Albert Wesker and the Showpony, Part II
Author's Note: I know. It has been a veeeeeeeeeeeery long time since I've updated but my triple threat excuses of work, laziness and a broken laptop are stronger than your rage. DON'T HATE ME! Betas had to work overtime to fix this, as I had not written for a fair old while. With that all said I really hope you enjoy it and as always your comments and feedback keep me warm on lonely nights. Beta’d by Jack Kellar and Jasontaylorblogs.
"Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance."
-Sun Tzu
It was disturbing how easily the ponies around him had discarded his expletive-ridden rant from their memories. Apart from Twilight and Rarity, who were casting him wary glances, it appeared that all the others had decided to wipe their brains clear of that particular event to focus on a blue unicorn wearing a fancy hat. Who had time for logic in their busy schedules when there were shiny things to look at?
At this particular time, the shiny unicorn herself was seemingly on a one-mare quest to aggravate her entire audience by pointing at them and saying how terrible they were at everything. Unsurprisingly to Wesker, Applejack eventually bristled at the name 'Little Hayseed' and went about proving her talent to the arrogant unicorn.
It went about as well as he could have expected.
Heh, it's like the rope is a snake… That's funny, Al.
If by 'funny,' Joy mean unusual rather than amusing… Though he certainly could appreciate the irony in a farm girl being hogtied by her own lasso. On the other hand, Applejack's friends did not seem to find the whole scenario particularly hilarious, and so Wesker felt compelled to say something again. He cleared his throat, taking a great deal of pleasure from the momentary expression of shock and horror that appeared on the magician's face at the sight of her detractor before she rapidly composed herself and slapped another arrogant sneer on her face. "Do you get many repeat gigs, Miss Trixie?"
She flourished extravagantly as fireworks popped and crackled behind her. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is the greatest magician and performer in all of Equestria! Many cities clamour for her wondrous magic show and she must do her best to appear before all of them."
Wesker tilted his head to the side, "You didn't answer my question, Miss Trixie. Do any of these cities actually want you to come back once you've performed?" She didn't respond verbally, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes at the blond interloper instead. That was all the response the former human required. "Do you ever wonder why that is?"
She stared off somewhere into the middle distance with a dramatic sigh. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has been beset by jealous, inferior ponies from her birth. It is sad that they can never appreciate the jaw-dropping talent on display... But so kind-hearted and generous is she that she even comes to this hick town in the middle of nowhere so that everypony can see her once in a lifetime performance. Truly, she is too good for this world!"
A still-hogtied-Applejack interrupted her continuous staring of daggers into the side of the showpony's head, an expression which was mirrored by both Rarity and Rainbow Dash whilst Spike quietly begged Twilight to intervene, to roll her eyes.
Wesker, on the other hand, radiated an aura of unnerving calm, and even allowed a small smile to tug at the corners of his mouth. This was arrogance on a scale he had previously thought impossible, like a caricature of himself; it was both amusing and discomforting at the same time. His smirk did not go unnoticed by Trixie, who halted her dramatic monologue to point scathingly at him. "What gives you the right to try and question the Great and Powerful Trixie? What talents do you have that allow you to place yourself on a pedestal above the most fabulous of all equines?"
Rarity's mouth formed a small 'o', as she definitely took exception to the claim that the mare before her was more fabulous than herself, but thankfully Wesker's brain was working rapidly enough to avert a crisis…
… if not sensibly enough to avoid embarrassment.
Don't say killing people, don't say killing people, don't say killing people.
"I'm… quite good… at… singing…?"
… kind of wish you'd said killing people, Al.
Wesker stared steadfastly at the taken-aback Trixie, mainly because he could see the baffled faces of everypony present on the periphery of his vision, and he wasn't ready to face the shame of what his mouth had just spat out. Applejack, who had hopped off stage and untied herself, tried so desperately to avoid laughing she choked herself on the apple she was now consuming.
Trixie opened her mouth once or twice without success before she eventually found her voice again, "Really?"
"…Yes?"
She frowned, "Would you care to demonstrate?"
"Erm… I would prefer it if you went first."
