Moonlight Promenade

by Valorousspectre

Chapter 18

It had been two months. Two long, painful months for Septimus. However, for the first time in a long time, he was never truly alone. No, now he lived with his 'handler', an excitable pegasus mare named Featherlight, and she was always with him, even when he went shopping. Plus, due to her status as his handler, she was technically on leave from her post as a Royal Guard (Solar division), and was not to wear her armour around him. Due to this, she had left the adopted seriousness of her position behind, and was instead how she would be on a regular day, which Septimus found was quite refreshingly bouncy.

He'd also bonded with her a lot. When she had to watch him at night whenever he ran the city, she decided instead to get him to teach her how to do it. So, now, he had a running buddy. She wasn't as good as he was, but she'd proven herself a more than apt student, and had done things that he found he physically couldn't, thanks to her wings. That said, his experience proved also useful, and he found having a partner to run with was more refreshing than he'd first believed it was, or would be. She could also cook up a few decent meals, so in exchange for the parkour lessons, she taught him how to cook.

It was fair, and Septimus found that, despite the sometimes absurd projects he was given from day to day, his life had, honestly, improved.

But he still thought about Luna, and about what they used to have. Over the past few months, there had been several proclamations about Luna. The night court opening, so Luna could be petitioned. Luna now having a seat in both diplomatic and economic hearings and meetings. She was becoming more and more a Princess. It made Septimus both happy, and depressed. He knew already there was no way he could see her again, not after everything they'd gone through...

But sometimes he really wanted to. He missed her smile, the way her hair smelled, the feel of her hugs, and how excited she got whenever she beat him in a game. Even her competitive edge. And the feel of her fingers on his skin.

There was a lot about her he missed, and sometimes it made his heart ache.

But no, He had to put her out of his mind. He'd spent his time with Luna. He'd messed up. Certainly, he still thought it was partially her fault. She overreacted, he told himself. He could barely pay attention to Featherlight as she babbled at him from the kitchen, his pencil twiddling. He'd taken up art a little after Feather had started handing him jobs from the Royal duo, and he liked to think he was improving. Unfortunately, he also found that the most prominent thing he drew was Luna herself, beautiful hair down her back, a small smile on her face, like she'd done something she shouldn't have, and she knew it, and you didn't. Like a cat, one could say. A smug Cat.

"And that's how monkeys will one day inherit the earth, and throw stones at anyone who disagrees."

Septimus looked up, blinking, "What?"

Featherlight smirked at him, "You've been staring at that picture for an hour, and your dinner's cold now. Something's up. I know you don't want to talk to me about it, and I know it's about the Princess, so I'll leave it be. But if you don't eat your food, I won't let you go out tonight."

Septimus blinked again, Idly putting a forkful of what was probably really delicious Pasta Primavera in his mouth, "I'm going out tonight?" He asked, mouth full of food. Featherlight giggled again.

"Yes, you're going running tonight," She replied, "You always do when you get into a funk, and you'll be running alone tonight. I have a date tomorrow, so I need to be fresh for it. Your orders will trot along, and I'll trot along. I trust you to take care of yourself."

Septimus frowned, and went back to eating. Sometimes, he felt she'd figured him out so completely it was somehow supernatural. But hey... Running didn't sound so bad.

"I know you won't listen, but keep a shirt on this time, okay?"

He smirked, "Whatever you say Feathers."

Almost an hour later, he stood upon the roof of a Canterlot building once again, breathing deep the air of the night. The crisp chill, the clean invigoration. It was familiar. Bittersweet, and revitalizing. Septimus smiled. He's already taken off his shirt, and was wearing his scuffed, beaten up sneakers. This was his domain. The city of a night.

He jumped.

Flipping of the edge of the building and landing on the fire escape, he vaulted the hand rail, using it as extra leverage to push him through the air into the opposite building's escape, clinging to it's handrail. Thankfully, these buildings weren't tall, and he could drop the rest of the way into a dumpster, rolling off of the lid and onto the cement, running before his feet even touched the ground.

It was always refreshing. Always opening new avenues of thought, even if only for a while. He cleared a gap with a somersault, kept running. The city was his playground, and the world full of potential. It made everything seem so trivial, so easily solved. The rush of the wind was all he needed, and the adrenaline pumping through his veins was his drug. He was free.

Another hour passed, an hour of running, leaping, rolling, twisting. Free running. And eventually, panting, Septimus stopped for a breather. It was a full moon that night, and his his chest heaved in breaths, he looked around, and felt a pang of recognition.

