This story is a sequel to The Happy Little Changeling
I had just arrived at Ponyville, so I knew none of the ponies here.
Alone, and outcast. Shunned by my own, what's that for a life for a pony?
I felt the need strongly, it is an urge amongst us, changelings. Only now, it is where everything changed for me, and in my life.
I was simply going past the Sugar-Cube Corner, only to see a special grey pegasus, whom I knew nothin about, at the time.
What's special about her, aside from the fillie by her side, where they were enjoying their Muffins? The love radiating from her, naturally. it is what any Changeling would have told you?
Here is where my life actually did change. I simply walked in, approashing the pink pony inside, as she handed me a package, I gladly paid for, before I walked out.
the package contained a Muffin cake. it's split four ways, I guess I could happily make due with my quarter, as was Dinkie. The rest was for Ditzy, the adult mare. this was the change.
I guess it is the ultimate in blind dating, since I had no idea I was on the date in the first place, just as neither did she.
In the years ahead, this is the day and the moment I will treasure, for what it did to me, and for me.
Is the speaker Derpy?
3876450 in 'Chapter 2', that would be the case.
as opposed to 'Chapter 1'.
Maybe I could have made it more clear, the refference to the 'Muffin' was supposed to point squarely at Derpy(since you chose that version of her name)
there may be a chance it could have been her daughter Dinkie, but this is denied later(mid-chapter). and the next line squarely deny any chance of putting the OC(changeling) up as the narrative speaker also.(named 'Silver')
I hope it makes sense.
it is cronologially the begining, even if it is the sequal. I felt it more interesting to go into the story first, then explain the ship later, which is now.
Pretty good. Better then I initially expected, no offense intended
4733078 Thanks.
From when and where the responce came, is it the length or details within the latest chapter?
Hope you will enjoy the entire story.
Oh?
Yeah, the length was within my range, not too short it is ineffective, not to long that it drags on.
4735847 This is close to the upper range of chapters here at Fim site, with my stories.
I try to make the words count, rather then counting the words, as it were.
I sure have seen a few stories with what I have come to call a 'Chapter-Splise', or as you put it, drag-on chapters.
This story has among the chorter chapters I can be comfortable with, from the time I got to this site, otherwise I am aiming for somewhere between 1,000 to 2,000 word chapters.
Chapter length is about choosing the skope to delve into, rather then counting words, like I guess you have seen signs of in some stories on the site?
Now I will try to follow the story as it progresses towards the end. I have to wrap it up, but there is still room for some more fun around here.
The chapter grew as long as it did, in part due to how little this has been delved into either in Canon, or other stories I have come across. As such, it begs more details than familiarity, at least to me. Just hope I did it justice here.
*package
*contained
*Muffin
*guess
*blind
*moment
*treasure
If this is what the description's like, I can't imagine the story.
Second Chapter Title: *Meeting
Doesn't anybody know how to use spellcheck?
4982090 Sorry about these problems mentioned, nothing I can't fix, even if it was too late for you?
The spelling is dealt with.
4982240
I don't wish to offend you, but...
...is English your first language?
4982417 Since you asked, no.
I just don't make a point out of it, but I have no problem saying it.
I try to make the most of every constructive comment I get, just like yours.
It is why I moved my stories here from Mibba in the first place, more feedback.
I think I have develloped my writing more this latest year here, then I did before.
4982451
I figured that was the case. The way you phrase some sentences, like: "I guess I could happily make due with my quarter, as was Dinkie." makes it clear what you are trying to say, but is grammatically incorrect.
I believe you mean to say: "I was happy to make due with my quarter, as was Dinkie." There's a slight difference. In the first version, you say "I guess I could... as was Dinkie." In the second it says "I was... as was Dinkie." Notice how the verbs agree.
4982530 There may be more and greater differences than seems to meet the eye?
The problem is that I can't express what I want to say, while staying in the safety of correct grammar, when I am writing 'Creatively'.
Is it so bad to try to write the best story, even if it may come at the cost of a few gramatical slips from time to time?
Another question is if there truely is a correct way to put forth every last detail I had in mind for the scenes I am trying to express.
Each word and the exact order does change the meaning and empasis of the statement, or question, doesn't it?
Just curious, did you ever consider or compare how; Rarity, Apple Jack and Zecora speaks?
4985354
You make a good point. However, like in the sentence I pointed out, there are times when a correct sentence conveys the exact same meaning as an incorrect one.
I have indeed considered the way Rarity, AJ, and Zecora speak. Let's look at them right now: Rarity speaks eloquently, though she sometimes puts too much "flair" in her words, making what should be simple sentences a bit complex. AJ on the other hoof, speaks directly, but has a tendency to use slang. Both use grammatically correct sentences.
Zecora doesn't always use correct grammar, and though it can be said that it is done in the interest of rhyme, it is worth noting that Zecora is a foreigner, and therefore Equish is probably not her first languange.
Finally, consider this: perhaps you cannot express certain ideas in a grammatically correct way, not because there isn't a way, but because you lack the experience with the language to know how to phrase it.
4985524 I think I am good at making these and enjoy doing it.
I imagine there is a correct way of buulding the sentence, at least most of the time.
Now I need a way to see how to build it and what could help me building it.
Putting it like that, the tree could be used as samples forwhere and how one goes overboard in writing?
Rarity aspire to excelence, it is easy to take it a step too far?
AJ is a farmer, or what some may refer to as a 'RedNeck', with all the vocabulary and expressions to go with it.
If Zecora happens to be a Foreiner, as you said, it is of little to no consequence, but can as easily be overblown.
From a Pony perspective, she works makig, just not with a horn as the Unicorn would have.
There is bound to be better ways to express some of what I write.
The only way to learn would be through practicse, since there is no way to just pick it up.
Dictionary or Grammar books only takes you so far since they are not alive, merely expressing simple rules.
For now, I try my best, then check the result against the utilities I have available to me in order to iron out what ever problems may be in the text.
4985717
If you enjoy making these, keep doing it. It is true that practice at a language will help you improve. So keep at it.
PS: Zecora is a foreigner, it's part of the show's canon. And I was pointing out that it might be the reason she isn't always grammatically correct.
4987033 I enjoy writing the stories, with ponies or without. To see them move forwards and devellop, or just have a moment of fun.
Even if some of the problems within the text are merely typos, if someone point out a mistake in spelling, grammar or details in general, it would still help me devellop my writing and story telling.
Isn't it why they made her a Zebra, to make it obvious that she was a foreiner from a place far away and very different fom Equestria in general?
If i was the only reason for how she is speaking, why did the horses from Saddle-Arabia not the same problems or similiar once?
These three are the best samples of how different people speak, but in neither of the cases an excuse for poor language. They merely distingush themselves in different ways when they speak, without saying they are not good at english.
4990342
I don't believe the Saddle Arabians ever spoke. The Maretonians in Twilight's Kingdom did, but they spoke perfectly well.
4990644 then they were merely there for the joke.
I guess the Maretonians were Equestrian Ponies 'of noble birth', so they were bound to speak like Celestia and Luna?