Ah, a bold gambit. Clearly this is the first step on your plan to remould Equestria in your image, Albert. Well done.
The knowledge that Wesker had gleaned from reading those books on magic since what felt like a lifetime ago came in handy as he observed Trixie's horn glow, and she cast what appeared what to be an illusion spell, a subtle one if the lack of reaction from the audience was any evidence.
When she started singing, it sounded haunting and unworldly and absolutely perfect: a slow eulogy which felt like a hit in the heart with a sledgehammer. But while the other ponies were lost in the auditory entertainment, he was not foolish enough to believe she was actually singing that well, as for one, Rainbow Dash was nodding her head at a pace far more rapid than the tempo of the song he was hearing.
Must be a spell which makes the target hear or see whatever they want to hear or see the most.
Makes sense…
So when the last note faded away and Trixie bowed deeply to the applause, which came from everypony except him and the Elements of Harmony sans the absent Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, Wesker merely flashed a disarming smile at the mare. "Well, I've certainly been put in my place. I can't match that."
Trixie glared suspiciously at her black-suited nemesis. "So you admit that I'm better than you?"
"At singing, yes."
She opened her mouth to continue the argument, but whatever vitriolic words she intended to utter died in her throat. "Well… that will do." She slowly turned away from the still-grinning former scientist, flourishing her theatrics once more, "You see? There are no limits to the Great and Powerful and Trixie's awesome power!"
A hoof slowly raised in the air as its owner continued enjoying himself far too much. Trixie gritted her teeth. "What?!" She snapped.
"I can also hold my breath for a really long time."
"That's not…"
"I also managed to fire a staple at someone from across an entire office. Good shot, too."
"Why are you…?"
"Oh, and one time, I finished three months' worth of paperwork in a single night. What a shift that was."
I remember that. That was wild, Al.
"Can you…"
"I'm especially talented at distracting performers."
"Stop!" After the frustrated shout finished rattling Wesker's eardrums, Trixie pressed a hoof to the bridge of her nose. "You have already proven yourself to be inferior to the Great and Powerful Trixie. Stop embarrassing yourself further!"
Rarity, Rainbow and Applejack shared equal expressions of suppressed amusement, while the blond once more beamed in faux-friendliness, with only the biting sneer in his eyes to give away his true feelings. "My humble apologies, Miss Trixie. Do continue. I believe you were talking about how fantastic you are at doing magic."
She shot him a dirty glare before clearing her throat once more and pressing on with her show, "I defy anyone to match the level of skill that I possess."
Rainbow Dash flew up to the stage. "I got no idea why you're strutting around like you're the hottest thing in Equestria."
Trixie quirked an eyebrow at her. "Oh?"
The pegasus grinned cockily. "That's my job!"
As Wesker watched the aftermath of another failed attempt to upstage Trixie – namely, a very nauseous and dizzy Rainbow Dash stumbling around the town square after being whirled around by a Trixie-manipulated rainbow tornado before being zapped in the rear by a tiny thundercloud –, he really began to wonder how exactly the unicorn made a living from this. It was a miracle she hadn't been lynched yet; Equestrians were really far too nice.
"What we need," Spike made his presence known once more, "is another unicorn to challenge her!" His pointed stare at Twilight made it pretty obvious where he was going with this, and when Rainbow and Applejack got involved, Wesker was sure this whole scenario would finally be resolved and he could get on with his day.
Unfortunately, yet another ego was thrown into the fray. "Well," Rarity preened, "I understand what you're all getting at, but I won't lower myself to her standard. I am above such nonsense."
The high road was all well and good, but apparently it was difficult to travel when your opponent insulted your mane. Frankly, Wesker didn't need to be hyper-intelligent to see where this was going… It just helped.
Once a tearful, melodramatic, green-maned Rarity had fled the scene – the only humiliation which genuinely rankled with Wesker, due to his appreciation of well-kept hair, shown by how his own had always been perfectly sculpted no matter what circumstances applied to the situation –, Twilight was finally challenged directly by Trixie to prove her magical ability.
She must be worried that she'll end up looking like an insufferable bitch. Like this insufferable bitch with the fancy hat.
