Diamond Tiara Goes Too Far
It was Sports Day at Ponyville Elementary School! Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were all excited for this day for one reason or another. For Apple Bloom, it was a chance to show her athletic prowess and really shine just weeks after the results of her the school’s mid-term tests came in. While she passed all of her subjects and doesn’t have to spend her free time attending catch-up sessions, being among the lowest of the grades in the class didn’t do much for the little filly’s confidence. But that’s where Sports Day comes in! Apple Bloom knows that she isn’t the most book smart pony in class, but when it comes to running, there are none finer, save for maybe Scootaloo.
Scootaloo was excited for Sports Day for much the same reason as Apple Bloom, only she didn’t see it as a chance to redeem her grades. She simply wanted to show her stuff and earn the praise of a certain big sister who she knew would be in the crowd watching her. Watching her every move. Eyes completely focussed on the filly, anticipating big things, ready to see her either succeed or trip up and totally mess up in front of an entire crowd of ponies… “Hey guys?” Scootaloo said to her friends. “Is it just me, or is it suddenly really hot out here?”
“Doesn’t feel that hot to me,” Sweetie Belle said as she stretched her hind legs and balanced an egg on her nose. For Sweetie Belle, the highlight of this year’s Sports Day was the egg-and-spoon race. After her sister showed such pride and offered high praise when Sweetie Belle displayed a fine act of balance and delicacy decorating her breakfast with a parsley, Sweetie Belle had been looking forward to showing Rarity just how much of a master balancer and… She wanted to make Rarity proud and earn her sister’s respect!
“I’m telling you, they’re nowhere to be found!” Silver Spoon shouted as she walked forward slowly, her forelegs stretched out so that she didn’t bump into anything or anypony whilst her glasses were missing. “I’ve searched everywhere! I guess I’ll just have to sit out of all the races.”
Cheerilee sighed. “Well, I guess it can’t be helped… This is why you should have gone to Specsav-”
“Miss Cheerilee!” Applejack called out, running up towards the teacher. “We’re all ready ta start when you are!”
Cheerilee nodded. “Well then, we’ll start with the one hundred meter sprint. Everypony line up… except for Silver Spoon…”
Behind Cheerilee’s back, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon bumped hooves. “Your glasses are in the tree trunk over there,” Diamond whispered, motioning her head towards a hollow trunk with a hole in it.
“Got it,” Silver Spoon responded before tagging closely behind Cheerilee towards the first aid station.
“Good luck, Cutie Mark Losers!” Diamond Tiara said to the Crusaders as she passed them by.
“Yeah?!” Scootaloo shouted. “Well, good luck to you too, Diamond… uh… Idiot!”
Diamond Tiara simply laughed off the pitiful attempt at an insult and took her place at the start of the race line. Scootaloo’s face glowed red with fury and embarrassment as the fillies around giggled at Scootaloo’s outburst.
“Don’t let ‘er get ta ya,” Apple Bloom said as she placed a hoof on Scootaloo’s shoulder. “She’s just tryin’ ta rile us up ‘cause that’s the only way she can beat us!”
Scootaloo grinned. “Yeah. We both know how slow she is from Gym class.”
Diamond Tiara huffed. “I’ll have you know I’m very fast on my hooves! I just choose not to take those classes seriously, that’s all.”
“Suuuuuure,” Sweetie Belle said with a giggle. “Well, we’ll just see you at the finish line.”
“Of all the ponies to be trash-talking in a race, you’re the last pony who should be doing so,” Diamond Tiara returned.
“Well the thing is, I don’t care if I lose to a bunch of ‘loser blank flanks’ in front of the entire school,” Sweetie Belle said. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo both giggled at that.
“First of all, I haven’t used the ‘blank flank’ thing in months,” Diamond Tiara said, “And second, I’m not going to lose.”
“Oh, I hope not,” Sweetie Belle said. “With all of those ponies watching and all.”
“Yeah,” Scootaloo added. “You always go on and on about how you’re the most talented pony in school and how you’re netter than everypony else. It sure would be a shame if somehow you lost to us three ‘losers’ today.”
Apple Bloom nodded in agreement. “With all them ponies wathcin’, yer parents included. And jus’ look at how many cameras there are out there! It’ll be recorded for future generations ta see if y’all lost today!”
Diamond Tiara’s ears drooped and suddenly her stomach began to churn. “W-Well, like I said, it’s a good thing I’ll never lose to you.”
“Racers, on your marks!” Pinkie Pie shouted into a megaphone as she stood to the side of the starting line.
“Good luck!” Apple Bloom said to Diamond Tiara.
“You’re gonna need it!” Scootaloo said. The two fillies both crouched down, ready to take off.
“Hey,” Sweetie Belle said, “In all seriousness, no hard feelings no matter who wins, right?”
Diamond Tiara huffed again. “Like I said, I won’t lose to you three!”
Sweetie Belle sighed and shook her head. “Well, I tried…”
“Get set!” Pinkie Pie shouted, and after seeing that all of the fillies were ready, added, “GO!”
Trixie, standing beside Pinkie Pie, cast a firework spell from her horn on the pink mare’s signal, and the racers took off.
‘There’s no way I’ll lose to them!’ Diamond Tiara thought to herself as she ran as quickly as her little legs would allow her to. To her surprise, the Crusaders were actually doing quite well. ‘Ah, of course they are,’ she thought. ‘They run away from angry ponies all the time whenever they do that stupid ‘crusading’ business. I think one time they were even being chased by a swarm of angry bees…’
Diamond Tiara was tied for second place with Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle just behind them and Scootaloo just ahead. ‘There’s no way I’ll lose…’ Diamond Tiara gritted her teeth together. ‘No way! I’ll never let that happen! I’d never be able to live it down!’ Diamond Tiara put more energy into her sprint, but was still unable to pass Apple Bloom. ‘I… I’ll win, no matter what!’
