• Member Since 24th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Monday

The Mystery Fluttershy Fan

I like ponies.

Comments ( 1442 )

Asside from a few spelling mistakes i see no real problem,...nice story. Read it and favored it :pinkiehappy:

Are you gonna continue? If so i'm curious how it will develope, though i hope Fluttershy won't be hurt to much, maybe a ballgag in the near future?

254701 :fluttercry: Wow I actually feel a bit awful that I wrote this. I think I want to take the whipping out of it at least.
I will continue it after I edit the first 2 chapters to be a bit better written.

Okay, I have re-edited the first chapter. I took some parts out I felt guilty about writing, so that I can live with myself. This is my first time writing a clopfic and I didn't realise it could make my conscience hurt.

I just edited and extended the second chapter, in order to set up a cliffhanger for what I'm going to write next. I hope you guys will like it. :yay:

Added to the Brony Foundation of the Arts to-do list

about to read this and hopefully will enjoy it. if it made you feel bad to write than its ok, but i wished i read the original.

272150 The original just contained whipping rather then the mostly smacking, then hitting I changed it too now.

Well, I read it all. I can't say that I liked it. But... I guess I have a really high tolerance for this sort of thing.

I'll just back away slowly.

There is a special place in hell for this fucker. :flutterrage:

I would usually give most clopfics at least a chance,as messed up as they may be,but there's no way I can read this if it's going to be a serious fic about her being a slave.Seriouslly,why would someone feel the need to write this :facehoof:


While I agree with you, I do find it ironic that your avatar is the .mov Fluttershy weilding a chainsaw. There's just something comical about it that speaks loads about the human being's desensitization to blood and gore, and yet effed up sex is still a no-no.

Though, again, I do agree with you. Seriously, wtf? O_o

I'm sure that it's possible that the fic could be good, but I was just curious about the comments so... *backs away slowly with Swiper*

272641 I understand,and I can for sure see how that would seem ironic,but at the same time there is still a bit of a difference.Shed is just a comedy parody and the chainsaw death is around 10 seconds,but from the looks of this story,it's supposed to be serious and non stop Fluttershy being abused.And that's just seriouslly messed up and I don't see how anyone could sit down and write out a story like this,unless they got some wacky things going on in their head :pinkiecrazy:

272692 bro, i cant speak for this person, but i doubt he is pyshco. I for one, write stories like this for the pleasure of yalls reactions(that does sound a bit creepy doesnt it)

272481 i'll be right there with him:trollestia:

272207 this stuff doesnt turn me on, but i got to say... i like this!!:pinkiecrazy: :pinkiecrazy: :pinkiecrazy: :pinkiecrazy:

I'm seriously messed up, man. I WANT MOAR!!! ....p..p..please...I mean, if that's okay with you..
I :heart: flutterape

This story just got alot better!

Red blood well we will see if he cam live up to his name.......WHEN I CHOP OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKERS HEAD! :flutterrage: This is a ok story I will watch this to see where it goes....

The part with the chicken was just sick, even if it was already dead. Normally I don't like rape stories like this one, but I can live with it. Though, I think you overdid it a bit with the security :P

i like this story which is odd, i hate rape and slaves but this i like, its more fair and kind of comical, like the stupid amount of security haha i hope it has a nice ending like some how they just end up dating and she can go back to her friends and stuff....not like that would ever happen in a story like this tho....

This is so disturbing, yet I want to read it... WHY?!:fluttercry::pinkiesad2::applecry::raritydespair::raritycry: But really, I hope there's a change at the end, like THE TWI TEAM COMES IN AND BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF THAT PONY AND GIVES HIM A TASTE OF HIS OWN DAMNED MEDICINE, or Fluttershy escapes or something.

I agree with this. I'm just waiting to see Dashie ripping this pony's hard off! :rainbowdetermined2:


No, they cut his dick off and shove it up his ass until he unlocks Fluttershy, then he's tortured with his own dick and strap-ons and shit until he dies of old age.


Don't hurt her to much please. :fluttercry:
I swear if this ends badly. :flutterrage:


Couldn't agree more I hope this story ends "well" as in the fucker dies. :flutterrage:

It's okay guys, I would never want to see Fluttershy seriously hurt either. I think my latest chapter 7 Ropes. Should give some of you the direction you have been hoping for.