Not quite as eloquent as he'd have liked, but the core point was true.
Twilight fled to tend to her talking laundry, and Wesker was left waiting for the whole situation to solve itself. Clearly, the librarian was worried about coming across as arrogant despite clearly being far better at magic than the so-called 'Great and Powerful' Trixie. It was only a matter of time before her friends made her realise that that mindset was moronic, and then they'd probably write a letter and sing a song. Problem solved.
As the crowd dissipated and Trixie folded up her stage, assisted and frankly fawned upon by the two foals he had seen earlier, Wesker hummed as he slowly walked towards the hospital to speak with Nurse Redheart.
Applejack glanced at him. "You off for a check-up?"
He nodded, and she returned the gesture, grim-faced. "Is something wrong, Miss Applejack?"
"I'm mighty sorry, Al, but that barrel o' hot air just got to me today. Can't believe she'd just roll into town, say the things she said and do the things she did. Not to mention that I'm starting to worry about how darn quick you can go from spitting fire to grinnin' like an idiot and windin' a pony up." She smiled. "Not that I'm complainin'."
He half smirked in turn. "I must admit it was nice to meet somepony with a larger ego than myself. Made a refreshing change."
"Bet you can't sing though," she snorted.
He shrugged dismissively. "That is one fact of life you'll never know beyond speculation, Miss Applejack."
With a roll of her eyes, the farmer waved goodbye, and Wesker trudged off towards the hospital. He couldn't say he looked forward to being poked and prodded once more, but science was above and beyond human… or pony… discomfort. So he once more marched fearlessly into the sterile building.
It was even more tedious than he had expected. Every single boring routine test he had been forced to do on test subjects to satisfy Umbrella bureaucracy was repeated here, and it was no less dull from the other side. Even more so, if anything. Every so often the snow-white earth pony responsible for the examination would throw a casual question about his past at him, and he would effortlessly deflect it with either charm, bluntness, or the ever-reliable amnesia card.
And so it was several hours later that Wesker found himself sitting on an examination table, having his reflexes tested.
"You do have remarkable reflexes, Mr Wesker. Have they been that way all your life?"
"I don't remember," he muttered dully.
"Well…" An almighty crash rang out from outside the building, silencing the Nurse's response and triggering a new one, "What in the world was that?!"
Wesker raised himself from the table and hauled his body weight up on the windowsill so he could peek through. When he turned back, he had on his muzzle a quite un-pony-like predatory grin. "A major problem, Miss Redheart."
Awesome
NEW CHAPTEEEEEEEEEERRRR
oooooooooooh dear. weskers going to kill a baby.
Ursa shit is about to hit the fan.
Furia balaurului sau su putere nu are limite!
Balaur is pleased, so keep working!
Inner voice: What this guy is trying to say is that you are doing a good job, despite the slow pace, so keep it up!
Great chapter!
"This video has been removed by the user."
Wesker vs the Ursa Minor. Can't wait
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Apparently youtube ruined the quality of the video so he had to reupload it. Try again, I've edited the link to show the right one.
And then he Wesker-kicks that Ursa Minor all the way into Trixie's wet dreams.
...What? I ship it!
YAY NEW CHAPTER!
Also Wesker Vs Ursa Minor place your bets
He can finish 3 months worth of paperwork in a single night he is now my idol.
Wesker was a major troll here. He deserves a medal
Still miss Wesker's old rant. It's often the right word at the right time that makes something funny. (Defecating, was in tears laughing when I read that)
There were a couple of story skips, though it looks like you're just trying to brush over details from the show. Things can be argued with from both sides there.
Thank you for the update! Though if you're going to throw your readers a cliffhanger please don't torture them with waiting!
As Oliver Twist would say: "Please sir, I want some more."
WESKER DONT KILL IT JUST USE YOUR SUPER AWESOMENESS TO DEFLECT ATTACKS OR HAVE A LEG RIPPED OFF AND RE ATTACHED!!!
Betting that Al will sit back and enjoy the wussy ponies, despite him being strong enough to kick an Ursa into space.
OH JESUS!
