A Merciful Way

by Eskerata

A merciful way

A merciful way

She’s still there. Still in the park with me. Ponyville is a great place to meet mares and I found the best one.

She’s the same light blue of the calmest lake. White mane, green eyes, the kind sappy love songs wail about. Sapphire is her name.

I’m with her, my hooves over hers. We’re looking into each other’s eyes. I can tell she can’t resist my blue eyes and force...strong personality.

“Cream, are you sure about this?” she asks, eyeballing the engagement ring.

I chuckle. I’m always sure about everything I do. “You know it, Sapphy.”

She loved it when I called her Sapphy. Loves it, I mean.

Tears creep into her eyes as she holds the ring under her cute little chin.

“Then I say yes. Yes, Cream Drop, I will marry you!”

These are the moments that make life worth living. They can still be held close to your mind and heart if you try.

It just takes control.

Time passes. Sapphire is still with me, still loves me. We are in our first home. Right where she needs to be.

“Why can’t I bring my friends over for dinner?” she asks in that little sing-song voice that makes me want to...

No. I am the colt of this house, not the mare. I don’t hit females, though.

“Because this is my home,” I explain, for the third time. “My rules. You only need me, Sapphy. You know that.”

“But I...”

“If you keep this up, I will leave you.”

She relents, the way she should. I’m still in control. Still in charge.

Another week passes. She’s getting whiney again. All Sapphire has to do is what I say. Why is that so hard to understand? That mare knew who she was getting married to. Right?

She doesn’t look at me anymore. Turns away when I’m talking to her. Noone does that.

I reach out.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I’m feeling thirsty. Looking straight at the wide-bodied, thin-necked bottle, I chug a few more swallows of white fluid that tastes like rainwater.

---------------------------------------------------------------

She’s smiling again. Everything’s fine. We aren’t in the house anymore. Walking by the river-front now. I nibble on her ear, wondering when I should tell her about the engagement ring in my satchel.

She’s perfect. Submissive, but I don’t point that out. It would give her strength over me. I have more self-worth than that.

I love her, though. I don’t want anyone to ever doubt that. No matter what people see or think.

I’m going to propose to her. Then we’ll be in that house I inherited. We’ll be together, no matter what.

More time passes. Our marriage is all I ever wanted it to be. Sapphire says she’s lonely, but I know what’s best for me.

Us. I meant us.

Sapphire is turning away from me.

“You keep saying you’ll leave me?" Sapphire yells. “I’ll make it real easy for you. I’ll do the leaving! What happened to you? I swear, I married a spoiled kid! You always want everything your way!"

She’s pulling saddle-bags from her closet. They are already packed. There’s a frown on her perfect face that I can’t be the cause of.

I’m in the kitchen when she says she’s leaving. There’s a carving knife in my hooves. There’s control that can still be won. I step towards her.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

My hooves shake as I clamor for the bottle of white fluid.

I got the bottle when the sky turned into both night and day. I never did find out why that happened. I was looking out the kitchen window when I saw Princess Twilight drink a white liquid that made her eyes glow.

Who was it that gave...that I got it from? It was a zebra mare. Zecora, I think. She said that only Alicorns can drink it. She shouldn’t have let it slip that this drink let Twilight see into the past.

The past is so much better, everyone says. After all, everyone you know lives there.

There was noone but me and Zecora as I tried to bargain with every last bit I had. That mare refused my offer for that potion. Noone refuses me. If you don’t dominate, my dad always said, you get dominated. I took control again.

Noone saw me drag her body into the Everfree forest. Not even Sapphire, who is always happy with me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

She and I are laughing, splitting a sandwich together under a gazebo. I love Sapphire so much. I plan to buy an engagement ring soon.

We lie down on the gazebo floor, watching the sun slip behind the mountains. I hold her close. Possessively close.

There’s something wrong with my stomach, though. When was the last time I ate? That stuff the princess drank has no vitamins. That doesn’t matter. Sapphire is right where she needs to be. In my arms.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I keep blacking out. I’m still in the kitchen, though. When did I get back here?

My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. I can’t talk. My eyes can’t focus.

The bottle. My hooves clamp onto it, but it rolls away, empty.

How long have I been lying here?

A week, at least. The kitchen stinks of my waste. And of something else.

I can barely move. So weak from hunger.

Sapphire is lying next to me. That hasn’t changed.

But she’s not breathing. Not smiling.

Something is stuck in her throat. The carving knife.

Her blood has long since dried into a brown crust.

With no more potion, no more past to stay...no...to run away in, I had to realize something.

The only thing I have to look forward to now is myself.

And I’m not enough.

All I ever wanted was control.

But how could I expect to have control over my wife when I couldn’t even control myself?

I don’t deserve my happy memories. I never deserved Sapphire.

I struggle to wrap my arms around her. My beloved wife.

Can’t even hear my own breathing. It won’t be long now before I join her.

Oh, Sapphy.

You deserved better than me.

I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry.

“Ultimate horror often paralyzes memory in a merciful way.” H.P. Lovecraft

Author's Note:

A short, sharp shock. I hope you folks like it.
Music for this story is: Atrium Carceri--Eraser

Comments

[Dconstructed Reconstruct]

Okay, this was good, but it felt like it could use more substance. My biggest issue with this is that you didn't really have to label it as "mature." Unless your story has really mature subject matter, the rating becomes overkill. I'd change this to a "T" rating. I would also see about adding a bit more substance.

