i185.photobucket.com/albums/x174/OoDark_ShadowoO/SadTwilight.png

731007
...now I just feel bad...

731045

It's hideously cruel that her only way out is to become a complete monster and destroy the lives of (mostly) innocent people so that others can get off. If she wasn't evil before, she'll be there soon. Ouch, man. To have read that incredibly realistic trauma-train that rings frighteningly close to home, only for Trixie to get caught up in what is easily the most disgusting business in Equestria's underworld, well, that stung.

731085
And that's exactly why I felt the need to split the story into two. On the plus side, it means I'm doing my job right, even if I am a horrible, horrible person.

731113

It's like a cataclysmic pileup with a huge death toll. Horrible and tragic, but you can't look away because in a fucked-up way, it's also beautiful.

731123
Yeah... you're going to love me when I finish this chapter then...

Thank you, though.

731170

my body might not be ready

731192

Nobody's bodies will ever be ready...

731192>>731475
I think that means I win.

I love this story just because it's so dark and messed up in its own special way.

731758

Several times over. It's genuinely been a while since a grimdark story has successfully made me care (save for the Fallout: Equestria series). Granted I haven't really been seeking out lots of grimdark stories lately but it's still it's own reward.

"She all but floated out onto the stage, flicking her wings open one at a time as she passed the tables. oice, unlike those of the stallions in the room, sounded suave.and demureshion had a stallion on it. was a circular island of sShe reached the pole at the end of the runway, snagged it with the crook of her wing and used it to spin around."
Yikes. Technical difficulties?

In any case, incredible stuff. I loved the summoning sequence. Fantastically executed. As for hard-on-her-luck Trixie... Well you certainly did a fine job of making me feel bad for her.

732958
Whoa... I have no idea what happened there... I think two paragraphs merged somehow. Weird.

Thanks for the catch though. Fixed now. And thanks for the nod.

Hmmm... I like it in the horrifying, grotesque way this story so often inspires. Aside from some typos it does a great job painting a vivid mental picture. I kind of don't want to comment on the story itself though; I dunno, just feels premature without seeing the whole thing. (Or this particular sub-story... chapter... thing... oh, you know what I mean.) So, I'll be waiting until part two to say anything more. Definitely a good read though, and I'm happy to see you're still at it!

Edit: Well... maybe a little commentary.

I've got to admit a personal weakness here: I didn't like being reminded that humanity's not exactly saint-like itself. The scene with the attempted rape stung a bit since it's been pretty easy to see humans portrayed as the woobies of the setting so far. Maybe it's just backlash from the common 'humans are bastards' theme of so many other MLP fics, but I was kind of enjoying a realistic yet completely sympathetic humanity. Still, I know I'm being unfair: Heat and Desire is hardly gentle reading and the scene depicted was hardly unrealistic. So that's not really a criticism of the story, just something that made me personally wince a little.

Other than that... without going in-depth on an unfinished story, suffice it to say this: as dark as Heat and Desire is, and as much as this particular chapter didn't involve some of the more graphic details of the others, this still managed to be the only chapter that actually depressed me. It took a little while to sink in, but wow. I'm feeling it now.

I'm hoping Trixie somehow manages to NOT let this turn her into a monster.

I am so glad you are back at this series and you do not disappoint. This has from the start been such a deep, rich, dark-as-interstellar-space show, and this new chapter is not a speck less. The thing that makes this for me is its complexity, it is far more than just a dark story. I am so impressed with this strange curious wonder you have created here. This is wondrous horror, of the body, the mind and, it would seem, the soul as well.

Heat And Desire is every bit as clever and amazing as (I hope!) you think it is, and (considering how writers disparage their own work) likely much, much more. Thank you for another serving of delicious Nightmare Cake.

This is the sort of story I'm willing to let myself fall in love with. Deliciously dark, with subtle psychological play and marvelous tie-ins. Reality over idealistic fantasy (as much as is possible in a world of magical ponies).

I really, really need to write a full review for this.

...And antagonize some of your dumber readers. That, too. XD

733971
I have to admit that, given the number of times I've gone over the material both physically and the months its been bubbling in my head, I'm never sure if what winds up on the page has the weight I want it to have. Still, I'm generally pretty happy with how it comes out. I'm always happy to hear that others are enjoying it too. Thank you.

733352>>733840
And that's why it screamed for the chapter break right there. If I do it right, it'll still be a gut-punch, but hopefully a satisfying one.

736849
This sounds like a terrible idea that can only end in disaster. I'm all for it.

> "She did survive," the guard said.
Meaning some don't?! Hmm. Mr Bucksin is even more of a jerk than I pegged him for.
I wonder how many unicorns he gets through in a year?

neurobonkers.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/drugs-are-bad.jpg

but I am somehow impressed by this chapter so

fairfaxunderground.com/forum/file.php?40,file=24179,filename=peter_griffin_-_go_on..._.jpg

750522
This sounds terrible, but I'm confused. Are you saying that I'm blunt-force-trauma-ing the message of the story (which is true), or are saying I should lay off the Percocet?

Either way, glad you enjoyed.

>A hind hoof hit the stage with a in time with a single, hard drumbeat.
>Trixie mind twinged with

Well, who would have thought that a weird story about weird human x pony sex I came across months ago would turn into such an engaging story? I really like the episodic nature you give this fic and expose just how many facets there are to this human problem.

