Join Demonheart, Fluttershy and the other element bearers as life as the mane six know it is flipped as the mysterious new stallion joins the town upon which they live in. In a tale of Romance, Jealousy, theft, sorrow and paranoid ramblings, the mane six will discover something very interesting about their new friend.
Something he had hoped to never let them see.
Hi guys! This is the rewrite for 'A Demon's Rage'. And before you kill me, no I didn't steal the name from the Octavia story of the same name, I was unaware of it's existence when I created this. No Copyright. I did NOT make nor do I own MLP;FIM, although that'd be really AWESOME and there may be language in this fiction. Maybe. Oh, and bacon.
Chapters (15)
Interesting.
I'm looking forward to seeing where you're going with this.
Seems interesting! I'll follow.
A very good chapter over all. I'm not too sure about Mac being such a good sport but hey, whatever you want to do, I'll read on.
Cheers.
939480
Don't worry so much. He's keeping his jealousy in check for now~ A Crisis may break out concerning it though, so stay tuuu~uuned~
946227
That's not much to go on man. Somehow, I'm not sure I appreciate one emoticon comments on my stories. They certainly aren't incredibly helpful since people use different emoticons for different things. Sorry to seem rude, it just doesn't make sense to me why you'd use an emoticon instead of commenting.
That Jealous Mac.
And I happen to be enjoying this story while sitting in a tub full of bacon.
978826
I approve this sensational revelation.
*cue dramatic lighting*
"pray you never know"
*thunder & lightning*
Another great chapter. I sense much confrontation in the future.
989678
Haha, Glad you liked it.
That was pretty sweet. I loved that tender moment in the cottage. It makes simple grooming seem like so much more, if you know what I mean.
I also think Demonheart has that blushing disease. 
Now that the two Pegasi are about ready to take it to the next level, I can't wait to see what happens when Mac finds out.
991437
Yeah, I wanted to try my hand at a more tender moment, and that popped into mind. But who said anything about a next level? and if you notice he only blushed when talking about, to or doing something with Fluttershy. The others simply don't interest him really. Although he likes Derpy.
Everyone likes Derpy.
Mac was really starting to scare me but now not as much as Demonheart. Scary guy.
Now I'm worried for Fluttershy.
Read Demon's rage already and am loving the rewrite, hoping for some falling action after the climax, not just an abrupt ending. *nudge* *nudge*
1017820
I did say I was improving it did I not? I'm not simply going to cut it all off like last time. That said, I LIKED the ending last time so
1019589 In my defense I hate the ending of every story (never want them to end). That being said, I loved Demon's rage, the ending wasn't bad by any means and I'm a selfish punk looking for a way that make any story that I love longer
My last comment came out a little jerkish, my apologies.
well.. now that i'm through this.. didnt read the first version of this story and dont know if i want to when theres an abrupt ending.. but whatever..
i really like what i read so far.. like i commented on xero tolerance, i love the characters you make and the setting of a not utopian equestria (but i think there wont really be crime and injuries on a larger scale in a kids show.. so whatever).. cant wait for the next chapter and eventually the rewritten versions of the other stories
keep up the amazing work
1061553
Ugh, I'll b honest. The ending wasn't nearly as 'abrupt' as people seem to think. I put a lot of thought into the ending of 'A Demon's Rage', despite what people think. It's just I was inexperienced.
The others are... It's a slow process. And Equestria is a country with societies just like ours, who is to say there wouldn't be crime? Maybe very little in Ponyville due to the small nature of the town where everypony knows everypony, but who is to say that crime rates aren't different in other places? And there hasn't really been any crime in this one bar the theft of apples and (I guess) Aggravated assault which COULD be put down as Self Defence.
Xero Tolerance is the Dark horse of the series really, and I have decided I will recreate it as well.
1061632
well.. most stories have something like an utopian equestria where everything is nice and clean (most i read up to this point at least.. because you know perfect harmony and things like that) and even if that is only true to ponyville.. i cant see how it wont spread from the other communities
BUT all the REALLY good stories i read have an equestria with "normal" problems to which one can relate in one way or another.. and to be honest.. your stories count to the really good ones i read so far..
FIRST
my god !
