- Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Wednesday
The Incognito Brony
Elsewhere I'm Brony Incognito, but that name was taken here, so what're you going to do. Something of an oddball, but I do try to entertain. Hope you all enjoy the insanity I come up with.
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pony with pointy head and flappy things. you sir, are a genius.
hmm, im going to track this and see where it goes.
Mother of God.
I've finally found a HIE fic that doesn't melt my eyes out with suck. And of course, it's absolutely thrillingly sick and dark and horrifying. Who would have thought that the big nasty aliens that kidnap people and subject them to abject terrors beyond reckoning are pastel-colored magical ponies. There's something outright disturbing about that. And it's also the most unique take on the concept yet, so here you are, sir, a thumbs up and a fav.
Although regarding this chapter... Why didn't the guards first set up a perimeter? A lot of the bastard slavers probably escaped as a result. Sloppy, sloppy... Next time, just kill on sight. Celestia knows they deserve it.
This was certainly an ordeal to read, especially with such a specific set of logic, laws and rules. It is truly unique, I have to give you that. The less-than-clean details certainly sum up what they need to, though dark-clop isn't usually my thing. Not sure where this will be steered, given that there's more than one part to this if I remember right. I'll come back later to read the rest and see what happens. Now that she's been remade into a pony, she basically needs to acquire a new identity without ever remembering her old one. That in itself could be a long and twisty road. I'm interested to see what you do with this, so keep writing. You seem to have a more-than-half-original concept, for a HiE story. That's hard to do. I eagerly await more. Cheers!
Its interesting to see what a tight web you've woven here. I've not really looked into Lyra and her human habits before, so seeing something so well-crafted as my introduction to the concept is certainly a warm welcome. The bit with Derpy was a little odd, it almost felt like a commercial break, but meh, it was still nice. Also, I do have to stop and comment on the cloppy bits. Its an odd feeling to read something and NOT suspect that the author may have been typing with one hoof down his pants and the other on the keyboard. You made romance, not sex, and that's a rare gift indeed. It takes a certain level of skill to write that way, and you certainly have my respect for it.
The orgy cult was well crafted, and the harliquin masks were a good touch. They were no different than the human equivalent, and it really showed. The darker side of Equestria indeed. Though he wasn't explicitly named I do suspect Mr. White-with-gold-mane was Blueblood. The detail was a little too specific for him to hide behind a mask like that. But, the scene and setting itself did serve a rather chilling function to the story as a whole. When a human female arrives in Equestria she goes directly into a frazzled heat, and the first thing she mates with is what she becomes, as proven by Big Mac and now the manticore. I suspected at first, but one does not make a pattern. Two does, though, especially under such specific circumstances. You really crafted a horror with that scene.
But, back to Lyra and Bon-Bon. Its very interesting to see so much invested in a pair of characters that really have so little meaning in canon, other than to please the fans (especially in the new "Putting Your Hoof Down"). So, I can certainly see the devotion that it takes to not only craft their personalities, but to make us love them as readers. They're a giggly, fickle, and playful pair that are more than just a female-female pairing under your writing pen. It takes a greater show of talent to expose love between characters that we as fans literally have no context to base from. That makes this a real gem to read, and I enjoyed every moment of it.
I'll be back soon, but keep writing! Cheers!
So finally we see a bit more about what happened to break up the human sex cult, hmm. There's a certain satisfaction in seeing not only the royal guard but both princesses there as well. The image of luna eclipsing the sun in the wake of a shattered stained-glass window was very nice. I can still fell the vibration of air from when the bolt of lightning struck down the pegasi. Chaos and crowds is very hard to pull off with any sort of comprehensiveness, so I do tip my hat to you there. That was a very powerful scene.
But onward to Fleur de Lis. It's strange to see someone craft someone so despicable, and yet try to make her seem sympathetic at the same time. Clearly she cannot help herself. Now, whether this is because she's addicted to humans, is a basic nymphomaniac, or some mix of the two, remains to be seen. Or, perhaps that was the end of her story (which it more than likely is), and she'll vanish once more into the underbelly of... I suppose Canterlot, I don't remember if you said specifically, so I just assumed it was Canterlot. Interesting that an illegal human orgy cult was kept there in such close proximity to the Princesses. But, its darkest at the base of the lighthouse, so I suppose there's some form of logic there.