778826
Somehow, no matter how many times you go through it, you always miss one. Thanks, and fixed now.
Glad you're enjoying

801458
Didn't realize it could be read that way, but you're right. I'll need to look into that. But no, just she got into the bathrub and turned on the shower head. Would be an interesting idea, though, wouldn't it?

You haven't really explained how the magic of the world effects the males, so right now, I'm expecting one to be summoned and then all of a sudden go through a static1.fjcdn.com/comments/hey+guys+check+out+my+new+meme.+It+s+called+quot+rage+_463c729636ab40a35fb0284ea7da288d.jpg

rage and charging the guards before kicking their asses (and possibly taking their lives). Something along the lines of this.

media.pcgamer.com/files/2010/09/Doom-Comic-Handful-of-vertebrae.jpg

802285 Wow, why did I not get an alert?

But anyways, yeah it would be. A character who visits the darkest side of their society for the pleasure, slowly builds up a disgust for being their even if he/she greatly enjoyed it, and ended up committing suicide because of it...

Yeah, ok this is definitely about as grimdark as you can go without being on the creepy, evil fetish side of things. I feared that the earlier chapters would be worse than they were, but this one kinda hits close to home. I've never been close to starving, however, I've been nearly that broke. I wasn't as bad off as Trixie is, but I was a paycheck away from homeless. I had family help me out and I made it through, so I hope Trixie comes out of this ok, I'd hate to see her get thrown in prison or worse just to avoid starving to death. Hopefully, she does the right thing and realizes her mistake before its too late.

Hmm, I do have to wonder if they've ever pulled in a human who had a weapon(aka gun) and/or actually knows how to fight... Cuz as awesome as ponies can be, nothing does violence quite like humans.

Also, just to make you think, if you could go to this Equestria willingly, would you knowing that you'll be memory wiped and ponified?

1290663
No. Unless I was leading an army do destroy those bastards.

1491582
By all means. I'll ask for a note in the author's notes or somesuch, but beyond that, I don't mind. Glad you're enjoying.

feels, tears, wonders.

1668173
I'm glad you're enjoying, and thank you. Sadly, can't promise when the next chapter will be. It's been kicking my butt for a while now.

Well... it certainly earns it's dark tag. It's not just a horror, but a body horror, like what you would find in some certain Japanese Manga (Uzumaki and The Enigma of Amigara Fault. Being converted to ponies is one thing, but manticors? Even before a transformation, human bodies are uncontrollable to their owner. Chilling.
You're subtlety hits the right balance, I wonder how many readers caught the suicide in the Luna chapter.
I was worried that Trixie was to be a villain (I had just read The Piano Man) but glad it wasn't the case.
Excellent, terrifying, engaging. Great work!

So Trixie just happens to come across a woman who's about to be mugged/raped. That's a somewhat cliche way of making her actions not QUITE as bad as they normally would be, and one hell of a coincidence. I've noticed you tend to fall into the gender trap too, as so many authors on this site do. Essentially male=evil, female=good. If the population is 70% female and all the leadership female, then shouldn't the criminals be 70% female too? All the ponies involved in illegal trafficking are male until Trixie shows up, and you've painted her in a very sympathetic light, as if she had no other choice than to kidnap a person. The couple female participants at these shows have been little more than observers, or in fleur's case shown to be not that bad in comparison to the guys.

All that said, I really do like the unique way this series has played out, and anything that shines a light on the dark underbelly of Equestria I'm all for. But please keep in mind how slanted the gender gap is and think about evening out the evil to good gender ratio. I know it's much easier (almost automatic) to lump men into the evil by default category, but if you want to represent Equestria, it makes sense to have more female than male characters both in good and evil roles. The only reason I bring this up is because of all the stories I've read, and how the vast majority of them feature male villains, usually unicorns. I'm not sure what this says about our society, but it pulls me out of the story when I know there should be more female characters in every position, certainly evil ones.

Trixie... What have you done?

I made a deal with the devil, Dashie.

I want those subhuman equines crucified.

2183321

Luna doesn't need more deaths on her conscience.

This has been....interesting. I'm not sure if I actually like it or not but I sure am going to see where it goes.

3965648
Agreed. I wonder if TIB will continue this?

3988018
I really hope so. It is an interesting concept and it would be a shame for there to be no resolution

I am, literally as I type this, in the process of watching the movie Eyes Wide Shut for the first time.

Suddenly, Fuchsia's chapter makes a lot more sense...

Hmm, I came here for some FiE clop, but I stayed for the story instead.

As much as I would like to see some closure to Trixie's arc, I guess that at this point, after so much time from the last update, the chances of that are pretty slim

But anyway, this was a deliciously dark and interesting read, thank you for writing it

Oh my god. Trixie literally just rescued some lady from a couple rapists, only to deliver her into the waiting hooves of some more rapists? That's messed up. I simply must see what happens next. I...

*looks at date last updated*

Noooooooooooooo!

Why was this cancelled?

Breathe, damn you! BREATHE!

You're fucked up, I only read this because of a lost bet, and this story sickens me.

Great job! Liked and followed.

Next chapter when?