In Equestria, there are two clans in the north, the Rebel changelings, and the Sea Ponies who disguise themselves as Pegusi. These clans have fought for thousands of years, and two ponies try to put a stop to all the fighting.
Chapters (2)
RedRaven
Joined 26th Jun, 2013 ·
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One thing that I have to say now: it's pegasi, not pegusi. There are some verbs that aren't the right tense. The POV thing at the beginning feels tacky. If each chapter is a different POV, then just put the character's name in the chapter title. E.g. The Revelation (Jigsaw) Other than that (and some sentences that could be written better), it's a very good concept and a good story.
I will be following this!
hey I've taken a copy of this for a review if you would like to see what I think here's a link https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pwnies/507409239329383?ref=hl
3484979 Okay
3484996 it might take a wile
3485040 By "a while" do you mean an hour, a day, a week, etc.
oh THIS IS GOOD
3527502 Why thank you
3527760 Are you goanna do more of it?
3528339 Heck yes...If you want more
3528346 That would be nice if you could :)
3528354 done.
3729189 Wait what kind of pony is dove?
3732312 Pegusi/Sea Pony
3744073 oh ok thanks
Okay. Your story's good and has a fairly original concept among what I've read from this fandom (I keep thinking of Romeo and Juliet though). I'm a bit confused as to why sea ponies (hippocampi) can shape shift, but I won't complain if you leave it off to being inherent sea pony magic. I think you should look for an editor. The reason for this is that a lot of your phrasing ends up feeling awkward (I'm pretty sure this is the main reason for all the dislikes). Other than that I don't recall any problems aside from spelling pegasi "pegusi" (also in the name of the town mentioned in the first chapter should be Pegasus' Way or Pegasus's Way) Have my fav and I'll be watching to see if this story will take my "like" like it has my interest. Best of luck to you.
3779154
I've created my own long history of sea ponies