Chapter 1
From Sombra to Senja
Chapter 1
Bright, piercing, light ensnared the tundra around the place known only as the 'Crystal Empire'. Small specks of light glistened, and fell from a dark grey unicorn's body. Upon the darkening of the specks of light, gaps were left in the horned stallion's body. With a blood-hurling scream, the remaining pieces of King Sombra separated and scattered. They carried themselves outside of the Crystal Empire's boundary, and into the cold tundra. Equestria's most feared menace was gone forever. Or so they thought.
***
"Is he actually gone?" Many crystal ponies talked among each other, nervously. Sombra had mysteriously disappeared before, but he always came back. And every time he came back, he would only cause more pain and suffering among them. The ponies had all witnessed King Sombra combust, and would likely spread the news across all of Equestria, but not many of them truly believed it. Not one bit.
Princess Mi Amora Cadenza, more commonly referred to as 'Princess Cadence', stepped onto a balcony overlooking the Empire. She was smiling quite profusely, and had her prince, Shining Armor, at her side. "Attention, my dear subjects!" Cadence called out, even though everypony had already noticed her, and was waiting for an answer to their worries. "King Sombra has been vanquished permanently, and will never live to harm us again!" Cadence boomed, her royal voice beaming throughout the entire empire. At her announcement, the crystal ponies rejoiced, and relaxed a bit. The princess said that Sombra was gone, and they were supposed to trust the princess.
***
Sombra was one with the world. Remaining pieces of his soul were scattered all over the tundra. But, most of him was gone. All that remained was his soul. He couldn't affect the living world, and the living world couldn't affect him. He was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He was stuck in a state of reality, between life and death. He didn't need to eat, and he didn't need to drink. He soul was suspended in the universe, unable to interact with almost anything. The way he died destroyed his body, before his soul had a chance to move on. He could affect creatures that were not living, but not dead. And, he could watch. So, watch he did.
His favorite place to watch became Manehatten. A small apartment, with a young mare. This mare was a hybrid of a Changeling and a pony. She wasn't the direct heir of changeling blood, but the traces of it had not left her pregnant body. She had changeling wings, and her stallionfriend had a changeling-style horn. The mare had fangs too. But, that was it. She was far down the family tree line from her changeling relative, and her stallion friend was too.
Watching this mare became a habit of Sombra's. Actually, watching the mare was the only thing Sombra did. He had been watching the mare for roughly three months now, and news of his death had been less active among the ponies. Sombra had come to know the mare's name from her stallionfriend's conversations with her. The mare was 'Nebula', and the stallion was Night Star.
***
"I am sorry to break it to you, Nebula," The doctor spoke sadly "but your foal is going to be a stillborn." At this announcement, Nebula clutched her mate, and cried.
"Is it my fault? Is it something I did wrong?" Nebula sobbed for her own flesh and blood, the life she had been raising inside of her for eight months. The foal was due to be born in less than a month, and she wasn't looking forward to seeing her own foal's dead body.
"No. The foal suffered a genetic issue, causing it's two lungs to merge together. If it somehow is alive at birth, it will die shortly after. The foal does not have a chance."
A few days past with the bad news hanging over the young couple's shoulders, until one of them cracked under the pressure. "I can't do this anymore!" Night Star practically shouted, slamming his hoof on the ground."I have spent eight and a half months with a psycho, hormone driven mare, for nothing! I dealt with you so that we could both be happy. I thought it would pay off in the end, with a foal to call our own. But nooo. I have to witness you give birth to dead body, and I want no part of it. Nebula, it is OVER!" Night Star growled. After a couple seconds of silence, Night levitated all of his belongings neatly into a couple suitcases. Then, he left, making sure to slam the door upon his exit.
Nebula was shocked, and hurt. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she curled up into a ball the best she could, her legs protecting her enlarged belly. She whimpered, and cried herself to sleep. It was harder to be alone.
