I live in Utah I'm a girl. I live MLP! I have a 4.0 and I'm loving life
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All of Rarity's friends like her do not have special someponies. But as this story unfolds the main six will discover what their love really means
*Derpy is not in this story but just on the cover art. There is not sex in this story but there is suggestive language.
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The wrong "their" in the description concerns me.
@Tachyon Xenophile thank you for that I just fixed it.
Hi! I just wanted to tell you how much I liked your story. I'm pretty surprised that you don't have more feedback. Hope you don't mind me commenting on some things I notice throughout the next few chapters. I totally respect your work!
A few things I noticed:
I think you meant quiet not quite.
This sentence is pretty much a run-on and needs punctuation between me and promise.
It's actually spelled college not collage.
Another run-on sentence with the same spelling error mentioned earlier.
You meant you're as in the contraction for you are, not your showing possession.
There were some other minor flaws I noticed but these were the ones that jumped out at me. I love your style though! Keep up the good work!
@AmblingAnarchy Thank you so much for commenting I really appreciate the feed back. Also, thanks for finding all those errors I will be sure to fix them!
this is a really good story so don't stop and as for best couple
ITS TO HARD TO DECIDE
@monteith18 thank you so so so much for commenting! You have gave me new vigor and I will be putting up the next chapter soon! As for choosing your favorite couple, it is the same for me! I seriously can't decide!
Oh I love this couple!
@pinkiepie104 thanks for commenting! And what couple are you talking about? Is it Pinkie Pie and Lucky Clover?
Pinkie and lucky!
@pinkiepie104, I am glad you like the couple! And thanks for commenting it means a lot
Me and my army supports this story
Alright now to go back and look at mistakes I found.Don't need to fix em if you don't wanna but I'm still gonna point them out.
I do believe that it is supposed to be our
.........why?Why do I see that word so many times in non-human stories........(sigh)oh well that's one mistake I can look past after I pointed this out.It's supposed to be stallion.Wait a minute.....
Alright I'm having to much fun with this.
NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!
BY!IT'S BY!
That's the only 1 I found that wasn't taken so I'll do thoughts.
This came into mind:
SOUND THE ALARM SHE'S GONNA BLOW:
This is probably what she's feeling:
Caps.......capitalize them.
Here
forgot the H did ya?
Wanna take my shotgun so you can kill those extra O?Also CHEESY!!!!ALLLLLLLL of them cheesy lines.It just makes me wanna smile:
CAPS IT!IT'S A NOUN!!!
.....Should I point out Equestrian changes to English?You know what here what I'm gonna do.If I see this kind of mistake again then I'll point out most of the changes from English to Equestrian.Anyhow that's supposed to be pony.You know....My Little Pony.......yeah.
We already traveled this path....no more.Where.DAMN YOU BRAIN!
Sniper do you have the target?What's the target?! It's that O couple at the table.Just kill one of them,the boss don't care which one.(You know where I'm getting at right?)
Put this 'between E and S
Fix version:
The sentence that never ended.....FIXED:
Fixed:
You must love this road don't ya?WHERE
Punctuation marks.Why are you forgetting them...What does 4.0 mean on your bio cause I swear I thought that was your GPA.Anyway fixed:
...........
Well at least you didn't forget it this time buuuuut wrong one.FIXED:
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/2712820480/hBBE8AA5E/
(sigh)Fixed:
Caps.CAPITALIZE!!!!
Now that's done I only have one thought:
.......hold on a minute(plays this music)
Problem?imgs.steps.dragoart.com/how-to-draw-trollface-trollface-step-7_1_000000064351_5.jpg
Don't forget to clear your history kids.
I think I'm gonna have stay home.FIXED:
Fixed:
.......fixed:
SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!!!Fixed:
I swear I'm not even reading this story anymore.I'm fixing it.Fixed:
....fixed:
ummmmmmm what?Fixed? I don't know:
Fixed:
The sentence that never finished part 2.FIXED:
Fixed:
(Flashback).....Should I point out Equestrian changes to English?You know what here what I'm gonna do.If I see this kind of mistake again then I'll point out most of the changes from English to Equestrian.(End Flashback)Let's do this.
Person=Pony
Everybody,Everyone=Everypony
Hell=Hay
Man=Stallion
Woman=Mare
Somebody,Someone=Somepony
Finger,Hand=Hoof
Arm=Foreleg
Those are the ones I'm fully aware of.If there is any more please respond to this comment.
I'm done for now.There was just too many.I need a break.
@watermane2000 thank thank thank you for posting all those comments! It means a lot
. and I will fix all of the mistakes you pointed out, it was not a waste of time. 
(Gets back from school)Let's do this.(cocks shotgun)
....Already the first sentence....(sigh)Fixed:
Fixed:
Fixed:
FIXED(and 1 improvement):
you're
Fixed:
straight
It's(Had to look this one up HERE)
Ends with ?
put(checks keyboard)I'm not sure how you messed that word up.P and B has some good space between them.
Let's clear this up.Everfree forest is a noun.Nouns need to be capitalize.Don't know what nouns are?I'll let the 70's explain this one.HIT IT:
beginning
Favorite couple......no favorites.I don't do favorites.
Alright to make this easier on myself I'm just gonna fix the mistakes and bold them out so you can see where I put them instead of putting up the original,then the fix.
forgot the N there.
Forgot the space between little and sister.
All of these mistakes......They are just:
NEXT CHAPTER!!