The shit is prepared to hit the fan...We await the glorious authors command
Hey guys. Uh, Look, I know this has taken a heck of a long time for me to write, but it's difficult trying to tear myself away from the old story to write this, but it did have to be done. I'm writing the final chapter now. I know this one will never be as popular as Nyctophobia or Ghosts of Skeleton's Past, but I do hope you've enjoyed it. I know these rewrites will be a hell of a ride and a lot of work. Thanks for all your support, I hope I haven't bored you with how long it takes to update this thing.
i.imgur.com/N3oVb.png
Thank you all for your understanding.
beautiful ending to a very interesting read.. i really cant wait for the next story in this series..
THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
Much better then his predecessor^^ and I aleady loved that one.
I love this new character you brought in. Sadly I forgot what it was...*shrugs*..sure it’d come back to me some day.
Take everything I got, sir, this was simply amazing!!
Hope to see more like that.
Sincerely,
Galicorn
PS: Did I already tell you that this was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!?
*sees twilight sparkle romance fic thing*
*said this was sequel*
*read later-fav-like*
*go to other story and repeat previous step*
threadbombing.com/data/media/2/THISGONBGUD.gif
I'm very disappoint about alcohol being in this fic. I REALLY hate alcohol. But, hopefully you got it out of your system and it won't show up again. on chapter 4 will continue.
1422865
I don't particularly like alcohol either man, but it's part of the story. It's rated as it's rated for a reason man, I make no attempts to pretend otherwise. If I want to put tipsy ponies in my stories, I will. Besides, enough of the right alcohol lowers inhibitions and can potentially make one more outgoing. It fit with what I was trying to do, so I used it. It's an element in this story.
In other words, be as disappointed as you like, but in the end it is my story, it worked how it meant to in my story and it's not going to be changed. I'm disappointed in how many fictions make the feature box simply because of adult humour or adult concepts/actions, but I can't change it.
Thanks for the feedback though~
~Valorousspectre~
I just realised how bitchy this sounds. I didn't mean to sound so uptight and disrespectful, sorry bro. I meant no harm, I just... I have a very abrasive way of explaining things sometimes >.< Sorry.
hmmm I enjoyed it, buuuuut it left a bit out. It seems kinda hollow. It left me with loads of questions. Like: Who were his parents and what were their names? What happened in the foster home? How did he get his powers? Who the heck is the changing guy? Who was his best friend and what happened to make him leave? (Although I think that might be answered in the sequel maybe? haven't read) His past is just to much of a mystery for my tastes. Also, I like longer stories I'm greedy like that. The sequels not even about Demonheart. The story needs to be flushed out. You could also add a few chapters in the middle and some flashbacks to explain what happened in Cloudsdayle and after.
Conclusion: ITS TO DAMN SHORT!!!!
Ya I also hated the alcohol chapter. Even the presence of alcohol in Equestria makes me want to vomit and quit reading. When its Fluttershy (best pony) even more so. I actually did stop reading there but came back when I exhausted my fanfic supply.
1738791
Thanks for the feedback, allow me to respond.
Demonheart is the enigma of the entire series. Knowing his past isn't entirely important and I deliberately made him a mystery. The 'Changing Guy', as you aptly describe him, is who he says he is. Exactly who he says he is. Call him what you will, he has no set name anymore, he lost track of most of them.
The series begins introducing Demon, Talisman, Ranger, Joy, Gray, Defender and Price. The final installment will be a totally new story that will hopefully not take me as long to write as the rest of the series. I'm afraid that, though I'll try to answer all questions, I might not be thorough enough.
Another note is that I have flushed this out to over four times its original length, so please don't ask me to extend it further.
And If you refuse to open your mind to the idea that Alcohol exists in Equestria, I'm afraid you might also want to skip them. Tell me, what do you suspect the elite drink? Pumpkin Juice?
Wine is made of fermented grapes. I'm certain they make it. I wouldn't be surprised in fact. Alcohol would exist and, since I didn't say what type of alcohol it was, you can assume it's whatever you want. But the best bet is wine or Hard Cider, which is also alcoholic.
