I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP
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I picked up my mail, like very day. This time I found something out of the ordinary, as I recognise a scroll.
I had to read it, just like the rest of the mail. I couldn't ignore it. I felt an urge to read, in order to respond, to whom ever had sent it.
Only just after I had read it, the curse gripped my body, and it is too late to change my mind.
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The grammar and spelling are painful. The story just... What? Seriously, I read the first chapter (by the way, establish who this "I" character is within a shorter amount of time. Really, if you hadn't mentioned it was Pinkie until halfway through, I wouldn't have known who it was), and don't feel compelled to read the rest. It didn't make sense.
3851567 On the matter of spelling, should be fairly easy to deal with, the grammer is not impossible.
If the story is confusing, I'll just have to address this too. I may have wished you stuck with the story a few more chapters, sinse I just set up the premises for where the story is, rather then so much of action.
If you don't like it, I'm not going to try to talk you into it, neither of us will enjoy it, and it will not benefit weither of us either.
I published it, for the one who may enjoy it. If this wouldn't be you, for what ever reason, why bother?
I hope I fixed the main part of the problems in chapter one, by now.
SCROLL. SCROLLS. Not "scrol" or "scroles".
Please, get an editor.
3851817 thanks for the tip.
I'm planing to, but it takes time.
that should be the second chapter fixed, for now.
this also gave me the reason to fix a few details that didn't quite sound right in the first posting of the story.
Okay, first of all, you committed one of the sins an author should NEVER do: you changed character perspective in a FIRST-PERSON STORY! The only time that's okay is when there's a warning, but because there WASN'T...
Secondly, is English even your first language? Or second or third, for that matter? Seriously, I'm almost crying over how BRUTALLY you've MURDERED grammar here!
Thirdly, what the hell is even going on? This story seems to be some sort of horrible mish-mash of words that somehow ended up in a semi-story-like form. It's okay to not reveal EVERYTHING about the plot, but when some one like me(who can usually figure out what's going on from the barest of clues) steps back and goes "What the fuck did I just read?", THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG.
3883121 I take it, you're not taking chapter divides for it?
it's second language, yes.
you do sound a bit on the Dramatic side.
without making a total 'Spoiler'; she's breaking in her 'Play Girl'.
I could make use of an Editor/Proof-Reader for the story, I can admit as much. now I just need to find one for this story.
3883121 I updated the story, POV notation should be fully included now. Aside from a few other details I changed, while I was at it.