The Cult
It was quiet, as it very well should be at midnight in a small town like Ponyville. Then suddenly, the sound of hooves could be heard marching through the streets, accompanied by haunting singing and chanting. Ponies looked out their doors and windows to see what the commotion was.
Marching towards the center of town was a large group of ponies. They wore robes with sweaters on top, and knit caps on their heads. Towards the back, four ponies carried a large platform, and sitting on the platform was a giant ball of yarn. Surrounding the platform were a group of armored ponies with bits of yarn tied to their armor and weapons. They looked ready to attack anyone getting too close to their yarn ball.
Twilight Sparkle watched from the library balcony as the group approached town square, A number of ponies had left their homes to follow the yarn, and they gathered around in a circle. One of the robed ponies came forth to speak.
"Greetings, fellow Equines! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Father Knitting Needles of the Order of the Holy Yarn. We have come to this town tonight because we wish to spread the glorious word of the Yarn. The yarn is good, the yarn is bad, the yarn is chaos and harmony, the past and future, life and death, the yarn is creation and destruction, the yarn is all." He looked around, and adjusted his sweater. Rarity would have had a heart attack if she saw how ugly it was. "We have come here today to have you listen to the yarn. It speaks to us all, open your hearts and minds and the yarn will let you in."
"This is weird." Spike said, standing next to Twilight. She nodded in agreement.
"Now," The pony said, gesturing to the yarn. "The yarn hungers. The yarn wishes for you citizens of ponyville, to sacrifice your most powerful sorcerer to the yarn. The yarn hungers, do this for the yarn and you shall be granted a woolly and fuzzy future.
"Okay, that is really weird." Twilight said. Spike ignored her. He was too interested in what was going on below.
"BRING THE YARN TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" The pony said, pointing directly at Twilight. The crowd turned toward her.
"Where did they all get those ugly sweaters?" Twilight said, the crowd began to move her way.
"Spike? What's going on?" Twilight said, backing up from the railing. "Spike?"
Spike adjusted the collar on his ugly sweater and began walking towards Twilight. "The yarn hungers"
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What in
's name did I just read?!
4229726 The yarn is love, the yarn is life. You cannot escape the yarn...
4229744
...All praise the Glow Cl-- Sorry, the Yarn.
4229751 the brainwashing treatment is working wonderfully... Just as planned
4229809 Ooh, shiny medallion being swung in front of my face! Can I has?!
4229822
sure. Why not?
NO! RESIST THE YARN!!! SHREK IS LOVE, SHREK IS LIFE!! PRAISE THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER, AND BE TOUCHED BY HIS NOODLY APPENDAGE!! SHreK is LOvve!... Sh-shre-k, li-l-life...Shrrrk...shuhh...
...
...
...
...
...
The Yarn hungers, all praise the Yarn.
4235377 ALL HAIL THE MAGIC YARN!
And now we need a sequel chapter where Luna and Celestia are hanging up yarn like streamers, sweaters, knitted caps and whatnot all over her room while Luna's screwing with her dreams, only to have her jolt awake in the middle of the night surrounded by yarn. Just, her whole room, yarn-bomb'd.
Much comedy would ensue, of that I have no doubt.
4241618 GAH I FORGOT ABOUT YARN BOMBING! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME I'M SO STUPID FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
4242875 When I wrote this chapter,1485 wasn't used yet, so that number was up for grabs and I grabbed it for myself.
4242824 I'm not sure, when he got back to the table they were mysteriously gone...
4246984 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
PRAISE LORD HELIX! ...I mean, PRAISE THE YARN!