928745 same here
who the tartarus would dislike this heavenly story i know there is only one but still i cannot believe someone disliked this story
so shy has a weakness for white chocolate
2052021 The answer lies in the ideal that Demonheart is of 'generic' colouration. That he's black and red automatically makes him a target for shallow minded individuals to despise. THAT is why I have one downvote. However, that there are 48 positives is a bonus, since it proves there are more people willing to give it a chance and like it, than despise it and downthumb it. BUT, given the amount of people who have viewed it (451), and only 49 liked or disliked it, it's rather depressing.
Ah well. Stuff happens.
Hey dude, don't know if you will see this comment but i got a great song to go along with the dance scene!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=j95HbhTl60k
3351348 Of course I'll see the comment silly. And, although my net is being stupid and won't let me see the song, I had actually intended for people to recognise Nickelback's song 'All through the night', featuring Santana on guitar. I know a lot of people don't like Nickelback, but I do.
The feels on the bus go round and round...
Dialogue is everything...
Sadly, this mysterious Stallions dialogue isn't interesting to me at the least.
Its the same Dog and Pony show that I've seen time and time before. Personality is flare, this flare is as washed up as it could be.
“But… I thought… you were afraid of me. I can smell you fear, I know you’re scared.” For someone with dark aspects he seem to be very G rated. This isn't a kids show. There can be depth to characters...
Why shouldn't I leave? I can smell your fear from here... How does that sound? The smallest of changes in dialogue can make all the difference in the world. I'm not saying anything, but, the whole "Character is a lost lamb" Trope as I like to call it makes me want to
dislike and fuck off.I couldn't really call it that could I? A better way to describe it would be... "Open book syndrome" I can't really explain it. Which is to be expected, you can't explain a character can you? You can generalize or summarize a character, sure. But thus type of character is the worst character for their lack of depth. Well, its more of a semi-depth. It is and it isn't. I guess its because its also the easiest character to write too. You would never see a character like this in a real book.
Cynicism is one hell of a drug...
3354036
Anonymity is everything my friend, and sometimes it's best to keep one's mouth shut and appear the fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
Demonheart is the dark horse. He is the enigma of the entire series. You call his character shallow, when really it's anything but. You call him a lost lamb, when he's really anything but. Demonheart was driven from his home. You're right, it IS a trope seen a million times. Unfortunately for you, it has been seen in books. All the time. Bella from Twilight falls under the 'lost little lamb' category. Belgarion of Riva, when he's first thrown into his adventure in the Belgariad, could be considered the 'lost little lamb'. Isabeau the Red from the Witches of Eileanan can easily be considered a 'lost little lamb', as can Rhiannon from the followup series.
Demonheart is many things, but a lost little lamb he is not. He chose to stay with the Manticore tribe because they understood. He chose never to bathe because his last experience with water almost got him killed. But he doesn't hate. he hates himself, he hates the thing inside of him, but he doesn't hate. he doesn't spite, and he tries to suppress negative emotions, because it's through them that Spectre can gain enough control to take over. If I had him angry all the time, it'd be pointless.
Why shouldn't I leave? I can smell your fear from here... would be largely pointless. There's only one exit from the treehouse, and he never left to begin with, plus he doesn't want to scare her, and for once she seems more than brave enough to speak with him regardless of her fear. When you have only read the second chapter, it's not fair on the writer to form an opinion about their character based on less than a full chapter of just dialogue. I know he's the 'typical gary stu' when it comes to colour scheme. I know a lot of people roll their eyes at his submissive nature. Unfortunately, there are people like that in the world. People who have been kicked around all their lives can relate to this character. I know, because I based him off of my depression, and my rage. In a fashion, Demonheart in this story is how I felt for a long time. He's depressed a lot, and he doesn't realise how truly amazing he can be because he's constantly being put down, or turned away.
I understand that you think he's not deep, I get that. But I guarantee you, each and every one of my characters has gone through a lot of thought. Backstory, Speech habits, idiosyncrasies, personality. They've all been through it, and a lot of them are based on aspects of my own character.
Don't get me wrong, I thank you for the feedback and I appreciate your opinion on my story, but posting a comment from the second chapter insulting a character you've only just met won't help your credibility or my opinion of you.
Just because he's a dark character doesn't mean he has to appear as one on the outside. Sometimes the quietest ones are the most dangerous. He's not a confrontational pony. When he gets into a confrontation, ponies get hurt, and he hates that.
5887976 A... picture? Of who exactly? At what point?