3871854.........Do you know how to reply to comments?Just asking....cuz....you keep using @ instead.Top right corner there should be a symbol that looks something like this >>.Click on that and it'll put in some random numbers.Just type in what you wanna say to the comment.Then submit it.That way the reader will know if you respond or not because if you did respond,the site notifies the reader.......I thought I shut you off.I can't be stopped.I thought you learned this by now.Shut up.Anyway you're welcome.
First paragraph there is already a mistake.......
Extra unneeded space.
or
I will point out the Shining thing once and only once.
Okay....now......to......do.....the..........next.................chap(passes out)
(Sees new chapter)SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!
3874063
You can be an editor. It's clear that you have a really good grammar skills.
Just saying...
God=Celestia
personally I would've done this:"NOPONY MOVES,NOPONY DIES!"
I couldn't put in 'young stallion' cuz it sound weird.
Not sure about that comma.
Now on to your author notes:
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/114/d/a/fluttershy_unamused_face_by_yanoda-d4xfne4.png
It's 'feedback.'
3874224 The author just PM me asking if I wanted to be her editor.....I think you gave her the idea.
I just found something interesting.This chapter seems to be inspired/copied from this one-shot HERE.I wouldn't be surprised if it was,I mean it's in Woogabear's favorites.
@watermane2000 Feather Flu was inspired by that story, but it was not copied. I also got my inspiration from the episode of my little pony when Rainbow Dash is calling role in hurricane Fluttershy, and Rumble says he has the feather flu.
No paragraph break there.
How you mess that up and not fix it when you use that word twice in the same sentence?
Not arm.PONIES DON'T HAVE FREAKIN ARMS!THEY ARE CALLED FORELEGS!!!
or
Well this one is finished:
3876683 .....I think I told you how to reply didn't I.3873944 Oh yeah I did.(click on the number/name to see what is the comment replying to)
It's hard for me to put commas with 'yeah'
country accent
The real term is special somepony but stallion works too.
Ok just let me throw this out there. Usually when I read a story,I ALWAYS give a thumbs up and a favorite if I liked it a lot,then maybe post a comment with my thoughts or my slogan 'Me and my army supports this story
'.This is the FIRST time I've ever sat down on my arse and edit the story for the author.And because this is Woogabear's first fanfic,I'm her first editor.(She has PM me asking if I wanted to be her editor)So basically,we're each others first.Dear Celestia that sounds so wrong.
Ya think?Shut it you.Why don't you take it out then?Because it's true.Oh so you already 'sealed the deal' now did you?
Oh for Luna sake.
Problem?static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130701113427/theamazingworldofgumball/images/f/f9/Famous-characters-Troll-face-Troll-face-poker-45046.png
Oh and for those who are wondering'Who the hay is this guy?'I'm watermane2000's insanity.You may call me whatever you wish for I don't have a name,only my personality.A perverted one.Now now,I'm not all perverted.We both have the same favorite things.Why I agree for women rights with you.That's because you're a part of me.(sigh)excuses,excuses.Whatever let's just go to the next chapter.Agreed.
Well as a man once said:
DAMN RIGHT! I just walked right into that one.EEYUP
Duke Nukem is his icon.
Most authors do somthing like this: 'I wish I could' He thought.
That last part doesn't sound that bad.And you thought I was only a pervert.Whatever.
Ok so about your author notes.It's...well.....I'm trying to make this sound not offensive....What he's trying to say is you're making yourself sound a bit like an attention whore.
That wasn't nice.But I'm right aren't I?(sigh)Yes,you are right.Such as here
That,right there sounds like something an attention whore would say.A desperate one.Yup.People also hate it if you spam
on there as well.Also don't ask people what their favorite couple is every chapter.This is starting to sound like a spam hate.Well it kinda is a spam.If you need feedback on what people want on the next chapter then go ahead.Further more the
could be better.Something like this
I think the reason people aren't commenting is because you are asking them to.So what I would do is revise your author notes.
I mean you said this on page 13
Those are just some tips I have so you don't sound...like a spammer.Damn it I thought you gonna say it.Nope.Anyway I didn't mean to sound offensive to you at all.I just hate seeing spam and this was kinda like a spam.Also cuz I want to see this story soar into the sky.So no hard feelings?
So no hard feelings right?
This is just cheesy.Ya think?
Big Mac.....you over-protective.Well it seems legit that he would.
country accent.
Well what you think about the last part?AJ does look hotter without her hat.I thought so too.
Reads author notes:Good.
I still don't see why you don't want followers.Because I'm not writing any stories anytime soon.Fair enough.
Oh yeah almost forgot this:
Just for the ending.
3885919 DUDE COME ON!!!Problem?
Oh Celestia help me.
Well this started off(pulls down shades)with a wrestle.
You had to do it.
Yup.
Called it.(sigh)I'll go grab the paintball gun.Yeah,you go do that.
My favorite FIM couples are Flash x Twilight. Still don't get why people hate Flash for no reason.
Well that's one weird way to robbed a bakery.
@pointman123 Thank you so much for commenting. I also don't understand why everypony hates Flash, he is the only official romance in the whole series!
3964260 .........still need to learn how to reply Wogga?
3962882
3704911
3837656
3853318
3860133
To all of you guys who commented,Wooga did reply to y'all.Problem is she doesn't know about this thing called 'the reply button' so yeah.Just wanted to let you know.
First of all it should be you're not 'your'.
Second- Too right Flash!
I haven't even reAd this yet and realized that it is incomplete but has over twenty chapters so I say good sir have a
3962882 Because he has less personality then a baked potato that's why.