• Member Since 8th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 2nd, 2015

Flying Fantasy Horse


I can be both a positive sunflower and a cynical f**k. It depends which life I am living. (Formerly known as Riffmaster)

E
Mud

Twilight Sparkles has always been fascinated by one single plant: The Sleeping Beauty is it's common name. However, the only way to find it is to descend into the Everfree forest.

Twilight finds the plant, much to her excitement. However, a bog stands in her way. Is Twilight as daring as she think is? For a plant?

Well, if she wasn't, then what would be the point of reading this story then?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

It would be a lot better if you gave more description in the last part.

3493406

Yeah, I sort of suck at details, but this was the only story where I actually try to go in-depth. But yeah, I can see where your coming from.

There's a fair amount of tense confusion as well as a few other errors like awkward sentences, but other than that you're good in the grammar department. The pacing in this is good up until the end, where it feels rushed. Overall, it could definitely use some improvement, but I will give it a favourite. Though I don't see how this is 'Adventure'. The fate of the world does not depend on Twilight getting this plant. I think this would be better off with a 'Slice of Life' tag.

3493476

In order to make it work, you have to give time for the hopelessness of sinking away to dawn on her, and give her time to fight it back and try to escape. The feeling of how she is being eaten by the earth itself and how she struggles for her life against it.

And you missed a chance to save her by Applejack following her out of worry and jumping in with a tied off rope to save her after she goes under.

3495474

Yeah, I kind of rushed through that part. I honestly didn't really take much time into doing it. I really just grinded through the part and never looked back. But the ending I didn't want Twilight to be saved, because I thought it would be a little more tragic that way.

Yeah, I know. I'm a heartless soul. :scootangel:

How is an apple core considered litter? isn't it biodegradable, or even food for another animal? :unsuresweetie:

Comment posted by King Shugoki deleted Jan 26th, 2019
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