Anyhoo, you really painted Fleur de Lis as a darker... like... Brittany Spears or something. A little too perfect when things are going well in public, and just a little bit sickening when you look beneath the surface. There's something stomach-wrenching about her, especially in the scene where she was with the half-transformed human/pony. Even the mention of her pet "Digits" was a spine-tingling touch, and that only added a bit more depth. Clearly she misses her pet, and was attached to him. Perhaps that's who she imagines when she takes advantage of the other human males. I like to think so. That's a special sort of sick torment, for both participants involved. Though, that does leave me to wonder what happened to "Digits", if he's still out there, etc. If so, did he become a pony? And if so, who? You've been very good about relating just about all the important characters to named characters from the show. Unless of course, all of this madness really does tie back to Lyra... that'd be an Equestria-shattering plot-twist, I think.
(then again Fleur's pet was explicitly male, so I dunno what I'm trying to string together here...)
You've got the gift, and your pen marches on through this insanity.. Keep writing, and I'll keep reviewing. Cheers!
I actually read the disclaimers!...if that's ok
OMG make a sequel about a small group of humans that's are immune to changing!...if that's OK with you
Fuuuuuuu- Man, these stories hurt so good.
But what I have to know is: was Celestia, in some way, involved with the deaths at the feast, or did she arrive after everything went down?
So EVERY tree in the forest is a body? Or did some of it spread after only a few more were added? And why did some of them die and some of them turn? Gah, curse you and your amazing world building! I need to know more!
I realize that all this comes from a dark, dark place in your mind but please, please, please continue this freely if you can find a way to draw inspiration without sacrificing a bit of your soul or sanity. Please keep expanding this already intriguing and epic world!
The sexual content is a complete boner killer for me (Nothing to do with the writing, but rape combined with the undercurrents of the story kill it), but the story itself is wonderfully twisted and grimdark.
I love it and will definitely keep reading.
This is astonishing in every respect, as cosmology, as horror, as wonder, as awe. This series of stories is a sublime work, in equal measure loathing and beauty. It is, without any question, the most unique and astonishing of all transformational pony stories, and I say this with all the love in my heart for the marvels of the Conversion Bureau subgenre.
It is a dark and terrible joy for me each time you offer another chapter, and to see this finally on FimFiction only gladdens my heart. Sometimes wonder is a twisted tree, and here your gardening has grown strange and brilliant fruit, sweet as sugar, yet poison too, the taste of fearful night.
Please continue.
This touches heavily on the philosophical question if the self, are you still you if your brain and memories have been completely reshapen?
Are you still you if your brain cells are renewed and replaced every few years? That's an idea that messes pretty hard with my head.
You weave a tragic tapestry, Incog. So much happens in each chapter, the saga doesn't seem to have an end in sight.
Luna is especially interesting because of the darkness in her heart. The thrill of the raid and the battle was especially gripping. She was already showing shades of powerful aggressiveness and dark desire. The fact that her will was so ironclad, even in the room with the raven-haired human, says much about her. I was afraid she'd give in to the desire, and it would've made for a rather sickening sex scene, to be honest. But she remained resolute, and that's certainly a relief. Celestia gave in, which was surprising, and took on the shade of a Greek Goddess for awhile. Flawed.
I look forward to reading more. The story takes more twists and turns as you fill in the gaps and back stories in a seemingly chaotic order. Now we know that at least part of this started thousands of years ago, and this past couple of chapters was ages ago. And if every tree in Ever Free is actually a body, I could never look at it the same way again. Chilling, but masterfully done.
The brushstrokes of your artful imagination and skill are awe-inspiring. Never run out of paint.
Cheers,
~Cleff Scratches
So every... tree... Oh, God.
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So much juicy background in this chapter, answered a lot of questions and raised a few more. This is turning out to be one of the most horrifying and fascinating things I've ever read, and the only "humans in equestria" story I have ever enjoyed in any respect. I can't decide whether I want to be disgusted or moved to tears, or both. Go on...