Great chapter, nice to see an update! Can't wait to see what you'll bring out next chapter; keep goin and stay golden^^
Wesker: "Miss Trixie..." *lifts up the ursa* "Do you even lift?"
Oh man, shit's about to hit the fan! I can only imagine the idea of Wesker picking up that Ursa and flinging it away like nothing.
CLFFHANGER
You know; Trixie may be arrogant and a bit of a liar, but if you think about it; the mane 6 were the villains in that episode.
irregardless, I look forward to Wesker kicking a bear's starry posterior
triple threat excuses of work, laziness and a broken laptop are stronger than your rage.
MY RAGE IS IMMORTAL!!
also i saw My Little Wesker and i read it as My Little Whisker..i now want a story about a whisker on a cat that talks and puts down everypony cos he feels inadequate for he has no body of his own and must live on a cat.
A bear as big as a house, made of cosmic matter? Even Wesker would have trouble dealing with that much power.
Also... I hate to sound like a critic, but while there were some funny bits in this chapter, I can't help but feel like it was really really rushed all the way through, and that kinda takes away from the quality somewhat. Try not to rush past everything, even if it's bits that people already know happened.
So you're English?
Okay, a lot of people think Wesker can just beat the bear easily. But I don't think so. It's a cosmic bear made up of star stuff. The only reason he could get a handle on the situation is because it's a baby...It'll still be cool though.
3177495 They were. Yeah Trixie was a glory hound, but quite a few performers are like that. If the main six hadn't said anything or done anything, she'd have been gone in a day or two. (Or more if the town likes her enough.)
About the video:
Your brother seems like a real card when he wants to be. A little rambunctious, but he has the right idea of filming him scaring people. Also, Jesus wouldn't save you because you're were yelling. That's rude. So thanks for sharing how skittish you can be.
About the update:
About bloody time...just kidding. Its nice knowing you're still among us, kicking it and being alive and well. I've noticed everything canon hasn't necessarily been altered by Wesker's presence so far, which is saying a lot since we're technically at Season 1, Episode 5 territory. That's rather impressive. Only 5 episodes in and there's still untapped potential of where this can go, depending on what you're aiming for. I mean 800+ likes and you've barely scratched the surface. Kudos, mate.
Now show us how much of a baller Wesker is.
For he's a...
Hooray for updates! Hooray for Wesker being a bigger troll than ! Hooray because I feel like it!
Anyone else think that was a great place to quote Wolverine?
"I'm the best at what I do, but what I do best isn't very nice."
3177495 irregardless is a terrible word that you should never use.
Also, fuck boulder punching, we got BEAR PUNCHING.
3178506 says the pegasus who fucked up gravity
Ahhh, my bi-yearly Wesker fix. Keep up the great work, Author.
Let the games begin. Oh good goddesses. This is amazing
You underestimate my rage. MORE!!!
More unbearable puns.
I have school tomorrow and life's not worth living so..... this
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That was...Beautiful
dont worry we arent mad you havent updated in a while we just hate your guts no problem lol
Bwah hah! XD
3178549 No, says the Grammar Nazi who uses said pegasus as a profile picture.
Wesker messing with Trixie.......this is the stuff that legends are made of!!!!
Stronger than my rage? Please.
YAY MORE WESKER!!!!
Trixie destroyed, Ursa Minor about to be destroyed.
Wesker trolling Trixie was worth the wait.
You know - I'm sure there was a lot in this chapter. And I feel fairly certain it was all very good, with a lot of laughs.
But all I can focus on is the fact that Wesker managed to complete three months worth of paperwork in one night.
And I thought I was seriously impressed/terrified by Wesker before.
This is getting good. I want to see the look on everponies faces when he beats the living hell out of that Ursa.
I want to see Wesker beat Trixie to a fucking pulp soon. Actually, I want to see him beat just one pony, gryphon, dragon, or otherwise to a goddamn quivering wreck.
It's an awesome chapter can't wait for the next and i'm kinda disappointed. That wesker did not show trixie up with his strength or speed.
Absolutely love this story and all that you are doing with it. Keep up the good work bro.
3217655 I know.
pulp the ursa! blood for the blood gods! woo!