• Member Since 6th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 22nd, 2017

ChaoticHarmony


Hey guys! I write sadfics and sadfic accessories! Oh, and I also do comedy things. Yeah. Feel free to check out my stuff! And I hope you enjoy whichever story of mine you happen to be on! ^^

T
Source

He had wished to be a pony himself. His name was Needle Wings, and this is his story. This is a story about love, hate, and above all, how someone can overcome all odds in the face of anger and oppression.

WARNING: To those brought here from Changing Flows, please know that this story is nowhere as well written as Changing Flows.

Chapters (17)
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Comments ( 181 )

nice start :) faved it keep it up! :) :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile: btw *hugs!*

Arrrg! The hugs, they buuuuuuurn!:raritycry:

Ok, are you happy? Now i have another fic to keep track about... you better keep this up, this starting is interesting...

Gus

Moar!!! :derpytongue2:, Good start!!!

It has potential.
What you have right now is VERY rushed (especially the beginning). A look at the MC's background would be helpful, along with insight as to HOW Cherish was abducted by Needle's family.
You don't have that many grammatical errors, I think the most glaring was the use of "it's" rather than "its"
If you can get an editor to help you flesh out the story, you'll have something great. As of now, though, it's average at worst and decent at best (C to B- range).
Then again, I might just be acting a little harsh since I haven't slept in days :pinkiecrazy:
Keep on working with what you've got; try to add some content to what you have, and don't let the dicks like me discourage you. You've earned yourself a thumb.

Book Smart, dont think of yourself as a dick. I find your critique the most helpful by far. Dont worry about the backrounds, those will be coming soon. I'll also look aroun for an editor, new to this whole thing. I only really started being a brony 3 days ago...

And here we are. Glad to see you took my advice! The chapter is still a little rough around the edges (some of the wording is strange, sentence ordering, that sort of thing), and (like I said earlier) it would probably help you if you got an editor, but it is better than before.
I personally cannot be that person, since I'm already helping with another story; but if you desire, I can point you in the right direction.
Keep up the good work.

Well, this goes on, i like it :pinkiehappy:

Also i like the fact that this is getting longer on each chapter. BTW, chapters this longer are ok, no need to keep pressing up if you don't feel like it. But, if you do, i won't be complaining about it :pinkiehappy:

Just one thing i found:

“Well Cherish, it seems to be that time again,”
It's a weird way to say something like "I's time to sleep", if i understood the context.

This is about how long the chapters are going to stay. I don't think I don't want to dedicate myself to more than 1.8k words per chapter. I promised a chapter a day, and I plan to keep it so Pinky won't get me:pinkiecrazy: Also, chapter 4 coming tomorrow, make sure to keep checking up on the story.

another awesome chapter! keep it up! :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

I absolutely love this! :pinkiehappy: I think you are doing an excellent job drawing emotional attachment to the characters! You can't finish this book soon enough! :pinkiecrazy:

Well. Chuckles, at least i will be having a chapter a day :p. instead of a giant chapter everyy week

Oh, this is gonna be good... Now you are not rushing things, letting the mixed feelings to settle down upon the couple of fugitives. I'm expecting a lot more of this. :pinkiehappy:

dis gonna be good! <3 *hugs chaotic* ;)

And the plot thickens! I absolutely can't wait for what happens next!

Also, I forgot to say this, sorry everpony for not releasing chapter 5 yesterday. Things came up, mainly Sketchy_Sounds. I will release another today to make up for it.

Way to catch me off guard with the end there :pinkiegasp:

The end felt kinda rushed and there's too much "backing up" and "hugging". Despite that: Nice rea. Keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

Yeah.... I think this chapter is the worst one so far... I'll have to rewrite it eventually. i was just kind of dealing with some writer's block with this one. :flutterrage: *flips table*

Great chapter! I really like the change of pace a lot! My only problem is that, "She said with a force that said there would be no resting" sounds slightly awkward to me...

582461 Well, Needle was resting his head on the table, and she was talking in a tone that meant she wouldn't let him rest even in he was tired. :applejackunsure:

Keep it up man! :pinkiehappy:
If you don't, I'll just have to...
FLIP A TABLE!!! :pinkiecrazy:
Lol

Wow, these are really dark, I love it!

I promised that "deaths" would happen didn't I? But yes, they are dark . Next chapter might br dalayed though.

Man, this has been getting a little more descriptive!
Me likey! :twilightsmile:

Yeah. I realized my story was lacking in detail, so I decided to put some in.

Is it odd to dream of proposing to someone you've only just met? (or am I misinterpreting?) Either way, I suppose due process in love is not something that's expected from a soul-sucking changeling.

First changeling-centred fiction I've read, and it's pretty good so far.

Well, in multiple places in the fiction, they sleep. I would say that a week and a half has passed. I do see what you mean. It's just one of those "drawn together by traumatizing event" things. Thank you for the compliment though. This is my first ever story that i've ever written. :twilightsmile:

keeping a tab

Where do you people keep getting these tables to flip over? :rainbowhuh:
...
I'm getting a Hunger Games vibe out of reading this.
I don't know why.

"That pony that sets fire to everything"

You know your chances are bad when your crush's sister immediately identifies you as the village pyro. :D

Burn heretic..... Burn :rainbowlaugh:

604759 The real question is: Is it forshadowing, or was it put there for a laugh? DUN DUN DUUUN:rainbowderp:

613126 Funnily enough, I would actually be that guy in the .gif. hehehehe, Yeah. Well, time to go write my other story now! I'll have a chapter out for that thing tomorrow!:yay:

113 views?! You're getting pretty popular bro! :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

613330 And to think that this is my first ever FanFiction eh? Makes me so happeh to see it! :yay::yay::yay:

Two dislikes?! :pinkiegasp:
WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN???!!! :fluttercry:

613438 Hey now. I still have 50 likes and nearly 70 faves now! Not bad for a first fiction! :rainbowlaugh:

MURDEROUS CHANGELING COMING AFTER HIM!:pinkiegasp:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NEEDLE WINGS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :pinkiegasp: ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE HE WILL MAKE IT TO CHAPTER 16? BECAUSE I'M :applejackunsure: THAT YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP HIM ALIVE. THIS MIGHT HAVE TO BE FINISHED BY HIS SUPPOSED "MAREFRIEND".

oh I THOUGHT YOU KILLLED HIM AT THAT POINT

"She instantly smacked a hoof into his flank."
Kinky?:rainbowhuh:

No wonder this got featured. Awesome work man!:rainbowkiss: How many faves does it take to get there, anyway?
Also, I'm guessing Phoenix Wings is the one on your avatar.:unsuresweetie:

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