This was where he'd first met her.

In a rush of bittersweet memories, he approached the handrail, gliding his hand over it. Yes... this was the place. He sighed, and jumped up, sitting with his legs dangling over empty space, and looked out over the city. The moon was bright enough to show him everything, and he smiled sadly. He remembered all of his meetings with her, in painful clarity.

"I had hoped to find you out here."

Septimus started, almost falling, and spun around, landing on his feet. Towering above him, stood the....

"Princess?"

Celestia smiled, and self-consciously brushed back her faded pink hair, "What, a girl can't wind down now and again?"

He looked at his feet quickly, averting his eyes, "I wouldn't presume to tell you what you can and cannot do, Princess."

There was an edge to his voice he couldn't remove, and Celestia couldn't help but hear it. She sighed. Shoes clacking against the cobblestones, and then Celestia was leaning on the railing, looking out over her city.

"Septimus, it's true I've wronged you," She said softly. Septimus didn't reply, a little bewildered, and angry, "My lax attitude towards my guard's discipline nearly cost you your life not once, but twice, and my refusal to see my sister as the mare she was hurt you both. I was rude to you, cruel perhaps, and that is unbecoming of any mare, regardless of station, but completely inexcusable for a Princess of Equestria, built upon the ideals of Love, Tolerance and Harmony."

Now, Septimus looked at her. Her eyes were downcast, and she didn't hold herself high, as he'd always seen her do. She looked tired. Sad perhaps.

"My behaviour could have corrupted my sister yet again, only this time it would be anger, and resentment from the way I treated her, rather than the way she was seen as a leader. And I have nopony but myself to blame. In addition, my blindness lead to me hurting you, the first true friend she's had in thousands of years, save my student of course. My arrogance could have lead me to lose her, and her you. For that, you have my deepest, and most heartfelt apologies."

For a long moment, both were silent. Septimus wrestled with mixed emotions of resentment, anger, guilt and sympathy. He wanted to throw it all back in her face, let her know how much he hated her. Hated her guts, everything she did... but looking at her now, he couldn't. With a frustrated sigh, he held his arms out to the sun Princess.

"Come on then," He grumbled, "I'm not going to stand here all night."

Celestia looked at him, puzzled.

"I'm... sorry?"

"Look, you either hug me, or I hug you, either way it's going to be awkward and probably laughable, but I reckon you need one right now, and I'd rather not be you from before, alright?"

She flinched, at that, but smiled soon after, and embraced the peachy stallion. He did his best to reciprocate, but it's hard when the pony in question is two feet taller than you, if not more. The hug held for a moment, and Celestia drew back, a kind smile on her face.

"You do me a great service," she looked out over the city, "One most would not offer. Forgiveness.... is not easy. But thank you. Thank you for giving me another chance."

"Don't mention it," He grumbled, face going red, "Ever. Literally. Just don't."

Celestia smirked, "Alright. I won't. I'll see you again. Sooner, rather than later, I expect."

And like that, she was gone. Septimus blinked, and looked around. Nope, she definitely was no longer here. She'd just vanished! How does...? How did that..?

The hell?

After another moment of complete confusion, Septimus grumbled, and let the whole thing go, returning to his contemplation of the city, but only leaning on the railing this time.

Disappear into thin air like that...

"I remember..."

He froze. This voice was very familiar. And one he never thought he'd hear again. Not personally anyway, "I remember meeting a young stallion here with a lot on his mind. Seems that, a year, or close to, later, he's still here."

It had to be Luna. But he found that, like all the previous times he'd met her here, he couldn't move. He couldn't help but smile a little.

"It brings back memories, I won't lie," He replied, "I... didn't think I'd hear your voice again."

A little giggle from Luna sent a little thrill through Septimus, and he forced it back down, only just now remembering he was meant to be angry at her.

"Well, you'd have heard me regardless, once you were done with your three months. You would have had to reappear before my court at the end of that time anyway, and since I know where you live..."

"You'd find me regardless."

"Something like that," A wing brushed hesitantly against Septimus' shoulder. The contact was brief, and it pulled away before it could be considered meaningful, "Septimus... I wanted to talk to you."

"Well, you have me here," He replied, "Go ahead."

There was a pause, and Luna coughed, clearing her throat.

"Septimus... it's been... I've been considering my... my behaviour, when we uh... reunited..."

"When you flung me across the room?"