Well not the best but not the worst story, it was ok its kind of spooky to think about the everfree forest naow
299975 The part with Derpy was actually mind-broken Lyra, but that's what makes this the best kind of feedback to help me improve. Thanks, and I'm glad you're enjoying it.
345491 Go with both. Might as well keep your bases covered.
345190 Wow... all I can say to this is: Thank you.
344656
The 'why did only some die' seems obvious: Those were the ones with the belief that dying as a human and themselves was better than living as something and someone else.
365286>>344656
There certainly is a lot of that, but the bigger culprit is abuse and internal hemorrhaging.
Hmm. Foreshadowing. So much foreshadowing. Along with at least one brick joke that won't show up for another three chapters.
And a well written story.
And tonight Lyra's role as a hot, sexy, lesbian action hero will be played by Angelina Jolie.
Lyra Croft anyone?
My god... I... The Garden of Everfree... became the forest...
I swear... I read Luna's speech, imagined it while I did, considered for a moment that the trees just reproduced by themselves into the forest over the decades. Gazed over the line "May another tree never be added." again.
The implications hit me, the canonical size of the forest came next, and finally, grim empathy.
I never expected this... Not this...
Huh. Honestly, I had just thought the humans had added some degree of their world's nature to the trees, resulting in the trees being a bit more independent than the Equestrian norm. Take a millennium, and you've have a forest. But after examining the comments... Yikes.
In any case, this is an incredible take on the HiE concept and a wide, wide number of different aspects of the canon and fanon. I look forward to what new developments you make in this story.
I just have to say this is frigging brilliant. I love, love, love stories that have such incredibly different but most importantly still internally consistent logic...
Anyway, I'mma fav this and read the rest at some later point...
I must say, this is a very interesting story. I look forward to the next chapter.
It's been a while since I first read this, but I only just recently got a fimfiction account and I feel compelled to gush a bit. I absolutely love the characterization in this series; the author has done an amazing job making believable, sympathetic characters and showing us their rather complicated motivations, rather than just telling us outright. When Luna interacts with humans, you can feel her shame over her roll in what has happened to them. I even get the slight feeling that she almost hates them - not for anything they've done, but because every time she looks at one, she's reminded of one of her greatest failures. She couldn't have had any idea what would happen to them, of course. It was completely outside of her realm of experience. But, guilt is seldom a logical emotion.
Younger Celestia is an interesting character as well, especially in contrast to the version that we all know and love. She's clearly much more mischievous and impulsive, and it doesn't take much of a leap to conjecture that it was this very incident that lead to her adopting a much more reserved and cautious ruler-ship style in the future. I also kind of like it how it's ambiguous just how much she had to do with the tragedy the night of that feast. While she presumably wouldn't knowingly have anything to do with such an event, it's not at all unreasonable to think she might lose her mind as readily as anypony else, if she wasn't prepared for what would happen - and how could she be?
And yeah. I'm with everybody else; I shivered at the Everfree revelation. That was a genuinely disturbing moment... but, in a profoundly powerful way.
I could go on like this for a while, but this is getting pretty long already. So in conclusion: Thanks for an excellent read. There are a few fics out there that I literally check for updates every single day. Not because I expect them to be updated anywhere near that often, but just because they're that good. This is most assuredly one of them.
500750
Thank you. Comments like this always make my day, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Unfortunately, chapter six (I still think of Springtime as five) will probably be the better part of a month in coming. I'm still at the outlining stage and it's threatening to be the longest chapter so far.
There's no way to say this without sounding either condescending or like I'm fishing, so I apologise, but if you favourite the stories or watch the authors that you're interested in here the site will keep you posted on updates. Still have to log in, but may save you some time.
Thanks again.
Why are all the best HIE fics so interestingly horrorfying?
Garden of Everfree? You genius.
I'm tracking this.
503564
Thank you.
I'm never sure if people are being rhetorical or not. If you were: bail out now!