[Eskerata]

Hmm, yeah. I suppose you are right on both counts. The problem is that I didn't know how to add anything to this story that would help. Honestly, this thing had me stumped. Your feedback helps a lot. Thanks.

[Rotorix]

I suppose it was all right. Like 3662746 said, it could have used some more to make the impact larger.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed it.

[Eskerata]

3692106 I'm glad you liked it. It could have had meat on its bones but one of my habits as a writer is to trim as much fat off my text as possible. I'll have to work on that. At last my story wasn't a dud.

[Basic Information]

Nice work as always

[Eskerata]

3711833 Thank you! Ahh, I love getting new fans.

[blowngasket]

Your story has been officially graded an...

fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/003/6/6/amethysts_by_shiranuishiningstar-d70ope0.jpg

Amethyst by the Gem Hunters.
Just getting it out of the way, I feel like many of the other commenters here. There could have been more. I do understand you were trying to tell a story using thoughts and flashbacks, and that is a bold thing in of itself. Maybe going to the point of meeting even with the flashbacks, and adding in more of what was going on between the two. With that being my only real issue with it, nice job.

[Eskerata]

3762921 Well, maybe down the road, when I'm a little wiser in the ways of writing, I'll add more to this story. As long as my stuff doesn't get rated Coal by The Gem Hunters (oof, that would be embarrassing), I'll be happy.
Still, I really, really appreciate what you guys have done for me. It's always appreciated.
Thanks for the rating and double-thanks for the constructive feedback. I hope to continue to impress you in the coming year.

[blowngasket]

3763021 Trust me, you have to be really really bad to be in there. Your doing a fine job, and I am glad you approve of our services. I always try my best to be fair, I guess. Dunno how I am doing, but no one has chewed me out yet

[Cromegas_Flare]

Congrats! Your story has been reviewed!
This awesome link right here!

[Eskerata]

3872846 Thanks. I'm very glad that you liked it that much. Thanks for the Princess Starbutt head.
Here's one from me.

[Rinnaul]

Flare already did your PCRG review, but this was in my Read Later and I leave these type of comments on everything. There's no escaping my slightly-harsher-than-average opinions.

Not bad at all, but you could have done more with it. I kind of wish we'd actually seen how Zecora's death played out, and at times the narrator wasn't particularly convincing. You established a clear pattern for him, but didn't always apply it fully. He externalizes his problems, blames someone or something else for causing them, and then attacks whatever he feels is to blame in an effort to regain control. He's not the problem, his wife is, he'll make her see that. Their relationship isn't the problem, her friends are, he'll get rid of them (this is one where the link to his abuse pattern wasn't clear in the story, but I thought it could be inferred). He just doesn't complete the pattern every time. If he did, it would make for a stronger character, and the clear motivation would make for stronger actions, and both of those in turn would make a stronger story.

You still get an upvote, though.

[Eskerata]

3875954 Hey, I'm flattered that you wanted to read more of my stuff. Your insights into my work help me become a better writer. A common complaint about this story is that it's too skinny. I don't know why this thing gave me fits, but it did. The interesting thing about this story is that even though folks point out how thin this tale is, they still give it upvotes. (Thanks very much for yours, by the way.)
One of these days, when I'm not busy with my story-in-progress, I'll be going over my stories and fixing all the smeg-ups. The Grey Heather is another fan that offered a lot of insight into my work that will help when the re-write time comes.
I knew if I would find someone like you and him eventually. It all helps. I'm very glad you like my story. May I produce many more.

[SPark]

I quite enjoyed this! I particularly liked the slow reveal, gradually showing what has already happened. Having the little hints, the "still" at the beginning, the "She loved it when I called her Sapphy. Loves it, I mean." that start to tell what's going on, rather than diving straight into explaining about the potion, are quite good.

[Eskerata]

3998572 Thanks! Most of the time a story only comes to me in bits and pieces, like a movie trailer. This story came to me from stem to stern in a white heat. I'm very glad that you liked how I presented it. I had never written a story in such a disjointed way before, so it was a personal challenge to me.

[The A I]

This was very good.

[Eskerata]

4174462 Thanks a lot. I'm glad my story is still getting attention.

[The A I]

I cant wait to read another one of your stories. So far there all good

[The A I]

By all I meen both.

[Cromegas_Flare]

Whoa! I read through this story again... I still like it.

[Eskerata]

4504171 Thanks. I still like it, rough as it is.

[Arya Stark]

BIG THUMBS UP FROM ME!

Well done, well, well written.

MORE PLEASE!

[Eskerata]

4901802 Well, I did recently release Sometimes They Come Back To Annoy You. It's a comedy, but with ghosts, ugly humor, horrible OCs and the Mane Six biting it in silly ways.
I'm very glad you liked my story. Thanks again for the follow.

[Arya Stark]

4901919 No prob, will check it out, and feel free to check me out (not in THAT way ;) ) and follow me too!!

[PresentPerfect]

A great story and a top-tier reference in the author's note. :D

[Eskerata]

11412022
Wow! I'm flattered that you like this old story of mine! Thanks for the favorite, too.