Theorangefox
Joined 19th Oct, 2011 ·
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- Theorangefox · 5k words · 65 25 · 4.4k views
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CLOPTASTIC! other than a few grammar errors here and there, and the fact that you couldve italicized the thoughts, this was really, really good!
Excellent clop good sir! I expect to see more stories
FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!
I don'tknowifmthis is your first story or something but it was AWESOME!
Good story, good plot.
I'm gonna be the one that writes a big paragraph constructively criticizing your work, (since it is your first clop) kay? Okay.
Though there were many punctuation problems. Try reading your work out loud, it helps to get rid of the punctuation and grammatical errors.
As you have described the characteristics of your OC, I cannot see this clop happening at all. There needs to have some sort of relationship, some reason why they're waking there in the first place. Try adding a common characteristic to make it seem more natural, 'cause right now, it just doesn't seem right. You picture Firestorm as an adventurer, yet he's shy during the . . . mating session? Try something different; musician, cook, or at the least, athlete; but not adventurer.
The clop itself is nice; very nice. I like how they once-in-awhile ask something to the other; 'Am I doing ok?' They're both virgins, right? Or maybe Firestorm isn't; I don't know. Make that a tiny bit clearer.
This could be bigger, but I feel lazy right now. Enjoy your next editing spree!
284316 Thanks a lot for the feedback. I'll consider it for the next time I write something. Though I mention it's my first clopfic, it's my first without humanised ponies in it, thought I'd give it a try.
As for the whole reason as to why they're on this walk, It's mainly that Firestorm is there to keep an eye on Fluttershy. Though I could have expanded on that idea, instead of making it shallow. And yes he is a virgin :P
I've considered your other points and this'll help, especially with the whole grammar side. I tend to leave out commas a lot.
good clop i must say. you should do something similar with the other five if ya want an idea or something. any way well done again
That was one of the best clops to best pony i've ever read.
286998 Thanks that means a lot to me!
good clop story hope to read more
and well we can say thier secret will stay in the wood's
What happens in the woods...STAYS in the woods lol. Great story! Definitely looking forward to more from you! Perhaps something with pinkie? Hmm? :/
there is just one word for this... "yay"
296832 Hmm, maybe. Can't really think of someone from the show, to go with her though :/
Words cannot describe how awesome this fic was
1261082 heh thanks, that means a lot to me!
1264787 then that makes it an even bigger honour!
It's not easy making a clop fic that is both arousing and romantic, but you sir have the talent. It wasn't just screwing, but love making and that makes all the difference. Me gusta
1445506 Yeah, romantics are my weakness! I tend to stray away from them. Thanks a lot though, this means a lot to me!
Alright, just how much of that did you take from my fantasies? The way you describe her is EXACTLY the way I think of her, and I think she is so adorable. Flutters is my favorite, and I really like the romantics at the beginning.
One little thing: try typing this in the Chrome browser, if you don't already. It spell checks for you.
10/10 moustaches for you!
PS: Firestorm: "Where did you learn all these things?"
Flutters: "I read clopfics."
Firestorm: "...What the heck is a clopfic?"
1554705 haha, thanks again mate!
this makes me feel...I feel...I FEEL...TRES BON!
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284353
What about her? She must have practiced her skills somewhere.