Zephyr had lived in the unknown her whole life, until today. Everything changes as the young bat-ponies life is told from the beginning to end. Once a normal pony, now a princess. Who is Nightmare Wind, and why is she here? Who is the real Zephyr, not just the curtain she has pulled over herself.
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Chapters (3)
I'm sorry but I believe I have to say this. The long description reads more like a character biography than an actual description of what will happen in the story. Nothing tells me what the story is about, except maybe the first line. A lot of the details, such as what the character looks like is stuff that should be told to us in the actual story. Also from what I got she sounds Mary-sue-ish.
I got interested enough to read the description, which is why I thought I'd attempt to tell you how to improve it. The description should be a hook which entices us to read the story. This description does not do that for me, but I'll take a look anyway this time around.
Sorry man, but I'll have to give this one a pass based on description.
This is good , but incest?
Awesome story
3541047
It will make sense when I get further into it.
Ooooooohhhhh.
Sexy.
.....
I'll go away now.
This sounds amazing already!
Some grammar points and stuff though:
The 'has' isn't needed there.
Since you write in first person (as Zephyr) for the rest of the chapter, this would be 'I'.
This is a spacing issue here. The general rule for speech is to take a new line with each new speaker.
With those applied, the paragraph would end up like this:
Anything in bold there is something I've reworded slightly to help it flow a bit better. Otherwise you've used really good language, and I love your idea!