Diamond Tiara closed her eyes and upped her sprint as much as she could, ignoring the burn in her chest and legs. Her breathing became ragged and her mind was begging for her to stop, but she wouldn’t. She was not about to stop. She was not about to lose to some losers who can’t even afford their own school lunches and Sweetie Belle, who was a loser by default for hanging with losers!
“Diamond Tiara!” Diamond’s eyes opened and she was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of Pinkie Pie’s voice on the megaphone. She stopped, panting heavily and falling to her haunches to allow her legs to rest. Her body was sweating furiously and she was sure that her mane was ragged. With the wind no longer blowing against her as she ran, the filly began to heat up quickly, but that was nothing compared to what she felt as she turned her head back and found the entire class staring at her… from a good distance away.
Some were laughing, some looked confused. This extended to the adults in the crowd as well. The reason why was because while the rest of the students were standing at the one hundred meter mark, Diamond Tiara was now resting on the five hundred meter mark.
Diamond Tiara’s cheeks turned red. In her frenzy, she hadn’t realised what she was doing. In her determination to not lose to the Crusaders, she hadn’t realised that she had… gone too far.
*Ahem* So, uh... Yeah, this was kinda written in honour of today's episode marking the return of our favourite crown-wearing filly. (Diamond Tiara)
So APPARANTELY, my last DT fic caused some controversy because people were mis-interpreting the title. Can't imagine how, but hopefully this time that won't be an issue. I mean, c'mon... Diamond Tiara Goes Too Far - how could that possibly be misconstrued?
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LET THE MISCONSCRUTING BEGIN!!!
Booo! Get off the stage!
You have a horrible, horrible, PAINFULLY bad sense of humor.
Keep up the good work.
Oh Celestia damn it
upvote
Yeah, okay, have a like.
Oh, you.
Saw THAT coming! T_T
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Heh. Ok, yeah, nice one.
okay i'll say it this is NOT what we thought
Awesome. Isaac Asimov would be proud.
I was ready to say "I am disappointed there is no car," but honestly this works just fine as is.
For some reason, adding the rimshot sold the like. But yeah, that was pretty good.
I noticed at the begginning you switched between past and present tense a bit, but it got better. It was decent, but I think it needed more than just that pun.
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Oh god that is horrible, one well deserved thumbs up for you.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1qexdZ7zQ1qgaob4.png
*Snort* Okay, not too bad. I was kinda hoping she had a heart attack...
Fast one
Wow, and here I thought someone was finally going to learn a lesson...STOP MAKING ME MISINTERPRET THE TITLE!
Having read your previous DT fic, I kinda expected something like this. Still pretty funny though.
Why is it that every other time I find myself in the Yukiverse, I come across someone that says, "It can't be helped." I'm guessing it's because it's a common anime phrase, but I find it weird that it's one of your identifiable idiosyncrasies. Regardless, it would seem I have another simple slice of life story to review, this one delving into the mental element of sports.
I have to say, for such a short story with an ultimate focus on Diamond, this one sure does spend a lot of time not focusing on Diamond. It's basically two stories stapled together with the first one having no conclusion. I guess we weren't meant to know if Apple Bloom managed to redeem herself or if Sweetie and Scootaloo impressed their older sisters. Given their track record, it could have gone either way, but seeing as how it was never brought up again, I have to wonder if it needed to be brought up in the first place. Also, I get what you were doing with Silver Spoon, having her pretend to lose her glasses so she could skip out on Sport's Day, but much like the CMC's part, it spends so much time focusing on it in comparison to what it accomplishes. You could have easily covered that entire plot point in one sentence. Something like:
You could probably be more elegant about it, but seeing as how this is just a background detail, there's a definite need for parsimony here.
As I'm sure has been established by my subtext alone, this story is one-dimensional in its simplicity. That doesn't make it bad; it just prevents it from being interesting. The entirety of this story revolves around the play on words that the title creates, which is why it needs so much filler to pad it out. At this story's core, the only necessary parts are Diamond's argument with the CMC and the race itself. Unfortunately, the argument's a bit generic in its structure and doesn't have any memorable quotes, so I can't really give you points for that one. And as for the race, all of it's from Diamond's perspective, and it consists of her repeating to herself that she can't lose.
I can ,however, give you credit for capturing the awkwardness of crossing the boundaries during a sporting event in a way that doesn't necessarily break the rules but is still embarrassing. You seem to have a knack for creating a strong sense of realism out of life's lesser embarrassments. Seeing as how this story is so simple, I'd say it's the main strong point.
As for the main weak point, I'm not sure you know what time this story takes place. During the first few paragraphs and a number of times after it, you slip back and forth between past and present tense.
Either is fine, but both is not. When it comes to tense, you should pick one or the other. When you use one and mean the other, you change the meaning of your words and confuse the reader. I'd recommend correcting this story's tense yourself as a way of improving in this area.
Grammar seems fine from what I can tell. The only real grammatical mistake I found was from this sentence:
You can go ahead and fix that at your leisure.
I'd call this story a bag of potato chips with one chip left. It's mostly air, and there's nothing particularly special about the chip itself, but it was at least cooked properly and salted. Certainly not disgusting, though too much of it would be quite unhealthy.
Make the most!
What. That's all I can say about this.
I'm sorry was Sweetie mocking Diamond? Perhaps you should have added the fact that she used a mocking tone of voice or exaggerated Diamond's attributes in her impersonation.
I honestly thought Diamond herself was talking until I got to "Sweetie Belle said."
that and the fact that Sweetie just admitted that the three of them were loosers and Bloom and Scoots laughed about it.
so did she win or not?