"Yeah... when I did that. It's... it's occurred to me, quite a while ago to be honest, that I... I might have gone too far."

"Oh, it's occurred to you has it?" Septimus asked snarkily, "Shocking."

"Be nice," She replied quietly, ashamedly, "I'm here, aren't I? I'm apologising now."

Septimus sighed.

"I'm... I'm sorry. It's still... I've never been good at closing old wounds."

Another long pause. It stretched for what felt like an eternity. Then, once again, her wing brushed against him and she began again.

"Septimus, I'm sorry. I was... I was angry with you. Angry with myself. Afraid... I thought you were going to hit me. And that scared me. I lashed out, and you were there. I'm sorry... Okay?"

Septimus was quiet, looking out across the city. It was dark, illuminated only by the moonlight. The lights in the entertainment district were pulsing and flashing, the only lights in the city save the street lamps. He mulled over her words for a long time. At the end of it all, he sighed.

"I... was pushy," He replied quietly, "I was angry, furious. I was angry at you, angry at myself, at Gild, at the world. You left me, without word, for months. And then, you came back, liberated me, and then expected me to just understand?"

"I was excited, it was my first responsibility as a princess since I was sent to the moon," Luna complained, "I forgot a lot of important things, not just you."

"Oh, and that should make me feel better?" He snapped back angrily, firmly keeping his hands by his sides, "I'm just as forgettable as a toothbrush or a hairbrush?"

"No!" She replied, also getting angry, "That's not what I-"

"Not what!? Not what you meant? Not what you said? Listen to yourself Luna!" With a force of will he didn't know he possessed, he forced himself out of her compulsion charm (Though he didn't know what it was at the time) and began walking, gesticulating wildly with his arms, "I was forgotten! The only friend I've had, proper friend mind you, since I left my parent's home to live here, and you just up and _forget_ about me! For a _diplomatic task_ given to you by your sister!"

"It was an important-" Luna began, taken aback at the savagery in his voice, the pain, but he cut her off.

"Of course it was important!" He snapped, "It's the business of the nation! Keeping it running! Why the fuck would you remember me, right?"

"I didn't think-"

"No! You didn't!" He snapped again, turning to face her this time, and pointing at her, face flushed in anger and pain, tears in his eyes as his voice broke, "You didn't fucking think! You didn't think anything but the fact your sister finally gave you something to do! Celestia gives you one thing and you drop everything else like a sack of potatoes to go running to her beck and call, to make her _proud_ and to make yourself _feel good_ ! And then, when I needed you most, when I was at my absolute lowest _You weren't there!_ "

"Well, I'm sorry I had things to do!" She batted his hand away, glaring impudently at him in return, "I had to go pacify a _nation_ Septimus!"

"And we all have to fight our demons Princess," He snarled back, his voice low, "You and me? We lost to them. A long time back."

She flinched, and looked away. Tension that, previously, had been thick enough to choke on, vanished, and Septimus came down from his rage. What did he feel when he looked upon the shame faced and guilty Princess before him?

Shame. Shame of his words, his actions. Sorrow.

Love.

"Luna..." He said softly, taking a step closer, and reaching to take her hand. She jerked it away, "Luna, look at me. Please?"

He took her hand again, and this time she didn't let go. She looked at him, though it pained him to see her in such a state.

"I'm sorry..." He apologised once more, "I've... I've been holding on to that pain and anger for so long, it festered. I didn't even know I still had it until we started speaking.... but what I said wasn't... It was horrible. And it wasn't the point."

He took her other hand too, and held both gently, looking at his hands. Even with her growth spurt, his hands were bigger than hers. They looked so vulnerable in his bigger, calloused hands.

"I... I wanted to say we're better together," He tried again, swallowing heavily, "We... You're the shining star to my lightless nights. Without you, I'm lost, and I wander deeper and deeper into the darkness. And every day makes it harder to get out. Having... Having a friend helps, I won't lie. Featherlight is... she's excellent company."

He swallowed again, and tried a different tact. Luna's hands were now gripping his, although in disgust, shock or anger he didn't know, he dared not look at her face.

"My mother always told me it's who we're closest to that are able to hurt us the most," He began again, trying to work through the words he wanted to use to get his point across, "And... I've been hurt before. But never so much as being hurt by you ever did. But when we had everything working? When it was you and I against the world? I felt like I could take the world on, and win, so long as I had you by my side. And... I liked being with you. Hanging out, playing stuff, just talking... It was awesome, you know? When we had that fight..."

