Equestrian Wars Book 1: The Rise of the Dominion

The Orthodox Priesthood

The Orthodox Priesthood #1 · Feb 4th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1: The Invite ·

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It says there are 17 comments on this... but they don't show up.

You broke something, didn't you?

Edit: I guess I fixed it? That's a glitch I've never seen before...

Firestorm162

Firestorm162 #2 · Feb 4th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1: The Invite ·

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I rewrote this story which is why you can't see the comments.

Firestorm162

Firestorm162 #3 · Feb 4th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1: The Invite ·

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3893853 read the one above you.

Majin Syeekoh

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Majin Syeekoh #4 · Mar 20th, 2014 · · · Chapter 2: Scoping out the palace ·

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I like it.

Firestorm162

Firestorm162 #5 · Mar 20th, 2014 · · · Chapter 2: Scoping out the palace ·

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4106569 I feel honored.

ShadowStorm7

ShadowStorm7 #6 · Apr 20th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3: The Night of the Party ·

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Awsome

Firestorm162

Firestorm162 #7 · Sep 3rd, 2014 · · · Chapter 3: The Night of the Party ·

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4260299 thank you

Firestorm162

Firestorm162 #8 · Sep 3rd, 2014 · · · Chapter 3: The Night of the Party ·

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4106569
4260299

To anyone reading this chapter four will be out as soon as possible. I was on vacation and didn't have time to finish it. Thank you so much for your support and patience.

theone2three

theone2three #9 · Sep 4th, 2014 · 1 · · Chapter 4: Night To Remember: part 1 ·

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Hello it's me theone2three and I feel like reviewing this particular story.

Reason being to have some fun while I joke around, help and jsut have a good time writing this review.

As a disclaimer this is mostly opinion based so don't get offended.

lets begin.

*looks at cover pic*
So big brother is watching over us...

Fluttershy enjoyed the cold, clean air when she walked at night,

Ok good start. could use some more descriptive words you know.

where she was visiting her coltfriend, Big Macintosh.

Woah WOAH WOAH!
reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/id1Bow.gif
Umm... yea... no.
You can't just do that. Add ships to everything you anger the readers. Not me in particular but others.

The two of them had started dating after Discord's rehabilitation

Aww... I was hoping for a fluttercord... well now you've angered me.

she soon noticed she wasn't alone, there was a young stallion following her.

Oh I know where this is going

Fluttershy did manage to make it to her cottage, got in, and locked the door, but when she turned around the stallion was there inside the cottage with her,"Please don't hurt me." Fluttershy whimpered as she held onto the wall. The stallion approached her ever so gently, because he knew if he made any threatening moves, he'd scare the poor mare,"Miss Fluttershy?" The stallion asked lending out a helping hoof. Fluttershy took the stallion's hoof and stood up,"Yes, I'm Fluttershy." The timid Pegasus said in a soft tone. The stallion reached into his saddle bag and pulled out six invites,"I was told to deliver these to you and your friends." The stallion said handing Fluttershy the six envelopes,"Invitations?" She asked curiously. The stallion said nothing and nodded his head, he proceeded to pull a clipboard out of his saddle bag and balanced it on his hoof,"Sign here please." The stallion said to Fluttershy. Fluttershy took the pen in her mouth and wrote her signature on the line she was designated to,"Thank you miss, and have a wonderful evening." The stallion said as he left the house.

What!? Soooo anticlimactic.
I want my money back!
*inner voice responds*
You never payed to read this.
Oh right I forgot.. Ok lets continue.

Now that he was gone Fluttershy had a chance to figure out what's in the envelopes given to her. She quickly opened one of the envelopes and read it to herself.
Meanwhile, in Chanterlot.

Ah come on! don't leave us hanging.
Bad writer bad!

I was meeting with a client to discuss a job he wanted me to take, we met publicly at the Chanterlot Cafe, because it was safer.

Cliche level over 9000.
Crap the gif I was going to put up broke because of that.

I looked around for my client and saw him in the corner of the cafe sipping tea and eating cookies,

what. I get myself a hambuger and some beer to pass the time...I think a bar would be a better setting for this... not use as often.

I made my way to him,"Whose soul are you preying for is it mine?" I asked in our secret code, he looked up at me and smiled.

If I was a person in the cafe I would look at you with that face of
And then call the police for satanic activity

Who are you?" He asked in his code,

why is this in code!?
No seriously I think after some code you should stop before I get up and pimp slap one of you.
s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr02/2013/2/11/22/anigif_enhanced-buzz-23526-1360638544-1.gif

I am Nemesis." I said taking a seat,"And Justice shall roll like waters." I said removing my hood.

Ok. two things, stop the code and two no one with some common sense would let a hooded person/pony into a public establishment

"I'll take a cup of Earl Grey Tea, and some crumble cake." I said the waitress.

wuss... here in Mexico we have one half liter cup of tequila with some tacos... and not that taco bell shit.

"It's good to see you again, Silver Skull."

I bet you someones OC is named the exact same thing.

"You too Orphios, now I take you know why I called you here?"

Orphios? googled it and saw WoW, battlefield, LoL.
is this your gamertag?
I don't play these games so don't look at me with that face

I nodded my head,"Yeah, but I'm curious why didn't you send me the info on this target?" I asked circling my hoof around in the table. My tea came shortly after,"Thanks." I said to the waitress, to my surprise Kimono dragged her hoof through my black mane. She walked away with another flirtatious look on her face,"Yes, there is a reason to many ponies would have discovered our plan." He said handing me the file. I took a sip of my tea and opened the file, I was shocked with who my target was,"This is-" but before I could finish Silver Skull cut me off,"I know that this one is hard for you, because you know her, but you must kill or capture her, I'm sorry I wouldn't of had you take this one-" I cut him off before he could finish.

So you're the assassin... OHHHHH... wow took me long enough to fine out.
And also by what I read in the description of your story I see its Luna you seek.
Yep. this story was made to anger the fandom. I rest my case.

"I follow a very strict code of honor, that places my trust I you as my client, I will try to capture her, but if I fail to capture I'll have no choice but to kill her." I said taking a bite out of my cake. He looked at me with a sad look in his eyes, but he said nothing to me.

So he wants Luna alive. Ok... sex slave it is. Silver Skull wants to fulfill his erotic fantasies.
Ok the fandom is now with pitchforks ready to behead this author.

Kimono said handing me a slip of paper,"Who's that beautiful mare?" She asked In a questioning tone as she looked at the picture from the file,"She's an old friend, I believe you know her as Princess Luna."

How in the hell don't you know the princess of the night! Wow this story is irritating me more and more... but I must keep calm and go on.

Walking through the streets of Chanterlot I began to wonder how am I going to pull this off.

To pull this off you must be either a mad men or just mad. To kill a alicorn is like killing asgardian god. hard but you'll die first before she does.

Anyways I'm done with this chapter lets continue to the second chapter.

Firestorm162