I am a writer, artist, role player, and fan of MLP!
(Second Person Fanfic)
You recently joined the royal guard in Canterlot when you are assigned to a special task involving a certain Princess of Night. At first you just see this as a job and so does Luna. But then things change as the true feelings for each other are revealed!
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Woo! A new story.
5484680 yes fresh meat, m80
Thanks to all who liked, favorited, or commented so far.
First new story for 2014 and things seem to be going fine so far. The first chapter is always the hardest setting things up, but now that the characters are described and the general gist of the story is laid out now we can get into the fun.
Also let's keep the comments down on long conversations please.
Thanks!
Yus. moar.
MOAR!
I started Chapter 2 today. Hopefully this week I'll have it completed.
You asked what I think. Wellllllll ........ What I think is that this story..............
NEEDS ANOTHER CHAPTER
Dear Luna this story is amazing so far!
Want another chapter fast
Please can't wait long need chapter 2,3,4 and on
To those who are looking for another chapter and more...
This indeed needs a next chapter. Not overly simple Or complex, nor fast paced or elongated, but just right. This is the design of your story.
Update: Chapter 2 is halfway there. I could just post it there, but it would be a short chapter. So hopefully tomorrow or this weekend at the latest I'll submit it.
good chapter, little progress was made since all this chapter did was move 'us' from the guard barracks to Luna's private guard chamber
but that's the only bad bit, the good bits are aplenty...
'we' are now private guards for a very beautiful mare
'we' got promoted (happened in the last chapter, but expressed quite well here)
shiny new armour
Celestia likes 'us'
metaphorically, and somewhat literally, flipped of Silver Streak (I laughed and cheered at that bit)
Luna's in the next chapter
Yeah, story wise I imagines this part to be shorter, but once i was on a roll I couldn't just cut it. But chapter 3 will have Luna and the fun will begin.
Keep in mind the Anthro tag as I describe these characters like using hands or wearing clothes.
As for the "You" in the story, I left it vague as to the pony type which hopefully I can keep.
So in an effort to compress the time little I made a slight change to the end of Chapter 2. Instead of the main character starting his new job the next night it will start the night after moving to the new home.
Chapter 3 will be up if not today then this week.
Is Luna meant to reference herself in third person, or was Celestia meant to say that?
Doh! Fixed it.
so, Celestia is a shipper in this story
this is going to be interesting
5590335
Do not try to understand the mind of Princess Celestia, for such is the swiftest path to madness.
Having said this, Celestia is not without her mischievous side and her matchmaker side.
5591181 don't forget her punney side, for what is Celestia without the occasional pun?
Chapter 4 started. I hope to have this finished this week. In other news, I checked my list of story ideas and see I have nine more that I want to write! So there is more fun to be had even when this one gets wrapped up!
I love how Luna practically trapped the guard just by asking “Do you think I am pretty?”
Luna 1, Guardsman NIL
5622592 Turn on that football stadium score board! This is going to be an intense game!
Indeed,
Like Celestia's mischievous side I too see Luna as playful. Let's just say she isn't done yet with "testing" the new guard.
5591181
so she is a shipper
luckiest bloke in Equestria
====on with the faults I found====
I don't think that "can't" should be there
shouldn't there be a gap between these lines?
Fixed those two errors. When I write this on Word it shows up as spaces between lines, but when it gets copied her those go away so I need to manually enter in the spaces between lines. Most often I'm bound to find at least one area where I miss, typically when there's a big block of text followed by a short part like a line of dialogue.
5670391
You do realize that bloke is the reader aka you and me right?
5677553 yep, ain't we a lucky bunch?
5677557
Story had me goin "gimme dat ass"
The next chapter is rolling along. For now enjoy a little picture of Luna I drew!
pre12.deviantart.net/99de/th/pre/i/2015/063/3/a/care_to_join_me_by_kitsune85-d8keb3q.png
Love the story
Moments are a bit choppy though...
"wondering if you really heard what you though was whispered in your voice. "
You meant ear right, or did Luna change her voice to his(ours)?
Still like it prefer Anthro with pony features and love 2nd person.
Question: What race our we? You didn't say, on purpose?
5704992
Thanks for the advice!
I'm trying to leave the species of the "You" ambiguous to make it apply to anypony.
there's a 'y' missing for 'ready'
other then that, good chapter chasing a playful Luna
Woooo new chapter!
Hmmm still no hints at our race but I can rule out pegasus due to the lack of jumping after her down the steps.
Like it, like it!
Can't wait for the coming chapters! Good work
Thanks all!
I'm trying to leave the pony type of the Everypony Protagonist vague. After all if it's "You" that's in the story why should I say that only a Pegasus, Unicorn, Earth, or Crystal Pony should have the chance to meet Luna?
Chapter 7 is live!
whoa, there tiger
*story is rated Teen*
I see it's not going THAT far, oh well
5809359
Yeah, not going that far,
5823285
Fixed.
5830342 great keep going! Want to get to know Luna better
The tease is real! Gah luna why you so mean! Lol