"You were in a dark place."

He nodded slowly. Luna smiled sadly, "Septimus... We were a good team. No doubt about it. You made me feel whole again, like I wasn't missing anything anymore. I thought that, so long as I had you in my life, I'd be okay, you know? No more doubts, no more fears... you helped me fight them. We were a team. I've been so busy lately... That I'd forgotten what it felt like to belong. I felt that, whenever I was with you. I felt like I belonged."

Septimus sighed, "Then what happened? Why'd we..?"

Silence. Awkward, unhappy silence. When Luna spoke, Septimus was actually relieved.

"I took it too fast, I think," She said quietly, "I was so excited to finally have a friend, I went about it all wrong. I took you out from your life, and tried to bring you into mine. I didn't think about... well, much of anything."

"And I got too dependant on you I think," Septimus replied, "And when I didn't have you to drag me out of my mundane, irritating life, I lost it. When you got back, I guess I vented at you."

Luna raised a brow, a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth cutely, and Septimus flushed, "Okay, okay, I went off the deep end. I Hulked out, I lost my temper, I threw a temper tantrum, I tied a bag of jello to a tree and beat it with my-"

He was silenced with wide eyes as Luna put a finger over his lips. She was trying not to laugh, he could see the familiar twinkle in her eyes that made his heart ache, it had been so long since he'd seen it. Gently, she took his cheeks in her hands, and leaned up to kiss him.

Septimus froze, eyes wider than saucers.

This is... She's actually..!?

Luna's closed eyes were marred by a frown, and she drew back, beautiful eyes opening in confusion and concern, "Septimus?"

There was a heartbeat of silence, and Septimus responded, pressing back into Luna. She squealed and laughed as his right hand ran through her hair, and his left found her waist. His touch was insistent, but not aggressive as he pulled her to him. She giggled as his first kiss missed her mouth, and pressed to her cheek instead. Her hands slipped through his fine hair before curling into fists, and pulling him back down to engage in another round of mouth mosh, eyes slipping back to their closed position as the pair of long overdue ponies finally let their feelings out. Septimus's senses felt like they were being assaulted. The smell of her hair, the feel of her skin on his, and the feel of the silk dress she was wearing under his hand, the taste of her lips as she kissed him.

He felt her begin to pull away, and followed her, unwilling to let it end. He felt more than heard Luna giggle into his mouth, and she pulled back again, but this time holding him back via his hair. The first thing Septimus saw as he opened his eyes was, as fair as he was concerned, an angel on Equestria. Her beautiful eyes and perfect lashes closed, her cheeks reddened, and her swollen lips curling at the edges into a perfect smile. And then her eyes opened, and she looked up at him through heavy lids, eyes twinkling like the stars she so adored, and painstakingly crafted into her night sky.

"Best first kiss I could have ever gotten," He teased her lightly with a smile, "With the most beautiful mare that's ever lived."

Her cheeks burned brighter, and she giggled again, "I'd like to say it was my first, but I think I've lived too long for that to fly."

"Maybe," Septimus admitted, "But I would love to hear you say it."

Luna smirked, "In that case... I couldn't think of a better pony to share a first kiss with."

Septimus laughed, "Close enough Princess, close enough."

And they joined once more, within the cool night air under the approving silver light of the full moon and glimmering stars in the greatest city in Equestria.

All captured here, within the magical bounds of the Moonlight Promenade.

Comments

[Tide Hunter]

Ya know, I almost want to ask for a sequel. Could a sequel actually work? I mean, at this point, a continuation would seem like a slice of life, romance drama with details about life... Oh wait that's exactly what this price of brilliance is. Unless I'm wrong and there isn'the a complete sign, could you make a sequel?

[Valorousspectre]

7198174 Hello sir, thank you, and I'm glad you liked my story ^^

Whilst I'm sure I probably COULD wrangle a sequel, I'm not going to. Moonlight Promenade is, in my opinion, finished, and won't be returned to, at least no time soon. But again, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the read, and keep up them wins in DOTA Tide Hunter :P

[Tide Hunter]

7199445 What you said at the end about DOTA confused me. I haven't played it in about half a year, and I wasn't even that good. Do you have me confused with someone else?

[Valorousspectre]

7199464 Your name sir! Tide Hunter!

wallpaperscraft.com/image/dota_2_art_tidehunter_96430_750x1334.jpg

[Tide Hunter]

7199572 Wait, is that a Hero used in it? I mostly used... I forgot it's name, but it was the frost and flame dragon. And that spider-based hero, though I'm not sure. Tide hunter is my battle.net name, based off of murlocs because reasons.