***
Sombra felt the sensation of imaginary tears forming in his non-existent body. He had never felt this way toward a pony, not after his family abandoned him. He wanted to help this mare, but he couldn't. He couldn't interact with the living... But... Sombra could interact with the stillborn foal. Because the foal was neither dead nor alive, and had no control over its body. This just might work! Sombra thought to himself, carefully fabricating a plan. After a while, Sombra harnessed his remaining energy, and channeled himself toward the mare. His form created a hardly visible tornado shape, funneling directly into Nebula's womb. The tornado was transparent, a dark red. It could only be seen by a slight shine that rippled off of it as it distorted the waves sight. His soul merged with the soulless body of the unborn foal. Little did Sombra know, this unborn foal was a filly.
***
A shrill screech rang through the hallways of the hospital, and the atmosphere was tense. "Keep pushing!" A pony wearing scrubs urged the mare.
"Doctor, it is halfway out." another pony notified the others
"Keep pushing, Nebula. You are almost finished." The doctor spoke again, with a serious smile. With a final 'umph', a small, dark grey form emerged completely from Nebula's body. the filly was coated thoroughly in birthing liquids.The filly's horn was much like its father's, changeling-style. It was sharper than the usual unicorn horn, and was a gradient from blood red to grey.
"She is... Er.. Beautiful?" The doctor murmured, making the statement more of a question. Nebula nodded, and took her foal into her own arms. "She shall be named Senja." Nebula smiled with exhaustion, not noticing her foal's resemblance to Sombra.
***
Sombra' soul stretched out upon his filly doppelganger. His essence, and the only part of him that was remaining, merged itself with Nebula's only offspring. With a jolt, Senja moved her limbs, and came to life. Senja took advantage of her new found abilities, and sprawled her legs. Her eyes blinked open, and adjusted to the bright, blurry atmosphere. Senja's eyes were a lot like Chrysalis's. They had a dark red, slitted pupil, with a light red iris. But, outside of that iris, there was yet another one. A lime green iris. "Oh, my dearest Senja.." Nebula murmured, and pulled her foal closer. "I love you so very much."
***
"Dr. Nay, we must tell Princess Cadence."
The doctor shook his head quietly before speaking, "We cannot. Imagine how the crystal ponies would react! For all we know, she is just a look-alike. All we can do is watch."
"But sir,"
"No buts, Ms. Strongheart."
"Please, Dr. Nay. At least let me watch her for you. We can't let a -female- Sombra come back! Equestia will be in shambles."
"Very well. You will watch her, Strongheart."
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Sorry, can't like until 3+ chapters read unless its a standalone.
I'm liking what I see though Sombra's gonna be pissed to find out he's a girl.
a thumb up for you, will read this story after it's longer.
Not enough words.
Interesting. But Night Horn... *fixes bayonet*
I'll gut him for that!
But seriously, wanting to see this. Truth be told now that I think about it why hasn't this already been done? It's almost bloody obvious due to the success of Penstroke's masterpiece and no one (that I've seen) has done it!?
*shrugs*
Congrats on being smarter than the average
bearfan writer.3631804
Thank you! It means a lot!
I would suggest trying to expand this chapter a bit more. More detail to it. All in all an interesting idea, but I feel it needs to be fleshed out more..
This story is Pen Stroke materia, although the only difference is that Stroky has 10k words on average for a chapter on a long story, fan fiction writer, and for that, I salute you, and I am 100% sure this will be in the feature box very shortly…
Well, back to writing, fffooorrreeevvveeerrr…
But really, this is emitting a 'Past Sins' vibe to it,
-Lightning
Little error in the description
*its'. It's is short for it is
3632628
Thanks for letting me know. I'll fix it as soon as possible.
Instant favorite
what about the lung?
Btw, I hope this story will continue and not be one of those other stories that doesn't update in forever like the other of your stories...
Overall it was great!
Is this gonna be like Nyx is to NMM?