Not to bad floppy but ok I like were this is going. I can tell you are either really enjoying this process or you love our reactions either way this story has me waiting for updates weither it is out of enjoyment or morbid curiosity even i can't say. Hope to see the next chapter soon.:raritywink:

Go get him, Pinkie Pie. :pinkiecrazy:

This is the story me and my friends find gross and terrible :pinkiesick: but privatly love it :unsuresweetie: really great yet terrible fic:rainbowhuh:

I am not sure if I like it that you went from clop to mystery. I actually liked the BDSM-parts.

God I hope they don't find Fluttershy...I mean Redblood's taking good care of her, the whiny bitch should be gratefull.

Clearly. And I would never hold it against you, that you turn away from the more cloppy parts. It is still an intruiging story and it is still well written, so I will keep reading. I just does not "tickle that spot" anymore. It was right there between hot and insane, where it is most fun.

But seeing a kidnapper getting his flank handed to him would be awesome too.


There is both more clop and non clop to come. :pinkiehappy:

I don't know what saddens me more. The fact that you think a pony's stomach is only slightly more than ten inches down its oesophagus. The fact that you believe ten inches to be large by pony standards (really, that's miniscule, Fluttershy should still have her hymen). The fact that you believe an improperly performed blowjob could tear up someone's throat (because, as we all know, penises are RAZOR SHARP). The fact that you apparently don't know the word 'masturbation' and refer to it as 'giving yourself a hoof-job' ... or the fact that this is not the worst piece of writing on this website.

That said, this is an example of really terrible writing. Really, the frequent spelling grammatical errors are the least of this fic's problems. First of all, ripping off Dexter does not count as constructing an OC. Second, and I say this while fully expecting you to have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about but I'll say it anyway, you are constantly telling where you should be showing. Clopfics are all about conveying tactile sensations in the form of prose, you can't do that when your narrator's descriptive abilities are limited to blandly summing up things like "he sounded angry" or "she became afraid."

Zero points would not read again.

I'm so going to hell, but I love this story.

I am ashamed.



Ha ha, not the worst piece of writing on this website. thanks.

I have never fucked an actual pony before, nor have I studied anatomy, so I may be a bit wrong on the biological details, jeez.

If this was a rip off of Dexter, I think there would have been more blood and less sex.

I'm disappointed I haven't received more negative comments.

279764 Then why did you upload it to the carebear hugbox that is fimfiction?

280826 if this fic is so terrible then why have you read this far? Most anypony can tell if there going to like a fic relatively quickly.:unsuresweetie:

Apparently somepony is going to read it on youtube, so I did one last proofread. :yay:

274141 You wont be saying he overdid the security when fluttershy turns into a shed.mov fluttershy and breaks the cage with her bare hoofs. And then grabs every single weapon she can find in the basement and then when he opens the door she punches him so hard that he vomits out the key. And then she smashes the keypads and doors and then she kicks the door open and runs back to ponyville. Thats what would really happen.

im actually on Redblood's side HYHAHHUUHAHHHHHAAAAA:pinkiecrazy:

Ohh he is on the tip of a knife called your f**ked

Oh, uh... Nice try, I guess. I don't often read clopfics, nor do I often read grimdark fics. This is probably the first serious rapefic I've ever read. Anyway, there's a ton of grammatical errors, and you need to put a lot of work into your punctuation. Make sure to keep punctuation inside the quotations, and use question marks when needed. Also, there are some unnecessary capitalizations of random words. I'll point a few out, there are many more mistakes, but these should be some good examples.

>“Keep doing that, with your tongue!”.
You don't need that period after the quotation, you already used an exclamation mark.

>Fluttershy Trembled.
"Trembled" doesn't need to be capitalized.

>“Um... hello... I seem to be tied up, can somepony untie me, if that is okay with you”. Fluttershy squealed at a barely audible volume.
Very awkward. The period should be inside the quotations, an even then, she's asking a question.

Anyway, good try I guess. I haven't read any other chapters, nor do I plan to, but maybe you've written them better. Not going to criticize you for writing a rapefic or anything, do what you want, but re-write this with proper grammar and punctuation, and it's probably going to be a ton easier to take seriously.

In other news, here's my reaction to the part when Fluttershy started blowing her captor.

I really wonder how this will end.

287938 Hey thank you for the feedback.

I have gone back over this and edited it multiple times, the next time I do I will take your comments into account. I think I am getting better as I keep writing. I am am only willing to be bothered changing the earlier chapters so much. Please read my newer ones, chapter 7 and 8 do not contain clop and are where I actual try to write some real plot...

as in story. I hope I succeeded.

Needs more rape. And Satanism. :pinkiecrazy:

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