups and ask for help:
Looking For Editors
School For New Writers
W.R.I.T.E.
Author Support
Struggling Authors
3891444
Okay. Thank you.
wow, this section of comments is kinda tense, sompony obviously bjust wants to write a story the way he sees fit, and we should only criticise things like ghramar, not the way the story is written, i believe this story will one day be quite good
3891893
Yes. Let's not talk about technique in writing or the mechanics of story structure or anything like that. Let's throw all that out the window and give everyone a giant gold star for trying. Let's never criticize a story for how it's told ever again, that way we wont improve or strive to do better. That sounds pleasant.
3891911 im not saying that, all im saying is that he's new, so we should have some faith, and offer constructive criticism, why level a building if you just need to remodel it? ive read worse stories so give him some credit
3891942
If that building has bad structure then it's going to fall over on it's own. Being new is no excuse. Before I posted, I lurked for a little bit to see what was popular, what people hated to see, read some comments and discovered a few things. My first story I published on the site did fairly well despite me considering it a disaster.
As Elric has already pointed out, there are several points in this story that are simply bad or words and references that are very poorly chosen. This story isn't all that good from what I've read, and multi-chapter outings for someone who is new is the worst idea in history. Plus, it has OCs. Another misstep. I have seen this time and time again here where you have new writers bringing in their OC in a multi-chapter epic they think up on the fly. They never end well. So no, I wont have any faith in this. Not until they become a little bit better established, find their voice in the words they write, get an editor or two and rework their idea. Then, perhaps, I'll have some faith because then they'll be ready.
3892037
Thank you for being honest with me. I will try to develop my stories and write them more carefully.
3892125
It's all I can be. You're the one to make the improvement here, not everyone else. I may have some barbs, but I only wish to see you improve as an artist. Until then you've been set down the right path and I hope to see better and better things come from you.
Good luck with your future stories.
3892137
Thank you.
3887792
That was by far the best hate comment I have ever seen. I salute you sir.
3917902
Thank you!
But you should see me when I'm really cranked up...
3918722
Since your hate comments are amazing. Go check out "Cupcakes 2: the awakening" It is possible... No... THE WORST, story I have ever read. Please go read my comments and then rant on his story, seeing as how I'm not very good at it.
3918732
Yay. I'm glad my story isn't the worst possible thing ever from what you guys have told me.
3925764
Just remember, there is always something worse, except if your story is called Cupcakes 2: the awakening. Then there is really nothing worse than that.
3925813
Oh okay. I'm glad you're supporting me, if that is what you are doing.
3929818
Yeah, trust me I am. I will never hate on anything unless it deserves it. At least you attempted to write. Sometimes when peoples stories get hate they quit. I will tell your right now, if you keep writing you will get better.
3930180
Well, I do plan to keep writing. And thank you for the support! Now be honest with me, what do you think of my story so far?
3930793
It isn't as bad as most people thing, it just needs a little bit better lore. Meaning stuff Elric pointed out. Other than a few grammatical errors here and there. It seems fine for a first story.
3930804
Yippie. Welp, I just posted the next chapter so I hope things get better.
not bad, things are much better than the last chapter, though it wasn't exactly terrible
Update. I am re-submitting my story so people can see both chapters. Since the first chapter didn't take off so well, I want people to see my story and see the two chapters so I can hopefully get some more feedback after reading the second chapter. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got to say I'm interested in this story already.
the chapter. I want to read more now!!!!!!!!
3971078
I will write more. but I'm currently putting my story on Hiatus due to hate. plus I'm writing my other one you have read.
3925813 *cough*MyLittleUnicornMagicIsBelieving*cough*