3631804
Yeah I am surprised that we don't have a spoof version like Dyx in ancient blunders
3633075
Yeah, I am about halfway done with Chapter Two of this one. All these upvotes are really getting me motivated!!
3633224
Pretty much. I got he motivation from reading Past Sins. I really wanted to write my own with Sombra, except with a gender-swap.
3631804
Changed name to Night Star. I didn't think about how cheesy that was until now.
3633627 Oh, I was raging because he's a bigger d-bag than King Thranduil.
It's promising.
Just for us readers and our confort, put some spaces between the paragraphs ^^
By the way, self-faving is bad :P
I don't really like the beginning... Sombra, from what we have seen from him, would use that takeover of the dead filly as an opportunity to come back to life, not because he feels bad for the mare.
3637462
In my mind, that is what he was doing. He did eventually have some compassion for the mare, after watching her life roll out from a different viewpoint.
I agree with it needing more fleshing out. The chapter is rather short and has a rushed feeling. The deceleration of Night Star leaving could have easily been padded out, with both arguing, Nebula pleading for him to stay, or even explaining why he'd just leave. Did they get drunk and copulate? He seems to speak as if the foal was the only thing tying him there. Why is that?
Also it does seem a bit forced for Sombra to want to help her just like that. It would have been a nice touch if he lamented over how she reminded him of a mare he knew long ago. One who either was taken from him too soon, or left him yet he can't help but feel a connection to her because of that.
It's a good start, and has some neat ideas, I just hope to see more detail put into them.
Just a word of advice, this is likely to get you more downvotes than upvotes
3638610
Why?
This is good so far, lots of potential. But I think you need to work on making it longer, spacing things out.
3639050
Because humans are contrary creatures who tend to respond to being told what to do with spite. It doesn't help that it's worded slightly condescendingly and placed in the description where people will read it before you've got their engagement and appreciation.
The one you have in the author's notes is much better.
Anyway, it's just a suggestion.
This... this could be good
I'm looking forward to this. While short it was well thought out, and I really wish there had been more available, but it at least works as a prologue. I've always liked King Sombra as a character, stemming from when I first saw the nutty stallion in his debut episode. Seeing his over-arching and dark ego mix with a filly, should be quite entertaining.
Please write another chapter!
I added this to my favorite stories list!
Sorry, can't un-like until you proofread your story. Even the synopsis has three mistakes. (B instead of by, reenters instead of re-enters, it's instead of its) Why not start from there?
3640846
Fixed.
--
I have updated chapter one, if it doesn't let you know that it is edited.
umm.. one question, how does a merged lung make an unborn foal any more soulless than a normal unborn foal? (i can understand the set up, making it to where Sombra could possess/merge with it without being evil about it) the tissue wouldn't be dead until labor where the lung would be required to work. perhaps braindead? lack of mental waves developing? 'high likelyhood of stillborn if the brain doesnt start working soon'?
3641306
The fact that the foal has yet to take it's first breath of air, to give it life. But, it is still alive while inside it's mother. It has no thoughts of it's own until it is born, but it has a consciousness.
3641369 I do not wish to put your view of when life begins down, i have no intention of opening that can of worms but:
Why couldn't Sombra do this with any unborn foal then?
why this one? did his magics 'fix' the body by adding his own influence to the development? (certainly changed the appearance otherwise the doctors would have noticed the horn change drastically at the child's first breath)
please understand.
I'm not trying to poke holes., just point them out to be addressed.
3633627
Good on you...so far the reads been great.
3641660
This foal had no destiny, because it was a stillborn. Unborn foals have an inborn destiny that they must fulfill. Stillborns would have no other destiny other than being dead, so Sombra can change this, and make the foal into himself (or, herself, if you want to be technical.)
Were you, by any chance, inspired by Dragon Ball for this story?
3642501
No, sorry. I have never seen Dragon Ball in my life.
3642653
Ah, it's just that the final enemy "Buu" is reborn as a human kid called "Uub." Your story and the fate of Buu is practically identical.
