A man who has been blind his entire life has somehow ended up in Equestria. Though, something is. . . off about him. The ponies seem slightly less afraid of him due to his handicap, but looks can be deceiving.
(I'm not the best writer out there, no not even close. Also this is just an experiment, lets see where it goes. Criticism is welcome, inspiration and encouragement is welcome also.)
A few mistakes in this, but overall not that bad.
Just no need to put spaces between every elipsle "..." not ". . ."
And the over 9000 refrance, ughhh.
...... Did she summon Daredevil?
3368224 My college English teacher told me that you have to put spaces between them. So that's why I do that.
3368250 No, she did not.
Next chapter, please.
Updated soon
look intresting.
i'll fave it for now and rate it when the next chapter is out.
Sanji, da hell you doin'?
Doctor Mid-nite maybe if not Daredevil?
FUCK YEAH ONE PIECE REFERANCE
3369852 Agreed, One of the best anime's out their! :D
But this also proves ponies are nosy as hell in should keep their noses out of the affair of other worlds even if its to observe and learn.
3370250
oh yes definatly, we don't pry into their world and neither should they, it's an invasion of privacy
3368307
You don't. That looks horrible. It's "..." trust me.
There are some minor grammar issues and missing apostrophes which makes this annoying to read. You should try to get an editor. Either that, or edit it yourself.
3370262 agreed, but that's also dependent on whether the multiverse theory holds truth but atleast we don't put someone on deaths door just because we got curious whilst looking
3370268
yes i suppose it is, and even if the multiverce theory holds true we aren't intentionally prying into the lives of others and very rarely do we see into their private lives, just the entertaining parts many from their own world would know but we get to see ''behind the sences'' so to speak
3370286 Exactly, but you would assume they would atleast be careful so that innocent bystanders wont be injured if they messed up.
And the idea that they never had to work to make any of their creation like humanity did but decided to watch and rip us off to make their lives better is more than a bit anger inducing
3370308
yes, the carelessness of the so called intelegent knows no bounds, that or they simply don't care, either way they ought not meddal with things they don't fully understand.
and I agree, the very notion of anything copying our ideas we had to figue out through trial and error, the things we had to made sacrifices for be it lives or just resources is enfuryating, the thought of such arrogance is almost enough to make me grit my teeth with rage before i calm down.
3370334 I can agree to both these statements their dead on and both reasonable. While we struggled and lost they seized our triumphs as their own and just moved on like it was nothing.
3370388
and didn't even share the credit
3370390 agreed.
3370392 The ponies only get to see a specific part of our world... can you guess what part of that world is?
3370418 I'm gonna go off the sanji reference and say The Grand Line :)
3370424 Think broader.
3370432 May be thinking to broad on this statement my guess is the spell is very selective on which human culture so maybe just the industry of animation or a random human world depending on the alignment of the stars are something similar
3370449 They can only see the cartoon world. So, you got it right. But... might want to tone down the double speak.
3370459 i can agree on that
3370432
the whole one piece world
3370463 Yes... and?
3370468
the anime multiverse
3370474 Yes... and?
3370475
its been over twenty minutes since i read this i only remember key points and referances i care for and the only one i did care for was the one piece one
3370480 The cartoon multiverse. Anything and everything cartoon related.
3370486
i see. I hate these main six
3370488 Why? I'm curious.
3370488 Oh... that's why. Read through the comments.
3370495
prying into buiseness that isn't their own, stealing the inventions of others and attemping to do something without proper knolidge (can't spell that word) of how to do something that could be potentionally extreamly dangerous without thinking of any consecuences or negative reprocutions, frankly it's stupid (really nailed twilights character there) and i doubt she even has a serious punisment
3370518 They don't say 'curiosity killed the cat' for nothing. But yeah,..
3370528
true but theres a fine line between curiosity and stupidity, and twilight is so far past it see can't even see it anymore, not to mention she always has her head up her arse thinking shes always so smart
3370540 So what your saying is what Twilight did was 9000 times worse than 'Lesson Zero'?
3370556
nice referance, and yes because of her foolish meddaling shes almost killed a man and possably taken his sight (unless he was already blind and injured, i wouldn't be surprized if he was already blind but i doubt he was already injured) and i doubt she'll get more than a slap on the wrist and a stern talking to even if she did take his sight, it's one of the things i hate about twilight she never thinks of the cons if she has even the slightest chance to learn or please celestia, shes like a love sick puppy begging to be petted, just a lap dog to celestia
and that made me facepalm
So, did Twilight summon a blind kid, or did the spell make the kid blind?
I am going to Watch this...
Dem references
Dragonball, DC, and One Piece, all in the first chapter? I approve.
I humbly beg for an update.
You're seriously only getting the favorite so I can get updates.
Now, criticism. You're not doing a very good job with getting me to want to keep reading. Errors run rampant, you can't keep it in a single tense... you need to improve not only your storytelling, but your writing as well. Amazing stories may not be much affected by small mistakes here and there, but even the most epic of stories I just outright refused to read if they weren't neatly authored.
You've started off and caught my interest, and I honestly want to see where this goes—if you can fix all the errors. I suggest reading it aloud, or having someone read it to you. (You could even run it through a text-to-speech and laugh as it stumbles over everything) This will help you with weird wordings and it should help you notice when what you wrote didn't quite match up with what you wanted in your head. For example,
should be comb instead of come otherwise you might want to mark this as Mature.
I recommend giving WRITE a poke and see if you can get any help. I'd also recommend writing the first few chapters before submitting the first one, so if something doesn't exactly work out immediately, you have time to go back and fix it before it's actually posted.
Finally, I'd just like to say that (while this has pretty much literally gone nowhere so far) I'm so far expecting more of you soon.
3373841 Quick! What's a good name for Button's mom?
Beige?
Other than that, I'm stumped.
3373897
Maybe the internet has ruined me, but a random thought crossed my mind and now I can't get the image out of my head.
Anyway, some ideas lead me towards Love Tap.
keep going!
3374107 Okay