[Betoran]

s2.quickmeme.com/img/9c/9c8b5133593820e28ca22a1d0f9f2c4a7d27e2e96684787b0df393d4e2a38c20.jpg

Ah... how nice it feels to reach the end. Yet at the same time it makes you yearn for more, to see what happen after. But alas, everything have a end. This story's pretty damn inspiring and made me connect to its character for a little while. Being a person that doesn't really have Manic Depression but Major Depression. It is hard, incredibly so. But, everything have its silver lining. Mine are the stories I read, not only ponies. But it help, so thank you for making this.

P.S. Yeah, got a little sentimental sue me!

[Valorousspectre]

7228564 I didn't think of that...

I think I'd still go with a spider though. For a few reasons. Mainly, Spiders are iconically scary monster type creatures. Giant ones especially. They're big, spindly, and have giant fangs that are just... mmph. They're well known, terrify a LOT of people, and are generally seen in Dark places. However, they're also kept by a lot of people as pets.

Basalisks are cool, no doubt about it. But a basalisk is either a serpent or lizard that kills simply by looking at you/breathing on you. Something like that's more like a dog of war in my opinion, and less like a domesticated beast of burden, or pet. Too dangerous. Very cool idea, but way too dangerous.

[NecromanCREEEEEE]

7228658 *shrugs* Eh, makes sense. Great story, I would ask for a sequel but it's perfect as is. (I would've put in favorites before but I set it to track unread chapters.)

[Incinarator]

I just sat down and read this all in one go, and I'm still quite disoriented. I feel like I just read a story that was written by three separate authors, each assigned a different section of the story. Even without that disorientation though, I honestly can't say I liked the story much. I do like the idea you've got here, but I can't help but feel you really haven't done it justice. I shall attempt to explain my feelings on the matter.

The first section is a moonlit romance with surprise nighttime visits. Honestly this part feels like it would've been better off left as a one shot; I was liking it right up until your contrived excuse to break the cycle with Sun. I understand that having a smooth transition from that first meeting into a developing relationship is hard (and extending a one shot to boot), but honestly the simple solution of an honest mistake resulting in the ousting of the princess would feel right at home, rather than some odd contrivance. The night meeting scenes were also too few in number which would be fine for a one shot with a mystery ending, but for a longer story like this it just ended too fast. Aside from that, the first section was actually quite pleasant.

The second section was a teenage hormone fueled mess. It does have its charm to be sure, but the teenage hormones not only afflicted the two teenagers in question, for Luna certainly was acting it, but also the narrative style and the side characters as well. Not all stories have to be sunshine and rainbows, but I felt like you were causing characters to act idiotically just to progress the story. Much of this feeling would be mitigated if you put more work into the characters and the lore of your story, thereby giving explanations for the way the characters seem to act so strangely. For example, Celestia does not have to be the neigh-perfect goddess of beauty and calm that she so often is portrayed as, but we should get a reason for it. Her treatment of her sister I can kind of understand, but her treatment of the guards, of Septimus, and her overreactions (and under reactions) to everything did not feel like something a THOUSAND YEAR OLD RULER would do. A good explanation could certainly deal with that issue, but there are little to none in here, which is basically the theme of this whole section.

The third section is the reconciliation section, and honestly I don't really have anything bad to say about it. It was too fast, as was the rest of the story, but it was well written and the characters all acted in a manner that was consistent with their descriptions. It feels as if you took your story, gave it to a professional writer, and asked them to write in a good ending for you. It's really too bad the previous sections didn't set up the emotional conclusion for this one, instead leaving it to fall flat.

More specific issues... Septimus does a strange flipflop between misery and elation. At first he is miserable and his life is crap, then his life is wonderful and everything is great, then his life is absolutely horrid, then it finally settles on an upbeat normal. These transitions are very jarring, which only serves to amplify the effect. I understand that this character is meant to have depression, but that doesn't mean his life actually has to suck. Of course having depression doesn't mean his life can't suck either, but I feel like it'd feel more realistic and have more impact if he wasn't a caricature of 'a depressed guy'. Anyone can have depression, from a lowly slum rat to a king, but some stories just fit one type better than others, and I feel like this flip flop dance tried just a bit too hard to play on my emotions and ended up sliding off my emotional armor instead.