3642703
Sound interesting. I'll have to check it out.
This certainly is an interesting concept, one that I look forward to see played out. I am a sucker for redemption stories, and this seems to shape up to be an interesting take on King Sombra's redemption.
But I'd have to say, the actual redemtion part of this story seems rather glanced over, don't you think? I don't claim to be an expert in writing, but I think the story of Sombra's story reborn as a foal would actually work better as a sequel, whereas the first story would detail Sombra's third person relationship with Nebula, how this once spiteful and hating tyrant - the pony with the heart as black as night - would warm up to this simple everyday mare - this nopony - watching her trials and tribulations, and learning just what it means to be pony, and growing to both understand and love the equine condition. The joys, the sorrow, all the things that Sombra likely never had any experience with as the hateful despot of the Crystal Empire.
But hey, those are just my two cents.
3642703
It's inspired by the premise of Past Sins. So Pen Stroke might be the best person to ask about that.
3643101
Umm... Dragon Ball is a manga that's over thirty years old. I don't know about you, but I think that is a bit older than Past Sins.
3643128
*facehoof*
3643128
The trope is old as dirt. Naruto was treated similarly for the entire Nine Tailed Fox thing. And hell the Buu stuff was a rip off of Akira's own idea since he already did it with King Piccolo.
The trope of any evil or godly powerful being that was taken by their own power instead of being killed was reduced to nothing to humble themselves and learn has been around for a long time man.
3643351
What I meant isn't the trope of evil-turned good, but spirit of evil guy literally reborn into a new body.
3643409
Batman Beyond, Return of the Joker
Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood.
Hare Guu
Inuyasha
Hitman Reborn
and Yu Yu Hakusho have all used this to some extent.
Heck the entire point of the reincarnation cycle so likely used in many stories then.
At best this is a rip off of Past Sins in premise. But when it comes to Uub it can't. Uub is just a human reborn with the spirit of Kid Buu. He has none of his powers, just how personality to some degree and strength. He has no memory and even will have memory of being Buu unless you count when he merged with Fat Buu to become Super Uub, and that was more just Fat Buu's memories mixing with his.
3643473
You really don't get my point, do you?
Sombra's spirit is reborn into a filly.
Buu's spirit is reborn into Uub.
It's the same thing which was my point all along.
Now, just stop arguing a moot point. There's no point trying to tell me something I already know, especially when it's not related to the point whatsoever.
More i want more!
Great story though. 5 of 5 mustaches
3643511
in Yuyu, Kurama puts his own spirit inside that of a child, effectively being both the spirit fox and the baby at the same time.
If Buu was an established female character, you'd have some better ground but in general. It is the same thing but at the same time it's not because it's only the action.
Buu in DBZ is just a child, out to have fun and forced to listen to a wizard who tells him what fun is. He has more of a sense of what good is from absorbing kais but that's it, he's still a kid that learns. Goku realizes this and asks for Buu to get a second chance and he does.
Sombre was a full grown stallion who as far was we known in show canon is in full control of his actions. It is far different.
Basically I'm not following your complaint because it's like seeing a kid shoot a guy in self defense for himself and his mother. And seeing a kid shoot a guy for the malicious intent but acts like it wasn't as the same thing because in the end they both shoot a guy and get off free stories.
I can see where you say they are the same, I'm saying you calling it out on that is dumb because it isn't close enough in narrative to make sense.
3643128
...And you completely missed my point.
I never stated that Past Sins was older than Dragon Ball. I said that this specific premise wasn't inspired by Dragon Ball--it was inspired by Past Sins. Then I said that Past Sins may have been inspired by Dragon Ball.
3642136
However! The single/mutated lung suddenly working when it wouldn't normally have will still need explained at some point, otherwise "Senja" would be dead in minuets at best. I'm not asking for an answer now. This has been downgraded to a "could be later explained in the story" question. Just keep it in mind a lot of readers will probably be asking this.