• Member Since 19th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 21st, 2022

Theorangefox


We grow 'em big!

Comments ( 16 )

I think this story could do with about 120% less run-ons. If you had only broken it up properly, this would have grabbed a four-star rating from me, and I'm quite hard to win over.

24939 run on's? I'm not really familiar with that term.

i whan more well i whan't to know what spike meant "twilight was giong to be devistaded"
oh and i'm :rainbowlaugh:laughing when spike steped on the warm stiky unknow substance

29511 Thanks I'm glad you liked it! Oh and Twilight would be devestated because she knows Firestorm. I have other clopfics I might post if enough people like them!

Run-ons are run on sentences. Which is a really long sentence. Like this one,
A normal day began as the sun rose above the horizon pushing in the new morning with the sound of birdsong, animals scattering around on the grass and the warm hum of the sun beating down on the patches of multicoloured land.
That's a run-on sentence. :pinkiehappy:

661258 ah now I get it. Thanks that really helped! :twilightsmile:

663748
Anytime. :ajsmug: Even though I don't really think you should change it at all. Keep it the way it is. No need to fix it up, it's great! :pinkiehappy:

Right, downvoting this for one very important reason. You don't even explain who the hell Firestorm is. This is the first story from you and it seems like you expected everyone to know your OC. (Which honestly is a horrible mistake seeing as most OC's tend to have back stories that explain how they become as they are.)

2383671 This shit is so old I don't even care about it anymore! :ajbemused:

2383993
Just because it's old doesn't prevent people from reading it mate. Mainly because people tend to assume the first story in your list explains who your OC is. (Or at least the first story featuring the OC) So for there to be literally no mention of WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY besides the obviously Gary Stu power level. (Which can be excused if good reasons for it are given.) and apparent connection to others. (Which is another thing about Gary Stu's if you don't explain their connections people assume they're a gary stu.)

Not bad, but needs work on the paragraphs and sentence lining.

5497117 This wasn't supposed to be put in a group, it was my first clopfic I did years ago, so that's why it's bad :P

Hmm...... dialogue looks like it was taken from a porno. :applejackunsure:

Hmm... was a pleasant read, but I believe there should have been more comma's... a lot more comma's.

5497270 I can agree with you there dude, almost exactly like what you'd find in one.

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