In case you weren’t: I strongly suspect that a good part of it is that HiE stories innately carry the seeds of either ascension or corruption, or both, depending. Granted, things like mine or, say, the Conversion Bureau are a bit literal-minded. Still, even the most mundane story about someone going to Equestria, meeting the cast and being happy can be seen as a trip to heaven. Arddun Lleuad (as a well-known example) has the fear of being a corruptive influence drive the first two thirds of the story.
The other part of it, again in my opinion, is one of conflict. The way I learned it is that an author has to be “willing to punch his characters in the face.” Figuratively, of course.
Usually.
The entire first episode of the series is a constant stream of this happening to Twilight. The problem here is that we love Equestria and it’s hard to hurt it, but the story dies if we don’t.
Assuming the above, problems come in if an author tries to skirt the edges or, worse, answers the question of “why are there humans in this story?” with “Why not?” You wind up with an elephant in the room or never really dig into the story being told. But if you go down into that pit and embrace what’s down there, you’ll find fallen angels and wounded gods, wars for the soul of heaven and odysseys home. Change the wording and these are old stories we all know in our bones, regardless of ethnicity or creed.
The price is that you won’t emerge clean, and my pit happens to be particularly nasty.
Thanks again
507398
Honestly it was half musing half rhetorical, but your answer is fascinating regardless. You points about 'punching the characters in the face' rings true, and the depths and extremes really do create a much stronger, lasting effect. You really illuminated my question perfectly. Though it also helps that your fic is so well written.
294707
Just leave the stragglers to a pony version of the Punisher. Even if Celly isn't willing to put Blueblood's horn in a vice till he talks, Frank Castle would be.
Huh. I'm not one much for clop, but I'll keep an eye on this.
Fairly decent for an HiE, as well.
The only thing going through my head during the orgy scene, was how much I wanted to let loose on those bastards with a flamethrower. It would be most enjoyable.
I am seriously considering an invasion of equestria. With the princess's permission of course.
The garden of Everfree... It started with five... And then another... And another... And another...
The entire forest being one giant graveyard of stolen humans is certainly a horrifying thought
This is a horror story and I can't look away. Aliens abduct you from your home and treat you like an animal. Mars needs women and men apparently.
So what happens they end up kidnapping a dangerous human that can fight back?
What happens when the humans on earth realize what's going on?
Implications for disaster are frightening.
I WANT DA COOKIE!
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731007
...now I just feel bad...
731045
It's hideously cruel that her only way out is to become a complete monster and destroy the lives of (mostly) innocent people so that others can get off. If she wasn't evil before, she'll be there soon. Ouch, man. To have read that incredibly realistic trauma-train that rings frighteningly close to home, only for Trixie to get caught up in what is easily the most disgusting business in Equestria's underworld, well, that stung.
731085
And that's exactly why I felt the need to split the story into two. On the plus side, it means I'm doing my job right, even if I am a horrible, horrible person.
731113
It's like a cataclysmic pileup with a huge death toll. Horrible and tragic, but you can't look away because in a fucked-up way, it's also beautiful.
731123
Yeah... you're going to love me when I finish this chapter then...
Thank you, though.
731170
my body might not be ready
731192
Nobody's bodies will ever be ready...
731192>>731475
I think that means I win.
I love this story just because it's so dark and messed up in its own special way.
731758
Several times over. It's genuinely been a while since a grimdark story has successfully made me care (save for the Fallout: Equestria series). Granted I haven't really been seeking out lots of grimdark stories lately but it's still it's own reward.
"She all but floated out onto the stage, flicking her wings open one at a time as she passed the tables. oice, unlike those of the stallions in the room, sounded suave.and demureshion had a stallion on it. was a circular island of sShe reached the pole at the end of the runway, snagged it with the crook of her wing and used it to spin around."
Yikes. Technical difficulties?
In any case, incredible stuff. I loved the summoning sequence. Fantastically executed. As for hard-on-her-luck Trixie... Well you certainly did a fine job of making me feel bad for her.
732958
Whoa... I have no idea what happened there... I think two paragraphs merged somehow. Weird.
Thanks for the catch though. Fixed now. And thanks for the nod.