Luna acted like a child, then suddenly became an adult. This fits the theme of the second section, as I could see plenty of reasons for this transition, but none are given. She starts out being impulsive, then turns into a petulant child, then transforms into a rational, if still impulsive, adult. This progression of character would actually be great, but without any background explanation the reader misses out on seeing it in action, which is the whole point of a story. I feel like I missed several chapters worth of character building for her at several points.

Luna claims to like Septimus because he doesn't kowtow to her, but the way she acts with her constant threats to everyone around her certainly seems very at odds with that, and she even goes so far as to pull rank on him while they are fighting. I'd be tempted to let it slide since he brought rank into it, but then she proceeds to keep constantly trying to enforce her will as a sovereign of the nation with no explanation about her sudden change in heart. A short section about how she realizes that if she cannot escape from her status she will instead use it to get what she wants would fit nicely.

The romance was quite awkward. I have no problem with the story shifting focus away from the romance to other things (like building Luna as a character and her relationship with Celestia), but the relationship between Luna and Septimus could not be said to have properly been formed. There was a Holy Wall of Text™ that was meant to describe their relationship forming, but writing it that way is very unappealing to those of us who enjoy romance, as the day to day formation of the relationship is far more interesting than just rushing to an existing one only to throw it in chaos. The end of the story just felt wrong to me, as I never felt that they were in a relationship at all. It like if two strictly sex friends suddenly declared their undying love for each other.

After all that negativity I do have to say I like Septimus. People who don't understand depression probably would come away thinking he's crazy, but that's just it... depression is a kind of crazy. I don't often see stories that reflect my daily experiences with the illness so accurately. The only time I felt like his actions were out of place was his fight with Luna where he instigated without any good cause. Just a paragraph earlier we were being told that he considered it his fault, so why would he lash out at her? I would've expected a curt self putdown along the lines of "I'm a useless person with no worth to you apparently, why am I here?". She then makes an offhand comment , likely a joke, maybe thinking his response was a joke since she was still riding the high of her first big action as a princess, which then makes him feel like she agrees with him, at which point he would promptly proceed to remove himself before she can talk him out of it, as happens in the story.

Post Review Disclaimer™
Don't take my criticism too harshly. I am not pointing out errors in your story to make you feel bad, but rather to make you aware of them so you can improve your writing. My intent is to aid, not mock. I hope this helps you.

Good luck with your writing.

[Valorousspectre]

7470978

My dear boy/girl. It's perfectly alright! We writers need these sorts of comments to improve! You may just be the first person I know of to do this on one of my stories that actually was useful!

Now, allow me to just put in a few things in my defense!

It was meant to be a oneshot. The adorable romance parts at the start? that was it. That was the whole story pretty much.

The whole 'flip flop' of emotions was meant to be a basis in Bipolar disorder. It wasn't very well done, because I extended it. I did so because of people asking, people telling, and people demanding I do so. I'm not happy with this story. Not one bit. I feel it's rubbish past where I had it ended, and thin and sketchy at best.

Thank you, however, for your criticism ^^ It is much appreciated.

[Incinarator]

7471204

Of course. I wouldn't have spent two hours writing that up if I didn't think it was useful after all. You might be surprised how many writers don't want a good review, though.

Of course it started as a one shot, I even mentioned that myself. However, I judge based on what a story is, not what it used to be. I reviewed a full length story, and treating it as anything else would just water down any assistance my review would give.

It is my opinion that allowing others to dictate your work will damage you as a writer. You should write what you want, when you want to. There is nothing wrong with incorporating feedback, but the second the story starts feeling like it's dictated by your readers then it's time to brush them off. You can never please everyone, but you're the writer so at least please yourself.

[Spacecowboy]

Was gonna leave some feedback, but then saw that Incinarator hit on all I wanted to say, and then more beyond. Only other thing I could maybe add is that there's no real romance here. Tagging something denotes that it plays a large role in affairs, and friendship is not the equivalent to romance. So, was bummed by that fact, on top of what the fellow hit on with the... all over the board the story went.

[BureYaAkili]

7471204
In my personal mind I do agree with a lot of what has been brought up. But the thing is that people like these bring it up because they really want to enjoy it. You have the skills as have been shown. The problem is character development. Gild was very solid for the role he played. Hard, military minded, had a little flip flop but overall was exactly the role he filled. I loved the premise and the ending was good. I felt giggly bubbles that I get whenever I finish a romance I like!

[Onyx Mage]

Great story.One of the best I have read so far.👌🏻